Where are all the parents of kids who are average or below?

[DrNortherner]

It's great to see so many parents of kids on here who are doing really well at school, high SATS scores, G&T etc.

My ds is 6, in Year 2, and below average in most academic areas. He tries hard, contributes well in class, is popular, funny and a joy to be around. He loves school, is supported well, but will never set the world alight with his academic prowess!

Sometimes I worry - should I be doing more to help him? We seem to be in a world of pushing our kids to be hight acheivers at school.

But you know what? Dh and I are happy with this as our ds is happy. We always encourage him and praise him no matter what the outcome.

Anyone else in a similar position?

Isn't it all about the amount of effort our dc make? Whatever my ds does and how good or bad the outcome I am happy if he has tried his best.

Everyone has different talents in different areas. I teach literacy intervention with yr7s (who have achieved below Level 4 in KS2 SATs). Among the students is a boy with the most fantastic social skills I have ever met in a yr7 boy, I noticed the very first time I came across him. Another lad in a different groups is astonishingly well-organised, which is extremely unusual in an 11 yr-old boy. (He always reminds me when I forget to review the lesson objectives!)

My ds1 is a high-achiever in 'academic' subjects, but is average or below average in subjects like PE, art, music, dance, drama.

The thing is that people compete. Nearly all ofthem do. Including those who say oh so airily " well my child just doesn't get pressured through some twatty High School" .
It is still a competeive statement but it just attempts to make the speaker a more caring and supportive than the 'pushy mum'.They are being competetive about being a more caring and nurturing parent. Its passive aggressive competetive mum

And so much of this thread, rather than saying 'my child is average' is actually negating that nice sentiment by then adding 'oh and a lot of average children go on to do much better because they work harder etc etc.'. So they don't really value their average child - they are expecting them to be better than average in due course

So many on this thread are actually just as determined not to be average as the cliche pushy parent. they are just disingenuous about it. And they are just as rude as the parents who kids are doing 'better' because they are implyinmg that those children are being hothoused and pressured.

I have a bright child, a child with severe SN and a child who seems so far to be average.
I don't push them. I love them as they are. i don't believe money and happiness as always linked and i wish them a happy life doing what they choose. I firmly believe that the happiest people I have ever mey have been those doing somethingthey love. One works at a dog kennels, one lays wooden floors, one is a special needs teacher and one is a film director.
So they will be what they choose. And mostly I hope that is happy.

I keep pointing out on here that most DCs are average, that it what it means-if they were all doing well enough to get into selective schools that would be the new average.

Oh! This thread is making me happy!

Above average ds and very average dd.

Thing is, I didn't learn to read until middle school, couldn't tell the time until end of secondary and never, ever learned basic arithmetic. Failed maths. 'O' level with flying colours. School used to make me cry until secondary; I just didn't get it at all. It was like a weird game with rules in a foreign language. So I do wonder if dd is just like me.

It's weird because their needs are just so different. But at least I know how little their academic performance has to do with me. And that primary performance is not necessarily a good indicator of anything at all. Strangely, the relaxed attitude that insight should bring me isn't a permanent feature - I still find myself being weirdly neurotic.

Yes - average and below - out and proud!

how on earth do you know if your dc's are below avergae...? ds (reception) is my 1st dc, I don't ask the other moms about their dc's and at parents evening they just said he was fine.

Fine??!! First parents evening so I didn't press for more info was just happy to hear he was settled.

v interesting post, pagwatch.

"I firmly believe that the happiest people I have ever mey have been those doing somethingthey love. One works at a dog kennels, one lays wooden floors, one is a special needs teacher and one is a film director."

I agree. I think it is sad that we have got to the point where the only thing that is valued is academic success.

I think that children have strengths and weaknesses. My son is in the middle of the class, he is strong at reading, midddling in maths, but really struggles with hand writing. In fact he did briefly have occupational theraphy to help with fine motor skills as he had no pen control at the end of reception.

Also there is a huge difference between a september born girl and a summer born boy. Conditions like glue ear can really hold an infant school child back, but later on the academic pecking order is different. Also emotional and social skills are often more key to a good life than what stage of the ORT a child is on in the middle of year 1.

DrNortherner, I think its too early to think your child is not going to achieve academically. He may well surprise you at the age of 15.

Great thead, really it is.

A refreshing change from the Smug 'top of the class' shite.

"So many on this thread are actually just as determined not to be average as the cliche pushy parent. they are just disingenuous about it. And they are just as rude as the parents who kids are doing 'better' because they are implyinmg that those children are being hothoused and pressured."

I'm not being disingenuous - of course I would like dd to be better than average academically, I am quite candid and open about that.

I'm not sure about comments implying that children who do better are being hothoused or pressured - who made those comments? As for other aspects of rudeness - well, I do maintain that there are a few nauseating partents who harp on about their child's brilliance, and who richly deserve opprobrium. They warrant a bit of rudeness imo

I tell my son that manners are more important than SAT results. I also tells him that children on the SEN register, middling children and those who are gifted and talented are all equal in front of Jesus. [religious emoticon]

I am a bit of a pushy parent, ie. I send my son to Kip McGrath for help with hand writing. The reason is that felt that 10 minutes a week, working one to one with an LSA to practice his letters was not sufficient help for him.

I went into DS1's first ever parents evening last term (he is in reception) smug as you like, fully expecting the teacher to tell me he was a genius (I think he is, I'm amazed when he puts one foot in front of the other, I "made" him fgs).....Guess what? He is average and has pen-holding and concentration issues.
He is absolutely lovely and I still think he is the best thing since sliced bread.
I just want him to be happy and enjoy school then find something to do with his life which he finds enjoyable and fulfilling, whatever that may be.

But I have had wine so that may be why I'm all doey eyed and loved up

Half the children in school have to be below average - that's what average means. If they were all getting A's then half of them would still be below average. Half the students in university are below average. Testing little kids is pointless bollox that just makes people worry.

I have DS1 (Year 4) who is above average at everything - taught himself to read could write, count etc before he started school and is reading adult level books but has suddenly started to struggle with his mental maths so is learning a good lesson that different people have diferent strengths.

I then have DS2 (Reception) who after weeks of being the only child in the (small) school who did not have a reading book something seems to have clicked and this week he got a book for the first time (very proud Mummy emoticon) BUT DS2 is kind, sweet and thinks it is his mission in life to make people laugh!

They are both very different academically but thankfully school (although not other parents) seems to recognise that academic ability is not everything and they rate character traits and personalities over cleverness. DS1 wants to be a pilot and DS2 a rugby player - they have decided that DS1 will fly DS2 and me and DH to all DS2's games when he plays for England

My DB was classed as below average and 'struggling' although way through primary school and is now a briliant Secondary teacher who has just been promoted to head of year (at the youngest ever age in the Education authority)

I have an average child and a gifted child according to the school.

Except the gifted child isn't gifted in my opinion. He just worked hard and did extra stuff at home, while the average one would rather dance and play 'make believe' than do academic work.

I hate this idea that there is this large group of children with an inborn gift of brightness like some academic version of Harry Potter. It is just silly. There are very few children who are genuinely gifted.

Maybe in a couple of years the gifted one will be in average and the average one will be gifted, or they will both be below average. How silly that we attempt to measure the ability of young children and even sugggest that the high flying 5 year old is destined to become the star pupil at A level.

I don't think that we should encourage children to believe that they achieve by virtue of some genetic talent rather than their own efforts. How many of us as adults believe that our successes were decided by genetics?

Of course the situation is different for children with SN who need additional support to reach their potential, and of course there is nothing actually wrong with being average at anything.

I am just trying to say that people change! Your destiny is not set in stone in primary school.

There was a programme on Radio 4 recently about how people assume that they are above average. An example of this was most people assessing their driving ability as well above average. Another was voting to retain a grammar school system in your area or not. Further probing following the vote revealed that far more than 5% of parents expected their child to get into a grammar school and voted in what they genuinely thought were their own interests. Not sure what my point is but it seemed relavent when I started typing ...

Jajas, I know lots of adults who did really badly at school who went on to excel in academic fields as adults. I also know people who were below average at school who have non academic jobs as adults and are very happy.

You children are clearly loved and cherished and have a mum who fights their corner. That is more important in forming a lifetime's happiness than any kind of academic success.

"There was a programme on Radio 4 recently about how people assume that they are above average. "

This amuses me no end-people want grammar schools on the assumption that their DC will pass the 11+. I haven't heard a single voice for 'bring back the secondary modern'- which is where most DCs go!

Looking at my Facebook school friends who were in lower "sets" at me at school,none seem unhappy, quite a few seem to have amazing lives living abroad, doing fab jobs which make them v happy (personal trainer/social worker/SAHM) and a fair few are obviously absolutely minted.

I agree that how you do at school doesn't/shouldn't define you.
My DH didn't do well at school at all, went back into education when he was older and now has a 1st class honours degree and a good job (not spectacularly well paid) which he loves. His younger sister (who was a self proclaimed "swot" at school) used to always get told "I can't believe that you are "DH's" sister, you are so bright" etc etc.

One of my good friend's DB was put in the "remedial class" they used that phrase, yes, when he was 6 until about 10 and now is a PHD scientist.

That won't happen to everyone, I concede, but school is not the be all and end all.

Jajas, my friends who did the "bumming round the world thang" seem to be the happiest of all.
I would say the two nicest boys I know (of DS1's peers) are the ones who need extra help in class.
Please don't worry, whatever your DT's do, it sounds like they are very loved and cared for.