I'm too ill to take DD to school and now DH is unwell too -- can we just keep DD home for a day or two?

[SongsOfSongs]

I have COVID or the flu or something and I have been absolutely floored with fever, congestion, racing heart, etc. since Friday. I've camped out in the bedroom all weekend while DH took care of the children. Now, he says he's got it too. For me, it came on very strongly, so I worry that by the morning he is going to be very unwell. If he is, can we just keep DD home for the day? She's in Y5.

Ideas I've considered that won't work: We live a bit far from the school so no other families near us that I know of. No good enough friends that I would ask this of them either. It's tube + walking and I don't feel comfortable sending her on her own. I have an older DD but their schools are in opposite directions, so she couldn't make the primary drop and then get to her school in time and would get detention. Don't think I'd feel comfortable sending her in a taxi. Is there anything else I'm missing? Hopefully it'd just be a day - maybe two - before I was well enough to take her.

Never had one of us become ill before the other was better before!

I think if we're talking most probably about London, ( tube +walking), then you don't have to be hideously ill, to find that impossible, there and back, twice!
Climbing into a car and doing a half hour drive, there and back is much easier. But OP says she is definitely ill so I can quite believe that the prospect is untenable. We're talking about 1, maybe 2 days tops, that her DD misses. Better to yield to illness and recover sooner, hopefully, than struggle with there and back twice in the day and have exhaustion and a possible protracted recovery.
I was brought up and lived in London without a car and it was often tiring.
Hope you're better soon, OP. Sounds grim.

If the older DD is willing, the senior school ought to accept her being late with a note from you to explain and not give a detention. At least half a dozen times across my DC secondary school time there have been genuine good reasons why a DC had to arrive late at school and was never disciplined for it if I emailed the school in advance and explained the circumstances. Your older child should be paid for the job at minimam wage rate for the extra time taken.

If the school don't accept this, ask to see what their anti discrimination policies are with respect to children with caring responsibilities. There are probably other families in the school who face this dilemma regularly where a parent has a disability or a long term illness like cancer so they really ought to have a bit of compassion.

If all else failed just be honest with the junior sxhool that younger Dd is wellenough to come but you and DH are too ill to leave your bed so there is no way to get her there. They will probably agree that she should stay at home but it's possible that one of the teachers lives in your direction anf moght pick up dd as a one-off. It's rare but not unheard of, and it's always best not to lie.

Surely one of you cannot be so ill that you can’t take her to school? I mean you’re coherent enough to write a huge mumsnet paragraph.

They closed down the rural primary school near me to "save money". We dont all live within walking distance of a shop or bus stop let alone primary school.

If you and your husband really are too unwell to take her then don't! Good grief, she'll be fine missing a day or two - you matter too!

I'm sure you're a sensible woman and can judge your own health. If you feel you could get her there then do, but don't drag yourself on public transport both ways if you're rough, it's just not worth it. Apart from anything else I'm sure the other passengers will thank you for not passing the lurgy along. I wonder if PPs would be this fervent about taking her if you had chicken pox to spread about?

If her life is doomed from having two days off, then every child would achieve nothing in school.
keep her off, and you get better.

Good luck with it lasting 2 days, I'm on my 3rd week DH is on his second, never had anything like it congestion, continuous coughing, sore joints, painful chest etc first time in 15 years of working dh has taken sick days..we couldn't take ours to school but teacher was fine when we called, in fairness 2 seconds of hearing my voice she could tell we were very ill, weirdly the kids haven't had a single symptom but there living on sandwiches and ready meals atm which says how bad we are as both DH and I cook meals daily

That's very different to the OPs situation though. In London within the area of the tube network there are probably at least a couple of other primary schools within an easy walk for a y5 child to do solo which OP chose not to use as the one a tube ride away has a better reputation.

Taxis won't always take a younger child on their own and in our area won't up to age 13 which may be a factor. If you can get her in the plus side is you have a good few hours to properly rest after without sorting them out/making lunch etc. Obv you or OH will have to get her later on. Worst case and she stays home it's not the end of the world.

I agree with this. Hope you feel better soon 💐

How is that in any way helpful to the OP now? Are you suggesting she register he daughter at a closer primary school today so she can go in?

Or are you saying everyone should send their children to schools that aren't great but are in walking distance just to avoid a very rare situation like this where she might - gasp - miss a day or two?

Call in sick for your dd. Don’t worry about it. Hope you all feel better soon.

God so much hand wringing from posters about a couple of days off school. Honestly it’s ridiculous. OP stay home and keep her off for a couple of days the world will not come to an end.

i have two bright successful young adults who went on term time holidays and had the odd “unauthorised” day off. I was also an attendance officer back in the day and your situation would not have been anywhere on my radar!

I wouldn’t be tying myself in knots for the sake of a day or two. Just keep her home.

The flu puts people in hospital. Not everything can just be pushed through.

Agree.
It's not the end of the world for her to miss a few days of school. If you are too ill to take her, that is the way it is.

How energetic are your MN posts?!

I'm writing on Mumsnet from under the duvet, in my bed and I have literally moved an arm to pick up my phone. I am using a singular thumb to type. This labour is in no way comparable to schlepping across London on the tube in rush hour and back.

I missed the bit about the train, I suppose in that circumstance they shouldn’t go as would spread it around.
Driving would be fine. A big dramatic to suggest they’d pass out. If they were at risk of that they probably should be thinking if they are safe to look after their daughter alone today. I’ve had flu myself and been in hospital with pneumonia so I know it can be bad…

I still don’t think they should be asking for work though.

What if she then gets sick herself and has to have 3 or 4 more days sick?

If you go over 5 days off, it triggers problems at school (sorry not to be specific, I don't know the language!).

Send her in a taxi if you don't want to drive. Phone school and ask someone to phone you to confirm she arrives OK. I'd drive her personally. I've driven ill before. You'll cope.

I’m a teacher. Keep her at home. It may only be for today and tbh, no-one wants whatever you’ve got being passed around hundreds of kids and staff. Attendance is a huge issue, but I do worry about the thinking behind some of it - we’ve had kids throwing up and being sent back into class, then turning up, still being sick, the next day because of attendance concerns. Of course, then loads of other people catch it and attendance takes a nose dive anyway; suddenly you’ve got twenty kids off for three days, rather than one kid off for two.

Getting her to school is one thing (older child taking in a taxi potentially viable option) but then you also need to get her home too. Again, taxi with the older child supporting, probably having to leave school earlier to facilitate having already gone in late starts to feel less viable.

If necessary, I'd keep younger home and send older to have a full normal day. Explain to youngests school, they may have a solution if its a situation thats going to continue for a while. At our school, a child who lived further out was brought in and taken home each day by a teacher who passed that way after their single parent had emergency surgery and couldn't drive

I've been in this situation as a single parent. The fear was what would happen if I got worse during the day or something else happened and I couldn't pick them up. I didn't have the energy to organise pick ups and drop offs and to worry about it all so I just messaged the school and said that our family was struck down with a flu like virus and that we would be at home today. School were understanding as they marked DC as authorised absence. No issues.

If you are both ill, she can miss a day or 2 of school. Hope you are feeling better soon

I know I am one of those people that’s been in hospital with it. In that case you don’t have to take them… honestly there are such petals on this thread. If you can take them you take them. Even if it’s hell it’s your duty as a parent. IF you physically can’t do it then you don’t.

MN never do understand not all of us live on a suburban street with amenities in walking distance.