Should I leave London altogether? Or just move somewhere less “urban” in London? Did anyone quit the big smoke and regret it?

[Londonornot]

Bit of background. I live in Hackney with kids. I love Hackney, but I’m not sure it’s the right place for me to bring up kids. I want more of the things from my childhood for them - playing outside with friends, countryside. And you know - less random drug paraphernalia left outside the front door and awful, intense traffic on the main road directly adjacent to our house. As much as I like my kid’s primary school, it has a small - very polluted - yard for playtime.

I’m torn between quitting London altogether, or moving to a more suburban, greener, “naice” part of London. (We’ve made a crap load of money on our house. Criminal, really, so we can probably go anywhere except Hampstead/ bits of west london we’re not interested in anyway!)

Or should we leave and move to Norfolk or Hove or Lewes?! We’d have less money stress (small mortgage) and more green.

Anyone quit and regret it?

Anyone find the perfect spot?! It’s driving me crazy. I know I don’t have it “right” yet but the endless search is making me potty. I really want a like-minded lovely community (which I have here in Hackney) and don’t know where to begin to search. DH is reluctant to leave London, also, gets ratty every time I bring it up.

Help!

Grew up in North/central London, moved to the Bristol countryside 7 years ago - literally best decision we ever made!

Still love London but now also love Bristol. London is 1.5 hours on train but we hardly ever go as Bristol gives us nearly everything we need (or Bath for a change).

Opening the back doors and watching the kids romp in the fields is just priceless. All for about a third of the price of a house in London. It felt so SO massive deciding whether or not to leave London and now I just can't imagine why it felt so hard. Not sure if we lucked out with our village/area but my advice is go go go!

It really depends what you value in your family life. Even when my kids were little I liked taking them up to town to galleries and museums, to local woods and heath and playgrounds. All their nurseries and schools and therefore their friends were in walking distance from our house. The 'village' we live in has supermarkets, clothes shops, stationery and coffee shops, restaurants and bars,all in walking distance. Its a pricey north london suburb but a great place to live in London.

My sister lives in a beautiful part of the country and spent all her time driving her kids everywhere - theres no way they had as much fun as my kids growing up and they had much less independence. And my best friend lives in a southern seaside town - as teens her kids have as much contact with drugs and many less social opportunities and variety than mine - its a small world. She wold love them to be in a wider community to get away from some of the bad influences around them.

le42 Muswell Hill is one of the neighbourhoods we’ve been discussing! Neither of us know it very well. But keep hearing about it and wonder if it’s a good compromise!

Bouldeneige do you live in Hampstead? It’s actually my favourite part of London - but definitely out of reach for us!

suki your village sounds heavenly! That’s what I want! Kids with all that free space! Aah!

@Londonornot Happy to answer any questions on MH - but just to say I have an 11 week old baby so I'm not an expert on schools - though mum friends seem very happy! I know about restaurants and yoga hahaha all the important stuff 😂

Ex hackneyer here. I LOVED hackney. The pace of change, the ease of getting around, the access to pretty much anything you want within spitting distance.
If you need a vibrant community to function, I would think v carefully about the move. You could probably get a mansion in Norfolk, but it is faaarrr away, and lots of it has no train access. It is also not the most cosmopolitan place in the world.

Also I am very wary of small town mentality. London is huge and can seem scary at times, but in small towns it can be easier for kids to get into trouble. There is less to do, they need cars to get around and drugs are paradoxically easier to get hold of. It can be a toxic mix.

The bits of the Kent coast mentioned are getting more like London every day, but the commute is long and £££. We considered moving there but I grew up by the sea in Ireland and this part of the coast doesn't really do it for me, but that is v personal.

We ended up in a town in Hertfordshire. Commute under an hour door to door. Schools are good across the board, primary and secondary so that stress is removed. Vibrant little town, on the door step of amazing country side, we can be out in the hills in a 10 min cycle from the house. Everything is convenient for our lives with two small kids, but I suspect will get less so as they get older.

But public transport is barely there and £££. The commute sucks when it goes wrong. Eating out is decent, but just nowhere near the quality or variety that was on my doorstep in London. I also miss my friends as we have scattered a bit.

Overall I think is was the right move, but we nearly got it so very wrong. We put in a offer on an amazing house in seven oaks. It still makes me shudder, the town would have been all wrong for us, I disagree with the grammar school system and it was on a dual carriageway. (I was pregnant and a bit mad).

We moved to one of those leafy suburbs ( south west London) and hated it - it was very ‘suburban’ and we didn’t fit in at all - we were still only an20 min train into central London but people around us couldn’t believe I took the kids into town on my own. We paid huge amounts for a very small house with a garden which we then had to do lots of work on to buy in the precise pocket for an ok school. The commute was horrific - packed commuter trains, waiting for buses, worked related travel - getting back in time for nursery pick up was insane and caused tremendous stress. So when DH was offered a job in Edinburgh, we jumped at the chance! We live in a wonderful part of the city with a real
Sense of community, it’s a walking commute to the city centre and there are beaches, mountains and wonderful ness in every direction!

We are definitely city people, the London suburbs didn’t suit us.

However, if I had a decent budget and could move back to London, the suggestion above of Greenwich/ Blackheath is a wonderful one - we had a flat there for four years - and if we could have afforded a house and garden we would have stayed. Great transport links, (two train lines, DLR at lewisham or Greenwich), plus decent buses
And the Thames Clipper, Jubilee at North Greenwich. Great outdoor space - the Heath and Greenwich Park make everything feel open, views across London are awesome, blackheath village, around blackheath standard or central Greenwich town is where I would go.

I think you can find a nice compromise, really.
There are plenty of nice cities with excellent public transport links to London where you can live in an urban environment with the benefits of fresh air, (smaller) cultural offer, quick access to countryside, excellent schools....
If you could do that with a tiny or no mortgage to pay, then that would be great. You could then invest that money on traveling the country with the children, going abroad etc. You could also hop on the train to London for a fun weekend or adult evening.
I’ve made the change and don’t regret it one bit! Research your areas first!!

We moved to a SE commuter town and never looked back. Life just seems so much easier as the demand on services is lower. We wanted to do swimming lessons, there was a place available...whereas in London everything felt like a constant rush to sign up, to get your place, then followed by the inevitable route march on foot to get there each week....

Choose a place where a high proportion of people commute into town and then views/attitudes will be sufficiently diverse. We were also very careful to choose a house that was walking distance to the station and village, which really helps.

We moved out of London surburbs for thatched cottage in a village in countryside last year and all are very happy we did it. The cottage cost half the price of London home with same space, a beautiful big garden. The children 13 and 12 can walk in 5 minutes to secondary compared to 45 minutes each way in London. They are delighted with their extra time back which spend playing with friends in village. There's loads of green here, village fireworks and other events and its so safe - I don't have to worry about constant reports of stabbings anymore.

Shop is at end of our little street, have pubs by the river, cafés, gym, tennis courts, primary and secondary, doctors etc all 5 mins walk away. After school clubs every night as well as army, airforce and sea cadets all walkable. Only hard thing was giving up my job in London but I hated the tube and the crowds and love working from home with a cat who hasn't stopped purring since we moved. And I am starting to get very good work in that pays more than London from home though how long will last don't know.

Had colleague who moved to Lewes and loved it. Hertford is nice and good train route in. Norfolk would have thought commute is too much. Saffron Walden is nice but train station is in Audley End couple of miles away but is a fast route in. Cambridge is nice if you've got the budget and sounds like you have.

We ended up Blackheath Greenwich borders because couldn't afford Hampstead. Lots of green space but love seldom needing a car etc. I work in the city and can leave my desk at 3, sprint for the train, and do school pickup at 3.30....moving further out would make that impossible and I'd need to change role and cut hours, or rely on after school club much more than I do at present. Without a commute OP I think you have a lot more options

I know quite a few people who have moved from Hackney to St Margarets (Twickenham). It has lovely open spaces but the air quality round here is terrible - apparently the river exacerbates it? Just in case you were contemplating a similar move...

What about the Highgate/ Dartmouth Park/ Gospel Oak sides of the Heath? All cheaper than Hampstead, and if you get the right spot, quiet and green. What is your budget?

FWIW I was born in London and then my parents moved out for the Norfolk childhood you’ve got in mind, because they couldn’t afford a nice bit of London. I came back to London as an adult. I wouldn’t do the same if I had kids. I think London’s a great place to bring up kids, there’s just so much here and great public transport to get to all of it. Easier for them to pursue their own interests. And when they are bit older, find part time work.

Don’t kid yourself there aren’t drugs in the countryside, I seem to remember reading that drug use in teens was higher in rural areas and that chimes with my observations.

It doesn't sound like you want to move far and you definitely won't get a Hackney vibe outside of London. Brighton/Hove similar but I would say have the same issues re; 'in your face' drugs use, bad traffic, schools pressure but at least you'd be near the sea and Downs. Lewes close by and alternative but very white, middle class and rather 'conservative' underneath it all. Plus it's a very small town. Great for kids though, mostly safe and lots going on.

If I had your budget I'd get a lovely house in Greenwich/Blackheath (cheaper than Muswell Hill). It's the best of all worlds as it's green, access to central London very good, lots of good primary schools for the kids (secondary a little more hit and miss) and a lot safer than Hackney but still diverse. Loads for kids to do. Secondary school kids often attend the Grammar schools in neighbouring Bexley and Bromley Boroughs. There are some beautiful houses with large gardens for around 1.2 million in the Maze Hill/Westcombe Park area bordering Greenwich Park (which is my favourite royal park). RichmondKingston seems like a nice area too but not as diverse.

Go north, A flat in London can get you a 4 bed detached with Acres of land up north, its not all grim, ferrets and flat caps

We did this! So sick of London we moved to a village near Tonbridge about 10 years ago. Bit of a culture shock but ultimately a completely brilliant decision. The village has a glorious active social and community life. Everybody joins in with grow your own competitions on the green, tennis club is notorious for its parties, the ladies choir is a lovely group of young and old who all support each other, etc etc. It is rammed with people like you who all lived in London before, so there's lots of people with similar education levels and political views! Commute wise it is way faster than when we lived in West London and you get a seat. Look at the commuter buses which take you into Hildenborough from properly lovely surrounding villages. The kids are very safe and tend to start heading out solo in yr4 or so. And there are lots of friends they can visit by running across fields, such freedom. We have a 5 bed house with huge garden for the cost of a studio in a nice bit of London (still pricey though) We head to London for shows and gigs as it's not far, but theres so much to do down here we don't as much as we thought.

We moved from London to a home counties town. Its a good commute but took a lot of getting used to (i actually found it really hard to get used to the quietness - we had a police station at the end of our road in london!). I love the access to London (we both commute) but countryside a mile away. Kids can walk to school or go to nearby more teen friendly towns on the train....but it is, dare i say, a bit boring!! We would definitely have considered brighton/hove but the commute was a deal breaker for us.

My best car break in was in Hackney. I arrived at work (Hackney Council as a contractor) and 10 mins later the police rang to say my car had been broken into.

The person who rang it in was waiting for me when I arrived, with tea and cake - an absolutely fantastic adult human person. He was very hesitant to let me know it was a skinny white drug addict who smashed my car window, as he was black. My only thought was how lovely this man was to try to make things easier for me (I'm from up North) and I wish I'd made it more clear to him at the time.

He wasn't special, he was just local and he helped. Skin tone or colour has absolutely nothing to do with whether someone is a kind person or not. People make all the difference, wherever you live.

Not a best car break in I'd done - just been involved in! When you work across the country there are quite a few!

I left London in 1975 and never regretted it. I’m now in Scotland, where my 4 bed detached house costs less than a bedsit in London. My kids went to the lovely village state primary school -(class size 12 children!) - and we have beaches, mountains and wildlife parks all around us, with all the cultural delights of Edinburgh only an hour away.
I’ve never been back to London, since a school reunion 20 years ago.

Threads like this do make me laugh. It’s London or the countryside! Other cities and towns are available! Also the concept that the only other options are the towns taken over by ex Londoners.

I am an ex Londoner by the way and have lived in many places in the UK. I wouldn’t return for a million pounds.

I wish you luck OP. Sounds like a tough choice but the three day a week into London needs to be your main consideration in terms of making it bearable.

We did exactly this 5 years ago. From Hackney to Hertfordshire. We’re looking at flats in Dalston this week 😬.

I don’t regret the move at all, we too did well out of our house and got a lot more for our money out here. We got a dog who we all love. Being surrounded by nature is beautiful, and the high quality air is really noticeable. But there is literally nothing to do. I am SO BORED. I terribly miss the buzz and diversity of London, the madness & the excitement. We have to give the kids (17 & 13) lifts all the time & the idea they’ll just be able to walk out the door whenever they want is blowing my mind.

London is such a good place for teens, mine really can’t wait to go back (ds stayed at school there throughout so is much more rooted there than the rest of us).

Turns out that Hackney vibe is pretty irresistible.

We moved from Muswell Hill to a small village in Bedfordshire.
My DH was working from home, we got a cracking house to do up and it sorted out our children’s school issues.
Been here 6 years, I hate it.
It’s so boring, no like minded people, DH ended up getting a job back in London and commutes, he has no time to do anything other than work.
DC will be going to university soon and we will sell up and move back to London, downside is we will now have to buy a flat as we now can’t afford the type of house we used to live in which will be hard for me as I currently have a brilliant workspace at home.
We’ve learned a lot, enjoyed having this house, but the whole process has focused us on what’s important to us and it isn’t having a big house in the country.

I grew up in Hackney. Childhood was absolutely fine I never felt unsafe and we always found a local park to play in. I went away to university somewhere rural and absolutely loved it, the greenery and peace and quiet was bliss. It made me determined to offer the same to my children so we relocated to Essex. Still have lots of friends and family in Hackney who we visit really regularly (35 minute drive) and who come to visit us. It's the best of both worlds really. My DCs get to grow up accessing nature freely and easily and attend good schools without the risk of knife crime etc. I still get my city fix by commuting to london for work 3x a week and visiting friends and family. Essex gets a bad rap on here sometimes but there are some lovely parts

We moved from east London to a commuter town a couple of years ago. For us, it was a better move than staying but I really miss the part of London we lived in and my friends there, even though it's easy driving there now we have a car.

Advantages are good schools, quiet civilised neighbours who don't make their windows shake with loud music, easy access to shops and greenery, less pollution.

Disadvantages are that for me, it feels like Anytown. I could leave it tomorrow without a backward glance, though I love our house. It's been very difficult to meet people (though that's as much about part time working patterns with preschoolers). The commute is 1.5 hours each way, which is a killer, especially if delays add to that.

If you can afford it, and you're not keen to leave London completely, I would go for the best of both worlds and stay in London.

If you want to leave London, I would personally recommend giving serious thought to leaving completely and looking at the nice suburbs of cities like Bristol and Sheffield. (I pick these because I know them but anywhere of a similar size with similar levels of stuff to do and good rail connections to London). It depends on whether you still want the vibrancy of a city without being in a mega city like London, or whether you actually want a completely different way of life.

Do you or your DH need to be near London for work? Will he have to do the commute?

The commute is the rub for most people, they think they can manage but it can be gruelling., especially when the train are on strike or have endless engineering work and rail replacement services.

Dulwich/East Dulwich is pretty nice, a lot less "urban" than Hackney but still diverse.

Brighton, look at Fiveways around Blakers Park, Preston Drove is great for all ages of children, good state schools at each stage, parks, Naice shops 10 minute drive down to the sea or into the countryside.

I agree that Bristol and Bath are great as well, but can you port your work?

St Alban's is naice and a quick (though crowded) commute