Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Teacher left my ds1 wet all afternoon - what would you do?

103 replies

Greensleeves · 10/03/2008 15:49

have just picked ds1 up from school

he says he wet himself "in between lunch time and afternoon fruit time" and the teacher noticed he was wet - it was his turn to do something on the computer and she said "you can' sit on my lap, you've wet yourself" and he said "OK, I'll sit on the chair next to you then". She didn't change him or ask him to change himself or anything, and has sent him home still wet.

This teacher has had ds1's reception class just since half term, his original teacher went on maternity leave. He's being investigated (for want of a better term) for possible ASD and has an IEP, she knows all of this and thinks he has ASD (she told me this, shortly after the original teacher brought the subject up)

I did think she was quite kind and wolud be fine with ds1, although he was very attached to his other teacher. But a couple of things have upset me a bit - little things really. For one, when I took him in one morning recently when he was in one of his difficult moods, I was trying to talk to him and he was rocking and looking away from me (just being a bit silly, nothing terrible!) she said "Oh, he doesn't change, does he?" really harshly and then told him off in front of me.

Also ds1 really played up about going back to school this morning (we've been away for the weekend) and said his teacher didn't like him, his name was always on the board, he has no chance of ever being one of the good children and there is no point in him trying

His other teacher was strict with him but I don't think he felt disliked or demonised by her.

Am I overreacting? And what should I say? I am sitting here about to ring her and ask about the leaving him wet, but I don't want to alienate her, and I'm not sure what I should say.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

louii · 10/03/2008 15:52

Leaving him wet is not acceptable.

I would phone and complain as that is just awful, bad enough him having an accident but he could be subtly changed before any of his peers noticed.

pedilia · 10/03/2008 15:52

I would have a word with her,leaving a child in wet clothes is completely unacceptable IMO and I would be most unhappy.

Original poster

Greensleeves · 10/03/2008 15:52

bumping because I have to phone her because she goes home and I just don't know what to say

[migraine]

[self-pity]

OP posts:

Original poster

Greensleeves · 10/03/2008 15:52

x-posts, thanks! reading now

OP posts:

Original poster

Greensleeves · 10/03/2008 15:55

SHould I phone? What should I say? Fuck

OP posts:

fishie · 10/03/2008 15:55

poor boy. i can see you don't want to alienate her but she can't leave a little boy wet all afternoon, it is mean.

perhaps ring and ask why she didn't change him, whether you should send spare clothes in case it happens again and see what she says. then ask for a meeting with her to discuss other stuff because you are worried about him.

DANCESwithaMuffinTop · 10/03/2008 15:56

I would speak to her about the wet thing, say you are concerned about what has happened. I would say something like 'DS1 wet himself at lunchtime and seems to have come home still wet, did he tell you he was wet?' let her tell you what happened then rather than saying 'ds says....' I'm not saying your ds is not telling the truth but it's best to get both sides first. If it is as ds described then I would say that you feel this has been badly handled and ask if there is a school policy on what happens when a child has soiled themself (and I would use a word like that)because you are not happy about him being left in wet clothes.

I'm trying to be reasonable btw I am a teacher but I would be feckin furious if my child was left in wet clothes all afternoon. You are right though, it won't help your ds's cause if you alienate her.

fryalot · 10/03/2008 15:56

leaving him wet is absolutely not acceptable. Under any circumstances.
Ever.

If he doesn't have spare clothes then there should be an emergency box of clothes at the school. If there isn't, there should be.

Your poor, poor ds. YOu are not over-reacting at all.

Personally, I would speak to the head, this cannot be allowed to happen again.

Good luck.
xx

fryalot · 10/03/2008 15:59

of course, the others speak with the voice of reason... you should listen to them and ignore me.

But you can give him a hug from me if you like

Mercy · 10/03/2008 16:00

Ask her what the procedure/policy is when a child has an accident and then explain ds' side of hte story.

btw, what's this about having his name on the blackboard?

BeauLocks · 10/03/2008 16:01

She left him in urine soaked clothes all afternoon? That's disgraceful. What reason can she possibly have for doing that? In fact, there can be no reason for doing that other than an act of neglect or cruelty.

DANCESwithaMuffinTop · 10/03/2008 16:01

I bet it's a smiley face for children who have done good work/been kind/been helpful and a sad face for those who have been naughty/disruptive etc.

BeauLocks · 10/03/2008 16:02

Sorry - I know my post was totally unhelpful and a complete rant....

Hulababy · 10/03/2008 16:04

Leaving him wet is definutely not acceptable. She should have asked him/helped him to get changed. Even if he doesn't have a PE kit of spare clothes with him almost all primary schools hold some spare clothes for such reasons don't they?

DANCESwithaMuffinTop · 10/03/2008 16:04

I'm trying to be the voice of reason because as a teacher I would hate to be yelled at by an angry parent who hadn't given me a chance to tell my side of the story (although it's hard to imagine what possible reason there could be for not changing him unless she didn't realise) but as a mum I'm with you in ranting.

Hulababy · 10/03/2008 16:05

Yes, do phone.

Just ask what the policy is on accidents and change of clothes, and how come your DS came home in wet pants? And if there is no pilicy that you think there should be.

Could be something you need to follow up wth a letter to head of infants/head teacher too.

DANCESwithaMuffinTop · 10/03/2008 16:05

Yes, all schools have changes of clothes.

aefondkiss · 10/03/2008 16:10

and anger that a teacher could let a child stay in wet clothes

your poor ds greeny, really hope you manage to tread the line between getting over how acceptable this is and not alienating her

still for you ds!

aefondkiss · 10/03/2008 16:11

UNacceptable it is

Original poster

Greensleeves · 10/03/2008 16:28

I phoned her - I thought I was very pleasant and reasonable, but she was ultra-defensive and obviously felt very very got at

she said as far as she was concerned he wet himself right at the very end and she didn't have anyone to help her so she couldn't sort him out, and she was going to speak to me but he ran off before she had the chance and she had a staff meeting or somesuch....

I tried to steer it towards "I'm more concerned about why he is wetting at school and why he seems unhappy at the moment" - mentioned that he didn't want to go into school this morning, he said he felt "scared of everybody" and that he decided he wanted to sit behind the cupboards instead of sitting with the group - she said "I thought it was best to just leave him"

I also said I wasn't getting at her personally but was worried about ds1, and appreciated that there were 29 others in the classroom, and that ds1 can be very exasperating, and that all children have their lumps and bumps in the first year etc - I said maybe we could have a meeting to look at his IEP and talk about strategies, and she hedged and mentioned parents' evening and said she would have another look at his IEP and I could always grab her for a word in the morning some time.

I did mention that he feels he is one of the naughty children and that his name is always on the board and he feels really sad about coming to school - she started defending herself again, saying "there are four or five of them who will get up and disrupt when they are on the carpet when I am trying to do early reading, and I put their names on the board, maybe I shouldn't, just bear with me" etc, and I kept saying "I think all primary schools use this kind of strategy, I'm not complaining about it per se"

she just said "bear with me" and "I'm sorry but" a lot, I think I have made things worse.

Damn this migraine. I am supposed to be packing pens/drinks/guitar/children for Woodcraft at 5.30 [shoots self in temple]

I was very taken aback by just how defensive she was I don't think I have achieved anything

OP posts:

Original poster

Greensleeves · 10/03/2008 16:30

Actually tbh the headmistress can't stand me either, the whole lot of them think I am the quintessential overbearing mother who sees SN behind every tantrum and thinks her spoilt, poorly behaved brat is a tortured genius

in fact I probably AM...I know of several MNers who have intimated as much.

OP posts:

BeauLocks · 10/03/2008 16:31

Don't be so hard on yourself Greeny.

It sounds like she was very aware of all of the issues you raised and that's why she was so defensive. Here's hoping she ups her game a bit as far as ds is concerned and perhaps thinks a bit more about her attitude towards him.

dustystar · 10/03/2008 16:33

Well don't listen to them greeny. You know him best. Sounds to me like the school have no clue about ASD. I'd be furious if this happened to my child.

ja9 · 10/03/2008 16:33

perhaps you should speak to her linemanager? head of infants / headteacher. about the situation not about the teacher as such, but def mention that you didn't get anywhere with teacher because she appeared very defensive.

sympathies. i hate confrontations like these as a parent. don't seem to mind them so much as a teacher tho' .

Mercy · 10/03/2008 16:34

Can you speak to the Head of Early Years and arrange a meeting?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread