Right to be annoyed about a divorce book from school?

[Mumoftwoboys123]

Hi everyone,

Im just looking for some unbiased opinions if possible please. My son is 4, and gets a library book from school each week to bring home for us to read together at bedtime.

Tonight I’ve started reading his book ‘mum and dad glue’ and had to stop as he was in tears thinking me and his dad are splitting up! He knows everyone has different families and parents, but don’t think he’s ever understood before that it could happen to his family one day.

Am I right to think this book is totally inappropriate for a child of his age to be given at school? I understand it could help children going through family issues, but not something an anxious little boy really needs on his mind!! He has nightmares most nights as it is!

Am I right to be annoyed?

Single parent here since DC were younger than four.
Was it really so difficult to say to your child this is a story about what happens sometimes but it is never the child’s fault and me and your dad are quite happy together and love you? You know, just acknowledged that separated parents exist and that it might be the case for some of his friends and if he met a child whose parents were divorced it was okay? he should just treat them like normal.
How difficult would that have been?

My DD once got upset from a book about volcanos as she thought one might erupt under the house. Should DC not get books about volcanos?

@Mumoftwoboys123 it’s not “a silly book” though, is it?

Think it was the OP that brought up war and famine and equated it with a book for young children where a child's parents split up and they still love him very much...

Why didn't you just stop reading when you realised it was inappropriate? Why keep reading till your child is sobbing. Weird.

@kellysjowls you're taking this whole situation and post as a personal attack. It really isn't.

@Polistock. Come on. That's a really tough situation for you and your kids but you can't apply your own lives to this situation. If you can avoid it ( which I know you couldn't - then they don't need to know about war. ). My dad was in the army so I can say this.

I agree with the analogy OP made. Divorce is shit. It's shit for kids. It's upsetting for kids. Like other horrible things in life.

@Mmmokthen - for OP, in this situation with a child who may be more sensitive at this stage in their life - it is a silly book. It wouldn't be for another more mature 4 year old who is looking for some understanding of their own situation with split parents.

I'm a single parent army brat! I am not offended by this.

Some people just don't want to have to have this conversation yet, at this age. That's understandable.

OP may also be sensitive to the way things are rammed down kids throats in the name of inclusion of late and this is feeding the originals post.

I feel a tad like that myself. I'm incredibly liberal but think flamin heck, there's too much too young sometimes.

@Tittat50 I’m going to respectfully disagree on this. It’s a book from which children can learn empathy. It’s a book which can support children going through divorce. Surprised any adult would think it’s “silly” given the subject matter and the intention of the story 🤷‍♀️… unless of course they’re throwing their toys out the pram because the thread hasn’t generated 100 plus replies agreeing with them.

I agree with you. This is a book to be given out thoughtfully, not stuck in on library rotation. I still remember the first time I learned about divorce - I was eight. My parents were/ are both strong willed people prone to frank exchanges of view and I became convinced they were going to divorce any moment. The thought terrified me.

I would feed back to the school. If you don’t tell them, they won’t know

@Teladi i did not insinuate divorce was the same as war, at all. People in the above comments said if things are happening in the world then children need to know about it - I asked if this included things like war and a lot said yes.

This may be a very useful book for a child whose parents are getting divorced, and should be in the local library or a special school library on request, but otherwise I completely agree with you, it has no place in four year olds’ school library for very very young children to randomly pick for home reading.

At least there should be supervision and guidance when the children are choosing a book where someone from the school tells the child this is not for their age, which I know is what happens at some schools.

I cannot believe some of the comments.

Rude

Exactly

But yet; OP, you read it. And you continued to read it whilst knowing that this was upsetting your son.
Could you not have made an executive decision to adapt the storyline, knowing that your child is already an anxious soul?
Sounds like you just ploughed on regardless and now want someone to blame for this lack of judgement on your part.
He chose the (completely suitable for non anxious children book). You read it. Seeing his worry, his anxiety and you read it- all the way through?!!
Maybe book in some therapy for you both? Just a suggestion x

Do you not attribute any responsibility to the person that read the while book to the child??
Could this not have been dealt with much more easily at home by a mother making a cognitively aware and correct decision for her own child??
Or should we attempt to censor the children's books in the library??

And yet you’ve come on here ranting about the message of the book being that the divorce was the child’s fault and his parents don’t love him!

It's a book aimed at young children! 4-8 , so age wise it is appropriate.

At this stage in reception children are starting to read the book title etc. Should the teacher really stop them picking out a book?

I had DS come into my bed last week because he was upset about a book he had read. We had a chat about the themes and he calmed down. As he’s 13 I didn’t ring the school up! Just that because he’s occasionally been upset by books throughout childhood he knew he could come and chat about it.

This is the work you need to do: be a place of comfort and reassurance after a tricky book has been read.

This isn’t an inappropriate book for four year olds so there is no reason why a teacher or librarian wouldn’t let him take it home.

Why is it not appropriate? It's literally written for this age group using age appropriate words and in a way that is appropriate for children of this age to understand the subject manner?

My son thought we were divorcing because the parents of two of his friends were. He thought it was the norm. Are we really going to censer books they way they do in America? Take out all the books where the dog dies or the child loses its teddy? Where does it end?

As a child I remember needing to take a couple of goes to read The Secret Garden because it starts with her waking up to find her parents are dead!

No I don't think you're right to be annoyed. The book is presumably age appropriate and is just one of many books in the school library. It's a good opportunity to talk to your kid about different families.

Looking at a book where a mum & dad separate is hardly being "thrown in at the deep end". That's ott.

You misread my post. OP said it was inappropriate. I said it wasn’t inappropriate.

Apologies I did indeed misread it.

Thanks for all of the feedback - I didn’t expect so many responses!

Thanks to those of you who answered my question without being rude or name calling! I didn’t want parenting advice on handling the subject, I wanted to know if a book like that is the norm to come home as a book that’s meant to encourage reading.

I handled the situation at the time by stopping the book as soon as he got upset, discussing why it upset him, talking about friends in that situation and told him I would finish the book myself and we could talk about it the next day which we have.

I think the book could be helpful to a young child in that situation, who is feeling a bit lost or like a divorce could be their fault. However I still think it was inappropriate for the book to be in the library for a four year old with no thoughts or issues with divorce and families splitting to be faced with. It’s written from the child’s perspective of how it’s all their fault and the parents don’t love him anymore, which is a totally foreign concept to DS.

Learning here is to read the book before reading it to him and NEVER EVER ask for opinions Mumsnet unless you want to receive a barrage of unnecessary abuse from the majority!