Has anyone asked to be notified in advance or keep child off school during sex ed days?

[dntbrnwsh]

My child is starting Reception at an independent school, although this is more of a question for the future than Reception itself.

I’d prefer to introduce and discuss topics such as sex education, gender identity and related issues at home first, so I’d like to know in advance when they’re going to be covered at school.

Has anyone asked their child’s school to let them know beforehand when these lessons are taking place, so they could choose to keep their child off school that day? If so, how did the school respond? Were they happy to give advance notice, and did it affect your relationship with the school at all?

I’m interested in hearing from parents who’ve actually done this, rather than debating whether it’s the right approach.

Your take on this is a little weird OP! What do you think will happen in school that’s so bad?

They should be happy to share what they teach and when, but why on earth would you then remove them that day? Just make sure they know from you in advance. IME schools teach stuff much later than parents should so they shouldn’t be finding out something new if you’re a decent parent.

'That parent' alert!!!

RSHE is part of the basic curriculum so mandatory in private school and state. You can request to withdraw from the sex ed elements (of RSHE not science) only. TBH I would have a read of the core content on gov.uk and request the school’s curriculum as it may not be what you expect.

Why take your child out of school for a full day just to miss one lesson? If you really don't want them in this lesson, just ask the school to send them to work somewhere else.

But it makes no sense to keep them out, given that if they miss the lesson they'll hear all about it from their friends. Much better to go through it with them before they cover it in school, and then let them go to the school session to reinforce it.

It probably would affect your relationship with the school if you withdraw them from lessons on relationships, changing bodies, consent etc because it will make them second guess your motives. They will quite rightly see it as a safeguarding risk and have to record it on CPOMS. If you are ok with that, go ahead. If you don't actually teach your child about these topics in a correct and timely way you could be putting them at risk of prolonged abuse from others. Lessons like this teach children appropriate terms and make it more likely that will be understood and believed when they report / talk about abusive contact and relationships.

If you keep them off for these days, they will also obviously miss input on other phonics / maths lessons.

The school should be able to provide you with a broad overview of what they intend to teach this term / year but they don't have to give you precise lesson topics for specific days. Even if they do tell you for example "on Wednesday next week we will talk about the PANTS rule" for instance, you can't rely on that being accurate. What if you decide to keep DC off on Wednesday, but a last minute meeting for the teacher, or the teacher being off sick, means they have to move the lesson to Tuesday / Thursday because it's an important topic they don't want to leave for a cover teacher?

I’m a primary teacher but do not work in a private school. Before we start teaching sex ed, we send out a letter to the parents informing them of when we are going to start the lessons and what the focus will be. We provide direct links for parents to read over the lessons and then provide parents with an opportunity to ‘opt out’ of the lessons.

Every year I have parents who choose to opt out, during that time, the child goes to another class or sits at the office completing other tasks. The only thing I will say is children talk about it at break and lunch so your child may receive second hand information about it.

I would suggest chatting to the school to share your concerns and find out what your child will find out each year. I regularly suggest any parents who are unsure to chat with their child first and then decide if they want to opt out. Usually the parents introduce the topic at home and then the children are prepared for it in class.

They learn this in Year 5 in my experience (three kids), and you're mad to try and limit this. They teach personal safety around sexuality, how to be safe online, as well as the basics of sexual health. I was glad my kids were being told about all of this. Obviously we reinforced it/educated them about it at home, but the more they know, the safer they are in my opinion.

I didn’t wait for the school, I spoke to my children about it when I felt they were ready.

I didn’t remove my cold but I did object to some content (trans related and just odd frankly and confusing for children) and it was removed from the curriculum.

Why do primary kids need sex education ? Never had it when I was in school until we went to high school
Can't we just let children be children without burdening them with all that?

What about it concerns you OP? If it's the sex ed itself, there is no reason why you can't introduce it ahead of lessons at school, but leaving them out will mean their peers have more information than they do and they will feel excluded and short of knowledge.

If it's the gender-idendity, I agree that I would want to know what was being said and I would be tempted to exclude my DC from any sort of rhetoric that suggested you can choose your gender and that biological sex wasn't real....

Schools generally do supply parents information about the curriculum and we got add advance notice of sex ed in primary - so you could keep your DC off for those days. What they can't do is give you advance notice about what your DCs peers will be talking about in the playground so overall you are much better keep an open dialogue with your DC rather than trying to avoid discussions until you feel they are ready - because it doesn't work that way.

Not sure why it's a burden? Plenty of children start puberty in primary school, and also many children have older siblings and fairly uncontrolled access to the internet - so I think schools are trying to keep ahead of (or at least keep up) what they will be exposed to by their peers.

Same! Not with sex education but triangles. I don't want my child learning about the three sided pointy bastards.

Not learning about puberty until you get to high school is going to be wildly inadequate for the girls who start their periods in primary school.

It will be worse if they get the information second hand from their friends /get tempted to Google to find out what you didn't tell them

Exactly this

what an absolutely stupid idea to keep them off school!

Why on earth would the basic facts around periods /body changes be a burden? It's science and it's interesting!

Our school notifies but its not done on one day, its a programme that is followed over a number of weeks...it would be impossible to keep your child off every day...

Concurring with the numerous comments here about the benefits of your child attending RSHE at the same time as their classmates, I would also add that for the sake of your child, it's important not to be too rigid. You seem to have made early decisions about what your child will know, when and how but what you can't possibly know is what questions your child will ask and when. Instead, a few basic rules for you as a parent will prepare you eg are you going to be open or tell your child that the knowledge they have asked for is for adults and they will know when they are older? What about vocabulary?

My rules for myself were: be accurate and factual, be succinct and not verbose, be open. My sex education was confused, incomplete and confusing. I was determined my DD would have a more positive experience. She asked at three: 'I know I grew in your tummy, mummy, but how did I get there?' I told her in a couple of sentences then she asked if she could have another chocolate biscuit, because for her, the question was no big deal. I suspect this is so for most children at this age. Gender ideology didn't reach the curriculum until my DD was in 6th form but I think I would have had reservations about it being taught and would have wanted to know in advance how it was being taught. This was not the case for anything else, although I was a bit startled when my DD in Y6 got home one afternoon and said: 'We had sexy (her joke) education today. If you're in pain when you're having a baby, it feels nice if you touch your clitoris.'

Typo

Because they need to understand their bodies.
Because some girls start puberty including their periods before they even reach secondary school.
So they can be protected and know when someone is doing sonething they shouldn't be.
Because many primary school children will experience their mothers being pregnant and so it's directly relevant to them.
So they know when people are talking nonsense/inaccuracies.
It comfortable for them to ask questions
Because sadly, some kids will have sex much younger than 16.
It's just science. There is nothing shameful or to hide. Obviously keeping ut age appropriate.

Telling them that people shouldn't touch their private parts, how to keep clean and very basic biology in an age appropriate manner is hardly adultificating them.

In my experience my daughter was much more interested and open to discussions/reading books with me about where babies come from when she was in primary school. But the time she got to secondary school it was all just "sooooo embarrassing" and I was "just like so cringe". There was no way we'd have been able to discuss penises going into vaginas without her hiding her head under her pillow and screaming "oooohhh myyyy gooood. I am not discussing this with you". But because I know she has the knowledge, it's just a case of dropping in reminders/top ups in every so often.

I think you can ask for them not to be included in the lesson, from what I recalll

One day my daughter (about 5 at the time) asked me whether daddy gave me eggs for breakfast when we decided to make her. She didn't understand how I got eggs in my tummy and was imaging chicken eggs. ❤️ We chatted for a bit and she said "bodies are really amazing! Can we get some cheese? I really want cheese. Today my teacher said that polar bears are black..." 🤣

There are some really good books for talking with your kids. We had a couple including one that was kind of cartoon-y that she really liked. They only thing was that it had a random chapter on AIDS. I'm not anti talking about AIDS but it just seemed so out of place in a book about where babies come from aimed at young children. I'm not one for skipping chapters but we skipped that one.

We get an email each term regarding the topics covered in PSHE, for infants, primary and secondary. All state schools if that makes a difference.