I'm too ill to take DD to school and now DH is unwell too -- can we just keep DD home for a day or two?

[SongsOfSongs]

I have COVID or the flu or something and I have been absolutely floored with fever, congestion, racing heart, etc. since Friday. I've camped out in the bedroom all weekend while DH took care of the children. Now, he says he's got it too. For me, it came on very strongly, so I worry that by the morning he is going to be very unwell. If he is, can we just keep DD home for the day? She's in Y5.

Ideas I've considered that won't work: We live a bit far from the school so no other families near us that I know of. No good enough friends that I would ask this of them either. It's tube + walking and I don't feel comfortable sending her on her own. I have an older DD but their schools are in opposite directions, so she couldn't make the primary drop and then get to her school in time and would get detention. Don't think I'd feel comfortable sending her in a taxi. Is there anything else I'm missing? Hopefully it'd just be a day - maybe two - before I was well enough to take her.

Never had one of us become ill before the other was better before!

My worry would be getting her home if things get worse.

I once quite suddenly came over feeling unwell, went for a quick lie down at lunchtime, collapsed into a delirious sleep for four hours and wasn't woken by either the alarm I set in case I nodded off or the multiple phonecalls from the school when I failed to pick up the DC.

its genuinely concerning seeing people talk about missed work for a 9 or 10 year old for a day. People have lost their marbles if they think it matters

personally - for the sake of the child i would be taking them in even if I felt horrendous as it will be really boring for her stuck at home with you both sick.

but in terms of missed school it is entirely irrelevant !

Do you want to sit on the tube next to someone really ill with Covid?

DD will be fine having a duvet day.

She obviously knows the way and has gone there and back with her sister, but because there's always the risk of hiccups on the tube I don't yet feel comfortable sending her on her own. She's not the most confident child and probably wouldn't hold up well if something went wrong on her own.

No breakfast club

Definitely not! 20 minute walk or 5 minute tube + 10 minute walk. Getting her to her current school is typically easier faster than the other option. However, it's true that maybe we would've had more families that lived nearby and could help in an emergency. Oh well, we've made it this far.

I definitely could not have walked 20 minutes each way twice today either.

Can’t believe the back lash you’ve got for this post. I live a 3 minute walk from my kids school. My youngest is 10. No way would I let them walk to or from school on their own. As it’s worked out you’ve managed to get her to school. If it happens in the future I’d keep her home. It’s a day. Don’t stress it. I also wouldn’t ask a neighbour or another school friend as it puts their routine out. I’d maybe ask to pick them up but never ask of a morning as it’s too much. Hope you’re feeling better soon op xx

As the parent of a preschool child these posts absolutely baffle me! Not because of the OP but because of the responses.

I saw a post the other day where a 12yo had a really nasty accident and couldn't face going to school yet. The majority of comments were that he should go!

Now this, people would rather risk infecting a full train/tube of passengers with flu than let the kid have a day off school.

Since when does avoiding fines matter more than peoples wellbeing?! If I had flu I'd stay at home yet the OP is being told to get her kid to school, if I had a horrible accident I'd miss work for a few days yet kids are expected to go back the day after. Shocking.

Nearly every child who lives near our school walks in Year 5 (unless parents are collecting a younger sibling). The ones that have to drive generally wait in the car in Year 5 and 6 and dont go to the gates. They need to learn to be independent (safely) or it will be a huge cliff edge at Secondary.

By year 7, your child will be most likely getting a bus plus a walk to Secondary (ours is almost an hour on the bus since age 11 with their friends plus the walk to/from the bus stop in all weathers). Most kids start to meet up with friends in their local town in Year 6 and they will be the odd one out if they can’t do a few minutes walk to school at 10 years old.

This is why I made child raising decisions and felt secure in them. No way would I be asking strangers on the internet if I should take my child to school. I’m ill, I’m too sick to go out, I’m in bed, child can’t go on their own, ergo child stays off. It’s primary school not Gcse day. No shade on OP but I just would not care what anyone else’s two penneth were.

Mine both walked from year 5 (and my youngest wasn’t 10 until the very end of year 5 so she walked at 9) but I wouldn’t send them on the tube across London on their own at 10.
Irrelevant really though as we’re talking about the OP’s daughter, no one else’s, and only the OP knows if she’d be able and willing to make the journey on her own. All kids are different.

Yeah, the only thing I think the OP has done ‘wrong’ here is ask MN! I’d have just made the decision to keep her at home without asking the opinion of a bunch of strangers who don’t know me, my child or my circumstances.

Ha, I don't know why I asked! Probably just the delirium of illness last night! Really, I just wanted to know if there were other options that I hadn't thought of. Also, I was curious to know others' thoughts and actions if in a similar situation.

I hope you’re starting to feel a bit better OP. Feel secure in your parenting decisions. Curiosity is one thing, but don’t let the conflicting opinions of strangers go against your own instincts and circumstances.

Hope you’re feeling better soon OP

What if it was the day of the school trip the child had been counting down to, the end of year residential, the friend’s birthday party the whole class is going to and the child had wanted to go to in weeks.

No judgement of OP being too ill to walk or drive but I do think we can’t live in an isolated bubble as parents (and I say that as a parent with no family nearby and only ever paid for childcare/babysitting). Not read yet if the OP is in the class Whats App? I’d put a message in there to say what had happened and see if anyone is close(ish) who would help in an absolute emergency? Offer to do the same back for them in an emergency.

Lol, every time I was "deathly ill" I've been in hospital to, you know, avoid dying. What sorts of deathly illness have you had that respond to a stiff upper lip rather than, say, oxygen, iv antibiotics or emergency surgery?

Good point. I spent 5 weeks in hospital. If my ex wasn't doing 50/50 care with my son if have been screwed.

A friend of mine actually had her kids taken into foster care while in hospital as no one else to have them

There is a WhatsApp group, but less than half of the parents are in it. As I think I my have mentioned elsewhere, there are 2 parents I could reach out to in an emergency (I did ask one of them to take DD after school when I had to take my older DD to A&E during school hours and DH was away), but asking them to pick up DD in the morning when we don't live near them or the school would be quite a hassle for them, which I don't feel would be warranted in these circumstances.

DD is convinced that her teacher lives near us, so maybe that's something the school would look into if we were to ever have a longer term issue.

Well for me personally I did have a few mums to fall back on, which is one of the advantages of a very local primary school. I had to have surgery once and one of the mums took my kids to and from school for about a week. Hopefully had any situation like a school trip arose then I could ask. But this is all classic whataboutery. A bog standard day at primary and no one to fall back on, I’d phone the school and say the I was too sick to leave the house.

I'm sure that everyone on the tube will relish having the flu or covid or whatever OP has after she's given it to them all.

Honestly, I am never not shocked at how some people are so fucking selfish as to put low-paid workers with no occupational sick pay at risk of getting sick and losing pay, for the sake of a primary school child's attendance record that will have zero financial impact on the parent.

I’d definately let the school know you feel like no one is near you and see if they can help in anyway. They may be able to connect you with people from the school who could help in an emergency. Different situation (as I think you said you were new to that area) but this is why it is so important for people to build roots in a community. There’s Mums I met at toddler group that im still in touch with who i’d help in any emergency.

Im really surprised less than half are in the Whats app in primary as lots of things like parties get sorted there.

My child is at the local primary and I pretty much could call on nearly every Mum or Dad from the class (or certainly ask them if they were free to help). Most parents all know each other and everyone got to know each other from pre-school onwards, parties in the younger years etc. I would never need to keep mine home.

OP is not in that position so even more of a reason to reach out to the school and ask if they can help in anyway in case it happened again. She could break her leg next week and be unable to drive for months. Unless her dh is free everyday for both school runs, she could be totally stuck. You have to think of the ‘what if’s’ when you’re a parent. Nothing wrong with pointing out it might be a good idea to work on back up plans.

Yes, before we moved I knew all of the parents at the old school quite well, there was a very active WhatsApp group, and most families (including ours) lived locally. However, since we moved, there is much less of a sense of community I guess you’d say at the new school and the children are older, so not as much need for parent coordination. It’s also a pretty transient school so some of the parents I had known better have since moved away.

Yes keep her home. Tell school she's ill and has a temperature. She may actually be infectious too in which case current government guidance is to stay off for 3 days after a positive test. If you have any tests it's worth testing her (you can order them on Amazon).
Next time there's ways you can stop household spread by isolating the sick person, wearing an FFP2 mask in communal areas, using Boots dual defence nasal spray, cracking open windows and if affordable for you running HEPA filters ( these have multiple health benefits so are a good investment if you can afford them anyway)..
Really hope you all feel better soon