One hour drive to primary - so overwhelmed

[liveinhope100]

My daughter got into the third choice. This school is meant to be 15 minutes away from me. With rush hour and now an unbelievable amount of roadworks, it took me an hour to get there today. I’m pregnant and finding all of this too overwhelming. I’m seriously considering taking her out of school whilst I sort out my property so I can sell and move. There is not much within my price range near her school so I think I will end up having to move her anyway.

My question is, do I take her out of school now or try to slog it out for the next 4-5 months. It’s filling me with absolute dread but I’m not sure what to do. Struggling to even think straight at the moment with all these hormones.

Our planned school run will be around that time once we move. Luckily the school is on my route to work, I would just download a good podcast or ebook for me and some TV for DD. Let her eat her breakfast as you drive.

Assuming you're in the UK, the LA has to provide transport if the journey is over 2 miles, which yours is by the sound of it. I'd pursue this. Obviously that's only the case if she's at the school allocated by the LA, not in a non-catchment school you've chosen.

Why isn't her dad doing some of the school runs?

I think Angelina was trying to have a little dig.

We shouldn't be having kids if we don't have a husband eh?
OP came here for advice, not to have nasty little jibes made at her.

Yeah this was my thought, where is the dad in all this?

Sorry that sounds like such a lot to deal with. I think phoning the council sounds like an excellent idea.

If you move to where the school is, won't you then have to drive all the way to your workplace anyway?

It sounds as though you need the school, your job, and your house to be all in the same place ideally.

I wonder if there are any boarding schools that take 4-18 and would like to employ you?

Get her on the waiting list asap as if a place comes up they assign places by the criteria not by how long you have been on the list.

Distance is one of the main criteria so if you live near the school you stand a good chance of being top of the list. There can be a fair bit of movement at the beginning of the year.

Also, it might be worth looking if there are any Montessori schools near you as they often take kids up to 7. They charge fees like nurseries, and there's a huge difference - some are free, some very pricey. But, many take the free hours funding until 5.

Op what's the actual distance to the school because that sounds horrendous. I'd definitely be asking the LA about transport.

If its more than a 2 miles surely legally she's entitled to transport. And if its less than 2 miles you'd probably be quicker walking.

Many LA will provide primary transport over a mile rather than 2.

Surely the roadworks are temporary and you leave earlier to negate rushhour traffic as we all do? My dc went to school a 2 minute drive away, but unless I left 20 mins early they ended up running in as the bell went and Id be hard pushed to get to work on time

I wish that was always true. Massive road being built near me, has made the half an hour journey to the next town a journey from hell and won’t be completed till September 2027!! Some of these roadworks are the absolute pits.

on waiting lists - to give some reassurance, we got into a school slightly further away that i ruled out originally on distance as we should have been allocated one of two good schools much closer, we didnt get them for whatever reason and were offered a school we didnt like so applied late to this school. I stayed on the waiting lists for the two schools id originally wanted, and ive been offered a space at both since the start of term and i wasnt top of the waiting lists. The council said to me there can be quite a bit of movement this year, so you might find you get lucky if moving school is what you want to do.

If its 15 mins by car normally, is that walkable? Not sure if you mean 15 mins at 60mph or 15 mins including getting in and out, parking, and sitting at junctions waiting to turn! The former I'm sure wouldn't be walkable, but the latter may be?

Give your wee one a bike or a scooter to ride on?

This sounds like a god idea? But how would it work with OP's work? How important to her is the job vs this daily nightmare? The her out and move perhaps?

Where is the dad?

Tumbleweed.....

Could you also consider going into school later whenever rush hour is over. If you’re sitting 45mins in traffic you may as well spend that time at home and be a bit late to school.

I also thought where are the dad(s)? You have a young child and are currently pregnant surely the other parent in all this should be doing the school run too, it isn't just your problem to sort. Does school not have a breakfast club, can't you use that and miss the traffic, your partner/their dad could drop off even if they are working. If not hire a babysitter near the school and drop off early there and get back before the traffic.

It might be difficult to move house (assuming you are buying) if you are about to have a baby in a few months, can you cover a bigger mortgage on maternity pay? You may have to either suck it up and wait to move her or could potentially end up moving your child twice, now to save the travel and again once you can move. I'd try to use wraparound care for the time being and look to move house as soon as possible.

That only applies if the child is of compulsory school age, which OP’s DC is not.

Where is the dad? I assume around if you're having another. Can he help as that's a lot on your own?

I agree is there a partner that could share some of the load? Especially when you have the baby in the first couple of weeks?
If shes happy at school I wouldnt pull her out, no. As others have said I'd rather go there early and grab a coffee or even stop at a playground nearby if dry etc. Contact the council and the other local schools and see if theres any chance of transfer. Itll be more stressful trying to juggle work, home schooling etc etc rather than driving I would say/

Is it doable to walk? Sounds like it would be quicker and way less stressful.

In my local authority, it is now 3 miles. Changed this year after money saving consultations.

It isn’t always 2 miles.

Thank you for all your kind responses. Minus @Meandmyguy comment about ‘where is the dad…tumbleweed’.

My husband works full time up in the city so he is unable to help with any school runs although he is trying his best to also find a solution for all of us. Someone suggested he could ask for flexible working, I will definitely see if this is possible.

A few have mentioned speaking to the school to see if they can support and help make some alternative arrangements which would help.

One of the main roadworks I encounter on the start of my journey is not due to finish for another two years.

And unfortunately no breakfast club available until Year 1.

Sounds like a brilliant idea, really safe too, what with the coming winter weather, dark mornings, a 4 year old on the back, and an ever changing centre of balance….

Even for under 8s? I think that might be illegal
https://www.gov.uk/free-school-transport

Which is not to say I'm surprised.

However I notice the gov.uk states it's for children of compulsory school age. Worth reading your LA's school transport policy document anyway, OP, just to inform yourself of options.

Is there a local child minder that can do drop off? Theres a few at my school that does drop off and pick up

I wasn’t trying to do a disingenuous “where is the dad hmmm” single mum judgement. I’m a single mum to two kids and because a single mum whilst 7 months pregnant and with a an 18 month old! I know you can be single and pregnant and doing it alone. But overwhelmingly, people with a little one and a pregnancy are in a relationship so I was playing the odds!

Just suggested it as a lot of people don’t realise that the law around flexible working has changed - anyone can ask for it, and you no longer need to give the reason as the reason doesn’t matter. All that matters is how it works with the business and they can only say no for set reasons laid out in the legislation. They can still say no if it doesn’t work for the business but it just makes it easier for people to ask and maybe get it now.

If your daughter can go to breakfast club, and your husband can start work later then maybe he can get her to breakfast club before heading off to work and then you’re only doing the school run at home time. Even just a couple days a week or something.