Has anyone asked to be notified in advance or keep child off school during sex ed days?

[dntbrnwsh]

My child is starting Reception at an independent school, although this is more of a question for the future than Reception itself.

I’d prefer to introduce and discuss topics such as sex education, gender identity and related issues at home first, so I’d like to know in advance when they’re going to be covered at school.

Has anyone asked their child’s school to let them know beforehand when these lessons are taking place, so they could choose to keep their child off school that day? If so, how did the school respond? Were they happy to give advance notice, and did it affect your relationship with the school at all?

I’m interested in hearing from parents who’ve actually done this, rather than debating whether it’s the right approach.

Yes we were invited in to watch the videos in year 5 before our kids watched them and some parents did opt out. One mum said it might give her dd ideas about having sex.

Mine did too, in very simple terms . If they asked how babies were made I gave them a simple explanation

Weird

This!

far better that they hear it direct from the teacher than the sensationalised version from their friends

As someone who was SA’d as a child I wish I had had sex education that young. I wouldn’t be refusing for my child YABU.

I teach in Scotland where the RSHP (relationship, sexual health and parenthood) resources are available to all on the website. Parents can see the lesson plans and slides and a letter is sent to the parent before they begin.

I always post a link to the lesson advance in case parents prefer to go through it with their child first. I always inform my own children in advance as I think it's sometimes that should be taught at home first. When I asked the children in my class this year whether any of their parents had gone through it with them before the lesson only one out of thirty had.

I have never had a parent opt their child out before. Inevitably they will talk about it in the playground anyway so you might as well let them here the correct version firsthand.

I had a mum like op ☹️ I thought I was dying when I got my first period and didn't tell anyone for two years because I was scared 😨

Sex Ed is fine, gender ID is utter nonsense so I’d definitely want a heads up if they were going to teach this as if it’s a real thing.

In my experience, I discussed all these things with DS when he was young, before it was taught at school so it didn’t come as a surprise at all.

Op everyone thinks they’ll teach things better, as someone who homeschooled like the rest of the population in covid I got some shock as to how difficult it is to put things into the right language for kids.

My mum did this to me, and I can still remember the abject humiliation of having to skip those classes. The entire year group attended but for me and a child from a Born Again Christian family, and it was made worse by the fact that I was constantly asked by the other kids why I wasn’t allowed to go.

My mum was prudish and uptight about anything to do with sex, and had been persuaded by an equally uptight teacher friend of hers that the curriculum was ‘inappropriate’. At nearly 60 it still sticks in my mind as one of the most embarrassing things I had to deal with at school - I felt like such a stupid baby in front of all my peers and it was horrible to have to navigate socially.

Don’t do it to your child.

If you’re worried about certain aspects of the curriculum (I’d certainly be wary of how they intend to approach the whole ‘gender’ piece), then find out and ensure you have lots of open conversation at home to explore those topics, before and after the classes.

When the time comes the school will inform you. You can then ask to view the content of the material and make a decision from there.

But bear in mind if your child is not in the lesson then they will get the info from their classmates.

I understand your concern about how the whole trans/gender identity controversy is presented, but would have no problem about basic facts about reproduction and relationships. But if you see the material beforehand you will have a chance to think through how you feel about it and either ask to withdraw them or be prepared to discuss any issues that you were not entirely happy with in the material.

But - even better - start talking with them now or at the least responding to any questions - my children had a lovely Scandinavian cartoon book called Our New Baby which we read with them from very small.

Our school sends info about what will be covered each term on this topic and that allows me to have appropriate conversations with my DD. It's really important that they understand what's private etc from a young age.

I'd find it a bit of a red flag of you didn't want them attending these lessons

Our school do inform us of the R.e and PSHE topics each term. When it came to sex education, they sent us the resources prior to the sessions. I'd already covered it all with DS anyway so no surprises for him

I'm a teacher and I agree that I would like to know when it is happening at school with my kids so I know when to have conversations at home to reinforce their learning and address any misconceptions. It also reinforces open and frank communication which is fundemental to your children making healthy, informed choices later on. My children's school send out a PSHE schedule at the end of each term for the next. Your school should do the same if not ask for the scheme of learning to be sent to you.

I think being open and honest with kids empowers them rather than taking away their innocence. I remember hearing a lot of nonsense when I was at primary school and then being taught in a purely scientific way and way too late. I think sex education is much better than it ever was and a growing openness is a good thing. Shame and secrecy about sex is how abuse happens.
I always supported my DC having all their PSHE input and was happy to answer any questions. As others have said, they are often more communicative and willing to take on parental advice before they hit secondary school!

This is my favourite post of the week! 🤣🤣🤣

I was in school many years ago but when we were going to do sex ed, a letter was sent home informing parents of the planned lesson and they were given the option to watch the video before consenting or request their child does not attend the lesson.

I have a year 5 in state school. They are just about to do 'actual' sex ed. The school held a meeting of what they will cover, so you could be prepared. I think it's unlikely they will tell you in advance when they are teaching topics, as a) they don't want you missing school and b) sometimes things change and a lesson gets delayed to another day.

My year 2 has learnt a bit about babies, but about them being in mum's tummy for 9 months, nothing about actual sex ed. He overheard part of our conversation with DD(10), didn't understand and wasn't interested. I think you have a while before you need to worry.

I believe you no longer have the right to withdraw your child. It's considered a compulsory part of the curriculum now. (Although private schools may be different.)

We were notified of that dates for puberty talk so we could be prepared for questions etc. But if you want to introduce it first, surely you use this date as a prompt so that by the time school does it they're prepared? Not keep them off, don't tell them and let them hear it all second hand at scho?

We were told ahead of the lessons so were aware.

what is it you don’t want them to be taught in school about this topic @dntbrnwsh?

We have a very relaxed approach to sex in our home. I am a midwife so my kids have known about labour and birth for a long time. They used to help me do my simulations when I was a student, resuscitation on dolls and helping resolve shoulder dystocias! This naturally led to conversations about how babies are made, relationships, periods. I have always kept it factual and age appropriate. They are 12 and 15 now and will talk about relationships and stuff. My 15 year old had a girlfriend who wanted sex but he wanted to wait but it meant he could talk to me about it. We have just always made it part of a way of life. No shame or judgement or embarrassment. You could always ask the school about what topics they will be covering each year and then in the summer holidays before, approach it. I think taking them out is the wrong approach as they may miss information that you may not think to teach.

I strongly recommend at some point watching birth videos (in the future, not now) to normalise birth. Some empowering home births. So many people are underprepared due to lack of exposure or information sharing. Women and men as birth partners. So many people's only exposure is one born every minute which is all drama or none at all. Even if it is just on in the background.

Ultimately it is your choice, but as parents we don't always know what is best!

I would suggest you speak with your child’s teacher about their SRE lessons and look at the teaching materials they use. You may be pleasantly surprised. Even if you still want to withdraw your child from one lesson, you would not keep them away from school for the whole day.

Well mine didn't specifically ask about sex, but did ask how babies are made
I think I mentioned something about a "special cuddle" ☺️

Yeah if they asked....my point is that pre school kids wouldn't usually ask about actual sex as they shouldn't have a concept about that at age 4.....just stuff like kissing.....they would more likely ask how babies are made, which would then open up that subject.