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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Drunk on the afternoon school run, not me by the way!

68 replies

onthepier · 02/07/2009 20:40

I know for sure that one of the mums at school was drunk on this pm's school run, feel absolutely sick about it as my ds was in her car, knew nothing of her condition at the time until an hour ago.

I obviously know (and like) this lady, and really feel I should tell the school. I'm wondering how often she's picked up her own children while under the influence, and I know her two regularly have friends back for tea, who she obviously drives. I've often thought her general manner was somewhat erratic, sometimes completely on the ball, at other times almost on a different planet but she comes over a lovely person.

My ds is fine luckily, although I won't let him go in her car again. Would you tell the school about this? I don't want to land her in it if it was a one-off, (even if it was, in my mind it's totally unacceptable), but feel someone needs to do something to protect her own and other people's, children.

As I've been typing this I've made up my mind, I'm definitely going to speak in confidence to the school office about this.

OP posts:

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mumtoone · 02/07/2009 20:43

I would also warn the other parents whose children she sometimes picks up. If it was my child I would want to know.

mrsmaidamess · 02/07/2009 20:44

You must tell the school. it ahppened with me, I had to speak to social services and it transpired it wasn't the first time.

mumtoone · 02/07/2009 20:44

I would also warn the other parents whose children she sometimes picks up. If it was my child I would want to know.

mrsmaidamess · 02/07/2009 20:45

Are you def. sure it was drink? And not medication? (not excusing, just wondering about other poss . explanations)

dietstartstomorrow · 02/07/2009 20:46

omg - yes I think I would have a quiet word with the school.

wonderingwondering · 02/07/2009 20:46

You must tell the school. Even if she's only done it once, that is once too often.

And if it were my child that had been in the car, I would let her know what I thought about it and also let her know that I was going to inform the school. Whatever her personal circs, she needs to know there is a line and she is way, way over it.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 02/07/2009 20:46

If you think there is a possibility this could be a regular thing, I would phone the police. Give them her licence plate number and warn them to be on the lookout. They can then stop her and breathalise her.

wonderingwondering · 02/07/2009 20:47

And that is part of being her friend, too. Not bullying her or adding to her woes, but giving her some perspective on what she's doing.

Mintyy · 02/07/2009 20:48

I wonder why you feel it necessary to tell the school?

Greensleeves · 02/07/2009 20:50

one of the dads at the nursery I work at turned up drunk once

he's a knobbo anyway, thinks nothing of using the f word casually in front of his 4yo daughter and rides his bike into the playground like an overgrown child

on this occasion I was handing his dd over and he swayed and leered "ssshhhe bin a gggoood girrrl den?"

I really wanted to just snatch her back but I didn't know what to do

I told the head teacher etc

lowlife pond scum

dietstartstomorrow · 02/07/2009 20:51

The school should be informed because sorry if your picking up from school drunk, what else is going on?

FrannyandZooey · 02/07/2009 20:52

greeny in those circs you are ok to not hand child over
don't know if that would have been worse but legally you should not entrust child to unfit person

wonderingwondering · 02/07/2009 20:53

The school should know as they shouldn't release a child into the care of an adult that is not capable of looking after them - particularly letting that adult take other people's children.

Greensleeves · 02/07/2009 20:53

I know Franny but he had already taken her and was holding her by the shoulders, there would have been a tussle

I should have turned round and bellowed for another member of staff to come out

poor little love

FrannyandZooey · 02/07/2009 20:55

well no there is no easy answer as to what was best in that situation
i am sorry about it

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 02/07/2009 20:56

I wouldn't tell the other mums, I would tell the school and give the names of the other mums for them to tell them confidentially and not in a gossipy way. Not saying you would gossip but talking about it to everyone but not her seems wrong imho.

edam · 02/07/2009 20:56

Thank heavens ds is fine. How do you know for sure she was drunk four or five hours ago?

Original poster

onthepier · 02/07/2009 21:00

Thanks for your posts. Mrsmaidamess, she'd been drinking as her neighbour brought my ds back her early, her children called round there as they were worried about her mum, who'd basically left them to it and gone for a lie down on the sofa. This neighbour didn't want to say too much to me, but basically said ds's friend's mum had had "family problems" today, and had more than a few drinks while the children were at school.

I feel terrible now when I think of all the times my ds has been there, (both her children are lovely by the way). He's even had a few overnight stays, he's in tears now as I've said I don't want him going there any more, if he wants to see his friend he'll have to come to us. I'm questioning myself now, "Has the drinking been a regular thing, have I missed any signs while my ds has been in her care?" I've always been the one to confirm arrangements, remind her of pick up times etc, but she's the sort of person who's got so much going on all the time that she can be a bit scatty. It seems I may have mistaken "scattiness" for "drunkenness"!

I'm worried about the school holidays coming up as my ds's friend tends to phone quite a lot asking if my ds can go over there. I'm going to have to say no to him and explain why to his mum.

OP posts:

wonderingwondering · 02/07/2009 21:00

The school will have procedures for looking into what is going on and dealing with it. They can look out for other children getting in the car - although if I saw her about to drive off with another child, I would tell that child's parent. And I'd let her know that I was going to do all that.

You give her fair warning to change her ways and set the school up to help her out, but if she's endangering children by driving while drunk, it is an emergency and I would intervene there and then, without a doubt.

SparkleandShine · 02/07/2009 21:09

onthepier - a team of 30 of us all missed the fact that our boss was an alcoholic. Erratic behaviour, lying, being 'scatty' were all just put down to him being a strange and slightly unpleasant person.

He was then put on sudden sick leave and it all came out that he'd been drinking for well over a year with a can of coke on his desk actually being 90% vodka (and driving to work and driving home etc.)

Alcoholism can be hard to spot...

edam · 02/07/2009 21:12

Oh, onthepier, that must have been an awful shock. Blimey. Of course you must tell the school.

Make sure you do invite ds's friend over often, though.

Hassled · 02/07/2009 21:17

But the neighbour said "family problems today" - maybe she is just scatty and this is the first time she's been drunk at school pick up? Not that that excuses it, but don't assume that this is more than a one off.

weegiemum · 02/07/2009 21:22

I was once ever so slightly tipsy at pick-up as I had been for a loooooong lunch with a good friend who was only about for a couple of days.

My kids usually get the school bus home but as I was in the area I went to pick them up.

But I would never have driven or taken anyone elses kids in those circs.

As a teacher, I say you must tell the school. But be prepared for them not to do very much if they think it was a one-off.

GIvePeasAChance · 02/07/2009 21:27

Can you speak to the woman herself directly? I cannot imagine the school would do anything. If she drove your son in her car, drunk...........the least she can expect is for you to go fucking mental and have a word with her.

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 02/07/2009 21:32

Think you need to tell the school because if there are other things going on, it might add to the "picture" - could be the difference between a referral to SS or not.

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