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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Teacher left my ds1 wet all afternoon - what would you do?

103 replies

Greensleeves · 10/03/2008 15:49

have just picked ds1 up from school

he says he wet himself "in between lunch time and afternoon fruit time" and the teacher noticed he was wet - it was his turn to do something on the computer and she said "you can' sit on my lap, you've wet yourself" and he said "OK, I'll sit on the chair next to you then". She didn't change him or ask him to change himself or anything, and has sent him home still wet.

This teacher has had ds1's reception class just since half term, his original teacher went on maternity leave. He's being investigated (for want of a better term) for possible ASD and has an IEP, she knows all of this and thinks he has ASD (she told me this, shortly after the original teacher brought the subject up)

I did think she was quite kind and wolud be fine with ds1, although he was very attached to his other teacher. But a couple of things have upset me a bit - little things really. For one, when I took him in one morning recently when he was in one of his difficult moods, I was trying to talk to him and he was rocking and looking away from me (just being a bit silly, nothing terrible!) she said "Oh, he doesn't change, does he?" really harshly and then told him off in front of me.

Also ds1 really played up about going back to school this morning (we've been away for the weekend) and said his teacher didn't like him, his name was always on the board, he has no chance of ever being one of the good children and there is no point in him trying

His other teacher was strict with him but I don't think he felt disliked or demonised by her.

Am I overreacting? And what should I say? I am sitting here about to ring her and ask about the leaving him wet, but I don't want to alienate her, and I'm not sure what I should say.

OP posts:

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Original poster

Greensleeves · 11/03/2008 18:34

Goosey, that's a good idea, I'll have a look!

DS1 has just said to dh that he heard his teacher and the TA talking, and that they were saying that they were going to write out a form detailing what he did every day and his behaviour. I called him in and asked him to tell me about it and he said the same things. Is it likely he could be making this up?

I am really sick of all this

OP posts:

VanillaPumpkin · 11/03/2008 18:49

But Greeny will that not help with any dx? I know you feel he is being singled out, but actually yes, he is, because they are aware of his difficulties. I am not saying it is right but the extra documentation regarding his behaviour does not sound like a bad thing....I think you should be told though. I would ask them if this is the case and request a copy of it to go to your appt with.

mrz · 11/03/2008 19:08

It is possible the paediatrician has asked for the information if ASD is suspected basically it is a standard form asking how the child presents in school.

Original poster

Greensleeves · 11/03/2008 19:11

mrz we haven't seen the paediatrician yet, and nobody has said anything to me about any forms - is it possible that they are conducting this sort of thing without telling me?

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 11/03/2008 19:13

I have had to fill out forms on children I have taught as part of the diagnosis process. This was in secondary BTW. But I'm not sure where in the process it came.

dustystar · 11/03/2008 19:13

They should discuss all this with you but it may just be that they are still discussing what to do and have every intention of discussing it with you before they start to do it.

Original poster

Greensleeves · 11/03/2008 19:19

dusty, I just hate the thought that they are doing things like this without my knowledge, especially as they ARE talking to me quite a bit at the moment (at my instigation) so if there are things they are doing and not telling me, it is deliberate omission! And to hear about it from my 5yo who has been allowed to overhear -

OP posts:

mrz · 11/03/2008 19:20

If the paediatrician has requested the forms they are usually completed prior to appointments so that all the information is available often parents are sent a similar form to complete to give a full picture of the child at home and school. I would expect the paediatrician to inform you if this is the case.

mrz · 11/03/2008 19:21

You could also ask the school for involvement from the ASD service

Original poster

Greensleeves · 11/03/2008 19:22

mrz aren't you a teacher? If you were asked to complete such forms about a child, and you were speaking to the child's parents on a daily basis about behavioural issues, would you decide not to mention the forms? I don't mean to be confrontational at all, I would value your insight before I go completely pyroclastic and request a meeting with the Head

OP posts:

dustystar · 11/03/2008 19:25

He may have misunderstood greeny. Please don't assume the worst as it will only stress you out. I umderstand why you are concerned but if they are talking so much to you I'd be surprised if it was a deliberate ommission. If anything you'd think they'd be keen to tell you that they are taking your concerns seriously enough to document his behaviour.

VictorianSqualor · 11/03/2008 19:26

Sorry it didn't go well today, but the appointment is good news.
I would mention to the teacher that DS thoguht he overheard something about forms wrt his behaviour and if that is what is happening would it be possible for you to have a copy too as it would be great for his appointment, at least you won't be worrying that you're kind of 'going on' as it may feel (I know when I was constantly complaining to DD's teacher I felt like a right ole nag!) also it will mean you can find out if they are planning on filling out forms.
Also if they are I'd be inclined to say something like 'anything else that you decide you want to do wrt his behaviour I'd appreciate if I could be kept in the loop rather than DS telling me as it's all helpful towards his paed case'.

Hope it gets better.

mrz · 11/03/2008 19:28

Personally I would speak to parents before filling in any forms just to check they are aware the information is being requested.

Does the school know about your son's appointment and the circumstances? Not making excuses for them but maybe they assume you know if this is the case.

Original poster

Greensleeves · 11/03/2008 19:30

I think I need to calm down, I could cheerfully throttle someone right now. Thank god for MN!

I'm going to start a new thread about paed appt and what to expect (am panicking that they will want us to talk in detail in front of him about his birth/behaviour/difficulties at school, which I don't want to do, he is 5.6 and pretty sharp.)

OP posts:

Heated · 11/03/2008 19:30

Poor ds.

Would it be possible to see the school's SENCO and explain how sad/frightened your lb has become - almost use the SENCO as the intermediary? Say you're grateful for everything Miss XX is doing (get her on side) but really desperate for him to settle down. These are 3 things (pick a manageable number) that really helped ds that previous teachers at the school used that he understands (the time out signal you mentioned before etc) does she think they could be used by Miss XX in her classroom? You certainly don't want to upset Miss XX's routines but also recognize that ds just not coping.

Could you also arrange for a change of clothes to be put in the school office so the school aren't inconvenienced (well, that's the spin I'd put on it) but really sends the signal that he is not to be left wet.

Original poster

Greensleeves · 11/03/2008 19:31

thanks for replying mrz, it helps to get teahers' perspectives as well as parents. I only heard about the appt this afternoon, a couple of hours after school - it's because of a cancellation they said, he wouldn't normally be seen this soon.

OP posts:

mrz · 11/03/2008 19:31

I think that's a good idea as there are a number of issues here which together can stress you out.

Original poster

Greensleeves · 11/03/2008 21:21

Heated, the SENCO is quite aloof and inscrutable, I've only met her once - I'm not sure how I would gain access to her without offending the class teacher. Hell, it looks as if I might have to end up NOT being super-friendly and conciliatory after all.

OP posts:

missymousie · 11/03/2008 21:58

Hi Greensleeves lots of sympathy about your poor son.

Just a couple of things though ask your paed and the school about being statemented/school action or whatever your lea calls it when you discuss him and his IEP. It gives the school extra money to hire a TAs to help pupils on a one to one basis - although some mums "don't want their children labelled" quite often a good TA in consultation with a good senco can teach ASD, ADHD students coping strategies so they don't need to be statemented by juniors/secondary school.

Also ask your son if he knows when he is wetting himself - it might be at particular stress points. If he is frightened and sad it could be part of his fear mechanism if his name is said sharply or when he noise in the classroom rises.

Also try and get his hearing tested it might be that he is having problems with his ears which is making the noise in the classroom very difficult/painful for him - off hand I can't remember the medical reason but it might be worth researching

Plus have a look around at other schools. It is worth getting him sorted and supported now too many people let things like this drift and kids can get labelled by the system. Be terribly nice and sweetly reasonable

soapbox · 11/03/2008 22:06

Greeny - I really feel sad reading all this about your lovely DS

We had a similar clash of personalities when DD started in reception and by the end of the first term there were ready to withdraw her and put her into another school. The headteacher wanted us to give the school another chance and moved her to the other reception teacher's class. Within 2 weeks it was as if our DD had come back to life again!

DD was far from a problem pupil - she is bright, very quiet and very compliant. So please don't think that this is all due to your DS's behaviour - sometimes the relationship just doesn't work out!

I think you need to escalate this and as part of this I would be talking to other schools so that you have a fall back position if you cannot resolve it within the school.

You really have had a tough time recently and I really hope that you are managing to find a little bit of time to be kind to yourself

FairyMum · 11/03/2008 22:11

Just wanted to pop on this thread to say I disagree with names of the "bad" children on the board. Our school had similar and I complained until I was blue in the face and in the end they stopped it. My children never even had their names on the naughty board, but I was fed up with them coming home talking about it. Thought it ridiculous and I know not all schools do it.

oops · 11/03/2008 22:17

Message withdrawn

soapbox · 11/03/2008 22:20

Greeny - I think Oops's advice is spot on. Keep him at home and surround him with lurve - it'll do him (and you) the world of good

oops · 11/03/2008 22:27

Message withdrawn

FairyMum · 11/03/2008 22:29

You are so not alone though. I am suprised how many people I know who have these issues as well as lots of threads on MN about simialar things.

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