Has anyone asked to be notified in advance or keep child off school during sex ed days?

[dntbrnwsh]

My child is starting Reception at an independent school, although this is more of a question for the future than Reception itself.

I’d prefer to introduce and discuss topics such as sex education, gender identity and related issues at home first, so I’d like to know in advance when they’re going to be covered at school.

Has anyone asked their child’s school to let them know beforehand when these lessons are taking place, so they could choose to keep their child off school that day? If so, how did the school respond? Were they happy to give advance notice, and did it affect your relationship with the school at all?

I’m interested in hearing from parents who’ve actually done this, rather than debating whether it’s the right approach.

My August-born ds came home from school visibly upset by a sex ed class aged 7. I checked with his teacher who said he had put his fingers in his ears and stared out of the window for most of the class.
When I asked him, he said it was disgusting and he didn't want to know. I didn't pull him from the classes but asked the teacher to let him read his book if he wanted, which he did.

He took to the classes better when he was 9. For some dcs, I think sometimes it's a wee bit early. If your dc is interested, I'd leave him in the class. At least let him decide for himself.

Our sex ed at my leafy grammar in the 80s was when we were 15 & 16, definitely a case of closing the stable door etc. 😁

I'm sorry he found it so upsetting.

But what had made him think it was disgusting? He must have had some level of knowledge to have such a strong opinion on it?

No. I started introducing my child to sex ed content in an age appropriate way at 3 years old. It was an ongoing discussion. We had books and casual conversations. There was no “the talk”. Nothing the school was going to teach was going to be new material. I would have been very disturbed if that was how my child learned about her body, consent, or later sex, contraception, and safer sex.

Our school did allow us to review the materials if we chose. I think that is sufficient. Keeping your child home is unnecessary.

Also yes, sex ed at 15 was way too late for many people.

In fact, it was a common known fact that the wires around telephone boxes emitted certain types of magnetic fields that meant a woman's eggs were not able to be fertilised whilst near a telephone box. Therefore the safest way to have underage sex was near a telephone box.

One of our far too late sex ed classes was completrly sidetracked by people arguing with the teacher that their sister's boyfriends, next door neighbours mum sat by a dr on the bus once who told her that. And various other girls telling the teacher that "they knew a girl" who has sex every Friday in the telephone box by the underpass and she isn't pregnant. I remember the teacher muttering something like "then she needs to see a dr about that. No, never mind, we don't want her to reproduce". 🤣

Both the school I work in and my DC’s school send letters home notifying parents that the topic is upcoming along with an overview of what is being learned. I’ve never known anyone keep a child of for it though. That would be weird!

Schools generally inform you about the curriculum for the year so you will know in advance. I imagine private schools do the same.

They don’t do the type of sex ed that you might want to choose to keep your child off until year 5,6.

Sed education in n Ks1 is a little bit about learning about their own bodies - which is a good thing for them. It’s certainly not about the act of sex.
Unless you have concerns about the school in general, I would think twice about pulling them out of sex ed. It is generally taught well and is age appropriate. Unless you have a rogue school or rogue teacher, you shouldn’t really worry about it.
Honestly, (as a teacher myself, albeit secondary), if you are the sort of parent to start enquiring about how to take your child out of sex education before they’ve even started reception, they will judge you and not in a good way. I suggest you give your head a little wobble.

I answered my DC's simply and truthfully when they asked. By the time their school got around to it, DC already knew and it was not a big a deal. As they got older and had new questions, I answered those too. And of course, they talk to their friends. So, no, I didn't talk to the school about it, it wasn't necessary.

Same. I answered any questions in an age appropriate way and also made sure they always knew about things like periods etc

And I would rather they had had the same lesson as their peers, rather than hearing a 10 year old’s version of it the day after!!

Yes, I work in a class of 6 year olds and it’s mainly about the correct name for body parts and what they are for (at their age) they don’t learn about sex or reproduction

1. They would be marked as unauthorised absence.
2. They wouldn't be given the same information in a structured way as their peers. They will hear about it from them anyway.
3. Schools should be informing you of what is upcoming for each year group. Ours use a framework called Jigsaw.
4. It is part of the curriculum and needs to be taught. This is for your child's safety.

Well my private convent years ago we had no sex education at all unless you did biology and then we had an old nun who sold tuck and would yell “S E X spells sex and it’s bad and evil”. At least one pupil got pregnant at 15/16. The girls were all angels until 14/15 when they discovered boys. So it’s good to have it at school as well as discuss it at home.

If your child doesn’t attend the lessons then his friends will tell them what they have missed.If their friends have older siblings they will probably have told them before they have the lessons anyway. Talk to your child about these issues but you need to do it at a much younger age than you might think appropriate.

This. My nephew just turned 8. I have no idea if he’s learned this yet but for his age reproduction shouldn’t be covered. He’s got a cousin who had 2 babies and he saw her when she was pregnant so I’m sure his parents told him she was going to have a baby but that was all. Unless he asked further questions. He’s at a bog standard state school though. When I was his age and all through a state primary nothing was taught about body parts or sex ever. We just had playground ditties about sex, funny ones. Unless you got sex ed talk at home (I did at approx 7 with a book) you didn’t learn anything at school.

Our school had an evening where they invited parents in to see the materials that would be taught and to ask any questions - I was particularly concerned about gender identity, so I went, but thankfully the materials all seemed fine and much more focused on puberty and reproduction. I was happy for the school to teach this to my child.

This was Year 6, so 10/11 yos

This is EXACTLY the point made excellently! Im a teacher and I think Im pretty good at teaching sex ed. But on the last week of the topic (in upper primary) I do the final round up questions, clarifications etc and it is remarkable how many misconceptions still exist and how little logical thought goes on in their minds! Op, if you want your child to hear half truths in the playground from their peers, knock yourself out, but my god they'll hear and quite probably believe some nonsense! (And no - that's not a reflection on my teaching!)

Our school provided the entire PHSE syllabus in advance without being asked to. This was very useful because I definitely didn't want them learning things at school which hadn't already been covered at home.

My son is in reception and his school recently invited us in to show us what they are going to be learning around sex Ed, relationships etc and how it will be done age appropriately etc. They also let us know that of all the topics most are compulsory and only a couple of topics we could opt out on (I can't remember which ones they were)

@dntbrnwsh it looks like you are getting a lot of heat rather than light here…

I’m not sure about private schools - I suspect they have their own rules. But for state schools the rules are:
You have the legal right to withdraw your child from Relationship and Sex education until the term before they turn 16 years old. They must have a published policy that outlines this right and explains how you tell the school. You do not need to give a reason. The school will generally try to ‘work with you’ aka try to persuade you to change your mind. But you have an absolute right to do this and no this is not a referral to social services flag.
You also always have the right to know what is being taught in advance, by whom and to see the materials in advance.

But things to note

1. the wider pshce curriculum and science curriculum may include aspects that you are not comfortable with and you have no right to withdraw your child from these lessons
2. your child will still have to be on site
3. your child will hear all sorts of (not necessarily accurate) things that their classmates learned
4. your child may feel left out or ‘othered’

My advice is to engage with the school regarding your concerns and look through the materials before making any decision.

“sex education, gender identity and related issues” could possibly be quite broad. Where I teach, you would be called in for a meeting for the school to understand why and what provision you would make.

As a teacher, I may be able to tell you the week I am teaching something, but often things are added as term progresses like visitors or events that mean lessons like RHSE get moved about in the week, so you may not get the amount of notice you st hoping for. (This being said Sex Ed is often different, but your op has made me assume it’s more then just sex ed you would take issue with.)

We get a letter from the school beforehand. You don't need to take your child out of school the whole day just state that you do not want them present for said lesson. I think people on here giving you a hard time op. There are certain things I wouldn't want my child to be taught either if they are planting ideologys on them like same sex and trans ideas. I am grateful for the prior warning so I can assess if it's appropriate. Usually they just learn about body parts in younger years and more in Y5 and Y6 is the sex Ed bit. They do sneak things in though like books about same sex animal couples bringing up their children and isn't that wonderful. They usually have to send letter about this too and you can withdraw from assembly. I think it's wrong to push these ideas onto kids. Schools are there to teach English and maths not push gay agendas. It's not unusual for parents to withdraw their children from sex Ed esp if religious.

your children asked about sex before primary school age?!

Why wouldn’t she if they asked?