Should I leave London altogether? Or just move somewhere less “urban” in London? Did anyone quit the big smoke and regret it?

[Londonornot]

Bit of background. I live in Hackney with kids. I love Hackney, but I’m not sure it’s the right place for me to bring up kids. I want more of the things from my childhood for them - playing outside with friends, countryside. And you know - less random drug paraphernalia left outside the front door and awful, intense traffic on the main road directly adjacent to our house. As much as I like my kid’s primary school, it has a small - very polluted - yard for playtime.

I’m torn between quitting London altogether, or moving to a more suburban, greener, “naice” part of London. (We’ve made a crap load of money on our house. Criminal, really, so we can probably go anywhere except Hampstead/ bits of west london we’re not interested in anyway!)

Or should we leave and move to Norfolk or Hove or Lewes?! We’d have less money stress (small mortgage) and more green.

Anyone quit and regret it?

Anyone find the perfect spot?! It’s driving me crazy. I know I don’t have it “right” yet but the endless search is making me potty. I really want a like-minded lovely community (which I have here in Hackney) and don’t know where to begin to search. DH is reluctant to leave London, also, gets ratty every time I bring it up.

Help!

Move to within catchment for Dulwich Hamlet primary. You won't regret it. Connected. Nice. Very much a community feel. Lots going on and quick into 'town'. Expensive but if you've got a house to sell in Hackney you'll be OK.

The other side of Hampstead Heath as someone suggested above. Dartmouth Park, Tufnell Park, Kentish Town. Some lovely large houses with gardens and a great community.

Me. Also great ice cream, RubyViolet

We moved from Hackney (Shoreditch area, so more urban than some other areas in the borough) to Kentish Town. It's not really much leafier/greener, but there is a more family-friendly community, better schools, and we have a house with garden here. DH can walk to work too, which was the main appeal for us. I wouldn't have considered leaving London. I grew up here, so I don't share the yearning for countryside etc, or fear of urban living for teens. We are car-free and wouldn't want to be without the tube/buses, and we have quite an active social life post-dc as we have lots of family around for babysitting.

We do have friends who have left central London once they've had families (but partly because they had tiny flats here and couldn't afford a 2 bed flat) - some destinations are Folkestone, Hove, Hastings, Chingford, Borehamwood (last two are technically within London zones, but don't feel like London). Some of them really miss the London lifestyle, but some of them are much happier. I think it depends a lot on your finances (selling up in London has given them a nice cushion and quality of life) and type of lifestyle (some of them never really went out to events/attractions that were 'uniquely London' so they've been just as happy with life in a smaller town and a smaller variety of shops/restaurants/cinema).

Move to Dulwich Vilkage, big park, nice schools, feels quiet

Village

London's obviously a huge place, and some parts of it can have a nice 'green' feeling to them akin to what you might find in a smaller village, while also having access to the different amenities that make the city so attractive to many.

Try this London-only website which I like to recommend to people trying to find the right place to live. It's a property/neighborhood matchmaking website: drop in DH's commute address and how long he'd be willing to commute, pick the things that matter most to you (green spaces / shops / supermarkets / etc) - and see what matches you get. It might recommend areas you hadn't considered!

I left London 15 years ago and still feel like I'm coming home whenever I return. I'm still in GL, but it's not the same. I'd move but stay in if I were you.

@househunter19 I am having a ball playing with that website!!! Although- punch of salt - it just told me that Peckham Rye is poor for restaurants/buzz and public transport compared to hither green...

If your DH needs to commute to central London 3 days a week (assume not staying in town overnight?) then this needs to be your first criteria. Is air pollution / noise / green environment the next criteria? How much better does this really need to be (eg Blackheath vs rural Kent).

Then you need to decide what it is you need/want on weekday daily basis, then for weekends and then for monthly / special occasions. How do you spend your leisure time now? How do you want it to change?
Then you can split it all up.
Do you want to go be able to a gallery / theatre / cultural event every weekend or just once a month or at half terms?

Do you need coffee shops/bars/restaurants/designer shops on your door step for daily use - or would a good cafe/deli suffice for Mon to Fri?

I do think that lots of the SE towns/cities rely on London culturally so there is little artsy locally - which is not the same in other UK cities - Liverpool, Bristol etc.

We stayed in a cheap, slightly gritty bit of Zone 1 and have not regretted it at all.

A lot is about schools. We ended up paying, DD had quite a long commute, and we had very little spare cash. But it worked. They had rich, multinational and varied childhoods with lots of opportunities, from great parks, museums, theatre etc with the real benefit of being able to meet friends using public transport when teenagers. The newly empty nest in Central London is also fun.

If you can’t pay (and it was a struggle) I would look at places like Tooting Common in the Graveney catchments or similar.

If you decide to move out what about Bournemouth/Poole with an Arts University, beach and grammar schools, 2 hours from Waterloo. .

@Needmoresleep are you talking about elephant and castle?

I have lived in London since 1993. Forest hill, Brixton, East Dulwich and settled in Dulwich Village. It really is a little bubble, village feel, local pub, art gallery, lovely local park. Good transport links with buses and choice of three train stations a short walk away. Local state schools are brilliant and there is also very good private schools. We are very happy here. Good luck with your choices.... I should add that I have had friends move out of London and regret it and others who haven’t looked back

If you decide to move out properly, I’d rent out your London house, so the move is not irrevocable. I live in an area that attracts ex-Londoners. Some love it, but some hate all the non-London aspects of living in the sticks. Trouble is, once you fall out of the London housing bubble it can be difficult to get back in.

Oh, and Margate... well, it’s improving, but as my DD said about a lot of it when we last visited, “#wanttobeinBrighton.”.

We moved from Hackney to Woodford five years ago. Pros are a lot more house for the money, great school, DC live in close proximity to their friends and walk to and fro/socialise easily, still easy commute to work (but not a 15 min bike ride). Cons are that I really really miss being able to walk out the door and have something happening - bars, restaurants, exhibitions ... I think there's no perfect place - different places suit at different stages. It works for us now - but we're heading back in once the nest is empty!

I moved from Hackney and have lived in a few places. Now in a market town in the Midlands. I love it. Easy to get to London, schools good, and I've found it easy to make friends and join community activities - easier in a town than in a city where people know other people more and you bump into people you know more out and about.

We moved out of London to a commuter town, and good God did we regret it. We moved straight back to London less than two years later.

Walk around in Hackney, or any part of London really. Look at the people on the street. They've all got something about them, haven't they? Like, you could probably get to know them if you weren't so busy, and have some really interesting chats.

Now go to a proper suburb or a commuter town, and look into the eyes of the people on the street. Notice anything? They're all dead inside. And they died a long time ago. Once you spot it, it's pretty scary.

Also if your DH doesn't want to leave London, it almost certainly won't work. He needs to actually hate London and want to get out. If he feels he's been reluctantly talked into it, he'll just be miserable forever.

Funnily enough OP we were in Hackney today as I had a hospital appointment so me and DP took advantage of the kids being babysat and went for a wander and to have some lunch. We now live in an outer London borough since we have had kids and we do miss a lot of elements of inner London- the vibrancy, kookiness and diversity are the big three. Our borough is a lovely, green one and it’s only 20mins into town on the overground- will be even less once —if— Cross Rail is finished but it is less diverse and has a more parochial air. That said, I couldn’t live in the countryside and wouldn’t want to live in a small town. I might be able to be persuaded on the suburbs of a city like Manchester or Cardiff perhaps, but I am really of the opinion that London is the be all and end all and I want to be close to it. Perhaps that’s small-minded in itself, but I do love it and can’t see that changing.

Now go to a proper suburb or a commuter town, and look into the eyes of the people on the street. Notice anything? They're all dead inside. And they died a long time ago. Once you spot it, it's pretty scary.

Why not go ‘on holiday’ in London to check out places?

Spend a sunny Saturday morning catching a train to Blackheath. Grab a coffee in the village and wander across the heath to Greenwich Park entrance. Go through the park, enjoy the view, down the hill and have lunch at Sticks and Sushi or Bills, wander around Greenwich then take the clipper back to central London.

Or similarly with Richmond or Kew!

We live in SE London and regularly take the kids out to national trust properties/ Epping etc for some good old tree climbing, puddle splashing rural fun. You can give that to them without needing to move out!

That’s a good compromise Dust - also you could look at buying or renting a 2nd home on the coast or countryside - maybe Suffolk if you are East or Whitstable - then you can do London Mon to Fri and have a weekend escape?

The Crossrail will give some more rural areas and green suburbs a good commute when it opens. Eg Iver or Langley out west, or Ealing area if you still want to feel like it’s London.