Disappointed

[shobiddi]

Hey everyone.

I’m a bit sad because my daughter is applied to several consortium schools one of which is Godolphin and we just found one she isn’t invited for an interview.
She has been in tears and shambles and is very disappointed. She has studied very hard and she felt she did well in the Consortium test as well as we have given her extra support with maths. I guess it was her English to let her down since she’s bilingual.
We are waiting to hear from St Pauls next week ( and I know about the relation of if you don’t get into Godolphin and you don’t get into Saint Paul’s and vice versa so not gonna tell her about that) and she has an interview with City and South Hampstead the week after.

after what happened she doesn’t believe she will get into any of the schools. She has been very disheartened and very discouraged and I feel this is affecting her mentally. I am in tears to be honest any words of wisdom and kindness you can give me.

TIA

The process in general is overwhelming to be honest.. for me and for any child really.

but now we’re just focusing on her mental health and well-being. ☺️

oh my goodness… on top of disappointment being ripped off 😭
I also did realise that if she doesn’t get to the interview stage she is not eligible for an waitlist and we have to reapply again.
im not sure if I want to put her through that process again or I want to go through it again, especially since I will be dealing with another child at the same time. 😞

Omg what is this.
honestly, I think it’s only fair. If you know the school you’re going to and you accept that you decline other schools as soon as possible.
I mean everyone has an offer and a waitlist somewhere , it just decency and courtesy to give up what you don’t want to make space for what you want. I don’t know that’s just me.

But I don’t think it’s fair as holding onto these places until something better comes along.

And on top of that, you lose your money 😭

honestly, I think it’s only fair. If you know the school you’re going to and you accept that you decline other schools as soon as possible.

Most people will… but in the 3 weeks or so between offers coming out and the acceptance deadline, some kids with more than one offer will go for another look round, attend offer holder days, ask more questions etc and decide just before the deadline.

you see some people "hold" the private option by paying the deposit but are waiting on grammar school free places. if they are accepted into the top grammars they will willingly let go of the private spot and accept the money lost (short term pain for long term gain).
the secondary grammar school offers day is later in the year (someone help me here with the month).

OP of the nine schools you have applied to how many replies have you received? what is the status at this point?

@shobiddi I mentioned upthread the path we chose for our dc. Very able but has ADHD, which is the biggest factor in the choice we made in sending our dc to a good school but which was not a hot house, as we weren’t sure it would be the right fit. Do you think your dd might be better in a small indie that would be whole child focused and enable her to achieve her full potential but not put her under pressure?

Yes state offers don’t come out till April so sometimes private spots get released then.

And as PP said, it’s actually not long between offers and acceptance deadline. Only about 3.5 weeks and one of those is half term, plus the schools all do offer holder days for people making up their minds after half term. Schools all over offer loads, so really they need to see the full picture of how many of those offers are being accepted before they feel comfortable making offers to their WL. It’s not as simple as one offer refused=one offer made to another child.

The state secondary school offers are out on 3rd March this year.

3 rejection
1 state still waiting
3 interviews
and 2 more interviews next week….

my god… my nerves..😳

so you still have 5 of which she has made it to the interview stage and her state school selection.
time to refocus her somehow and set her up to look towards the future vs the past.

Why only one state?

Oh for sure… that’s what I’m doing..
but you know, children aren’t like us when they are faced with something negative.

I keep telling her there is a silver lining, there’s a reason why this happened, we don’t know why, but hopefully she’ll see that it’s not so bad after all

From memory, the OP has applied to a couple of state schools, but obviously it's a common application so you only get one offer. At least I think that's what she means.

We get five choices where I live. You rank them in order. It’s always a risk putting one down, because you may not get it, and be sent to a failing school (it happens, even if you think you’re safe in your chosen school).

We actually applied to 2. Still MIA .
One isn’t even acknowledging our emails 🤔

My DD went to Francis Holland (Sloane Sq but I imagine they and RP are on par) after not getting a place at her preferred Putney High School. She got three A Stars at A level plus 50/50 EPQ. She said while there was more academic pressure than anticipated (she came from a non selective private school) it wasn't oppressive.
Don't write off these 'second tier' schools - they may suit your child better if not accepted by the likes of St Paul's and she can still do as well as her ability allows.

I'm very sorry to hear that your dd is upset but I genuinely don't understand why you're complaining about the process. You have literally chosen to put your daughter through this. You must have known that this could happen, so it was a risk that you decided to take when you decided to apply to competitive selective schools. Such schools will inevitably reject a lot of applicants... that's just the nature of selective admissions. Alternatives are available for those who don't want to put their kids through all of that.

You will hear about state school at the start of March along with everyone else.They won't have resources to reply to prospective parents before offers day.

Note, if you aren't high enough up the admissions list for the 2 schools you listed you should be allocated a school, but it will be a less popular one. So I really hope you checked previous admissions info and are confident of a place at one of your 2 preferred ones.

Wow!! She's only 10. I didn't know anything about schools and applying for them at just 10 years old.

Honestly, sounds like a whole lot of drama. You’ve plenty of options. I suggest you calm down about it all. A smart girl like yours will do well in any of the schools you’ve suggested.

It might be a blessing in disguise to be rejected from top flight schools.

My eldest got into every school you have mentioned. It was a shock as she wasn’t top of her class. We chose the one we thought best and off she went. It was not a good fit. She constantly felt less bright, less able, less valued that the uber talented cohort she was with. She went from being a confident happy 10 year old to a severely unconfident anxious 15 year old and it impacted her GCSE results. The school didn’t give a damn about her when they realised she wouldn’t earn them prizes or a top uni place to boast about.

We moved her to a state sixth form and she was amazed to realise that she was able, she did have interesting things to say and she wasn’t the bottom of the pile. She excelled at A-levels.

We have three younger kids and never for a second considered the schools on your list.

Just double checking - you did apply through the -London online portal and your LA, not directly to the school, right?

I should correct that to say we didn’t apply to every school you have mentioned. I can’t work out which neighbourhood could make it viable to consider a 11 year old commuting to City, South Hampstead and St Pauls. But we did apply to all the west London schools you mentioned.