Disappointed

[shobiddi]

Hey everyone.

I’m a bit sad because my daughter is applied to several consortium schools one of which is Godolphin and we just found one she isn’t invited for an interview.
She has been in tears and shambles and is very disappointed. She has studied very hard and she felt she did well in the Consortium test as well as we have given her extra support with maths. I guess it was her English to let her down since she’s bilingual.
We are waiting to hear from St Pauls next week ( and I know about the relation of if you don’t get into Godolphin and you don’t get into Saint Paul’s and vice versa so not gonna tell her about that) and she has an interview with City and South Hampstead the week after.

after what happened she doesn’t believe she will get into any of the schools. She has been very disheartened and very discouraged and I feel this is affecting her mentally. I am in tears to be honest any words of wisdom and kindness you can give me.

TIA

Have you applied for any less academic schools, Op?

All I can suggest is for you not to share your own disappointment with DD, she sounds upset enough already.

We did. We applied to 9 schools but her 2 top choices were Latymer and Godolphin and both didn’t call her back.
Shes in top of her class in her current school and was working really hard.
I didn’t share anything. Both my husband and I keep comforting her, but she’s 10 so many emotions and the feeling of rejection is tough 😞

I get that, Op, and it's really hard watching your child feel so sad. What are the other schools that she has applied to like, are they potentially a good fit?

Life takes us all on different paths and if you make the best of what you’re dealt, it will all be fine. Onwards without looking back, it clearly wasn’t meant to be so no point dwelling.

Maida Vale, Francis Holland RP and Sloane , south Hampstead.

she had an interview with queens college but she was so uncooperative because she didn’t like the school.

I don’t know if they are a good fit. I know they are good schools, not academic but good.
she had higher expectations, and we didn’t push her because I don’t believe in that.

I know it’s just managing the rejection as a 10 year old . 😞

Did you also apply to state?

Yes Marylebone school . Waiting to hear back.

Presumably actually more than 1 though? In London you get 6 slots don't you?

She has got an interview at City which is one of the top school in the country! There is absolutely nothing to be disappointed about that - it's a huge achievement to pass the extremely competitive exam.

If she got an interview at City, I would advise some of the less academic schools you applied for won't be the right environment for her as they are like chalk and cheese. She won't be challenged at all at the less academic schools.

and Paddington. We only did 2 state schools.

Can you take her somewhere special to calm her down, bubble tea, pizza whatever. Then focus on the road ahead and “big up” the remaining options.
When do you expect to hear back from the other privates? Distance wise how far are you from your state options?

I actually arranged a play date today with a friend who isn’t in the same school as her to just ease the pressure of the school talk.

The state distance are 20 min away by public transport.. private is 20 by car except for city 30 by public transport.

Why did you only apply to two state? Are you a definite for one eg right on the doorstep?

As an alternative viewpoint, we deliberately sent our very academic sensitive dc to a less selective indie. Year 8 now and thriving, so there are other routes.

Quite different but dd had rejection at 10 re ballet but at 12 she came back stronger, is now resilient and a tough cookie that will help her in the future. Some dc don’t face this and are arrogant and entitled because they’ve never seen rejection, your dd will learn early and hope she responds (with your support and encouragement) will really set her up for future success.

We are pretty close to both.. and we in the catchment areas

Hi OP, I'm very sorry that you and your daughter are so disappointed. I hope she can be distracted and also realise in time that it's not the end of the world.
In a way, it might he a useful life lesson to learn that we don't always get what we want, or what we deserve, but that it's ok. Other doors will open. Her life, success and happiness aren't dependent on getting into Godolphin. Very few girls will get the chance to go to a school like this. Her life is what she makes of it.

That’s what I think.. tough lesson for a 10 year old TBH, I did tell her we can apply for the occasional vacancy if she wants, so that put her at ease ( but honestly they said in their policy if a child hadn’t been successful to get an interview, then they unlikely to be successful entering with an occasional place.)

Thank you for your words of support.. I know it’s shock and there will be many to come… but it breaks my heart to see her this upset. 😞

I do wonder if being rejected by schools is sometimes for the best if it wouldn’t be an ideal cohort fit or is a high pressure environment. It’s so easy to get swept away into x school is best because it’s hard to get a place but surely the best school for each child is where they are both happiest and do best.

Resilience is one of the best traits to have and she'll find it easier to cope/process later in life when she doesn't get everything she wants.

Don't let her wallow, watch the Taylor Swift documentary - the bit where she finds out on camera she hasn't won a Grammy and her reaction.

Slightly different, but ds is waiting for an offer/ rejection from Oxford on Tuesday. I genuinely have no idea which it'll be, but I've spent the past year telling him that he'll end up having the experience he is meant to have wherever he goes and that a rejection means he simply wasn't a right fit for their teaching style.

Secretly, I feel a big rejection is not at all a bad thing to experience at a young age because it builds resilience and goodness knows life is full of rejection from jobs, in love, even buying a house. You have to able to get through it without falling apart.

I would focus on saying we’ll find the right place for you and maybe the world is telling us that wasn’t going to be the right fit. It’s tough seeing your dc hurting but it’s a learning and development moment so hugs and forward positivity will get her through. It’s okay to feel sad for a little bit but not to let that linger.

I'm sure you are reassuring her. Has she had any interview prep? Either from her current school or from private tutors