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Primary education

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Original poster

I'm too ill to take DD to school and now DH is unwell too -- can we just keep DD home for a day or two?

327 replies

SongsOfSongs · 02/03/2026 00:27

I have COVID or the flu or something and I have been absolutely floored with fever, congestion, racing heart, etc. since Friday. I've camped out in the bedroom all weekend while DH took care of the children. Now, he says he's got it too. For me, it came on very strongly, so I worry that by the morning he is going to be very unwell. If he is, can we just keep DD home for the day? She's in Y5.

Ideas I've considered that won't work: We live a bit far from the school so no other families near us that I know of. No good enough friends that I would ask this of them either. It's tube + walking and I don't feel comfortable sending her on her own. I have an older DD but their schools are in opposite directions, so she couldn't make the primary drop and then get to her school in time and would get detention. Don't think I'd feel comfortable sending her in a taxi. Is there anything else I'm missing? Hopefully it'd just be a day - maybe two - before I was well enough to take her.

Never had one of us become ill before the other was better before!

OP posts:
SoPunkontheInternet · 02/03/2026 13:00

The world is mental. There are much bigger things to worry about than a child missing a single day of school.

Rest up, OP. Keep her home but make sure she knows to keep the tea and biscuits coming. Maybe get her to read a book do good measure.

Hope you’re both better soon x

gemini0606 · 02/03/2026 13:01

I don’t get this mad system at all (I’m in Scotland and daughter now 23) but
when she was off school Ill that was it, she was off, got better and nothing happened (unless system has changed now) we also took her abroad for 2 family weddings, again nothing happened, it seems now people are terrified to keep an ill child off school, total madness

Mushroomsagain · 02/03/2026 13:02

All those people demanding she get a taxi- you are aware that most taxi firms are almost completely taken up by pre-booked school contracts at drop off/pick up time?

And that even if the OP could find a free taxi, its driver will almost certainly in his work driving his taxi come into contact with other schoolchildren, & with vulnerable people (an example being the elderly who are to frail to drive)?

Oh, and that he probably won’t get sick leave, so that when he catches what the OP’s kids are no doubt currently incubating, he’ll have a choice between carrying on work & infecting many more people, or staying at home and losing money (plus letting down everyone who relies on his service)?

This idea that taxi drivers are basically fine to infect is weird & socially irresponsible. They actually have an important role to play in terms of getting vulnerable people from A to B.

UnctuousUnicorns · 02/03/2026 13:07

Also in Scotland. I kept DD3 off primary school once when I was so ill I could barely scrape myself off the bed (DH at work). We live in walking distance but up a short but pretty steep hill through a park and I would have 100% collapsed if I'd tried that. I didn't give it a second thought. It's one, maybe two days in primary ffs!

Needmoresleep · 02/03/2026 13:12

Mushroomsagain · 02/03/2026 13:02

All those people demanding she get a taxi- you are aware that most taxi firms are almost completely taken up by pre-booked school contracts at drop off/pick up time?

And that even if the OP could find a free taxi, its driver will almost certainly in his work driving his taxi come into contact with other schoolchildren, & with vulnerable people (an example being the elderly who are to frail to drive)?

Oh, and that he probably won’t get sick leave, so that when he catches what the OP’s kids are no doubt currently incubating, he’ll have a choice between carrying on work & infecting many more people, or staying at home and losing money (plus letting down everyone who relies on his service)?

This idea that taxi drivers are basically fine to infect is weird & socially irresponsible. They actually have an important role to play in terms of getting vulnerable people from A to B.

The OP seems to be in London. I suggested Addison Lee as it used to offer a chaperone service as a one off. Ie you phone the firm, ensure your are content with their security arrangements, and then book.

Used by working parents in London who sometimes cannot be two places at once. Different to longer term arrangements.

The point is that parents need to have backup plans. It might be a DH, or friend or a neighbour. Or someone from the same class. (We were called by people who lived nearby who we knew from the school run. Not friends, but we were happy to help in a crisis.) Or the pay extra for a chaperone taxi service.

How about something on the class WhatsApp? Things happy. People are normally willing to help.

Original poster
SongsOfSongs · 02/03/2026 13:12

As un update, DH turned out to be well enough that he could take her to school. He was able to get up, drive her (so as to not infect others, have to walk) and come back and take a nap. However, there is zero percent chance that I would have been able to do the same. This is the first time I've even had the energy to post any responses, though I did have a chuckle reading through some of the more bonkers ones this morning as I dizzily made it to the toilet. I'll try to go through now and respond to some of them, in addition to this.

But also, HAD he been as ill as me we would have just kept her home. Yeah, I'd feel a bit guilty, but at 10 she's old enough to entertain herself and make herself meals. It would've been boring, but she would've survived. I wouldn't have asked the school for work, but I do have some workbooks here that I may have asked her to do...or maybe I would've just slept and let her watch tv.

Also, I'm pretty sure I caught what I have from her. She had a sore throat last week, but it never developed into anything else, so hopefully she won't be coming down with anything serious herself.

OP posts:
Peggyplunkett · 02/03/2026 13:14

Fridgetapas · 02/03/2026 06:27

Sorry but it’s just one of those things which you have to suck it up and take her in. It’s horrible when you feel so rotten but as a parent sometimes you’ve just got to get on with it. At least after you can have most of the day in peace.
And the suggestion someone gave about asking for work sent home…. There’s no way any school is sending work home to a perfectly well child if their parents are ill at home. Ill as in hospital ill or serious long term ill is different but not so much for the flu.

This.
Im a lone parent and believe me it’s even more difficult - ive had to do the school run many a day when I have been deathly ill, but you just pull your socks up and you persevere.
Be resilient. You and sick DH can take turns in drop off and pick up.

Original poster
SongsOfSongs · 02/03/2026 13:15

ScoutOfTheSoftHeartsClub · 02/03/2026 03:06

Your elder daughter would not get a detention if you explain the circumstances to her school.

So, unless you think it’s likely that one or both of them is infectious, I would do that. It’s important that children grow up learning how to pull together in difficult times.

I do sympathise though. Hope you’ll recover soon.

Hopefully, but honestly I probably could not have even spoken to the school this morning. I barely had a voice and was very out of it. They are a very strict school and my daughter would lose privileges there if she ever got a detention, so would not be keen on the risk.

OP posts:
UnctuousUnicorns · 02/03/2026 13:18

Peggyplunkett · 02/03/2026 13:14

This.
Im a lone parent and believe me it’s even more difficult - ive had to do the school run many a day when I have been deathly ill, but you just pull your socks up and you persevere.
Be resilient. You and sick DH can take turns in drop off and pick up.

Show quote history

Get outta here! 😂
OP, you should take any guilt and put it out with the trash where it belongs. Ain't no medals for martyrs! 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
SongsOfSongs · 02/03/2026 13:18

brunetteorblonde · 02/03/2026 06:28

I wouldn't worry about an unauthorised absence but if both parents are too unwell to get her to school, I think she would be better of at school rather than with the 2 unwell parents. At that age, I really dont see why she couldnt go in a taxi, you could request a female driver but otherwise the older sibling could take her in a taxi, is there a breakfast club so that the older one wouldn't be late?

No breakfast club, so older DD would definitely be late even if they went together in a taxi. I don't know how I'd even request a female driver and it's not easy to get one spur of the moment during rush hour. I think this is something I would've had to plan ahead for. But also, don't think school would release her to a taxi to bring her home.

OP posts:
Original poster
SongsOfSongs · 02/03/2026 13:22

CactusSwoonedEnding · 02/03/2026 06:51

That's very different to the OPs situation though. In London within the area of the tube network there are probably at least a couple of other primary schools within an easy walk for a y5 child to do solo which OP chose not to use as the one a tube ride away has a better reputation.

Show quote history

Wow, so many assumptions in a short post! When we moved and needed to find a new school, there were only 2 anywhere near us with spaces for both children. One was a 20 minute walk away and one was a short tube + walk away. We thought that commute would be easier for us and it has been fine. But no, we don't live near enough the school that other parents can help us out.

OP posts:
Original poster
SongsOfSongs · 02/03/2026 13:25

MayPeasBeWithYou · 02/03/2026 07:07

Getting her to school is one thing (older child taking in a taxi potentially viable option) but then you also need to get her home too. Again, taxi with the older child supporting, probably having to leave school earlier to facilitate having already gone in late starts to feel less viable.

If necessary, I'd keep younger home and send older to have a full normal day. Explain to youngests school, they may have a solution if its a situation thats going to continue for a while. At our school, a child who lived further out was brought in and taken home each day by a teacher who passed that way after their single parent had emergency surgery and couldn't drive

Edited

The primary school gets out before the secondary, so my older DD would have to come late and leave early, which I just don't think is warranted in this situation.

OP posts:
UnctuousUnicorns · 02/03/2026 13:29

You don't need to explain yourself to anyone, OP - just concentrate on looking after yourself and feeling better asap.

SharpFox · 02/03/2026 13:30

No harm in her having the day off! What a big fuss about nothing.

SereneOtter · 02/03/2026 13:33

Glad your DH was able to take her in in the end, OP.

Original poster
SongsOfSongs · 02/03/2026 13:34

ScoutOfTheSoftHeartsClub · 02/03/2026 08:37

Yes, shit does happen.

Which is why, frankly, it’s a parent’s duty to build in back up plans when they have children.

I’m sympathetic to the OP’s dilemma (and am one of those saying the elder child should take the younger to school) but it does seem … unacceptable that a family living in London has no one to ask for help in such a situation. No family, no friends, neighbours, colleagues or acquaintances they can trust?

(Both my parents were immigrants to the UK. They didn’t arrive to any ready made community and neither had any family here. They were students, then trained for professions. Both worked full time throughout my and my siblings childhoods. There is no way they could have maintained jobs and homes and brought us up if they hadn’t proactively set about building a supportive network of people who could respond in exactly the situation the OP is facing.)

🤷‍♀️

Edited

I mean you may find it unacceptable that I have no friends or family...but those aren't things you can just magically make appear!

I am an immigrant, so I only have one family member here who lives in the UK but he is on the other side of London. I've used my neighbour in emergencies, but she's a single mother who needs to get her own child to school in the other direction (and she actually rang me this morning to see if I could look after her poorly child briefly this morning). I have a few other people I could ask (and have) in true emergencies, but taking my DD to school would mean it would be hard or impossible to get their own DC to school, which obviously makes no sense.

OP posts:
BlueOrangeDreams · 02/03/2026 13:36

gemini0606 · 02/03/2026 13:01

I don’t get this mad system at all (I’m in Scotland and daughter now 23) but
when she was off school Ill that was it, she was off, got better and nothing happened (unless system has changed now) we also took her abroad for 2 family weddings, again nothing happened, it seems now people are terrified to keep an ill child off school, total madness

Nothing happens in Scotland still. They might mark as unauthorised but no fines or anything. Probably get permission for a family holiday.

This seems insane for one day.

Empress13 · 02/03/2026 13:38

SongsOfSongs · 02/03/2026 13:12

As un update, DH turned out to be well enough that he could take her to school. He was able to get up, drive her (so as to not infect others, have to walk) and come back and take a nap. However, there is zero percent chance that I would have been able to do the same. This is the first time I've even had the energy to post any responses, though I did have a chuckle reading through some of the more bonkers ones this morning as I dizzily made it to the toilet. I'll try to go through now and respond to some of them, in addition to this.

But also, HAD he been as ill as me we would have just kept her home. Yeah, I'd feel a bit guilty, but at 10 she's old enough to entertain herself and make herself meals. It would've been boring, but she would've survived. I wouldn't have asked the school for work, but I do have some workbooks here that I may have asked her to do...or maybe I would've just slept and let her watch tv.

Also, I'm pretty sure I caught what I have from her. She had a sore throat last week, but it never developed into anything else, so hopefully she won't be coming down with anything serious herself.

Glad you got it sorted but cross fingers she hasn’t got it and passes it on

eastegg · 02/03/2026 13:38

THisbackwithavengeance · 02/03/2026 03:51

Are you both genuinely that ill that you can’t muster up a bit of energy to drop her off? I mean there’s ill and then ill isn't there?

Stop. And think. Is this really likely to help the OP? Is she really going to think oh yeah, maybe I can manage and I hadn’t bothered to think about it properly.

Devongirl1983 · 02/03/2026 13:38

SongsOfSongs · 02/03/2026 13:22

Wow, so many assumptions in a short post! When we moved and needed to find a new school, there were only 2 anywhere near us with spaces for both children. One was a 20 minute walk away and one was a short tube + walk away. We thought that commute would be easier for us and it has been fine. But no, we don't live near enough the school that other parents can help us out.

Show quote history

Forgetting current situation - I really would sort some emergency plan for anything in the future. A ski trip injury has just caused a friend to be off work for months, no driving after op and her DH works away.

You never know what is around the corner. We dont live near family and never ask for help from friends, but I know I have a whole list I could call in an emergency (luckily not had one yet to need it). People dont mind helping out especially if you never ask.

BorgQueen · 02/03/2026 13:41

Isn’t there a parents whatsapp group or something?
I normally take my Grandson to school but one morning I was struck down with a horrific migraine when I got to DD’s - she got on the group and one of the other class parents swung by and collected DGS on their walk to school. I couldn’t have even attempted the 4 minute walk, I was vomitting and couldn’t see straight.

BoogieBoogieWoogie · 02/03/2026 13:42

SongsOfSongs · 02/03/2026 13:22

Wow, so many assumptions in a short post! When we moved and needed to find a new school, there were only 2 anywhere near us with spaces for both children. One was a 20 minute walk away and one was a short tube + walk away. We thought that commute would be easier for us and it has been fine. But no, we don't live near enough the school that other parents can help us out.

Show quote history

(20 minute walk is not a big deal and would have been the ideal solution in this case)

Original poster
SongsOfSongs · 02/03/2026 13:43

SleepingStandingUp · 02/03/2026 09:55

We don't even know how old the older kid is. Our school wouldn't be happy with a 14 yo dropping the kid off and wouldn't release DC at the end of the day to them.
And expecting a early to mid teen to get a taxi to school, looking after their sister, then get back into the taxi and go to school then come out early, call another taxi, go to primary school, collect sis and get her home is a lot. It isn't 3 minutes down the road. Why is it OK for possibly GCSE age child to go in late and finish early but yr5 kid can't miss a day?

Yeah, I should've clarified that. Older DD is only Y7, not some exceedingly mature teen. She's picked her up at school on occasion when she's had an inset day or something because they both think it's fun, but it's a lot to put on an 11 year old early in the morning!

OP posts:
gemini0606 · 02/03/2026 13:44

@BlueOrangeDreams
yeah we got unauthorised absence noted twice for the holdiays (this was in secondary school) but nothing at all happened - I really don’t understand that madness of the English system

FlowerFairyDaisy · 02/03/2026 13:45

3luckystars · 02/03/2026 12:16

I’d like to know this too. Do they put your name in a book somewhere with a big X beside it?

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It's bad for the school's OFSTED report. That is all.