Divorce and school application

[Trek28]

I am going through a difficult divorce and need to make an application for our daughter’s school place, as she is due to start school in September 2024. The application needs to be made by the 16th January 2024. I am looking for advice from people who have been in this same situation.

Over the last 4 months I have tried to get a dialogue going over a school application, I have put forward a list of schools in our hometown on more than one occasion and given reasons why I would like our daughter to go to one of those schools. This list includes a school which we both agreed our daughter would attend before our relationship broke down.

Communication is very difficult; I never see my ex-wife and she will only communicate through her solicitor. She has not cooperated over schools and has only yesterday sent a solicitor’s letter giving her intentions.

Her letter says that she intends to go and live “longer term” with her mother and stepfather who live 20 miles away. They also live under a different local authority. My ex-wife has put forward a list of three schools all within 1.5 miles of this address. She is asking for my agreement on these schools and my agreement that she can put down her mother and stepfather’s address as the address for the school application.

I don’t understand how my ex-wife can do this and use her mother’s address for a school application. We currently have a court order in place that gives us 50:50 custody of our daughter and 50:50 use of the family home. We each spend 50% of the time with our daughter and have use of the family home while we are with her. My wife is today living in the family home, she pays her share of the mortgage, the bills and council tax and all her documents are registered at that address.

Does anyone know if this is possible?

I don’t think it has to go to court before the application deadline if the wife will not have a new permanent address before the application deadline.

The most efficient way for OP to get the schools on the list that he wants is (a) get the child benefit transferred to him, as is happening anyway, to increase his claim to have his address moved, and (b) if it cannot be resolved, tell the LA that the parents are disputing whose address takes precedence given the 50/50 split, ask them to make a decision, but note that the child’s address does not vary and is the current address, where she lives 100% of the time.

oh and (c) ensure that the house sale doesn’t complete before the deadline, but that should be easy.

The status quo is in OP’s favour here, not the mother’s favour.

Disagree, tbh. My friend split up with her children’s father and they continue to do 50:50 five years+ on - because they both live in the same town and in walking distance of school.

And OP has the better case to be the main carer, if it comes to it, as he wants to stay in the town where the child has lived her whole life, and he will be getting the CB.

I hope the ex doesn't transfer the child benefit without questioning why and if I were her I just wouldn't submit the form

The reason she is transferring the child benefit is because she would have to repay it but op would not, because she is the higher earner.

@SheilaFentiman I don't get what you are disagreeing about, the ex-wife has stated she wants to move away so not in the same town 🤷

Honestly, removing the genders, it seems to me like it is best for the two parents to stay living in the same town. The DD goes to the same school as some of her day care/playgroup friends, both parents have a similar commute, the 50:50 is easier to maintain.

There seems no case for the mum to move away and get the DD into a school which it would be much harder for the dad to do 50:50 with as it is in the wrong direction.

He would almost certainly have to do
less than 50:50 because of her decision

Because she wants to move away AND have the DD go to school near her. If she wanted to move away but still have the DD at a school near OP, and change her hours to suit, I doubt OP would have an issue.

If Moving 20 miles away gives your child access to a better school, I would ask for more time during the holidays so your overall time is still 50%.

But then one parent has all the more boring school times with hardly any chance to do holidays or fun activities, and the other parent gets the majority of the free fun time. It really isn't possible to have overall 50/50 split if one parent is only using the school holidays cor contact, even if you take every single school holiday day, so I'm not sure how that would work because no court would give one parent every single holiday day.

No one can make his ex-wife stay in the same town. I wonder if she understands the future significance of signing the child benefit over, solicitors are really shit at pointing out potential consequences.

CB isn’t the only factor, in determining the main address.

And, as I keep saying, the child’s permanent address on 16th Jan will be the FMH. Even if OP was on board with the change, with ExW still paying half the mortgage etc on the FMH at that point, the LA would deem the FMH to be the child’s address if they looked at it.

Agreed. As things stand, the FMH is the only address that is likely to be valid for the purposes of applying for a school place. Using the ex-wife's parents' address would be fraudulent. There is, therefore, no realistic chance of getting places at schools near that address.

@SheilaFentiman child benefit isn't used for working out the main address, it is used when parties don't agree on who is the main carer which will have future consequences for his ex and I wonder if she is fully aware of what those are.

Yes, I know.

That was short hand - if the parents already lived apart and had 50:50 care then the one with the CB might well have the edge in saying they were the primary carer and hence their address should be considered the child’s primary address for school applications.

But - and for the last time since the guru of applications prh has agreed with me - it’s not relevant here because of the timing of the application vs any move.

Good night.

Ignore this bad advice OP unless you do want to be that guy who loses everything in the end by trying to control an ex's legitimate decisions. I don't know what @SheilaFentiman is on, but he/she seems to have forgotten (or does not care/consider) that your ex is a person who has agency and can make her own decisions about where to live. She is moving to the next town, not the moon! How does @SheilaFentiman intend to sell for you to exercise control over your ex I wonder, because I assure you a Court is not going to your tool to tell your ex she cannot move with your DD to the next town 10 miles up the road.

Sigh.

I am a woman.

No one is trying to stop the exW moving. Not me, not the OP.

They have 50:50 care and a decision needs to be made about what address goes on the school application in jan.

The only address that can go on is the child’s current main (indeed, sole) address as both parents pay mortgage and bills at the FMH and the child spends 100% of her time there.

If a dad with 50:50 care was moving 10 miles away and in with his parents and wanted to list that address as the main one for school, would you be reacting this way to the exW posting for advice who was staying put?

No-one, including @SheilaFentiman, is suggesting that OP's ex cannot move. And there is nowhere near enough information on this thread to determine if the courts would allow her to move her child 20 miles (not 10). As this is currently a 50/50 shared care situation and a move would make that harder, it is possible the courts would insist that OP's daughter continues to live in the FMH.

However, this thread is about school admissions. @SheilaFentiman is correct that, as things stand, the only address that can go on any application is the FMH. That means applications to schools near the ex's parents are unlikely to succeed. Whatever the mother wants, OP's daughter is likely to end up with a school near the FMH. That then becomes a factor in whether the courts would allow OP's ex to move her daughter 20 miles away.

I would be giving the same advice if the OP was the child's mother and it was the father who wanted to move the child 20 miles away.

No one, including OP is saying the ex can't move to her parents, absolutely her choice. But then she has deal with the consequences of her choice meaning that she has further to commute to get her DD to school on her time. Why should her choice mean that OP has a huge commute when he's planning to stay in the same town they've always stayed in? She's the one changing the status quo. She can move to the moon if she likes but she can't expect to put DD in a school just because it's convenient for her.

No court would ever say the child has to stay in the marital home when the parents are getting divorced and selling the home.
The wife should not stop cb as this has unintended consequences which the op is aware of.
I think we can all see the resentment that his wife earns more and has a company car and might have her parents support. Don't encourage op or give him more tools to control her as he us already trying to as he told us clearly when he said he made the decision the 4yr old would live in the house and her parents visit has the week each, which by the way is not actually a very good thing.

@prh47bridge @SheilaFentiman you guys are encouraging the OP to apply to Court for an Order that would prevent the ex from moving to her support network unless she wants to leave her child with the OP as the main carer. That's almost the definition of encouraging behaviour that looks like coercive control. I'm going to go out on a limb and say she doesn't want to do that. She's used a solicitor to raise the issue, so she is already gearing up to act if she has to and if OP refuses to agree. There will be much misery for all if the OP follows your bad advice.

@SheilaFentiman who are you to say there is "no case" for the ex to move. Is that a considered legal opinion? 🤦‍♂️

OP, neither of you can have a settled home life while you are swapping around your marital home every week. That will not be comfortable long term for either of you. Your wife is right to sort it out now, so your dd does not have to change schools half way through.

It is reasonable that your wife wants a support network, and moving in with her mum is the most immediate opportunity for this. Your dw will need to return to work full time and that means you both will need childcare. If her dm is willing to provide wrap around care, then that is something to be considered.

Or can you come up with an alternative arrangement that works, rather than just resisting change? Something that allows both of you to work full time and gives you each a settled independent future?

Can you move house too? Move work or change hours? Wfh?

@kiddosbedtimealready No, we are not, nor are we offering bad advice. Our advice is simply about school admissions.

OP might need to apply for a Specific Issue Order to sort out the preferences for a school application. He does not need to apply for an order to stop his ex-wife moving their child out of the FMH and I have not suggested he should do so. However, given that the current CAO has her living in the FMH and stipulates 50/50 shared care, it is likely that OP's ex will need a court order before she can move her daughter.

To say yet again, as things stand the only address that can be used for applying for schools is the FMH. If OP's ex uses her parents' address as she proposes, that would be a fraudulent application and could result in OP's daughter ending up without a place at any school. Please explain how this is bad advice.

As the only valid address for applications is the FMH, applications to schools 20 miles away are almost certain to fail. Please explain how this is bad advice.

Whatever goes on the application, OP's daughter is likely to end up with a school nearer the FMH than his ex's parents' home, albeit it may be an unpopular school that is inconvenient for both parents unless a valid application is made using the address of the FMH. Please explain how this is bad advice.

Echo what PRH says.

And I didn’t say this, you appear to be arguing with a straw (wo)man @kiddosbedtimealready

”@SheilaFentiman who are you to say there is "no case" for the ex to move. Is that a considered legal opinion? 🤦‍♂️”

This is like playing chess with a pigeon, so I won’t respond to you again.

@MintJulia they both already work full
time

@SheilaFentiman I know they both work full time now, but the dd is presumably in a nursery that allows that.

When the DD goes to primary school, It will start at 8.45 and end at 3pm (or thereabouts) , so wrap around care will be needed if they are both to continue working full time. The wife is taking that into account. The husband appears not to be.

Someone I know actually did this and got away with it, several years later the authority is none the wiser