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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Where are all the parents of kids who are average or below?

109 replies

DrNortherner · 26/02/2009 11:51

It's great to see so many parents of kids on here who are doing really well at school, high SATS scores, G&T etc.

My ds is 6, in Year 2, and below average in most academic areas. He tries hard, contributes well in class, is popular, funny and a joy to be around. He loves school, is supported well, but will never set the world alight with his academic prowess!

Sometimes I worry - should I be doing more to help him? We seem to be in a world of pushing our kids to be hight acheivers at school.

But you know what? Dh and I are happy with this as our ds is happy. We always encourage him and praise him no matter what the outcome.

Anyone else in a similar position?

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StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 26/02/2009 11:55

My DD is in Year 3 and below average in maths and writing. The only thing we've done is to send her to Kip McGrath for maths tuition as she was getting upset about not understanding what was being taught in class. She loves the Kip McGrath classes and we'll keep sending her for as long as she enjoys it.

I very much doubt she's going to pass her 11+ or do great in her GCSEs, etc. I don't want to push er and I do accept that she's just not that academic.

The only thin is that sometimes I worry that she may not be able to find a well paid job when she's older. But maybe she'll be a successful artist or something instead.

sinkingfast · 26/02/2009 11:56

My dd1 sound very like your ds . It does make me sad though that she is already writing herself off (in Yr3) because she has twigged that she's not as clever as a lot of her friends. I really do wish the emphasis of the education system would change but tbh I think that our generation of parents are to blame for the pushiness tbh.

verygreenlawn · 26/02/2009 11:57

Your DS sounds lovely!

Can I just give you the example of my DH? He was considered very average at school and then suddenly took off academically at the age of 15, surprising everyone with his O level and then A level results and has since turned out to be a bit of a boffin. Nothing wrong with average, I just wonder how you can really assess potential at such a young age anyway!

sinkingfast · 26/02/2009 11:57

sorry for too many tbh's there - I am very honest though

QuantitativeMeasure · 26/02/2009 11:58

here. ds2 is below avg.

But he is an amazing, funny little character and I for one am not really bothered about where he stands academically at the moment.

sinkingfast · 26/02/2009 12:01

Ooh, interesting name QM - what made you choose it?

lljkk · 26/02/2009 12:03

DC are above average academically, so far.
So you might say I shouldn't post on this thread.
Except, that they attend a very average school.
Actually, the SAT results were poor last 2 years and the recent Ofsted only satisfactory.
Which makes me feel like a weirdo on MN, too -- am I negligent parent to send my (bright, not that it matters, or does it?) DC to such an potentially quite crap average school?
I'll probably send them to local High School, too (some label it dire).

I guess I AM a slacker mom, notwithstanding having been judged neurotic, over-protective and pandering on another thread.

Blu · 26/02/2009 12:06

DrN - I honestly think that enjoying school, enjoying learning and embracing new experiences is the most important thing at this age - or any age.

And it's FAR too early to judge, one way or the other, anyway. DS was very very slow to read, slow to write (still very slow in writing), then he shot to being best reader in his class, way in front of those that had been on chapter books since reception.

So, he may be average, he may not - but I think the main point, as you say, is that it doesn't bloody matter.

And I too wonder how every MN child can be 'very bright'. Total stars in the eyes of their parents, though, as it should be!

AitchTwoOh · 26/02/2009 12:06

drn... you should also write a post asking for people who were v bright all the way through school and as a result never really learned how to work HARD and therefore haven't actually achieved what was expected of them...

i hope my kids are average and need to work, that's a lesson that all the smarts in the world can't teach you.

OrmIrian · 26/02/2009 12:08

Me! Here I am

DS#1 was distinctly average. Mainly because he couldn't be arsed bothered. Kept being told he was bright but lazy. DS#2 appears to be following in his big brothers footsteps.

DD however is above average because she works her little socks off.

I am not a pushy mum. I encourage and promote reading and knowledge but I don't and never would push my DC. I won't spoil their lives (and mine) for something that to my mind doesn't matter as yet. DS#1 didn't read well until Yr2 TBH. DS#2 promises to be a little quicker but who knows.

And guess what? DS#1 is now is secondary and flying! The teachers can't say enough positive things about him. Because he reached a point where school made sense to him. And no matter how you push them, that point is where they will try. Otherwise it's like pushing a boulder up a hill.

Threadworm · 26/02/2009 12:09

Puts hand up too. But a problem these days is that school seems to expect less and less of children, so that most children don't seem to have to work very hard, and don't learn how to slog. More noticeable at secondary school than primary.

QuantitativeMeasure · 26/02/2009 12:11

Sinking- Im doing my dissertation at the moment and im trying to decipher quantitative research. Its taking over my life!

TotalChaos · 26/02/2009 12:11

DS (in reception) has a language delay, so is likely to have troubles with literacy, and shows no sign of moving off level 1 of ORT anytime soon!

DS's school doesn't have good SATs results (but it is very small and nurturing and has a below average intake - it's in a deprived area). Ofsted was mixed - glowing about the Foundation stage, somewhat less so about the other classes. I chose it over another school with glowing Ofsted and very good SATs results.

janinlondon · 26/02/2009 12:13

Another one here!! DD very distinctly average or below in almost everything in her class. Well, someone has to be???!

AitchTwoOh · 26/02/2009 12:13

is that right, thready? that is a worry. i think application is the main thing. i've interviewed lots of successful (super-successful, really) people and the thing they have in common is drive, not brains. i was easily as clever as them but a millionth as rich...

TotalChaos · 26/02/2009 12:15

I am sure DS works very hard indeed just at keeping up and managing in the classroom environment despite a receptive language delay.

Blu - I think it's our jobs as parents to think our child is "bright" - not in terms of pure academic ability, but in appreciating their talents and personality.

Threadworm · 26/02/2009 12:18

Completely agree aitch. And it isn't just about how much schools expect; it's also about the kinds if work they do. Every topic has to be made 'appealing' and 'fun' -- when the reality is that you have to do stuff that is nasty and dull and hard in order to get to the point where you achieve satisfaction from a skill or from knowledge.

Lost count of times when DS1 has come home with some daft piece of homework like 'design a poster to get people to eat healthily' or whatever, which is junk homework.

Was at the Newcastle Life Centre the other day. Full of completely pathetic 'hands on' 'fun' displays. So fragmented and uninstructive and crap.

HMC · 26/02/2009 12:21

My dd is practically bottom of the class (in Year 2) - actually it bugs me somewhat. I can't pretend to be thrilled about it; although I don't project any of this onto her and always reassure her that she is brilliant etc. I'm academic and dh is too - so it was something of a shock!

Love her to bits - just worry that I am at fault in some way in not helping her achieve her full potential. I do take solace in the fact that she is the most empathetic, kindest, sweetest child.....and I love her fertile imagination.

loler · 26/02/2009 12:22

dd is average for everything (yr 1) - I have often had a rant about how children of this age are labelled so young. In dds class they sit on ability tables she is on the lowest one and realises it. She comments on how she's not clever like so-and-so. It's almost as if she thinks she won't be able to do things so doesn't try.

When I was at primary school I don't remember being aware of the levels of ability of other people and don't remember caring. I'm trying to have this attitude. Just because she isn't a free reader doesn't mean she won't get a well paid job.

I went to a succession on average schools/university and was average all the way through but I've managed to get (what some people may consider to be) a good job. I'm more worried about her being happy and confident at school and in life after.

TigerFeet · 26/02/2009 12:28

DD is a summer baby, in reception and isn't keeping up with some of her peers. Obv with her being 4 it's very early days and she may well surge ahead when she's 5 or 6 but in all honesty it doen't bother me if she doesn't. She has (finally!) settled well, has friends, is popular etc etc and that is important too. We have been told that she works hard to her level, far more important than being the brightest in the class.

FWIW I wasn't considered a bright child until 11. I then did fuck all, all the way through secondary school, as it all came to me so easily. I then got decidedly average a levels and a Desmond at uni - I was capable of so much more but couldn't apply myself. I am Kate Bush "I wanna be a lawyer, I wanna be a doctor, but I really can't be bothered...."

sinkingfast · 26/02/2009 12:35

Wow, good on you

sinkingfast · 26/02/2009 12:36

Sorry, that was to QM

AitchTwoOh · 26/02/2009 12:38

yes, thready.

there's a museum here which has imo been RUINED by jumbling all the exhibits together in themed areas. what was wrong with dinosaurs being dinosaurs, ffs?

morningsun · 26/02/2009 12:45

my ds1 was average in primaryand my dd top but now my ds is extremely clever~the thing was he was clever then but not in the reading and writing way that schools work on.
He is a deep thinker,problem solves etc but its odd cos according to their schooling i thought dd would be the cleverer

QueenFee · 26/02/2009 12:48

My DD is below average but I am not bothered. She does what is asked of her and at 4 1/2 I am certaily not pushing her.
As far as I am concerned at this age she should be having fun and learning about the world not about how well she is doing in English and maths.
I would also say here to quote what a dr once wrote there is a big difference between Normal and Average - for example a normal child walks betwenn 9 months and 20 months the AVERAGE child walks at 13 months! Someone has to be below average to make an average.

I would also say I know plenty of people whose GCSE results were not brilliant but they still manage to make something of their life and have a good job now

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