Disappointed

[shobiddi]

Hey everyone.

I’m a bit sad because my daughter is applied to several consortium schools one of which is Godolphin and we just found one she isn’t invited for an interview.
She has been in tears and shambles and is very disappointed. She has studied very hard and she felt she did well in the Consortium test as well as we have given her extra support with maths. I guess it was her English to let her down since she’s bilingual.
We are waiting to hear from St Pauls next week ( and I know about the relation of if you don’t get into Godolphin and you don’t get into Saint Paul’s and vice versa so not gonna tell her about that) and she has an interview with City and South Hampstead the week after.

after what happened she doesn’t believe she will get into any of the schools. She has been very disheartened and very discouraged and I feel this is affecting her mentally. I am in tears to be honest any words of wisdom and kindness you can give me.

TIA

I definitely don’t write off second tier schools. In fact I told my daughter that all the schools are the same and they are all good. That is why we applied to all of them.

However, kids at school do talk and I’m sure they’re hearing it from their parents and that is why there is pressure.

For her, it was just the shock of rejection and disappointment after studying so hard that affected her confidence. Even though I told her that not to put her hopes up on just one school or particular few schools but you know kids are kids I can’t control it.😞

Online portal..

Ok, good.

Not sure what your emails to the schools are about, but AFAIK the schools won’t know yet who has applied, let alone who will get in, because that is all done centrally and outcomes issued on 3rd March (national offer day)

I keep telling her that. I believe that these things happen for a reason and she isn’t in that school for a reason.

in fact I know a girl who attended Pembridge and was miserable and struggling, who went to Maida Vale and is on is in top of her class, thriving, confident and super happy. That is all what matters to me; not the school , not grades- just her happiness and mental well-being.
I’m trying my best not to let this get to her because I don’t want to have an anxious or an angry or unhappy 15 year-old later on. 🙌🏼

Ahhh thanks for letting me know.🥰

Unfortunately, w the academic schools, I think they focus mainly on entrance exam score...even if you pass and make it to interview. I suspect the exam has more weight in the end then the interview/reference.

Meant to also add, that make sure you don't show your disappointment. Be strong for your dd. My ds is doing 11+ now as well, and did not make it past first round for 2 out of the 6 schools he applied to. We spoke to him about resilience and things happen for a reason. He was a little bummed, but we moved on quickly. I explained, lets focus on the interviews we have and that was that. It is a stressful time, that is for sure. Focus on the schools you think your dd can get into. And unfortunately, when your dc is bilingual, that does not help with them getting into the school (my dc are all bilingual too)....it means you need to work extra hard to make sure English is up to the high standards of the school. I am impressed with the level required here compared to what I grew up with in another English speaking country.

I agree..

That’s what we doing we are focusing on her interviews at the moment.

Yes I do agree being bilingual is tougher for kids to get into the schools but you know what, being bilingual is actually an added value especially in the work field. And I’m speaking from personal experience.

anyway, what’s done is done now and we can’t dwell on it, I just want her to be OK with it. I am definitely not showing my disappointment ( that’s why I posted here 😂) what I care about is her confidence and mental health.😊

@shobiddi yes, I agree that being bilingual is valuable indeed! I wish the schools saw this too and dc would get some extra points for being bilingual :)

Good luck for the interviews!

Thanks you too 🤩

Any updates with your son? Hope you have good news 🙏🏼

Do they invite everyone back for the 2nd round? City boys does not, so am slightly surprised about City Girls. Your DD sounds like she studied really hard and you sound very sensible in your approach. Best of luck with things. Did you hear anything back from the rest?

Hey yes they invited all the girls for interviews.
she did study hard but her confidence did take a hit. I’ve been building it up again, so hopefully she’ll write off this experience.

we will hear nothing until 14 of February which is last day of half term. But I hope she gets some good news 🙂

@shobiddi Thank you for asking, ds got an offer! We were truly shocked as his second interview wasn't good. But he still has to make the grades to get the place so we are trying not to hype it up too much.

OMG I’m genuinely so happy for you!!! 🥹
of course you will make the grades he has something that they want and he wants to prove himself. HUGE congrats. I hope it really works out for all of you 🫶🏼

Oh bless your daughter, and you - as a parent we feel the rejections too!

My eldest is trying for private schools as well, same age and intake. She is doing so entirely off her own back, none of her friends go to a private school, but she's determined and ambitious.

She was successful at one, but didn't get the academic scholarship she wanted. Thankfully she's been quite relaxed about it.

We have done a lot of talking about how it's a win win situation - the local secondary school is good, she'll stay with friends etc if she isn't successful. We've even talked through the worse case scenario, which I think helped her realise that even that wasn't too bad!

My daughter has had no training for the interviews, or interview practice, no exam practice other than that which we've done at home.

All I can recommend is to keep talking to her. All feelings all valid, but try to move her onto positive actions she can take.

I hope she gets into a school she enjoys and thrives in.

Thank you— oh the rejection I felt like a child again and brought so many forgotten memories.

good on your daughter!!! She’s so ambitious and honestly that what kids need.. and the fact that she’s so relaxed.. she’ll go places ☺️

I told her, what ever school she goes to will be a good school, even the state ones we applied to are great 😊

I hope everyone gets schools that are good for their kids 🫶🏼

I am so sorry to hear, and hope your DD is ok now, what school did she end up going to if I may ask? And what sort of advice would you give for mums that have younger DD’s that will be applying for private secondary schools in the next 3 to 4 years.

It’s ok, you live and learn.

She ended up in Francis Holland Regents Park. And now I’m prepping my second daughter for the 11+ my advice is the system is seriously broken.

It’s driving children and parents to the brink of insanity.
Look at her potential look at where she thrives in and make sure that the school that she goes to will accommodate her pace.
The best kind of school in my opinion is the one that takes them all the way through if that is an option

But in the meantime, just focus on their writing the reading and maths ☺️

This is my feeling on 11+ too having been through it with one and one still to go. The things 11+ tests for are only pretty roughly related to the things that actually make our DC thrive once they get to senior school. And the incentives to over-prep and tutor are almost impossible to overcome (luckily I was simply ignorant with DD so didn't do too much - now I know more I am fighting against the urge to tutor poor DS to within an inch of his life). Anyway, she is now at Senior school and seems to be loving it. I hope your DD is too! I have a good friend whose older daughter goes to FHRP and really loves it/is thriving - she found a natural talent there for maths which was completely undiscovered before (she always saw herself as more of a creative/English person).