Divorce and school application

[Trek28]

I am going through a difficult divorce and need to make an application for our daughter’s school place, as she is due to start school in September 2024. The application needs to be made by the 16th January 2024. I am looking for advice from people who have been in this same situation.

Over the last 4 months I have tried to get a dialogue going over a school application, I have put forward a list of schools in our hometown on more than one occasion and given reasons why I would like our daughter to go to one of those schools. This list includes a school which we both agreed our daughter would attend before our relationship broke down.

Communication is very difficult; I never see my ex-wife and she will only communicate through her solicitor. She has not cooperated over schools and has only yesterday sent a solicitor’s letter giving her intentions.

Her letter says that she intends to go and live “longer term” with her mother and stepfather who live 20 miles away. They also live under a different local authority. My ex-wife has put forward a list of three schools all within 1.5 miles of this address. She is asking for my agreement on these schools and my agreement that she can put down her mother and stepfather’s address as the address for the school application.

I don’t understand how my ex-wife can do this and use her mother’s address for a school application. We currently have a court order in place that gives us 50:50 custody of our daughter and 50:50 use of the family home. We each spend 50% of the time with our daughter and have use of the family home while we are with her. My wife is today living in the family home, she pays her share of the mortgage, the bills and council tax and all her documents are registered at that address.

Does anyone know if this is possible?

@Reugny I can only find this post of yours. Thanks for the advice, but I can't really see that there is anything really to reply to.

Please let me know if I've missed something.

OP you may not see anything wrong with your behaviour, but the Court was sufficiently concerned to make an interim order and then to accept undertakings to enable an agreement for the order's release. There are allegations of DV hanging over you for determination at Trial.

Go see your lawyer, and ask them to draft a Consent Order varying the arrangements to allow your wife to move with the child to her mum's house. Give her authority to do the school application. Let her sell the house. Divide any equity fairly, and start again.

You can't change the past, but you can shape the future.

OP my post is basically the same as @Fahbeep

Move on with your life and stop making the lawyers rich.

@Reugny but it was his ex that spent 42k for lawyers and not him. Have you read everything he wrote?

@Fahbeep why you believe he should give her the authority to make applications? Maybe give up on seeing his daughter too? And maybe give up on his house?

Yes she spent 42k trying to get away and he clearly keeps pursuing her through the courts! Self representing maybe. Causing trouble definitely.

He's also spending money on solicitors, and if he continues to fight every single thing he will spend about the same amount.

The OP needs to realise his marriage is over so both he and his ex need to move on.

He has the choice of fighting every single thing, or work out how to split up so he can see his daughter. This may actually -shock horror - involve him moving location to do that.

Op. I'm sorry but I can categorically tell you that a court will not award a non molestation order on the basis of just a statement. There has to be a significant evidence of risk.

I got a non molestation order and a subsequent extention to it for my ex. There was pages and pages of evidence.

The courts don't hand these things out willy nilly.

I agree with the poster who says just let your ex wife go.. no good will come out of this.

@JustWingItLifeEyelinerEverything if you can't see the issues here, you don't want to see them.

@Reugny

I bet he has noticed that his marriage is over, but for godness sake, he is not divorcing his daughter

@Fahbeep I see the issues e.g. that his ex if she could would take away parental rights

I also see the issue that people easily advise: give her what she wants. Yeah, give her everything and move to the tent. it is easy to decide on somebody's elses posessions. You give everything to your ex if you are so wise.

@JustWingItLifeEyelinerEverything I'm struggling to think how best to deconstruct your last reply. It's tinged with bitterness about something from your own life. But literally no one is sending the OP to a tent (except maybe himself by running down his share of the marital equity disagreeing every step of the separation and running up costs that the judge may eventually pin to him). His ex and daughter are not possessions either. A subconscious slip on your part, perhaps revealing your beliefs about women?

@Fahbeep stop looking into 🔮. You are clearly not good at it. I have never had to fight about a child, posessions with any man. As a matter of fact I have never been to court. Stop stop your nonsense fantasies about people after reading few words from somebody because it displays arrogance.
Where did I say that his daughter or ex are posessions? Read carefully what I written.
I just find ridiculous advising OP to give it all to his ex as you written. Nonsense. He worked hard on what they own and has a right to half of it. Also he has rights to see his daughter and the same kind of rights to decide wherw she will attend school as his ex..
My advise is to use a mediator or establish things in court

@JustWingItLifeEyelinerEverything well we can agree about mediation, but it requires a willingness to compromise.

@Fahbeep

Then if not mediation the court will decide. That what is court for.

And do not advise OP to give it all to Ex as if he was a millionaire and what he would be leaving is the cost of ear buds for him. He cannot walk away and live from tent. He has rights to half of the posession and equal rights in deciding on daughter's affair whether his ex likes it or not

The last few posts are rather off topic

@JustWingItLifeEyelinerEverything Got it. Thanks! That's me put back in my box! We'll just ignore the credible allegations of DV... it's all just a property issue...

This is what my county says about school applications. Even if op and ex were in perfect agreement, unless the house is sold before the application deadline, using a relative’s house for the address is not allowed.

This is what my county says for secondary applications.

The address on the application must be the child's current permanent place of residence, usually the parents' address.

• Where the child is subject to a child arrangements order and that order stipulates that the child will live with one parent/carer more than the other, the address to be used will be the one where the child is expected to live for the majority of the time.
• In other cases where the parents do not live together, the address is where the child spends most of their time. In cases, where the child spends an equal time between their parents/carers, it will be up to the parent/carers to agree which address to use.
• Where a child spends their time equally between their parents/carers and they cannot agree on who should make the application, we will accept an application from the parent/carer who is registered for child benefit (where applicable). If neither parent/carer is registered for child benefit we will accept the application from the parent/carer whose address is registered with the child's current school or nursery.
• You must not use a business or carer/childminder's address.
• You must also not use a relative's address unless the child lives at that address as their normal place of residence.
• We will not normally accept a temporary address if the main carer of the child still owns or rents a property that has previously been used as a home address, nor if we believe it has been used to obtain a school place when an alternative address is still available to that child.
• Where a temporary address is used to secure a school place and the agreement to reside there is due to expire before the allocation of places, we may contact you for an update on your plans to secure a more permanent address.
• An application can only be made from one address, and only one application per child can be made.

We will need proof of where you live - usually your council tax number, or if you are not responsible for council tax, two forms of alternative evidence, such as a copy of your signed tenancy agreement and a utility bill or driving licence.
We will check the address on your application against the records we hold for your child's current school and we may also check council tax records or write to ask you to provide proof of your address.
We will investigate any applications where there is doubt about the address being given. Use of false information may lead us to withdraw an offer of a place, even after a child has started at a school.

@Fahbeep I have no idea how you can be sure of credibility basing on the typed in letters without knowing even people. I honestly would not dare to make assumptions

@JustWingItLifeEyelinerEverything I'm not making assumptions. It's what OP tells us in his most recent posts. There was an interim non-molestation order. A court won't make that order unless it is satisfied of a credible risk of future DV, based on evidence of historic DV. I think we are way past seeing this thread about the technicalities of a school application... it's a thread about divorce, domestic violence and the manifestations of coercive control. I'm expecting push back, but there it is.

I assume your wife wants to make a new start in a new place close to her parents. Your problem is whether you can legally force her to stay in the place you want your daughter to live. I suspect not.

But do you know the details of it? No. The range for the reasons of that order is very very broad. And even so why would he give everything to her? Why he should give her rights to decide about their daughter's fate? Has he been taken parental rights ? No.
Then they should split it equally. And equally take care of their daughter.

No, he cannot. She can move anywhere within UK. And if they share custody there is a requirement of a reasonable distance. But the lawyers only can say how far.

I am back to give an update on this thread.

I had to take this matter to court as there was clearly going to be no budging from me or my wife, and we needed a decision so we could move forward.

The matter was heard at the magistrates court on Monday, and they ruled in my favour. We now have a court order that says we are to apply under our home address to our local authority.

We still need to agree between us the actual schools to put on the application. I delicately started communication with my wife on this last night via text message. The outcome of the messaging was positive, she wants to view another school next week and then we can discuss some more.

It remains unclear if my wife still plans to move away.

That is positive to note.
Do you also plan on not budging on your choice of school for your daughter or will you allow your ex wife some input on school choices?

Wow. So you are deliberately making it so she won't be able to afford to live there and will have to move school in the future. Do you think you can force her to get back with you? Keep her from getting support from her parents?