Teacher left my ds1 wet all afternoon - what would you do?

[Greensleeves]

have just picked ds1 up from school

he says he wet himself "in between lunch time and afternoon fruit time" and the teacher noticed he was wet - it was his turn to do something on the computer and she said "you can' sit on my lap, you've wet yourself" and he said "OK, I'll sit on the chair next to you then". She didn't change him or ask him to change himself or anything, and has sent him home still wet.

This teacher has had ds1's reception class just since half term, his original teacher went on maternity leave. He's being investigated (for want of a better term) for possible ASD and has an IEP, she knows all of this and thinks he has ASD (she told me this, shortly after the original teacher brought the subject up)

I did think she was quite kind and wolud be fine with ds1, although he was very attached to his other teacher. But a couple of things have upset me a bit - little things really. For one, when I took him in one morning recently when he was in one of his difficult moods, I was trying to talk to him and he was rocking and looking away from me (just being a bit silly, nothing terrible!) she said "Oh, he doesn't change, does he?" really harshly and then told him off in front of me.

Also ds1 really played up about going back to school this morning (we've been away for the weekend) and said his teacher didn't like him, his name was always on the board, he has no chance of ever being one of the good children and there is no point in him trying

His other teacher was strict with him but I don't think he felt disliked or demonised by her.

Am I overreacting? And what should I say? I am sitting here about to ring her and ask about the leaving him wet, but I don't want to alienate her, and I'm not sure what I should say.

Greeny, when I get really pissed off with something the school is doing I wave the " you are responsible for my child's welfare and well being" stick at them. It usually works, stop being nice now, you have your son to defend .

Greeny - from reading about your ds and his teacher I am really wondering if she has any training in dealing with sn/asd?

I am not sure what the way is to deal with this sort of thing, my ds started ms nursery last August (Scotland) within a week of starting we had a meeting with the headteacher to discuss putting in the right kind of support for my ds.... he hasn't got a diagnosis, yet, but all the help they can give him is in place....

our first meeting with the consultant Paed was about an hour long, my ds played, with a nurse trying to engage with him, whilst the paed talked to us and observed ds... I was not worried about speaking about stuff in front of my ds, not that he would understand or be interested.... it is hard to be going through all this without the help and support of your school Greeny...

I have heard people on the SN board mention parent partnership groups (there are none where I live... but they sound helpful).... good luck with the meeting with the paediatrician.

In my opinion keeping children off school only makes things more difficult in the long term. Unless you plan moving your son to another school in the immediate future he will have to return to the class and it is always difficult returning after any break.

I also disagree with "don't get your child labelled" if there is a problem. I am a parent of a SEN child and a reception class teacher and SENCO in my school. If it turns out your son has ASD then he may require additional support which will be difficult for the school to provide without a statement of needs which will make additional funding available for staff and/or resources.