Should I leave London altogether? Or just move somewhere less “urban” in London? Did anyone quit the big smoke and regret it?

[Londonornot]

Bit of background. I live in Hackney with kids. I love Hackney, but I’m not sure it’s the right place for me to bring up kids. I want more of the things from my childhood for them - playing outside with friends, countryside. And you know - less random drug paraphernalia left outside the front door and awful, intense traffic on the main road directly adjacent to our house. As much as I like my kid’s primary school, it has a small - very polluted - yard for playtime.

I’m torn between quitting London altogether, or moving to a more suburban, greener, “naice” part of London. (We’ve made a crap load of money on our house. Criminal, really, so we can probably go anywhere except Hampstead/ bits of west london we’re not interested in anyway!)

Or should we leave and move to Norfolk or Hove or Lewes?! We’d have less money stress (small mortgage) and more green.

Anyone quit and regret it?

Anyone find the perfect spot?! It’s driving me crazy. I know I don’t have it “right” yet but the endless search is making me potty. I really want a like-minded lovely community (which I have here in Hackney) and don’t know where to begin to search. DH is reluctant to leave London, also, gets ratty every time I bring it up.

Help!

Anyone?! Help me solve my life

Slightly different situation to you @London but we are moving from southern city to 'naice' town up north. So 'naice' that you do t get much more for your money really (!) but quality of life so much better. Better schools, less pollution, less litter/drug paraphernalia (ok not on our doorstep but certainly in busier areas nearby) /graffiti tags etc. Countryside on the doorstep and 250+ bars and restaurants to choose from. We can't wait to move. DH has managed to wangle a more interesting job at his current company that is based near 'our' new town so it's looking good.
We can't wait. I'd do it. Not wanting to do a 'London bashing' thread but I'm never convinced by people wanting to stay in the big smoke for the galleries/loads to do/restaurants and bars / very diverse groups of people. Other areas of the country also have pubs, museums, landmarks, people whose mum is from [insert other country here!]

Do it! Better to regret doing something than never having the guts to do something!

What about work commuting etc ?

Slightly different situation again, and probably less extreme, but given that you love where you are, I’d tread very carefully. We lived in a nice part of another great UK city which we also absolutely loved, and after having DD in a moment of utter madness decided we needed to move out to the far suburbs of said city, to have our own garden and off street parking, to what’s considered to be a great area for families and close to beautiful countryside etc. Well, I hate it. I mean truly detest it. I feel isolated, cut off, found it incredibly hard to make new friends locally and house isn’t right for us at all. In your position I’d definitely consider moving to a ‘nicer’ area in London, but would be very cautious about making a big move in one fell swoop, unless you spend a lot of time rurally anyway and know what you’re letting yourself in for. Good luck with your decision!

I live in Blackheath and it's very green and quiet with a village feel. Sounds like you have the budget to buy something lovely.

I moved from Newham to Wales about a year before my eldest started secondary school. There was no way I could have sent them to any in the borough.
Best thing we ever did!

High Barnet. Edge of green belt. Plenty of fields. Good schools. Northern Line 30 mins to town

You can move to London by the sea. There are loads of ex Londoners there. As well as people in Hove and Lewes. Its well worth looking into.

I can totally understand where you're coming from OP. I grew up in a village in the North of England but moved to London after uni and have been in east London for many years now. I always look at my neighbours when they have kids and wonder why on earth they're choosing to stay in London now they have kids. I would want my kids to grew up with the countryside and the freedom that I did. I think city kids grow up so much faster (and that's not necessarily a good thing).

But....if you've always been a city person yourself, it may well be too big a culture shock to jump from Hackney straight to the sticks. Some good friends of mine live in Suffolk and rent out a number of AirBNBs there. They always laugh when the Londoners turn up at 3pm on a Sat asking for a recommendation for the best local sushi restaurant that's open for late lunch. Clue: there are no sushi restaurants and lunch stops at 2pm. It's a different way of living. Are you sure you could live long term with maybe having to drive to get some milk? And the local shops start closing at 4pm? Things are much more 'sophisticated' in the sticks these days compared to when I was growing up but it's still a shock if you're used to Hackney and everything being on your doorstep AND open pretty much 24/7.

Would you consider moving to somewhere like Brighton / Hove, or even Margate (a.k.a. Shoreditch by the Sea) or Whitstable? It wouldn't be such a shock to your system.

We moved to a nice SE commuter town and don’t regret it at all. Can still get to the buzz of London in an hour, we have great schools/community vibe and it’s safe with plenty of green spaces. Just make sure you love somewhere big enough.. quitting London for somewhere rural might be too much of a shock!

Margate really isn’t all that nice I don’t think. Richmond is very lovely or bits of South East London (Blackheath, Dulwich, Herne Hill)

In your position I would move out unless you or your OH have to do a daily commute. If you do commute then I would definitely try to stay within an hour as otherwise it’s brutal. Also I would recommend visiting some of the areas you are thinking of as there can be a huge difference between them- Leighton Buzzard is very different to Farnham etc. If you like Hackney I would look at Hither Green, East Dulwich, Greenwich, Charlton slopes, Blackheath and Herne Hill definitely they are reasonably trendy, left leaning but much greener and a bit more family orientated. I think if you start doing visits you’ll definitely get more of a feel for where you can see yourself.

If you like Hackney I would look at Hither Green, East Dulwich, Greenwich, Charlton slopes, Blackheath and Herne Hill

This doesn't make sense as a move to me. The OP might as well stay in Hackney and move to around Lauriston Road (for all we know, that may be where she lives already) which is just as nice / green and massively family orientated , quite possibly more so, than the SE London areas listed.

We moved from urban inner London to proper countryside a year ago, mostly because of the kids.

It was really hard. The things I miss:

• public transport
• walking to amenities
• buzz, vibrancy, the craziness of London
• lots of work, shop, restaurant, enter options

The reasons that it works:

• fresh unpolluted air, with no aircraft noise, sirens, diesel buses, late night parties, fights on the streets, bodies in the park
• no drugs, druggies, knife crime, crazy people threatening to kill my 4yr old on the bus (yes, this happened)
• kids can run, play, explore, climb trees, have made lots of local friends
• incredibly friendly village, wonderfully welcoming

So, very hard, and I do really miss London. But I don't regret the move to the proper countryside and simply visit London (45 mins on the train) when I need to get my 'fix'.

We loved in Hackney but left just before having kids. I loved, loved, loved Hackney but wanted kids and wanted them to have a less urban lifestyle. We moved north and lived 6 miles from the city centre, which was only 15 mins to the countryside. We've since moved further out so it's 30 mins on train into the city (market town outside a city, with beautiful countryside around). I did miss London when we first moved. If you love Hackney I wouldn't move too far out and I'd make sure you can get into your nearest city easily. If we had moved here straight from Hackney, I would have curled up and died, but we realised that living close to ILs outweighed the lure of the city (esp once I adjusted to life as a parent, when bars etc were less important). I'd say go for it!

We moved from Crouch End, to suburbia, overseas and have now finally settled on the Kent Coast in Folkestone. We love it, though am guessing we may have a few years on you as our kids are KS2 age. It really is best of all worlds: Gorgeous period property with a garden we can get lost in, close to countryside, stone’s throw from Europe for weekend hops, still easy commutable distance to London (HS1) so we can get our ‘fix’, plus spoilt for choice with things to do at evenings and weekends - either as a family or as a couple (loads of lovely restaurants/bars). You do still get the odd skanky needle in some of the shadier parks, but I’m not sure where you don’t actually these days. Hand on heart no regrets. Best thing we ever did. Totally recommend seaside living 😁. Though as a PP said; Margate is still v overrated.

I should add that lots of people do make the jump directly from London to Folkestone (owing to the relative cheap property and stunning housing stock), so there is a thriving ‘newbie’ community here and have found it v easy to make friends...

Much depends on where you both need to be for work. We moved to the commuterbelt outside London and both commute.

Positives IME: less pollution, less pressure on services, housing, childcare.

Negatives: commuting is shit! Crap public transport and takeaways.

Will you be commuting because if so that is your starting point. And then you need to follow the train connections out and spend a few weekends exploring. We left for similar reasons and landed in Hertfordshire (tried one area by renting for 6 months and realised we weren't ready to be off the beaten track and bought in a town). Took a couple of years to adjust fully. Now I love it and wouldn't dream of moving back.

I kind of regret leaving London ( in fact, Hackney). I did it many years ago to follow jobs. I miss the city. Eventually have settled in a very nice but very cut off part of suffolk. We can't get many deliveries ( no Ocado, no Abel Cole, no Uber, no delivery for example) we are usually a 6 hour wait for an ambulance, we are an hour from the nearest hospital ( as I am sure are many people), many miles from a cinema or theatre. No sushi! No Chinese takeaway. Very little cultural diversity at all ( my kids were shocked by how white this area is). I love where we live but sometimes I long for a bit of 'civilisation ' but of course we have clear skies, little crime, long walks and the sea. You have to get the balance right.

We left central London for a village in the SE when we had DC2. Absolutely hardest time of my life - first 6 months were grim. I cried a lot. Eventually it got better. But like others we missed (and continued to miss) pavements, coffee shops, non-white people, non-leave-voters and, me in particular, meeting women who weren't SAHM (not that there's anything wrong being a SAHM, but I'm not one so felt like a sore thumb as did my DH as the lone SAHD at DC1's school). It was a massive adjustment having to get in the car to get everywhere. Plus the village we moved to was just a bit shit.

We stuck it out for a few years and then moved to one of the places you mention. Full of ex-Londoners, can't move for tripping over an artisanal coffee shop, on the doorstep of beautiful countryside. Best of both worlds.

So, no we don't regret leaving London. We are very happy to be in this part of the world. It just took us two moves to find the right place for us.

I’m reading all these very, very eagerly! Thank you all!

Work-wise, while DH and I are both self-employed and work from home, DH needs to be in London at least three days a week, so we can’t go too far.

I’m definitely not someone who can be cut off somewhere. I get my energy from being around people and, since I work from home, really need a great community around me. It’s sort of what scares me about quitting the Big Smoke. So really interesting to read about different places that you’ve moved to that still feel quite vibey!

It’s hard to judge without knowing exactly which bit of Hackney you’re in right now. But if you’re right in the midst of it all, I think you should spend a bit of time checking out the parts of London that are on the Overground network in zones 2-3. They generally tend to be a decent balance of greener quieter places plus transport connectivity and a reasonable level of local services.

I live Muswell Hill and for me it doesn't feel like London but it takes 30 mins to get to central. Lovely family vibes and facilities, green space but it's also diverse. We are an interracial family so it's important for us that we live somewhere multicultural.

As PP have said, it depends on your work and commute situation... and how important aspects of London life are to you... it's so personal.

But I guess for me I like living somewhere in London that feels more relaxed. Best of both.