Another moved out of London to wrong place help me decide next move one

[mds2012]

After being inspired by this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/property/3588315-Made-wrong-move-out-of-London-Help-me-get-it-right-second-time I thought I'd start my own. I have posted before on this but we never decided what to do for the best. Our situation has changed a bit now too so here goes….
We moved out of London over five years ago to a small Surrey commuter town. I immediately felt like we'd made an error. We did a lot of searching around the M25 corridor at the time, and also looked at staying where we were in Crouch End, but thought we'd get more for our money outside of London and were worried about the schools too (though I now know this was silly). Anyway we ended up here because it wasn't quite as unknown as other places as my DH knew two people here. And I had a friend in Tun Wells so not too far.
I can't quite put my finger on what it is about here I don't like. It's partly caught up with the massive motherhood change. I had a bad experience first time round and I probably now associate a lot of the places here with all those feelings I want to bury! But it's five years on - surely I should be over that now? It just doesn't feel like a me place. There are many executive houses here and range rovers, though there ARE many normal houses and cars too, and I question myself to that too - why is my environment impacting on my happiness so much? Am I being really judgemental?
But more than all that it's just doesn't suit me I think. I miss having buzzy cafes and a bit of liveliness really. I miss having parkrun on my doorstep or a farmer's market. I miss where we were - it's quite a leftie/creative part of London and had a nice community feel with loads of green space. I found the other thread very interesting as the OP talks about the feel of a place - it's difficult to describe that really. Where we moved to is great on paper but the feel is a world away from what I was used to.
I mistakenly thought here would feel like where we were in London but in the country. As it's a similar size. I wasn't keen to move somewhere like Tun Wells as I thought it would be a bit impersonal. I was after a community feel. The trouble is where we are does have that, but I just don't seem to be settling!
I'm not 100% sure of what would be best for us. I'm not sure if we need to be back in London or we just haven't found the right place outside of London. We have no pull of family so there is no natural place to head to.
I miss London but unsure whether London with kids is the best thing to do. I don't know what the reality is with kids there. Yes I take them up there a lot but I don't live there. Also the things that people move out for - crime, pollution, business.
I thought I wanted to live in the countryside. But the thought now of being very rural freaks me out as I'd feel so isolated. I think if my circumstances were different, maybe it would work. My husband's long hours and lack of family nearby mean this would be a no no here. However I'd like my children to have some freedom and green around them like I did growing up. I liked Crouch End, and I also like places like Lewes - that sort of feel to them.
This is our situation - my DH works all the hours under the sun. Sometimes he can work at home but it's probably once a fortnight. He can often get back for school things but is chained to his phone and laptop. I took redundancy and am now freelance 3x week. It means I can do all the drop offs/pick ups. This is wonderful but I'm also slightly nervous that we're off down the road of me doing all the childcare/mental load/career dwindling and never seeing my DH. I need to work. I enjoy it. Freelance is fine for now but perhaps once the DCs are older I would like to go back to employment. I work in the creative sector. So London or another big city would be the best for me to find work. DH is tied to London for his work.
One thing we do have now (which is why our situation has changed) is a good budget. We have £2m. I don't have to commute to a specific place in London. DH commutes to the city. Parents are southwest and East Anglia (helpful!) and friends are mainly scattered across the southeast.
These are the ideas we've been thinking about:-
Move back to Crouch End or another part of London (we've 'narrowed it down' to Richmond (seems like great area with kids, green, on river but worried about plane noise and also perhaps a bit 'Surrey') or Wanstead (access up to Suffolk, easy commute, green, seems more me, nice community but worried bit suburban, unknown)
Move over to Tun Wells for a bit more life?
Move completely away to Bristol or Norwich/flat in London? (Will be nearer family support but further from friends. DH will still have to be in London so will I feel even more isolated?)
Go rural to Suffolk/flat in London (Go for seaside living v close to ageing parents, but do not know anyone and DH will still be in London)
Just stay put and possibly get a flat in London for future/more weekend visits?
So have we missed anywhere obvious we should consider? Any advice from anyone? I think part of the problem is I'm not really sure what would be best for me and my family, so we're looking at all options at the moment.
Thanks if you've stayed with me!

TBH your post sounds like you should sit down and work out what you want to do and what you like doing (e.g. work or hobbies) it doesn’t sound like you know - and then decide whether that’s achievable from where you live or somewhere else. If you’re not clear on that, fairly randomly moving is unlikely to solve anything.

We were in Crouch End fifteen years ago and went for the seaside option (via suburbia). It really suits us as we are v outdoorsy and the kids love rowing and sailing. My main thought would be staying where DH has minimal commute time as that makes such a difference when they are tiny, both to them and to your sanity 😁. I think wherever you ultimately choose should have that as a deciding factor. However, if you are in the Creative sector then perhaps you should look for a house where we are (Folkestone). We have a rapidly growing Creative Quarter with its own Creative Foundation . There is always creative stuff going on - so much so that we hardly ever venture back into London anymore. Property is massively cheaper (not that is an issue with your budget, but could mean you retain a foothold in London), commute times are great (DH still does regularly - less than an hour) and the whole set up (cafe culture, niche shops on Old High Street) actually quite reminded me of our old stomping grounds when we came down to view. The grammar system is far less competitive down here, yet they are still outstanding and our kids had no trouble getting in, possibly because half of our catchment is the Channel! As PP have said, the past couple of times I’ve bothered with Tunbridge Wells it’s not been as nice as I recall - we prefer Canterbury for a jaunt to the shops. I should probably add that we were in your position two years ago (though with a slightly smaller budget) and I researched areas extensively before we took a calculated gamble here, so I feel your pain. It was hard deciding what to do, but this is literally the best decision for us so it does pay off. Good luck!

Ok I can understand why you may not be happy in Oxted. I find it a little bit of an odd place. Not quite a town but too big to be a village. Your options are between moving to more of a proper town, or returning to somewhere more central. Must admit I don't know South West London that well. I have lived in South East London and I know schooling can be hit and miss . I'm now out in a proper commuter town. I still miss the bustle, diversity, restaurants, bars of zone 2, but on the plus side have excellent state schools .

Thanks everyone. This is helpful and my main takeaway is I need to clarify in y head (and talk with DH) about what it is that we want, and what our priorities are as we cannot have it all!

Part of the issue is I love proper countryside but I also love London so which direction to go, or just stay put in slightly no man's land with both options a good old drive away! Plus my reluctance to bring up kids in London even though I love it so.

@m00rfarm Do not know Marlow at all. Can you enlighten? I will google too. I've never heard of it. It must be west as we ruled out west really as DH works east.

@Lemonmeringue33 and @daisypond I do like Wandsworth/Earlsfield etc but probably not as much as Richmond/Crouch End way. Feels very busy and commons not enough green for me. And also super difficult to get up to East Anglia. I lived there way before CE so feel like I've done it. Wimbledon possibly as bit more villagey/big common obviously Do you know what it's like to live in Wimbledon?

@PeterPipersPepper thanks! Dare I ask is Richmond a bit red trousers too?! Jack Wills? Or less so as it's larger?

@lululatetotheparty (great name) ha ha! Don't know west at all so I will take a visit there. From the few times I've ever been that way it's seemed to busy/not villagey enough for me. I think pre-kids I would be best suited to somewhere like Walthamstow as it's creative/green. But not sure I want to live there with kids (sorry) I've done a bit of online research about it and still seems a bit stabby. But please do prove me wrong as it would be easy to get up to East Anglia from there. That said I doubt my DH would go for it.

@maddogladyme thanks - I will dm you if that's ok. I know EXACTLY what you mean. My heart sinks a bit coming back to Surrey. Glad you found the right place for you.

@bibbitybobbityyhat The separate flat thing stems from me wanting to still feel like I'm a Londoner in some way, and also once the kids have found the next far into the future we can move back!

@7OaksDad completely agree. This is the issue I need to sort out. I love London but also proper countryside or places with their own character, but not the commuter zone!

@LurksNoLonger ah interesting. Can I ask how and why did you chose to move on from both places? Yes our big factor is that we ARE tied to London with DH work, and it's how best to make our lifestyle and my work work around this. Agree about Tun Wells but seems the best option in commuterville for us. I think anything further, then we might as well go properly out and get the flat in London for DH work.

Marlow is not in London - it is Buckinghamshire - sitting on the M40/M4 and M25. Riverside town, with some mega restaurants (Michelin etc), many bars, cafes - lots of life (great restaurants). Loads of events, always busy and things happening. May be too far out, but you can walk along the side of the Thames, get into London in 30 minutes, oh - and did I mention the fabulous restaurants! Seriously though - it is a superb place for families and couples and although you were looking more into London, it may be worth a look. People who go there always fall in love with it - I did! Loads of famous people live in the area so they obviously liked it as much as I :)

@mds2012 Richmond is probably a bit red trouser yes! Less so than full on red trouser land Fulham, Chelsea etc... and personally I think it’s worth a bit of red trouser to live somewhere so beautiful and have that London village feel that is so hard to come by. I think you would need to go back to Crouch End or over Blackheath way to get that green space with less red trousers and a bit more ‘edge’! What can you get on your budget in Hampstead?! Good luck with your search.

You mentioned Wimbledon which I know well and I love but in my opinion Richmond/Barnes have the edge due to the river and that “somewhere special” feeling - Wimbledon will be slightly more affordable apart from the Village.

With that budget I’d definitely come back to London
Dulwich Village is green enough

I do think being creative that the busyness of London is invigorating

I had a look once at further out, commuterville, it just held nothing for me even if more space. Actually I felt a bit claustrophobic

@mds2012 just seen you said Walthamstow would have been your kind of vibe pre kids. In which case I’m not sure you’ll feel yourself in the red trouser land of the SW! Maybe east or north London instead.

If you like St johns wood how about west Hampstead not far from Eachother?.

Blackheath is the right side of town for both the City and East Anglia so is probably aim for there or Greenwich.

I live in Richmond (well, Kew) and really don't feel it's particularly red trouserish! Probably Kew is less so as it's smaller and quirkier but with all the benefits of Richmond. With your budget you could have a really lovely house in a nice part of Richmond or Kew with plenty of space for a family and a reasonable sized garden. St Margarets/Twickenham also lovely.

The plane noise doesn't bother me, tbh.

All these areas have good schools but you would need to move to a sensible location esp if thinking about moving up to secondary - there are some places in the borough where provision is less good and some where lots of children end up on waiting lists or without a place when allocations come out because of geography. All primaries are good in this area, even the less popular ones.

How old are your children?

Thanks everyone.

I think I'm probably over thinking the vibe and the 'red trouser' thing :-) but I just do not want to feel like a square peg in a round hole again and make another error. I'm sure I would find any bit of London more me than where we currently are.

I think it's more that I need somewhere that makes my heart sing a bit when I get there. Crouch End did that for me pre kids. As, actually Suffolk and Bristol do - they both, to me, have a lovely feel to them that I can't quite describe. But maybe that's just because we have connections there.

I think I need to somehow first work out whether we should move back to London, then once that's decided, look at areas. At the moment I'm all over the shop. I think commuterville is not for me though.

That said perhaps it's also time to just get completely away from London.

Why not go back to CE area? Could you afford Dartmouth Park to be near the Heath?

What would your husband do about his commute if you moved completely away? Stay in London during the week? Would you not mind that?

To me it sounds like you'd do best to move somewhere in zone 3-ish with some nice parks around + easy commute for DH + easy access to the countryside so you can pop out for walks and pub lunches.

Looking at the map, perhaps somewhere like Putney? It's buzzy, has large green spaces, the river + A3 to hop out of London for a walk + lunch in a country pub.

Go back to crouch end!

I wouldn't say Richmond is red trousers, but it is very yummy mummy/keeping up with the Joneses. St Margaret's is nearby and just has a bit more quirk.

Barnes has great transport if you can be at the Hammersmith end - you can be at Leicester Square in 20 minutes if you cycle to Hammersmith tube. Plus you're near the river and the wetland centre. Being near to Clapham junction makes it easy for days out like Box Hill.

Kew feels like a retirement village :-)

If East Dulwich is too built up, looks towards West Dulwich which is much greener. I’d recommend Richmond/Barnes but the plane noise is horrendous, way worse than in Dulwich. I have family in both areas and visit often.

I would second Notting hill. I love living here and honestly I don’t want to live anywhere else. School are good and everything is right on your doorstep.
At 2m you could find something depending on how many rooms you want.

Crouch End is really lovely but I've always felt the public transport links into central London are quite poor. I seem to remember getting the nearest tube involved taking a bus to Finsbury Park. If you're freelancing and the kids are at local schools then I guess not so much of a problem though.

In no order of preference with your budget and circumstances I'd go for one of the following in London: Blackheath, Wanstead, Woodford Green, Harrow or Richmond. Ealing is nice but I find that part of West London a bit boring

I'm from East London so personally if I had that kind of money I'd buy a family home in Hackney (we are currently in a 2 bed and finding it a struggle to find an affordable larger property here ) but that is very specific to me. It's very family friendly here and I love raising my DC in the area I grew up in but it definitely isn't everyone's cup of tea!

I also recently posted that I wanted to live rurally for a while as I think London is really bad for my health but in reality I know if we left I'd miss it terribly...

We moved out many years ago (within M25 but felt like far away) and recently moved IN again. Huge relief!! You won't regret it at all & your kids will love it.

I vote for Wimbledon..in one of the conservation areas...(no flight noise).

Why did you think the schools in crouch end weren't very good OP?

OP would you consider Brighton and Hove? It really is London by the Sea with lots of creativity. Plus good schools.

If you’ve got £2m just move back to Crouch End. You mention it in a lot of posts and it solves the problem of needing to find somewhere like Crouch End.