Financially stretching for private school - worth it?

[DilemmaPenguin]

I'd love to hear from families for whom sending their DC to private school is a significant financial stretch - is it worth it? What aspects of school life in particular - smaller class sizes, something else?

We need to decide whether to take up DC's offer of a place at a wonderful private secondary school in about a month, and we're going round in circles about whether to 'make it work' financially, or send DC to state school and have a more comfortable life / be able to put money aside to help DC with driving lessons / university / house deposit when they're stepping into adulthood.

DH and I are on different sides of the fence.

For families who grappled with this choice and decided on state school, any regrets?

It's so hard as whichever we choose, we won't know whether things would have been different if we'd made the other choice - academically, socially, happiness.

I appreciate that this will come down to the individual child and the specific school options - I feel strongly that this particular private school would be a fantastic fit for our DC (we only have one) - DH thinks DC will thrive anywhere (bright and confident) so not worth the financial stretch and sacrifices.

I wouldn’t do it unless you can comfortably afford it, prices go up with seniority, school trips are very expensive, it cost me £1k to get my kids kitted out for their first year at prep - after that it was easy enough because of second hand school sales.

it’s been worth every penny for us but we can afford it easily.

I think it’s difficult and there’s obviously pros and cons to either. A huge part of the decision is surely what the alternative is though? if it’s anything less than outstanding and you’re already on the fence, that would probably make my decision.

Absolutely not if it's a stretch already. Fees at our school have gone up 6/7/8% or more each year and with the financial pressures of VAT, NI and business rate relief ending, I expect most will be increasing fees at least at that rate over the next few years. Plus as PP says they increase as you go up the school anyway.

I was also on the fence and decided on state, and so far I have no regrets (DS is 2 years in) ~ we do have a fab state school though and when looked at both there weren't really enough differences to justify the cost.

DS does a load of extra curriculars, often with students of the local private too so we socialise quite a bit with some of the families and honestly I still don't see much of a difference. Class sizes are similar, they're covering the same subjects and trips are to the same places too!

That being said, the peace of mind that if it wasn't working, we'd be able to switch to private is wonderful. It allows me to save more so if we did go private in future the fees wouldn't make life so tight.

At primary no.

Save the money and do it for secondary.

Ignore ofsted ratings. There are some awful "outstanding" schools out there. Look around and get a feel.

If you have a decent state school I'd invest in tutors, extra curriculars to supplement their education. If you could comfortably afford private then that would be different, but if it'll leave you struggling already (things rise as they go through) and you can't agree then it's not worth it.

My advice is - catch public transport at school home time near the state school. Look at the older kids that the school is turning out, their attitudes and behaviours. That is the true measure of a school, not exam results.

The state option is good, not outstanding. We'd be 'happy enough' with DC going there if private wasn't on the table. DC passed the entrance assessment (academically selective school) and we've been offered a bursary - just at a lower level than we'd hoped for. We're incredibly proud of DC's success and sincerely grateful for the bursary offer.

Class sizes are very different between the two, and I'm nervous (from speaking to teacher friends) that so much of teachers' attention is taken up with behaviour management at state schools in our area.

DC is at state primary now, and going to secondary in September - sorry, should have said in my OP!

We did this. In year 11 DD's maths teacher didn't give her enough time for new concepts to sink in. The lessons were too fast paced.

She was and is very capable at maths, but needed a little longer to "get" things so she had a tutor for three months and jumped up from a B to an A*.

She was fine with other subjects.

We took the view that if she went private at 11 we wouldn't be able to support her through university, and it turned out to be the correct decision for us and DD.

We have the same dilemma and have more or less decided to go with state as Plan A, in the knowledge that we could make private work if state really wasn't working out. At state we can afford tutoring plus great extracurriculars and trips and support them more in young adulthood.

I think it depends on the size of the state school, conversely if it’s larger they will set more so academically your child will be less likely to be in classes with disruptive kids, so will do just as well. If it a smaller state school where they can’t do this I’d be more likely to send to private, there are a lot of difficult behaviours happening in state schools due to insufficient funding.

Oh, and the local state schools are genuinely very good. If they were sink schools our cost-benefit calculus would obviously be different.

Have you got much in savings currently for her for house deposit and uni? Personally I think money for those things will give the biggest help in adulthood, as long as the state option is good, and so if you will struggle to provide that comfortably then I’d go with state.

I know a lot of families in this position - barely scraping through to get to GCSEs or A'Levels (most didn't want to disrupt kids, some of which are SEND). The main reason is that they weren't coping well in larger state settings and/or the options in their areas were dire. I think about half went to a state primary school, so maybe if you start with state and it doesn't work for your child that's a good time to consider it for secondary?

The benefits as you say are smaller class sizes (so quieter and extra support when needed), single sex, more streaming, more kids with SEND so less bullying, great food, great after school clubs, opportunities for kids to travel with school for various things (like maths championships in NYC, skiing competitions) and most of them feel there's less pressure to have everything labelled - anything goes fashion wise, and they are hot on tech so no mobiles.

Only you know your child and for my friends it is the best thing for their kids. The parents really didn't want to be part of the statistics post covid with kids being school refusers/home learning and not getting social interactions.

How much of a ‘stretch’ is it?

What’re the state options like?

It is very, very costly. Increases every year by a lot. So you’ll need confidence in your household income.

I strongly disagree with your H that DC will ‘thrive anywhere’. (as someone who got good grades at an ‘average’ comprehensive, but there were still some big drawbacks such as poor sciences and many, many bright DC did not thrive or do well).

my DC attend a fairly pushy, selective private secondary school. The main upsides IME have been resources - lots of staff - quality education, in almost all subjects we don’t feel we need to ‘keep an eye’ on DC’s progress or any gaps in what they’re taught (in contrast to my experience when to do OK one had to hit the books alone). Few obvious behaviour issues, DC have good friendships. Good pastoral care.

Downsides are constant pressure, homework, tests and unnecessarily competitive things like focusing on exam technique (13 year old DC talking about ‘12 markers’ in specific gcses, they know how the papers break down and discuss technique, 3 years before the gcse!). Teachers telling everyone scores in front of each other. One of my DC has MH issues in which I think all this is a factor.

There are a few poor and/or unkind teachers.

there’s a natural break point at 16 and I know of many DC who left private then for financial reasons (& some for other reasons).

I have a friend who could comfortably afford to send his two children to private school. When my daughter in year 5 I asked him was it worth it - his response was if you have a decent secondary state school, top up with a tutor if needed or signs of struggling. He didn’t feel it was worth it - even though one of his children is now a doctor, he feels she would have achieved that regardless as she was capable of achieving those grades.

My daughter primary class went onto a grammar, private and state. I would say the grammar students probably stand out the most - private and state pretty much all ended up in similar positions /places/jobs (they now all 22 years old)

Oh it's difficult. If you can afford it without making too many sacrifices I'd probably do it....but if it's going to stretch you uncomfortably I'd go state and pay for a good tutor, especially around the time of GCSE's. There are lots of extracurricular activities you can do outside of school.

Also remember that many university's now give higher grade offers to private school kids to balance things out, just something to keep in mind.....

No don’t do it
The costs don’t end with the fees for a start- all the extras really add up as well as the endless hikes in fees. These are inevitable and can be crushing if you are already on the brink.

And nor do they end at 18. University is getting ever more expensive to parents to help support and who knows if DC wants to do masters, PhD etc.

And saving the money to contribute to housing for DC later on is huge. Massive impact on their life more than a private school imho (and I say this as someone who has put all their kids through private)

Private schools still have crap teachers in amongst the great ones, still have bullying or social issues or annoying timetables. They of course have benefits but I think they are usually what parents perceive as amazing benefits more than the kids appreciate. Fancy courts or pitches- the kids don’t care. Putting on wine and nibbles with parents evening- who cares?!

Save your money. Enjoy family holidays whilst he’s still young enough to come away with you (the regret when they leave home and no longer join you is huge!) and spend money on tutors if needs be to prop things up academically.

I will add I don’t regret sending all mine private. But I could do so comfortably and without taking away from other areas of life. So it was worth it just in case in was better in various areas. But if it had meant we missed out on other things like holidays or struggled to save then nope I wouldn’t have bothered.

Do this for the private schools too. I went to a comp between two private schools. The boys from one of them (highly regarded ) were often vile. They called us plebs, were misogynistic and racist. The other private school had a very different group of kids, less flashy, more intelligent and lots of them were pretty decent so much so I'm friends with some of them still.

Not for primary but definitely for secondary. Our secondary state options are okay, and I’m sure our LO would be fine, but they would not thrive like they are now. We are committed to stay in private education from year 7 till at least GCSEs, we might return to state after that.
Our LO is an EU citizen and I hope they choose to go to Uni in my home country were it would be free for them. If not, we would help them repay loans and support them while at Uni. We only have one child so we’re all in for them!

my DNs of the same age in top sets at mid performing, non selective state schools, they enjoy it and have good friendships, but experience poor behaviour daily in a lot of classes, teachers stretched, don’t cover the same ground in the curriculum until closer to gcse, little SEN provision, v few DC get top grades.

For families who grappled with this choice and decided on state school, any regrets?

The economic landscape is very different now so someone who struggled to do it 5 or 10 yrs ago may not be relevant today.

We never planned on private secondary but had it as a potential backup. We have now decided with VAT, the way fees have increased each year, cost of living etc that it's not worth the sacrifices. We are saving for uni and house deposits.

We didn't send dc to private education but our friends did. Our child is very bright and would have benefited from being in a private education but we simply could not have enjoyed the standard of living with school fees to find. Instead we have had great family holidays and we are financially comfortable.

As we reach gcse stage, my friends child is expected to achieve 9 across the board, my child is getting a mix of 7, 8 and 9. These imo are excellent. To pay £100k+ to get the better results is great, if this is something which you can comfortably afford.

But we do have 2 dc & thankfully have excellent state options available.