Harsh punishment at primary school complaint

[Kasiapol28]

Hi there, sorry for the long thread...

I am after some advice on how to proceed with the school. My son ( 11 yo, year 6 ) is a bright boy and does well at school, even passing the grammar test for a local school. He has had 2 parents meeting so far this year and at everyone his teacher has praised him on behaviour and his work. No issues mentioned.

His heart is in sport, he plays football out of school and and this year he was chosen to be a sports ambassador at the school ( along with 60 others ) which meant he was able to to go to football tournaments, athletics..e.t.c .

Although the selection for teams is meant to be fair for everyone, the same 6 boys always get chosen and then the spares picked from the rest of the kids. These 6 boys are very close friends with my son.

However since January the school have been excluding him from certain sports events due to 'behaviour issues'.

On both occasions the school did not even bother to contact me to tell me that my son had been excluded from the events and at no point did they contact me to tell me they were having concerns with his behaviour. So obviously I was very taken aback by this. How can I work with him on his so called ' low disruption behaviour' as they called it , if I don't even know it is happening.

I wrote to the headteacher as I felt this was a very harsh punishment, to which he even replied that although he felt my child's behaviour was not extreme he was not following the school values and so the punishment stayed.

The reason he was not allowed to attend the latest event was because he was not tucking his shirt in, had not worn a tie on one occasion, and was causing ' low Distribution in class' year leaders words.

The issue is that they chose to announce who was going to the event on Monday of SATS week and the event was happening on that Friday which was also meant to be a celebration day at the school for finishing SATS with bouncy castles and all sorts. This caused a lot of necessary stress during what is a hard time for him during SATS week.

When my son heard the news that he was not picked and his group of friends were going to the event he was heartbroken. It has effected him all week and he has been in tears and feels left out and will not have anyone to share the celebrations with. I have not sent him into school today as he was so upset last night, seeing him in tears like that broke my heart, he is a good boy, doesn't swear at teachers or hurt kids, I just feel heartbroken for him.

Is it just me or does that seem rather extreme punishment ? Surely missing some lunch/ play or even a phone call to me so I could help him work at it would have been enough for this type of behaviour ?

I think children should be aware that what level of consequence they can expect,

How about no bad behaviour on consequences necessary?

He already does thank you but some consequences don't match the crime thankfully he has supporting parents that will see him through this and help him manage his emotions and stresses to help stop any mental health issues occurring as unfortunately we are seeing a lot of this now in schools.

yes but we are only human and all make mistakes, or go through hormonal changes, tough times...e.t.c anyway yes as I said consequences should be dealt out in school just need to work on the communication and make sure it matches the crime

I think children should be aware that what level of consequence they can expect,

Of course that’s not how it works, op 🤦‍♀️
You don’t get to piss about but stay just below the level that attracts a severe consequence.

Stop making excuses for him. Yes he is a child. Yes he is going through hormonal changes but so is every other child in his class.

I know what you are saying I suppose there are a few layers to the consequence which make it more harsh then it should be.

1. He didn't get get picked for the team- feels excluded
2. All his friends did - feels even more excluded
3. All his friends go away on celebration day so he is left alone- fell even even more excluded
4. He has to deal with trying trying to find someone, anyone to hand out with on the day.

It's not a mistake though to be disruptive in class for example though is it?

Do really think that kids should know levels of consequences?

Why?

So that they can decide that certain misbehaviours are worth it?

You asked what would have happened since January.

Probably he got his grammar school place, has been told by you he is amazing - you even refer to him as "golden" and since then he has been dicking around at school and causing low level disruption probably while they prepare other less able kids for their SATS. Constant low level disruption is despite what you say disrespectful to the teachers and other children.

Now its the teacher's fault your son misbehaved because she hasn't reported every dick move he made.

You then molly coddle him and buy into the it's not fair nonsense so much so you allow him to stay off (sorry but I suspect you escalated any distress he had with your bizarre it's not fair attitude).

Time for you to drop it, him to get over it and make sure he engages properly in class for the rest of term. He is going to get a massive shock at grammar school!

Not so easy if you’re sight impaired. And yes I would.

No I don't think I will, I do believe he has been treated unfairly to some extent but thank you for comments

1. Behave then
2. Behave then
3. Behave then
4. Diddums

Actions have consequences. Behave then.

I think you need read through the whole thread to be able to give a valid input sorry, I know it is long but you haven't got the whole story, will be intrested to hear your view once you have

I did.

I think you made up the migraine when people pulled you up for letting him stay off school and in effect buying into his nonsense.

Hope that helps.

You really are spiralling downwards 😂

And you really are "that parent".

Please let the grammar school know when you turn up on the first day and they won't need to go through the pain barrier of finding out later down the line

You’ve responded in a similar vein to other posters, op.
You really don’t want to hear any viewpoint that doesn’t match your own, do you?
Pointless thread, really.
Neither you or your son are any the wiser.

Thank you for all you comments I'm going to leave it there as I can see its starting to take a turn 😂

I respect all your comments (not the rudes ones obvs ) and will take them into consideration.

So you want the school to contact you every time your son shows low level disruption in a lesson? Do you know how much time that would take?

He does sound spoilt, it is not normal for an 11 year old to cry for days and get himself in such a state that he cant go to school , just because he didnt get chosen for an event. He is going to have a bit of a shock when he gets to secondary school.

What you mean is I respect the comments I agree with and will ignore the ones that don't validate my point of view.

Honestly pull him up now whilst he is 11. He is only going to get worse especially if you condone his poor behaviour.

Christ children are getting punished for not tucking in a shirt 🤦🏻‍♀️. Seems to me a HT on a power trip .
Im glad here in scotland uniform rules are much less extreme .

I very much doubt this is just about tucking in the shirt

No but was part of the reason and the tie

A tiny part, I imagine.

And constant low level disruption. Might report sockpuppet