Financially stretching for private school - worth it?

[DilemmaPenguin]

I'd love to hear from families for whom sending their DC to private school is a significant financial stretch - is it worth it? What aspects of school life in particular - smaller class sizes, something else?

We need to decide whether to take up DC's offer of a place at a wonderful private secondary school in about a month, and we're going round in circles about whether to 'make it work' financially, or send DC to state school and have a more comfortable life / be able to put money aside to help DC with driving lessons / university / house deposit when they're stepping into adulthood.

DH and I are on different sides of the fence.

For families who grappled with this choice and decided on state school, any regrets?

It's so hard as whichever we choose, we won't know whether things would have been different if we'd made the other choice - academically, socially, happiness.

I appreciate that this will come down to the individual child and the specific school options - I feel strongly that this particular private school would be a fantastic fit for our DC (we only have one) - DH thinks DC will thrive anywhere (bright and confident) so not worth the financial stretch and sacrifices.

Nonsense. And also rather rude to describe state schools as "crappy". State school parents are leapt on if we criticise private schools in any way. My dds school is far from 'crappy". I wish fee paying parents would have confidence in their choices and not see the need to denigrate the state offering to justify their massive outlay.

It's no different to having homework to do in the evenings though surely.
All the private school kids I know have loads of homework every night.

Having to go over how to do something on top of the homework is a lot. If you are doing it for every subject that's quite a few hours a week.

Many dc in private school tutor to get ahead, be in top sets etc. Dd goes to private and she says most of her friends have tutors and some a few times a week!

Private schools finish at 5pm state at 3.15 so I fail to see the issue with having tutors in that time slot

Both ours are bright but “lop sided” like I was words humanities and languages we find easy maths less so. A skilled tutor going over targeted maths again in their own time has been invaluable. It’s not “muddling through”. Again I wish private school parents would not see the need to run down the state option to make themselves feel better.

That said we haven’t needed a maths tutor for dd2 as our “crappy state school” runs voluntary extra maths sessions which the pupils that want to go to can attend and a maths teacher goes over things they haven’t fully understood with them.

Having to go over how to do something on top of the homework is a lot. If you are doing it for every subject that's quite a few hours a week.

That was my point. In our unpopular comp it's pretty much instead of homework. My kids don't get anywhere near as much as their privately educated peers or even their friends in the popular local schools and often what they do get is done at school in homework club.
They haven't needed tutors in every subject, they are bright kids and get a lot of curriculum enrichment because of this and there are some great teachers.
Mine are home, changed, homework done and have had any tutor sessions required before their mates in private school have even got off the bus and started their homework. It's really not the 'miserable' evening you seem to be imagining.

As always, it depends what the state options are like. I don't call our local state secondary "dire" to make myself feel better about using indy. I say that because, for the majority of kids, our local state option IS dire (based on GCSE results + destinations). I work full time and simply wouldn't be around to facilitate tutors and extra curriculars if we used state. I don't get home until 6pm so DD would be left to her own devices 3pm-6pm (the local state finishes at 2.45pm) and I'm 99% confident she wouldn't use that time to go over content herself.
So state + tutor + extra curricular are only feasible if you have 1 parent around to make sure all that happens.

You don’t need to justify yourself to me or anyone else just take issue with anyone making blanket offensive comments.

Some state schools are crappy, some private schools are too.

Ultimately you look at the schools you have available, see which ones you think your DC could do well at and weigh it up against financial, time and lifestyle constraints.

Some of the state schools in our area are almost indistinguishable from private schools. Some of the private schools are run down and always hanging on the brink of closure. All have their own benefits and drawbacks.

The biggest advantage with private schools is that you are filtering for children whose parents who are prepared to invest in their DC's education. Most state schools will have a (sadly rather large) number of children with low to no aspiration. However, have faith in your own DC. You will find that they tend to seek out other children like them and a good state school will actively manage this aspiration gap.

Our local state schools are outstanding yet we still chose private at a stretch. And we don't regret it so far. Our DC is thriving (whereas had a horrific experience massively impacting wellbeing in outstanding state primary), loves school, enriched every day, being smart is a cool thing, they all encourage and positively push each other to do well, lots of opportunities within the (longer) school day for wider curriculum activities. Will DC get better results than their state school friends at GCSEs? Maybe, maybe not. But the important thing for us is that everyday is enjoyable and enriching - they aren't just surviving their secondary school years. So yes, we live in a small house compared to our state school friends, don't do fancy holidays every year and worry about the impact of VAT - but right now, our DCs happiness and growth are worth it.

If it’s a stretch financially now it can only get worse in the future. Save the money for tutors, university fees and a house deposit. With support children can and do thrive in a good comprehensive.

No not if you can't afford it comfortably it will make you stressed. I have 2 in private and fees have gone up with the 15% vat that's been passed on third is a baby but he'll obviously be attending too , it's not a cheap or short commitment

Private schools:

I heard they get everyone tested for neurodiversity and get adjusted extra exam times for whoever identified with need, hence they get better results across? That is not possible with state schools.

I read child is more happier in private school . Yes ,they are if parents could efford the fee easily, and then no pressure on them to be on top of top sets?

I know dc who meltdown when rank is dropped in one term from top1 to some thing elase.

I am really in this dilemaa , private or grammar. I am not convinced the people who all recieved offer letters are best in the town. So what we are paying for ?

"I heard they get everyone tested for neurodiversity and get adjusted extra exam times for whoever identified with need, hence they get better results across? That is not possible with state schools"

You heard wrong

@twistyizzy I got from an university proffessor at oxbridge , seems sensible as superselective indies are only after results.

But not all indy schools are super selective, many are non-selective.
The opinion of 1 person is not evidence or data I'm afraid.

Well then that person was wrong

I work full time and simply wouldn't be around to facilitate tutors and extra curriculars if we used state. I don't get home until 6pm so DD would be left to her own devices 3pm-6pm (the local state finishes at 2.45pm) and I'm 99% confident she wouldn't use that time to go over content herself.
So state + tutor + extra curricular are only feasible if you have 1 parent around to make sure all that happens.

I'm pretty sure there are more working families with children at state schools who manage to fit in tutors and extra curricular activities than there are families who opt for private school.

There may be but seeing as we live rurally and have to factor in travel time, we couldn't fit it in. We couldn't see how it would be beneficial for family life to get home at 6pm and then have to ferry her around multiple evenings to fit in the stuff she gets within the school day at indy school. Getting home past 8pm several nights a week is not something we wanted to do as a family.

an oxbridge proffessor who hassen children in the state system can explain why a parent should initiate to talk with state school for assesment , and that is not necessary in indie (the specific school) as they get it done for everyone in the school .

what people who is in system saying is wrong but a perent whose child is in the system is right? how?

I am speking about superselective indie only . not all.

And it's not one persons opinion, inside knowledge.

You didn't say you were talking about super selective only. You said "private schools". 1 persons view is still not evidence

Eh?

Oh sorry. am not looking at whole private system but competitive indies only . with this info, if I can get the opinions of school about child (not an assesment), easier to get assessed privately or any.

When our target indie does it by themselves and adjust learning accordingly, we could do the same with good state option with out paying £9000 a term or what is my interest at the moment.