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Original poster

Divorce and school application

213 replies

Trek28 · 21/10/2023 16:26

I am going through a difficult divorce and need to make an application for our daughter’s school place, as she is due to start school in September 2024. The application needs to be made by the 16th January 2024. I am looking for advice from people who have been in this same situation.

Over the last 4 months I have tried to get a dialogue going over a school application, I have put forward a list of schools in our hometown on more than one occasion and given reasons why I would like our daughter to go to one of those schools. This list includes a school which we both agreed our daughter would attend before our relationship broke down.

Communication is very difficult; I never see my ex-wife and she will only communicate through her solicitor. She has not cooperated over schools and has only yesterday sent a solicitor’s letter giving her intentions.

Her letter says that she intends to go and live “longer term” with her mother and stepfather who live 20 miles away. They also live under a different local authority. My ex-wife has put forward a list of three schools all within 1.5 miles of this address. She is asking for my agreement on these schools and my agreement that she can put down her mother and stepfather’s address as the address for the school application.

I don’t understand how my ex-wife can do this and use her mother’s address for a school application. We currently have a court order in place that gives us 50:50 custody of our daughter and 50:50 use of the family home. We each spend 50% of the time with our daughter and have use of the family home while we are with her. My wife is today living in the family home, she pays her share of the mortgage, the bills and council tax and all her documents are registered at that address.

Does anyone know if this is possible?

OP posts:
Reugny · 21/10/2023 16:35

Basically she wants to control where your daughter lives as she will get more assets in the divorce if she does.

Ask her to agree to put the house up for sale.

Then without telling her you should move near her mother and stepfather. That way you still get to see your daughter 50% of the time.

Btw while this does sound facetious I have friends who have moved, and within a couple of years their ex's have moved within 10 miles of them. More than one couple had a bitter chikd arrangements splat.

Whattodo112222 · 21/10/2023 16:39

You will need to apply for a specific issue order if you can't agree on schools. A judge will decide.

Smartiepants79 · 21/10/2023 16:42

Well unless she can prove she’s actually living with her parents full time then she’s attempting to make a fraudulent application. LA are very strict about this kind of stuff. I’m not very convinced she’d get away with using her parents address for this.

Original poster
Trek28 · 21/10/2023 16:54

I totally agree about this potentially being a fraudulent application. I am very confused as it seems that she is asking me to be part of the fraud too.

I agree that the matter is likely to end up in court, but I really don't want it too. We have been to court three times already and it's an awful experience.

I think what I am trying to establish is can she actually make a valid application at that address. Because otherwise we would be going to court over something she can't do anyway.

OP posts:
Whattodo112222 · 21/10/2023 16:59

Primary school applications are made via the local authority website. From my recollection they didn't ask for any evidence of address but presumably they can check either by the electoral roll or council tax information.

Aintnosupermum · 21/10/2023 17:08

First, if you aren’t divorced yet how is the mother of your child with a step father?

second, what is best for the child? 20 miles away sounds like it’s a different LEA. So, are these schools better? If not, how does it benefit your child to move there? Moving will impact your ability see your child on a consistent basis, so I would focus on parenting schedules. If you want to be actively involved in your child’s life, this is an excellent way to live that.

In divorce it’s all by formula. Don’t focus on your ‘rights’ so much as what is best for the child and then work back from that.

If Moving 20 miles away gives your child access to a better school, I would ask for more time during the holidays so your overall time is still 50%.

Original poster
Trek28 · 21/10/2023 17:22

Sorry, Aintnosupermum maybe a little confusion over the stepfather there. My ex-wife plans to move and live with her mother and the man her mother married 4 years ago (so my wife's stepfather).

All the schools I have put forward are good schools, I have toured them all and they are lovely, they are all rated as "Good" schools by Ofsted.

Yes, the schools my wife is putting forward are in another local education authority.

I really want my daughter to continue living in her hometown where she has always lived. She has friends there and attends preschool there.

The move to 20 miles aways is in my view not in my daughter's interests. It's seems to more about the fact that my ex-wife want to move back home and live with her mum.

OP posts:
Aintnosupermum · 22/10/2023 03:29

So the current way of doing divorce is that they look to try and keep both parents actively engaged with the child/ren.

There are some key differentiators such as your wife working, or not subsequent to having child and how that decision was made.

Then you have the issue that if you fight her on this she is likely to say she needs to move to be close to elderly parents needing support.

Sit down with your lawyer and go through your options.

YireosDodeAver · 22/10/2023 04:35

Unless your ExW & DD are already living with her parents and her name is no longer on the deeds/mortgage of your previous marital home by the date of the application deadline, the application will be fraudulent and your DD may end up with a terrible school because the correct address is the marital home address and so DD will be very low on distance criteria. Children whose school place was obtained via the parent lying about their address on the application form can and do have their school place removed when the lie is discovered, and they must reapply and will be given a place at whatever undersubscribed (and therefore unpopular) schools have places.

So she can follow that plan but needs to actually get the property aspect of your split concluded by January and to actually move in with her DPs, not just say that this is her intention. Intentions have no bearing on school applications

prh47bridge · 22/10/2023 09:20

Your ex-wife cannot use her mother's address for a school application unless she and your daughter are actually living there. If she does, her application will be fraudulent. As she lives in a different LA to her parents, the LA could reject your ex-wife's application, risking your daughter ending up without a place at all.

If you cannot agree with your ex-wife, you will need to take it to court and get a Specific Issue Order. This will look at your daughter's best interests. The court will not support your ex-wife making a fraudulent application.

Hihosilver123 · 22/10/2023 10:37

As Prh47bridge said, she cannot use her parents’ address unless she, and your daughter, are actually living there. It sounds like you might need the support of the courses in order to ensure that decisions are made in your daughter’s best interests.

Whattodo112222 · 22/10/2023 10:55

If she's moving 20 miles away too.. it will undoubtedly affect the 50/50 contact as your daughter travelling all that way to school in the morning won't be in her best interests.
If your ex wife secures a property and does it all properly then its a different matter

Original poster
Trek28 · 22/10/2023 16:13

Yes, it will definitely affect the 50/50 arrangement. Especially considering that my commute to work is 17 miles in the opposite direction!

So I will have to do a 40 mile round trip in the morning to take my daughter to school. Then a 34 mile round trip to go to work. Then another 40 mile round trip to pick my daughter up from school. So 114 miles of driving every school day.

My ex-wife by comparison will live within 1 mile of her first choice school and will be living 3 miles drive from her place of work. So she will be doing 5/6 miles every school day.

OP posts:
kiddosbedtimealready · 22/10/2023 16:22

I'm male. I would agree this. Your ex wife wants to start her new life and the 50:50 thing with the house is not a permanent solution. It's not that far. Why would you want your ex-wife and daughter to be away from their support network. Put your child first and agree it. Your ex is not being unreasonable.

Whattodo112222 · 22/10/2023 17:15

I think you need to think of what's best for your daughter..

Putting the fraudulent application aside for a moment, you also can't lay down the law and force her to go to a local school.

If the matter goes to court, the judge will just agree what's best for your daughter. Which may be that your ex is prevented from moving and you have to apply for the local school. Or she's allowed to move, can put her in the school she has chosen and contact arrangements are adjusted accordingly.
You have a big green card in that you have shared care so it will be very difficult for her to convince the court.

However, having a support network is also important. Your support network isn't her support network.

The amount of driving you have to do will be irrelevant.

Soontobe60 · 22/10/2023 17:22

Sharing the former marital home is just unworkable long term.
Sell the house, ex moves in with her mum, DD goes to a school nearby her new home, you move nearer to her school.

cansu · 22/10/2023 17:27

Living part time in the family home on a 50 50 basis is bonkers. Sell the house and have a clean break. Is 50 50 in your dd interests or is it for you and your wife's benefit? Who did the majority of the care before you broke up?

Original poster
Trek28 · 22/10/2023 17:47

Just clarify a few points.

Both me and my ex-wife work full time hours and have always done so.

I am not at all expecting the current housing arrangements to continue long-term. It is agreed that the family home will have to be sold. However, due to ongoing court divorce proceedings, the house realistically will not be on the market until January at the earliest. Meanwhile it remains our registered address, and will be our address at the time of a schools application.

I have lived in our hometown for over 10 years, my wife has lived there with me for 8 years, and our daughter all her life.

Our daughter has friends, and clubs and activities in the town. She will tell people the name of her town, and will ask to go home to there. I know she is only 4 years old but I believe she has her connections to her hometown.

I genuinely believe it is in our daughter's best interests to remain in our hometown. I want to stand by our daughter and provide her with continuity of a home there.

I cannot in anyway control where my wife chooses to live and I understand that. But I see her moving away as a personal choice that she is making, and that shouldn't have to affect all of us.

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 22/10/2023 19:09

So, at the moment your daughter lives in the FMH 100% of the time? Where do you live and where does your ex live when not with your daughter in the FMH?

Whattodo112222 · 22/10/2023 19:22

I didn't clock that bit about the 50/50 use of the fmh.. that makes things so complicated and confusing!

SheilaFentiman · 22/10/2023 19:27

OP

i think yanbu about location and also using anything other than the FMH for the address will be fraudulent

kiddosbedtimealready · 22/10/2023 19:39

If your ex wife moves with DD to her Mum's, and does that before the application deadline, there's nothing fraudulent about the school applications. She's planning for the future, the only thing in which that is certain is that it won't be at the old marital home (so not really logical to fix on the idea that is the address that must be used when a sale is imminent. It feels, if I'm honest, like the whole fraud angle is a way to rationalise your desire to keep them in your current town. That's understandable, but mate, it let it go, you said you've already had to have three court hearings because you can't agree things. Instead of fighting it, have a conversation about how you can be a part of it in terms of contact and parenting.

Original poster
Trek28 · 22/10/2023 20:05

Yes, our daughter lives in the FMH 100% of the time. I pushed for this as soon as we separated as I wanted our daughter to be stable remaining in her home. It was an informal arrangement that I put in place and then the court formalised it in our Child Arrangements Order.

When we are not in the FMH we each stay at our respective parents houses.

Just to be clear with the whole fraudulent application thing. I am not wanting to get my ex-wife in trouble or anything here. I just don't believe an application that way would be valid, and I wouldn't go along with it if it was wrong.

OP posts:
Blahahahah · 22/10/2023 20:13

As lovely as the nesting arrangement is, how long do you see that working for? I would imagine not very long as you living with respective parents long-term is not feasible for moving on with your own lives, maybe that is what she has come to realise?

Laurdo · 22/10/2023 20:14

Trek28 · 22/10/2023 16:13

Yes, it will definitely affect the 50/50 arrangement. Especially considering that my commute to work is 17 miles in the opposite direction!

So I will have to do a 40 mile round trip in the morning to take my daughter to school. Then a 34 mile round trip to go to work. Then another 40 mile round trip to pick my daughter up from school. So 114 miles of driving every school day.

My ex-wife by comparison will live within 1 mile of her first choice school and will be living 3 miles drive from her place of work. So she will be doing 5/6 miles every school day.

She's being completely selfish. I assume she wanted you to have less than 50% when you went to court? And now you have it she's trying to make it difficult for you.