Pupil of the week upset

[Cactus5]

My year 5 child still hasn't been picked to be pupil of the week and is feeling upset about it. He was also not given any parts in school plays or church readings this year, which he used to enjoy. He loves praise and responsibility.
He is working at greater depth, is quite confident and has lots of friends. Last year, he was part of the school council and he's always had parts in Christmas plays.
His teacher pulled me up a few weeks ago for the first time to say he had been moved twice due to chatting in lessons. My son explained that he had done this because he was excited about his friends' sleepover (he was sitting next to his best friend) and was finished with all his work. I feel like he's given up working hard and seems less confident. What is the best way to address it?

Every primary school I have had experience of that has had a public award system of star of the week, month etc. Has awarded certificates for a range of different attributes and achievements.These have always included doing well on an academic piece of work, having the courage to perform in assembly, giving a good performance, doing well at a sporting event, trying hard at something difficult etc. etc. I have never known a situation where academic achievement, effort or progress isn’t one of the things they are awarded for. Personally, I don’t like star of the week and similar systems. I think there are better ways of managing reward and praise. Older children can start to twig they are given out on a sort of rota basis so they become devalued, younger children can get upset when they have behaved well and tried hard all week and don’t get rewarded.
In terms of peer affirmation sports day is once a year, plays are infrequent. Academic work happens everyday. Assessments are regular. Kids know if they are doing well and their parents, teachers and friends know. Conversely the kids who are struggling are aware as well. I do think parents and teachers praise academic progress and achievement and I think a lot of academic kids gain confidence & satisfaction from that. There peers are also well aware. Where these public award systems exist, being praised for academic work is a reason that is given for some children when they are awarded. I have certainly sat through a few celebration assemblies where academic work is among the myriad of things praised.

My DD went through 13 years of watching people win awards at Speech day every year (as did I as it was a big deal we dressed for with guest speaker etc). She once complained that ‘Jonny’, who was a bit disruptive, would get house points if he behaved yet the people who always behaved didn’t.
She did get her reward in Y13 when she got the History award and best EPQ (she got 50/50 for her EPQ and 196/200 in History A level, though the results weren’t known yet). Bit it was a looooong wait. It’s true if you don’t stand out in one way or another (good or bad) yes you get overlooked.
However your son needs to rein it in, he doesn’t want to get a reputation.

Pfft. So much analysis to so little purpose.

When mine were in primary the stars and weekly awards were given to the losers and the kids of bolshy parents.

Tell your son not to worry. He should regard it as a badge of honour not to be the Ralph Wiggum of the week.

My DC was the most academic child in the class at primary school and was nice with it. Never got any kind of certificate. I don't think they were too bothered. They enjoyed school and understood that they were doing well without getting a little certificate - they're used to motivate children who need to be motivated. I'd focus on achievements that mean more - like learning to play an instrument, getting a part in a local musical, climbing a mountain or whatever.

It's not the super nerdy kids that get it. My eldest DC is super nerdy but their successes are totally overlooked. She doesn't go to the reward assemblies now because they let her do extended study instead. After she handed her award back IN YEAR THREE and told the headteacher she was appreciative but she didn't need it thank you, it was a waste of paper when everyone would get one throughout the year anyway.

Atta girl.

It’s a rubbish thing to award. Making everyone in the class feel unhappy and rejected except for one child. Who learns well like that? Who’s helped by it? Or is the desire to achieve compliance by making everyone hope they’ll be picked?

@Cactus5 Tell your son that the awards go to children who seem to need them. As he's so perfect he doesn't need them. And take him out for an ice cream and a treat to celebrate that he doesn't need any award from school.

My DS1 got plenty of awards due to him being autistic. He was so happy every time. The other children must have understood that's why he got them so weren't jealous because nobody wanted to be him. DS2 never needed awards because he saw his brother getting them so he understood how the system worked.

I’ve been a governor @Owlbookend and I’ve never seen that. Star of the week in the newsletter and never much else. I don’t like it but it’s not my call. When my dc were at school, we got private praise notes put in the school bags and nothing at all at Junior school, thank God. But sports and drama and music were applauded by parents. Not a single thing about academics.

If he’s upset about not having been pupil of the week yet and it’s making him feel demoralised, then I’d discreetly mention it to the teacher.
My DC’s school do it so that every child gets to be Star of the Week at least once, not sure if all schools do it that way, but I’d want to check that they’ve not accidentally overlooked him on their list.

I know from an adult point of view it’s easy to see that it’s more about trying to motivate the kids who are struggling, but the unfortunate side effect is that it can make some kids feel overlooked.

@Deepstone One of the unintended consequences of it is that bright dc do work out it’s about rewarding behaviour and doesn’t reward the decent, but maybe quieter, dc. They are old enough to question its fairness and value. Unfairness is often strongly disliked by dc and it gets even worse at some secondary schools where favouritism is blatant.

Mention pupil of the week to the teacher in confidence.

But honestly it sounds like your son has often been rewarded in the past with parts that very few children get eg on school council and speaking parts in school plays and this is the first hurdle he’s come up against.

Someone always has to be last at getting pupil of the week and it sounds like it might be him this year. Probably because he is generally well behaved. I’d also be having a chat to him about that and looking at his resilience and coping skills in general. It’s great for him that he’s been recognised consistently in the past but maybe it’s someone else’s turn

I get really annoyed with these awards. My DD10 gets them but kids have also been given them for the following reasons:

• came to school on time
• did all their homework-
• consistently wears school uniform
• are all their lunch

I know they are trying to ensure all the kids get it throughout the year but I think it undervalues it so they should just get rid of them!

Just emil the teacher and he should get it before then end of term.

I've got two children at either end of the star of the week spectrum and I know for this that teachers can't win.

DD1 is very capable, engaged and impeccably behaved, none of these things took any significant effort from her in primary school. She always got the first star of the week in the school year - typically for settling in well and being a role model. But she never got it for doing something that she felt was her going above and beyond. She really wanted it for something excellent, not just for being her.

DD2 is capable but with SEN that makes school and engagement harder. I had to remind her form teacher that she'd not had it one year, she got it the next week. When she has got star of the week, it's either been for slightly odd things or things that felt a bit pointed, like "excellent focus in Maths this week". My assumption is that she wasn't focused any other week. I suppose that is "catch them doing something good".

Is this the first year that things have been different for him? Presumably the teacher is giving other children a chance that have been overlooked before.

Often, being treated like everyone else can feel like a slight to the children who have previously been chosen for everything.

I think calling very hard working or intelligent children ‘uber nerds’ shows the opposite of those qualities you’ve just praised.

@WoollyandSarah The issue is that the silly award is just for that week! It can inevitably mean a dc was awful
for the previous 10 weeks! Or whatever the award stipulates they have won it for! That’s why they are inevitably crass. The kids who jog along nicely don’t need them and don’t get them for anything sensible. If other dc need more focus, praise for better behaviour etc the teachers should send a private note of praise home. We had this at infants school and it’s far better. It covered reading, spelling, etc and generally praise where praise was due.

Surely the fact they are “top set in everything “will compensate them ?

its hard to feel sorry for such privileged kids

We don’t always agree, but I think we broadly agree on this. Specific targeted praise either verbally at the time, a sentence in an exercise book, a word to a parent at pick up or a note/postcard home is so much better. It stops all the problems with ‘rotating’ it & dare I say the dreariness of ‘celebration assembly’. Kids get genuine praise when it is due.

However, it isn’t up to individual teachers - if SLT say you need to give star of the week or nominate kids for it you just have to make the best of it.

I hated all this shit when my dc were at primary school. Consistently well behaved children who meet their targets are just completely overlooked whilst the kids who spent 99% of their time at school breaking rules get all the rewards. It used to really make me angry. DD1 told me when she was in Y2 that in order to get star of the week you had to do something naughty then do something good 🙄

I have quite an unusual first name. At our pretty large secondary school (11-16), there was one other girl with the same first name. And she got my English prize. She was almost as surprised as I was when I got her geography prize 5 minutes later.

Yes I don’t really understand it. Or awards in secondary school. My dd once went a whole year without ‘star pupil’ despite others getting multiple times. She had no class awards in secondary school and this despite having major surgery, and still managing to pass her exams. She doesn’t understand why she gets ignored. I’m sure she’s not the only one.

“School for them was just one big long lesson in institutionalised injustice.”
Ah that’s awful @Screamingabdabz ☹️

My kids were never picked either. It seemed you had to be naughty or disruptive, followed by an improvement in behaviour to get ‘star of the week’. Awards are there to reward good behaviour but also as bribery to get kids to behave. If your child is generally good and quiet they are unlikely to get it.

My dd got a big award when she left in year 6 for over all achievements through her time at school, it felt like she had been finally noticed.

@pimplebum There’s a difference between public recognition and knowing something inwardly. They aren’t the same. We have shouting, hollering and chapping for sporty kids, cheering and clapping for school play/music, but I’ve rarely seen public recognition for bright dc. Should they just be quietly superior?

@Owlbookend Glad we agree! I think SLTs are wrong about these awards.