One hour drive to primary - so overwhelmed

[liveinhope100]

My daughter got into the third choice. This school is meant to be 15 minutes away from me. With rush hour and now an unbelievable amount of roadworks, it took me an hour to get there today. I’m pregnant and finding all of this too overwhelming. I’m seriously considering taking her out of school whilst I sort out my property so I can sell and move. There is not much within my price range near her school so I think I will end up having to move her anyway.

My question is, do I take her out of school now or try to slog it out for the next 4-5 months. It’s filling me with absolute dread but I’m not sure what to do. Struggling to even think straight at the moment with all these hormones.

maybe to ease the stress on you , your DH could alter his hours temporarily so he can do half the drop offs ? Then it wouldn’t seem so bad

I'm one of those people who believe that school is really important but realistically I'd be phoning in sick a lot if faced with that sort of school run every day. I hope you're able to get somewhere with the waiting list soon.

What about buying a cargo bike and cycling there? You can get electric cargo bikes which will be easier as pregnancy progresses and you will be able to zip past the roadworks.

@liveinhope100 id start her at 5 . Gives you another year to get sorted . Personally I fell 4 is too young anyway for school.

Could you drop her off a little later?
I would hassle the county for school transport. You must put her on it if they provide it but it will concentrate their minds as it costs a fortune and you might find a place nearer suddenly becomes available
Mine both went on school transport aged 4

That sounds so stressful but until you know where you are moving to, I wouldn’t move her school. I also would advise against pulling her out of school - it will be very unsettling for her. The idea of going early and having breakfast nearby is a good one. Does school run an early morning club? That might work too.

Would living near her existing school work for you? Are you happy with the school?

Where would she go while you worked if you pulled her out of school? Is wherever that is (partner? Relative?) an option to help you manage the school run?

If you take her out of school, where will she go whilst you are at work?

Is her dad able to take some of the load and do some school runs? If you took her out of school what would happen when you work?

Does she enjoy school, if so I would do your best to keep her in.

There’s some good advice on here @liveinhope100 as it sounds pretty grim.

I would put your DD on a number of wait lists, including schools nearer your work. Especially if you’re planning on going back to work . I wouldn’t stress about attendance given she’s 4. It sounds like lots is up in the air including where you’re moving to and that’s probably the most important thing to figure out and then her schooling will follow. If you can, I also recommend trying to live nearer your work wherever possible to keep commuting down.

Have you rung the council (or whoever is responsible for the roadworks) to see how long they’re scheduled to last? They must be causing huge disruption for lots of people so maybe they will be over soon.

Good luck OP x

As has been said, she doesn’t have to be in full-time until she’s compulsory age. What about taking her every other day till then, or doing shorter days so you miss rush hour- what are your working hours? Do you have a partner around?

How far is it in distance ? Can you avoid the roadworks, and park maybe a 10 minute walk away.. walk the last half mile or so ?

🤣🤣 classic! You work for a school right? As if a schools funding would be a primary concern of OP's ..Esp the funding of a school the OP is about to pull her child put of 😂

But you work, how are you also going to care for this four yo/home educate?

I'm 40 mins each way to and from school. So 4 times a day so I absolutely understand your frustration. I done it right up until I gave birth 8 weeks ago with a 6yo and 1yo. Try get on the waiting list for a closer school, the road works won't be there long surely? Once they're gone it'll shed some time off your morning school run. I remember crying at 36 weeks pregnant because there was 3 sets of temporary traffic lights and I had a sore back driving for so long. We made it through but it wasn't easy.

Can you alternate the driving the their dad? Or can he take over at least while you’re pregnant. He can make a flexible working request .

Does the school have a breakfast club you can sign her up to for an earlier drop off with less traffic?

A 15 min drive is about a 90 min walk anyway. Set off early, at least you are in the car and not dragging a tired child and bump for a very long walk.

Is there a way you could walk a bit and use public transport? So if the roadworks are in your street, walk to a bus stop the other side?

Also, people move around all the time and spots open up in schools, get on the waiting lists now for those within walking distance. You will soon have to do the school run with a baby in tow.

Is your child’s Dad around? Could they help with any of the school runs? Also get to know other parents and see if there is anyone else travelling from your area you can alternate the school run with - they are likely fed up too.

In my town this is normal - we have road works underway for two years (town development plan), currently 6m in, and town centre is gridlocked. The 4m (as crow flies) journey to my DC’s previous school to a minimum of 25mins, but often nearer 40 BEFORE the roadworks started as there were 4 other schools on the way.

My DCs moved to a tech college two towns away, 8m according to google maps. This journey takes me only 13-16mins each way.

OP, I would contact the LA and also your local MP/parish councillor and explain your circumstances - that you are pregnant and that it is putting you all at risk (unborn baby too) to be sat in a car for hours every day and see if there is anything they can do to expedite moving up a waiting list for a more local school. Once you know where you stand, you can then decide whether removing DC from school until she is 5 is feasible.

You do not mention a partner but I am assuming (perhaps incorrectly) that you may have one given you are currently pregnant: can they help at all in the short term?

This
It will at least give you some breathing space.
I’m not familiar with the school place allocation process but couldn’t you have appealed the decision based on the distance anyway?

Definitely make sure she is on waiting lists.

Re school transport I know it sounds crazy at 4 but children with SEN do it from that age every year, as do people who live very rurally. It's a mental leap for any parent, especially if you child has SEN, but it does work. Our school has a special needs provision and the infant age children there nearly always come by bus with an assistant who walks them in. It's a bit like after school club across the road takes kids from age 4 and walks them in, following safeguarding procedures - it's just they've been on the bus instead of playing beforehand. And at some rural schools all the kids in the village will take the bus from day 1. As long as it's over 2 miles away and she is attending her nearest possible school (anywhere you applied for and didn't get doesn't count) then she should be eligible.

I can see the temptation to keep her home as she is so young, of course, but getting transport would be more futureproof.

I home educate so I understand people suggesting OP takes child out of school and keeps her off. But, OP also said she works, so realistically she can’t just take her child out without something in place for where her child goes while she’s at work.

That said, if she’s not 5 until the summer term, and there’s no spaces at closer schools, could you take her out and put her in a nearby private nursery until next summer? And then by then hopefully you’ll have an idea where you’re moving. Although you might also have this problem next year as you can’t apply for a school place until you have an address, so if everywhere is full by the time you apply you might also be unable to get her in a school near to your new address.

I would speak to the school first, and see if they can offer you any practical solutions or assistance, for example allowing her to go in later so you miss the traffic, or offering some transport rather than pulling her out altogether. The school should be happier for her to go in for part of the day than not at all. Failing that, other PPs have some good suggestions about setting off earlier and getting breakfast near school, or using wrap around if you can.
Is there anyone who can share the school runs with you? Why is the other parent not offering to help? Could they adjust hours / take leave temporarily to do a pick up of drop off a day? Your health is at risk here.
And finally, I would take her out at least just for the next week just to give you a break, so you can think about this more rationally and relieve the immediate stress. Then use the time to come up with a solution. If you need time off work with stress even if it's just a week then do this - just to reset and be able to actually process things properly and think rationally. You sound absolutely exhausted and this can't be any good for you, DD or the baby.

Can your partner not help with school runs?

Also - is it just a 15 minute drive if there are no roadworks? If so, is it just a matter of waiting for / finding out when the roadworks finish on one of your routes?