Another moved out of London to wrong place help me decide next move one

[mds2012]

After being inspired by this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/property/3588315-Made-wrong-move-out-of-London-Help-me-get-it-right-second-time I thought I'd start my own. I have posted before on this but we never decided what to do for the best. Our situation has changed a bit now too so here goes….
We moved out of London over five years ago to a small Surrey commuter town. I immediately felt like we'd made an error. We did a lot of searching around the M25 corridor at the time, and also looked at staying where we were in Crouch End, but thought we'd get more for our money outside of London and were worried about the schools too (though I now know this was silly). Anyway we ended up here because it wasn't quite as unknown as other places as my DH knew two people here. And I had a friend in Tun Wells so not too far.
I can't quite put my finger on what it is about here I don't like. It's partly caught up with the massive motherhood change. I had a bad experience first time round and I probably now associate a lot of the places here with all those feelings I want to bury! But it's five years on - surely I should be over that now? It just doesn't feel like a me place. There are many executive houses here and range rovers, though there ARE many normal houses and cars too, and I question myself to that too - why is my environment impacting on my happiness so much? Am I being really judgemental?
But more than all that it's just doesn't suit me I think. I miss having buzzy cafes and a bit of liveliness really. I miss having parkrun on my doorstep or a farmer's market. I miss where we were - it's quite a leftie/creative part of London and had a nice community feel with loads of green space. I found the other thread very interesting as the OP talks about the feel of a place - it's difficult to describe that really. Where we moved to is great on paper but the feel is a world away from what I was used to.
I mistakenly thought here would feel like where we were in London but in the country. As it's a similar size. I wasn't keen to move somewhere like Tun Wells as I thought it would be a bit impersonal. I was after a community feel. The trouble is where we are does have that, but I just don't seem to be settling!
I'm not 100% sure of what would be best for us. I'm not sure if we need to be back in London or we just haven't found the right place outside of London. We have no pull of family so there is no natural place to head to.
I miss London but unsure whether London with kids is the best thing to do. I don't know what the reality is with kids there. Yes I take them up there a lot but I don't live there. Also the things that people move out for - crime, pollution, business.
I thought I wanted to live in the countryside. But the thought now of being very rural freaks me out as I'd feel so isolated. I think if my circumstances were different, maybe it would work. My husband's long hours and lack of family nearby mean this would be a no no here. However I'd like my children to have some freedom and green around them like I did growing up. I liked Crouch End, and I also like places like Lewes - that sort of feel to them.
This is our situation - my DH works all the hours under the sun. Sometimes he can work at home but it's probably once a fortnight. He can often get back for school things but is chained to his phone and laptop. I took redundancy and am now freelance 3x week. It means I can do all the drop offs/pick ups. This is wonderful but I'm also slightly nervous that we're off down the road of me doing all the childcare/mental load/career dwindling and never seeing my DH. I need to work. I enjoy it. Freelance is fine for now but perhaps once the DCs are older I would like to go back to employment. I work in the creative sector. So London or another big city would be the best for me to find work. DH is tied to London for his work.
One thing we do have now (which is why our situation has changed) is a good budget. We have £2m. I don't have to commute to a specific place in London. DH commutes to the city. Parents are southwest and East Anglia (helpful!) and friends are mainly scattered across the southeast.
These are the ideas we've been thinking about:-
Move back to Crouch End or another part of London (we've 'narrowed it down' to Richmond (seems like great area with kids, green, on river but worried about plane noise and also perhaps a bit 'Surrey') or Wanstead (access up to Suffolk, easy commute, green, seems more me, nice community but worried bit suburban, unknown)
Move over to Tun Wells for a bit more life?
Move completely away to Bristol or Norwich/flat in London? (Will be nearer family support but further from friends. DH will still have to be in London so will I feel even more isolated?)
Go rural to Suffolk/flat in London (Go for seaside living v close to ageing parents, but do not know anyone and DH will still be in London)
Just stay put and possibly get a flat in London for future/more weekend visits?
So have we missed anywhere obvious we should consider? Any advice from anyone? I think part of the problem is I'm not really sure what would be best for me and my family, so we're looking at all options at the moment.
Thanks if you've stayed with me!

We lived in Richmond for years and loved it - except for a couple of things - it’s a nightmare to drive in and out of at weekends if u need to do that. The plane noise is pretty bad. People seemed to move a lot so we’d meet people and they werent there for long. It is very pretty along the river tho. We moved to St Albans which is friendlier but not quite as cool 😬

What about Teddington/Twickenham even Kingston, Richmond Park & Bushy Park are lovely for kids, do you have girls or boys?
Richmond good for primary but I think you have to go private for secondary whereas good state girls school in Twickenham.

Hitchin! Arty vibe (music festival, craft and farmer's market, indy shops and restaurants), good schools, pretty good commute (30mins Kings X/St Pancras), stuff to do at the weekend (outdoor pool splash park, open air cinema, food and wine festival, countryside views and walks, pretty villages) and more house for your money. Oh and 30mins to Cambridge and 20mins to Luton airport for getaways. People are also friendly and it's not too posh!

@mds2012...the first decision to move out of Crouch End was made for us really when we had four children in quick succession with family who were chomping at the bit the other side of town to help us out with childcare. I omitted (as it wasn’t really relevant until you asked) that after suburbia we moved overseas for four years and kind of decided there that it would be fun / a good idea to work out what our dream lifestyle would be and then make it happen. For us we decided we wanted primarily financial freedom (doesn’t everyone I suppose) but also to be driving distance to the countryside, close to the sea, somewhere you can reach London from and somewhere where travel is relatively easy. An estate agent acquaintance recommended Folkestone although we were initially dismissive (we had been to Rocksalt when it first opened and loved the restaurant / rooms but hated the area) though once we were talked into giving it a second chance we decided that it - to steal your phrase - it did actually make our hearts sing, even though we were not expecting it to. I’ve never been one for ‘forever homes’ but I really cannot see us moving from here as the lifestyle is perfect for us...

Richmond good for primary but I think you have to go private for secondary

I don't think this is true. Most children we know have attended/are attending state secondaries in Richmond and most have done really well and found it a good experience. Depending on where you live, there is Christ's (good Ofsted, people we know are v happy with it), Grey Court (outstanding Ofsted, again people we know v happy), possibly even Orleans Park (outstanding, no personal experience but it seems well regarded) if you were close to the river or just over it in East Twickenham. Waldegrave in Twickenham (outstanding) is girls only but has a weird catchment so takes a substantial minority of girls from Richmond. It seems like an amazing school.

Kingston has the Tiffin grammars, but they are very very hard to get into. I think a fair number of the other Kingston schools are pretty good.

Barnes/East Sheen are a bit more of a lottery IMO.

As your OH is working every hour under the sun in London and you've got an ample budget for London, I don't know why you you'd move away... doesn't he want to see his kids?? You could spend £1.4m on a 4/5 bed in CE and the balance on a Suffolk Cottage - sorted!

Wimbledon has the huge common plus the smaller Cannizzaro Park. The village and the town for shopping and the great independent department store Ely’s. Train direct to Waterloo and district line tube. It has cinema, theatre and the best Polka children’s theatre. It has a range of detached, semis and terraced. Several excellent Ofsted rated state primaries. Lots of families and young professionals.
But no matter where you go perhaps you should rent first to see if it fits with you.

pyramidbutterflyfish second homes aren’t always that great... first off there’s the hassle and potentially stress of looking after another property. And then, there’s often stuff to do with children locally at weekends and you don’t often go to the second home but end up stuck in London... That’s how we ended up in zone 5 - even with 2h to spare in the day, you can still get your coutryside fix.

Yes to be fair I love the idea of a second home, but in practice we'd never get there. Just as well we can't afford one

The OP can live where she bloody well likes, thank you very much!

Where ‘should’ people live? Where they were born? Where they went to school? Where their parents lived? Many people have several moves in their childhood - which town should are they entitled to live in without being accused of being a price-inflating incomer?

Southwest London seems an odd place to settle if your DH works in the city and you want easy commute to parents. I’d go for Blackheath or Greenwich with your budget.

@JoJoSM2 Yes it's problematic. Feel stuck really. Maybe outer suburbs is the best plan for us for more of a London feel but access out.

@Debenhamshandtowel @Legoroses @maidenover We are seriously considering it. I just...I'm not sure we should go back. It won't be the same. I think I'm looking at it all with rose tinted glasses. I love the area still but it is busy, crowded, crime fairly high etc. Do love Dartmouth Park too and commute would be great from there. So might explore there. It just feels very overwhelming having been in a sleepy small town for 5 years to drag kids into proper London to live just because I'm depressed here!

@catalicious I think I mean more I'd like somewhere to have a bit of character or quirk about it rather than less of a red trouser thing. Ha! To Kew being a retirement village. Really??

@Whatthefoxisgoingon Will look at West Dulwich thanks

@Espoleta Might be too big a leap for us now. Without kids possibly!

@Eastie77 Do you know much about Wanstead? Why do you find Ealing boring? I also quite like Hackney but DH won't consider it and tbh I'd be too daunted now with kids. That side of London makes perfect sense in terms of commute/getting to parents for sure.

@BeautifulBlackBamboo be interested to hear more about how and why you decided to move back. I don't hear of many people that do!

@TeachesofPeaches Ignorance! And no kids back then so no research done

@SingleMumFighting Yes Brighton would be great but it's too far away from my parents and the commute too long. I don't know anyone down there either

@SheRaTheAllPowerful Considered Teddington as know people there and liked the village feel/green but the commute is the same from where we are and it's pricey so didn't really make sense

@Newgirls Also thought about St Albans and might look again. Just seemed extremely expensive and lots of housing estates going up to cope with the influx of people (though seems like all commuter towns are like this now)

@Ruu Yes - liked Hitchin. Might revisist thanks. We don't know anyone in Herts and it's still a good trek to both sets of parents from there.

@LurksNoLonger so interesting and really helpful to know how you chose! It is a bit of a leap of faith isn't it. Did you have to swap schools as well? Part of our issue is there is nowhere that ticks all our boxes really so we do really need to work out what we won't compromise on and go from there. It's also why we haven't moved anywhere yet as we feel we might as well stay put as nowhere else seems like an obvious move just now - it's just that I'm not particularly thriving out here. I do love London but I'm not sure I want to bring my kids up there, but we are tied to it for DH work, so if we move far away to another city with character/buzz or closer to the sea and my parents etc then we don't see DH and I'm not sure I want that life. Nor DH! So it seems it's either outer suburbs of London or find a different commuter town that suits us better.

@pyramidbutterflyfish Second home would be lovely! But I think we'd rather spend less and have more financial freedom.

@WineTastingNotTimeWasting Thanks. We're renting so not currently 'inflating house prices in Surrey villages'. I do agree with you though - prices are insane but probably best to blame that on the UK economy, banks, politicians, geographical proximity to London, North/South divide rather than a thirty something frazzled mum of two just trying to find somewhere that feels like home so she can start living and putting down roots.

Someone has already beat me to it, but with your budget definitely Barnes. It's like a small village, almost feels rural but you're still in London. I love it because its almost non existence to many! Lots of great schools too. We go there at least twice a week.
Also used to live in Putney, not far from Barnes/Richmond. Where I used to live would buy you an amazing house, on a nice quiet street, and walking distance to Putney Station. Also 3 stations there so great commute and great schools. Also by the Thames.

Ealing is lovely too, it is like Putney, lots of nice greenery around there.
Have you considered around Highgate? Or maybe hampstead?

I know loads and loads and loads of people do the “man in the city, wife and kids somewhere leafier” lifestyle but I absolutely could not do that. I married my dh because we are quite similar and want to live the same life not to have our roles diverge into different types of life (absolutely not knocking those who thrive in different but complementary roles it’s just not for us).
So my top priority would be minimising dh’s commute and local work for me. Currently my dh is a 20min cycle each way and I’m freelance but with easy access to the city for meetings etc during school hours.
That’s a long winded way of saying that if your dh won’t consider working in a different city then I’d move back into London proper.

Haven't read the full thread but yes move back to London. I live in Putney and on your budget anywhere around here like Wimbledon Village or Richmond would give you everything you want. Country living doesn't agree with you but on the outskirts you get the best of both worlds.

definitely Barnes. It's like a small village, almost feels rural but you're still in London. I love it because its almost non existence to many! Lots of great schools too.

Not secondaries, though, really. The primaries are good.

I disagree about Kew being like a retirement village. I think it has its fair share of older people (St Margarets also has a higher than average number of retired residents as does the borough as a whole) but I also think we have a good community feel and a lot going on for younger people too - lots of community events, markets, Kew Sparkle, Kew Fair etc.

The cafes, parkrun, culture on your doorstep is available in other cities too, and with a budget like yours you can buy the biggest house on the street, privately educate your kids to 18, quit work and still have change! The great thing about small cities is that we have the countryside on our doorstep too - I'm 10 mins to the city centre and 10 mins to rolling fields.

There's certainly less conspicuous consumption further north, the average income is far less but the 7.30 train to London is always full so plenty commute (it's 62 mins)

The problem you have is you can go for the market town which has most of what you want but will have a different vibe to a city, go for a small city where you can buy a palace but realise that it's still not London or go back to a fashionable part of London and live in a shoebox. (I'm sticking to my large detached!)

++1 to what museumum said. I would have typed exactly same words!

I agree with prioritising family time during the week - so that means minimising commuting time.

Why not do some air b n bs for a few days (weekdays) over the holidays back Crouch End, Dartmouth Park, Wanstead, etc.

Bizarre that you'd think now is the time to make a complete break with London. Your DH works long hours there. You clearly long for the London buzzy creative vibe. You have a huge budget. Now is pretty obviously the time to move back. And you have many choices of which bit to move to that will give you the greenery, lifestyle, schools etc. We found it in Crystal Palace, but with your budget you've got a great list from Richmond to Ealing to Hampstead to Wanstead... honestly, the world is pretty much your oyster! I don't know why you'd circle back to moving even further away when provincial life is giving you the horrors and you're not even that far away. Plus you want to work more soon and you know where the work is. Why not sell up and rent near a nice school while you look around for the right house?

Just seen that you're renting already - even easier to make the move back. It makes no sense to stay there depressed. You've got nothing to lose and a lot to gain by making a change.

Bath is lovely and 2 hr commute on the train to London, nice parks and cafe's park run, gym and all walkable.

Blackheath would tick all the boxes with wonderful Greenwich Park on the doorstep and the right side of town for east Anglia.

Winchmore Hill is quieter than Crouch End, but it is lovely. We moved from Hackney to Southgate (v close to WH) when we needed more house for no more money 13 years ago. Schools are great, transport connections into City and West End are fab and it's close enough to places like CE and Muswell Hill.

Lots of lovely cafes round here now, loads of green space (park run in Grovelands Park every Sat am), primary and secondary schools are fab and for your budget you'd get a lovely house. I'd look in Grange Park actually (still N21 postcode) as I think there are more houses with character there, than the standard 1930s stock that's otherwise quite common round here. Alternatively, check out Southgate (N14 postcode) but the Palmers Green side. Again, great schools, green spaces, cafes etc, but some fabulous Edwardian houses that you could easily afford.