Financially stretching for private school - worth it?

[DilemmaPenguin]

I'd love to hear from families for whom sending their DC to private school is a significant financial stretch - is it worth it? What aspects of school life in particular - smaller class sizes, something else?

We need to decide whether to take up DC's offer of a place at a wonderful private secondary school in about a month, and we're going round in circles about whether to 'make it work' financially, or send DC to state school and have a more comfortable life / be able to put money aside to help DC with driving lessons / university / house deposit when they're stepping into adulthood.

DH and I are on different sides of the fence.

For families who grappled with this choice and decided on state school, any regrets?

It's so hard as whichever we choose, we won't know whether things would have been different if we'd made the other choice - academically, socially, happiness.

I appreciate that this will come down to the individual child and the specific school options - I feel strongly that this particular private school would be a fantastic fit for our DC (we only have one) - DH thinks DC will thrive anywhere (bright and confident) so not worth the financial stretch and sacrifices.

I might be misunderstanding your posts, but are you asking for advice on the best way to make sure your DC gets any extra exam time they might be due?

My DD gets 25% extra time in exams and is in a completely non-selective state comprehensive. They assessed her in Year 7. The prompt for the assessment was the CAT tests they administered on entry to the school. She was reassessed at the start of Year 10 and is now, apparently, guaranteed this extra time when she sits her GCSE exams. She is predicted mostly 8s and was not performing below expectations when she started at the school, so being a high achiever does not seem to be a barrier to assessment. I have no idea if all state schools are so good. I suspect it varies from school to school. Something to ask at the open days perhaps!

Apologies if I have misunderstood you and that's not what you're asking.

There may be but seeing as we live rurally and have to factor in travel time, we couldn't fit it in. We couldn't see how it would be beneficial for family life to get home at 6pm and then have to ferry her around multiple evenings to fit in the stuff she gets within the school day at indy school. Getting home past 8pm several nights a week is not something we wanted to do as a family.

Your reasons for choosing private are nothing to do with the point I was making Saying state + tutor + extra curricular are only feasible if you have 1 parent around to make sure all that happens just isn't true. The majority of people have to make it work as they don't have the luxury of choice like we do. This kind of unrealistic view of the world is one of my reasons for not choosing private tbh.

It is more about value for money when I compare in streaching to choosen Independant vs get assesed DC for undelying symptoms by private, not for excess time but for medication if needed to get him organised in his learning than us thinking of tutions and study .

Come to know that selective independent sorts it automatically because school takes intiation to get assessment for all. That left me thinking private assesment and possible grammar than susperselective Indie with an offer.

Yes, with house prices far outstripping salaries, increasingly inheritance matters far more than earning capacity (sadly, in my opinion)

Ah I think I get you. I wouldn't assume any school (state comp, grammar or private) would either automatically screen all students or make a good a job of it. Best thing would be to ask all the schools you are considering for their individual policies and resources. Better still if you can ask some parents too.

Absolutely.

I know if a family where the school went to private secondary but didn't go abroad until late teens, couldn't do driving lessons until they were earning after uni (which impacted which graduate jobs they could consider) and none of them got on the housing ladder until they had children themselves.

It seems a miscalculation to me to pay school fees but then not be able to help with any of the (very expensive) steps your df need to get properly started into adulthood

If those siblings had had help with a house deposit 10 years earlier they'd have made far more in equity than they'd have earned in that time. Instead they had to pay high (city centre due to not driving) rents and take years to save a deposit.

We tried local village state (hoping state primary and private secondary) but it didn't work out. I actually feel like it was hugely worth it for primary for all the sport/drama/trips etc (comparing to the village state).

Our local secondary school was terrible and so we made the decision to send our son to private school. Yes it’s been a struggle at times but we believe it’s worth it and don’t regret it.

However, I do think you have to weigh up how much of a struggle it is and if there had been a good state option we would have used it.

I’m following this thread with interest and have a question - when people say “if there had been a good state option, I would have gone for it” what does “good” look like? Is it the Ofsted ratings? Exam pass percentages? Extra curricular opportunities?
We’ve got a decent chance of getting one of two state secondaries rated “good” and a very slim chance of an “outstanding”.Given our local indie just passed the full 20% VAT on, fees would be even more of a stretch so looking less and less appealing. But is “good” good enough?

@Ineedanewsofa I'm less fussed about the Ofsted rating good or outstanding works for me. But I want good results & ideally good extracurriculars.

I can only answer for myself
Serious deprivation
Numerous incidents where Police Attended
County Lines involvement
Gang membership
Regular disruptive behaviour
Parents fighting
Children fighting
General low academic achievement
Teachers there telling me to look at other options for DD
Teachers from other schools telling me to look for other options for DD

The issues at our local state option and the reasons we chose independent from Yr 7:
-poor GCSE results ie % getting Grade 5+

• poor progress 8 score (-0.37)
• choice of only History OR Geography at GCSE
• choice of either French OR Spanish from Yr 7 +
• only dual science at GCSE, no triple option
• only 1 PE lesson per week and only 2 sports offered for girls
• Very limited drama/art/music
• low aspirations re:careers advice + HE
• large class sizes
• known bullying etc
• don't set for maths/English/science until Yr 10 do mixed ability throughout 7-9

Having worked in education Ofsted reports not taken into consideration

Our reason for choosing private was not about exam results. My child is not academic, is good at art but struggles with dyslexia, dyscalculaic and focus. As I mentioned up thread, I was impressed by the young adults the school turned out into the world. I wanted a school where a non academic child was seen as equally worthy of support as someone destined to get a million A grade A levels.

Why no for primary school?
Sorry to digress!

For me, a good state secondary school for my LO would be one where the ‘cool’ kids were the academic arty/nerdy children. Small classes, specialist teachers,/termly residentials, sports my LO likes (fencing, riding, swimming), exceptional pastoral care, well behaved children, sets in all subjects including sports and incredible art, STEM and music departments.
My LOs private secondary school fits the bill.

Now I am more clear on this info, from a pupil who goes to such selective indie said everyone get screened so that who ever needed the extra time for exams (he is getting too though he sounds absolutely normal and able child) should get it and necessary extra support as well. All these people would not go thorough the screen from state setting.