Has anyone asked to be notified in advance or keep child off school during sex ed days?

[dntbrnwsh]

My child is starting Reception at an independent school, although this is more of a question for the future than Reception itself.

I’d prefer to introduce and discuss topics such as sex education, gender identity and related issues at home first, so I’d like to know in advance when they’re going to be covered at school.

Has anyone asked their child’s school to let them know beforehand when these lessons are taking place, so they could choose to keep their child off school that day? If so, how did the school respond? Were they happy to give advance notice, and did it affect your relationship with the school at all?

I’m interested in hearing from parents who’ve actually done this, rather than debating whether it’s the right approach.

No. I didn’t because I believe it’s important for children to have the same level of information, at the same time, as their peers.

FWIW, my DCs are 28, 25 & 15 and the earlier they start to learn about these things the less of a shocking/embarrassing issue it seems to be. Children are able to be far more rational about information than most adults.

Why do you feel the need to do this at home and not trust school? Are there other subjects you feel better informed than qualified teachers about?

AFAIK and my eldest is going to y2 - they don’t do this as a topic until a lot later so I’m not sure why you’re worried in advance.

how do you expect to limit their exposure to sex ed when they'll still be with their classmates for all other classes. I'd rather they be in the class to get the age appropriate lessons from the teachers than secondhand interpretation from their classmates.

FWIW state schools must notify beforehand and explain what will be covered and allow right to withdraw. Each independent school will have their own policy.

Seriously?

It is part of the curriculum for good reasons, including to avoid kids being kept ignorant by parents like you...

I’m a primary school teacher, it’s part of the curriculum. We send a termly overview out and also email the pshe unit vocabulary in advance and ask parents to chat with me if they have any questions. I never have an issue with people who want to chat with me and clarify it as it’s emotive, however, it is on the curriculum so we as a school would never actively encourage parents to withdraw their child from any part of it, nor are they meant to.

from a safeguarding point of view it is really necessary to teach it to children appropriately but young, it keeps them safe and allows children to understand when things aren’t right and get the help they need.

as a parent, I always talked about sex and bodies etc as soon as my children asked, so they all knew before primary school anyway.

Not me but a friend discussed this with their school.

they said they were happy to show the termly curriculum plans.

for her though it was as a heads up to know what and when so that they could also have the conversations at the same time. It wasn’t so she could remove them! It’s important for kids to have this information from a young age to help keep them safe. I’m not sure if you’re allowed to remove them. It’s important that all kids get the same information - not just the bits each parent considers useful.

you say you want to discuss at home first. But then you talk about removing from the lesson, suggesting the “first” doesn’t then apply.

I know you don’t want opinions on whether it’s right or wrong (you will of course get these as it’s hard not to when you’re replying) but it would be useful to know you’re reasoning and the OP isn’t clear between you want to tell your kids first, or be the only only ones to tell them about sex ed.

It's important that they learn about these things, but in my experience they do let you know in advance each time and let you know the words/topics they'll be discussing in case you want to discuss it before or they have questions afterwards.

Not private but when my dc were at primaries they cover this in year 6. The only bit you can "opt out" of is the optional video they show to the pupils
Otherwise they do the standard egg, sperm, sexual intercourse, etc in pshe
You can ask to see the pshe content and might have to go into the school to see the slideshow. They usually let you know what provider they use for pshe in reception

This is odd OP, let your child learn the school stuff and you can add your own stuff in at home. You shouldn’t be pulling them out of lessons

Sex ed is fine imo, but I actually did state that I would remove my ds from school during the classes that covered 'gender identity', as that's a load of tripe and nonsense that children don't need to be duped by. Turns out a lot of the parents must have said the same as they ended up excluding that part of the sex ed entirely.

DS is in Year 2 and we got to see the curriculum in advance but it is pretty straightforward at this age. Mainly about bullying/friendships and safeguarding (which was slightly awkward when DS was changing after swimming lessons and was asking me loudly if he should tell a trusted adult because the other people in the changing room and seen his penis).

We've been through a mix of state and private primaries. In every case, we've been given information about what would be taught in advance and invited to an online session to discuss it. I've never actually gone to any sessions.

My general principle is that my DDs should hear about things at home first, as I think you are disadvantaged to be learning that stuff for the first time in front of your peers. Though I've probably been less diligent about this that I could have been.

Keeping them off school would be quite unusual. It's pretty gentle and age appropriate. Not extreme gender ideology.

Ask to see the content of what they’ll be teaching. I wouldn’t be happy for my child to learn anything about gender identity so would also withdraw him if this was going to be a part of sex education.

A lot of hostility to this question, however for me this is one of those things that’s only made it into the classroom as a sticking plaster for inadequate parenting. A lot of things being taught during PHSE, and a lot of things subject to the ‘they-should-teach-it-in-school’ / breakfast-TV-sofa narrative, (how to get a mortgage, how to pay taxes,) are things that should be taught by families. They only get lumped onto teachers, distracting them from academic subjects and education, because there’s so much crap parenting around.

I’m sure you can keep them off but the next day you child will be told alllllll about it by the other children anyway

What is it you're concerned about and want to shield your child from?

I thought you were going to say you wanted to know in advance so that you could introduce the topics first so that he could get the information from you first.

I don’t think any school is going to be impressed if you keep a child at home for a day. He could be on a four day week. That’s madness.

Also, they will need to CPOM it because some people don’t want their children to have knowledge about their bodies and privacy and so on because they are abusing them.

The school have always shared with us the plans and curriculum in advance. This is without asking but they have always said any parents can discuss any concerns with them.

However I don’t know what taking them out will do as their friends will inevitably discuss with them the next day, and it’s not just one day. It’s quite regular and also what about the rest of the lessons that day?

The whole year group was always notified ahead of time what subjects were being taught for PSHE and we were given the option to opt out if we wished. If we had queries we could contact them and they often shared the resources/websites of any external companies coming in to deliver it. Did not need to take the initiative and ask.

Very little was taught about ‘sex’ in junior school, though.

All your child’s classmates will
be talking about what they’ve learnt and your child won’t have a clue.

Our schools (private primaries) have always sent a letter home in advance of any sex / health education topics - so this would be more about relationships and puberty initially, with the “sex” part only in Year 6.
We had discussed these subjects with our kids long before they were brought up in the curriculum at school.

Our curriculum is on the school website so we can see when things are coming up. We also get emails when the sorts of topics you’ve said about are being taught. The latest email set out the content of the 5 lessons and said we had a right to withdraw our child from the human reproduction lesson only (in line with statutory RSE and health education guidance). If you want to do that you have to email in, and you’ll be invited to a meeting to discuss it - presumably the school will try and convince you not to withdraw! We won’t be withdrawing as I don’t see why my child shouldn’t learn about this, nothing that’s come home from school has been inappropriate and I don’t have any concerns.

So you don’t have the right to withdraw your child from all of the lessons, although there’s nothing stopping you from calling them in sick that day. Your school will likely send you the relevant information about the lessons and tell you what’s permitted in terms of withdrawing.

They'll tell you to give you the option to withdraw. Personally I think it's ridiculous. It's just a science lesson.

Plus they'll cover things like consent and the underwear rule (or whatever it is called).

I kind of think that by reception he should already have an idea of "mummy and daddy having a special cuddle" anyway.

They usually set out the syllabus in an email at the start of school, but no of course I wouldn't keep them off. Do you want them to hear accurate facts, or a garbled version in the playground the next day which is what will happen if you keep her off. They're not discussion gender identity in reception!