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Primary education

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Original poster

Dangerous behaviour towards my son

120 replies

wednamenov · 02/10/2023 11:54

Two weeks ago my son was attacked by another child at school (primary). Viciously.He came out ok, but honestly, it was serious enough that if a blow or kick had landed slightly differently an ambulance would have had to be called. His attacker is autistic, so it's not his fault and not about bullying. However, despite adult supervision, this happened. Basically, the child is very fast and very strong. In the two weeks since, my son has been attacked twice more by the same child. The second two incidents he was shoved to the ground. My issue is that despite the fact we were so lucky after the first incident that it wasn't so much worse, and despite awareness at the school and adults present, this child has made aggressive contact twice more. I have expressed my fears and stated the impacts this is having on my son in very clear terms to the school. I don't believe they can guarantee my son's safety even if they do their very very best. What do I do next? How would you handle this?

OP posts:
Noshowlomo · 02/10/2023 11:56

Jesus this is horrendous and my worst fear.
How old is your son?
Id want to keep him off until the issue is “sorted” as such, as id be asking why they are keeping a violent child in school with seemingly no repercussions, but I understand many can’t just keep a child home if no childcare etc. What has the headteacher said?

trampoline123 · 02/10/2023 12:00

Your poor son!

No advice, but outraged the school haven't done anything about this - autistic or not, 0 tolerance on violence should apply to all students.

SamPoodle123 · 02/10/2023 12:03

Is it possible to switch your son to a different class? Or perhaps report the other dc, maybe he needs to go to a special school with more support? I cannot see what else can be done to keep your dc safe. Is it only your dc that is targeted or other dc as well? Violence should not be tolerated at all.

Original poster
wednamenov · 02/10/2023 12:04

Noshowlomo · 02/10/2023 11:56

Jesus this is horrendous and my worst fear.
How old is your son?
Id want to keep him off until the issue is “sorted” as such, as id be asking why they are keeping a violent child in school with seemingly no repercussions, but I understand many can’t just keep a child home if no childcare etc. What has the headteacher said?

The headteacher emphasises the need for inclusion and getting it right for every child (Scottish parents will recognise the slogan). The fact this child is autistic skews everything. My son believes he gets away with a lot even though my son understands neurodiversity quite well for his age. The school spent some time, only after prompting from me, to address trauma in my child through conversation and promising him that break time games will be supervised. However, adults have been present at all the other incidents - they just can't get to the situation in time. I am frustrated that they won't acknowledge they can't cope. I'm terrified that one day a kick will land perfectly and my son will lose an eye or his teeth or end up in hospital. My son loves school and his teachers so I'm really reluctant to take him out.

OP posts:
Original poster
wednamenov · 02/10/2023 12:06

SamPoodle123 · 02/10/2023 12:03

Is it possible to switch your son to a different class? Or perhaps report the other dc, maybe he needs to go to a special school with more support? I cannot see what else can be done to keep your dc safe. Is it only your dc that is targeted or other dc as well? Violence should not be tolerated at all.

No, I'm afraid not. My son would have to be moved to a younger year group which would affect him educationally.

OP posts:
SamPoodle123 · 02/10/2023 12:13

wednamenov · 02/10/2023 12:04

The headteacher emphasises the need for inclusion and getting it right for every child (Scottish parents will recognise the slogan). The fact this child is autistic skews everything. My son believes he gets away with a lot even though my son understands neurodiversity quite well for his age. The school spent some time, only after prompting from me, to address trauma in my child through conversation and promising him that break time games will be supervised. However, adults have been present at all the other incidents - they just can't get to the situation in time. I am frustrated that they won't acknowledge they can't cope. I'm terrified that one day a kick will land perfectly and my son will lose an eye or his teeth or end up in hospital. My son loves school and his teachers so I'm really reluctant to take him out.

Show quote history

I would challenge this. I get you want to be inclusive of dc with special needs, but not if it puts other dc in harms way. This would not be accepted by a dc without SEN. Safety of all children should come first.

Original poster
wednamenov · 02/10/2023 12:13

SamPoodle123 · 02/10/2023 12:03

Is it possible to switch your son to a different class? Or perhaps report the other dc, maybe he needs to go to a special school with more support? I cannot see what else can be done to keep your dc safe. Is it only your dc that is targeted or other dc as well? Violence should not be tolerated at all.

Sorry, posted too soon. Who do I report the other child to? The school and teacher are very aware of what's happened and choosing to deal with it in the school. How, I don't know, because I don't have a right to know about special measures being put in place to address this child's additional needs. . I was told that the Headteacher had asked for her decision-making to be reviewed by the council- or something to that effect. I'm not sure I believe she escalated it, especially since this is all the last two weeks.

I'm thinking if a fourth incident happens (terrifying thought) that I call the police... I don't know what else I can do?

At what point do they think a child has experienced too much violence, or that the risk is too high?

OP posts:
MrsGalloway · 02/10/2023 12:18

How old are they both OP? I had something similar to happen to my DD in the last year of primary. I told school I would call the police every time she was assaulted (which they took seriously because the other child was 10). I just made a huge fuss, I didn’t focus on the child’s neurodiversity I just kept saying very forcefully that she had a right not to be scared and assaulted at school and that they had a duty to keep her safe. I asked for meetings, I asked for a plan, I asked for daily updates and I threatened a complaint to the governors. I was basically a massive (polite) pain in the ass.

The school were able to manage it in the end, the other child just had to be far far more closely supervised, actively kept away from DD, not allowed out a break time etc. I felt the school, it was really hard for the teachers but I did feel that they didn’t take it sufficiently seriously at first.

RedHelenB · 02/10/2023 12:19

Are the children over 10 years old? No point calling the police unless they are. Basically, if that child has it in for your ds then there's nit much that can be done if both are in the same class. As has been noted, the child attacks quickly. Has your son ever hit him back out of interest?

Justmeandtwokids · 02/10/2023 12:19

The school will not talk to you about the other child and what they are doing there, as that's confidential to the other child.

You need to ask the school what they are doing to keep your child safe in school, both physically and emotionally. Ask to speak to the school's safeguarding lead.

grumpycow1 · 02/10/2023 12:20

I would report the first assault to the police and also tell them about the two follow up incidents. Tell the police the school are not keeping your child safe. I think this is the only way. Maybe contact Ofsted too.

carddino · 02/10/2023 12:20

The education department at your local authority now. GIRFEC applies to your child as well, and your child is not safe. They need to look at this urgently and consider the level of adult support and who is providing that.

carddino · 02/10/2023 12:21

I'm assuming you are in Scotland. So no governors.

Viewfrommyhouse · 02/10/2023 12:21

Justmeandtwokids · 02/10/2023 12:19

The school will not talk to you about the other child and what they are doing there, as that's confidential to the other child.

You need to ask the school what they are doing to keep your child safe in school, both physically and emotionally. Ask to speak to the school's safeguarding lead.

This. And get it in writing.

Ninjettea · 02/10/2023 12:24

There will be a complaints procedure. Firstly, put your concerns in writing to the HT and copy in the education HQ at your local authority. They are failing to protect your child under GIRFEC principles.

berksandbeyond · 02/10/2023 12:28

I would phone the police. I would be involving the local council, and my MP if I had to. Could not care less if the child is autistic, when they’re an adult and they attack someone in the street they’ll still go to prison (hopefully) so it’s no good letting them away with murder now

whattttttodo · 02/10/2023 12:32

I have an asd child and if he was attacking other children I would create merry hell. It's not the child's fault, the school are not meeting his needs and are failing to safeguard both of them.

Basically you need to get loud. Email teacher, head, senco and governors, outline everything that has happened so far (paper trail) and explain if they fail to safeguard your child again you will contact the police. Tell them you expect to see a risk assessment in place of how they intend to protect your child going forward. Also ask your child to avoid him where possible.

Topsyturvy33 · 02/10/2023 12:36

This is awful for everyone.

Have you met with the head and asked what they are doing to keep your son safe?

if not I would ask to meet the head and say it’s a safeguarding issue. Ask how they plan to keep
your child safe. Sit there until they answer you. If they ask you what you want to happen. Say you want to hear there plan for how they will keep your son safe.

howtowriteahaiku · 02/10/2023 12:38

Definitely take drastic action and report to Ofsted /follow the complaints procedure. Keep raising the issue until action is taken. It sounds like the autistic child needs a one-to-one TA who can be on high alert to stop any violence. If support staff are too stretched, they won’t be able to provide this, resulting in your child being unsafe, and that’s not ok

lifeturnsonadime · 02/10/2023 12:40

whattttttodo · 02/10/2023 12:32

I have an asd child and if he was attacking other children I would create merry hell. It's not the child's fault, the school are not meeting his needs and are failing to safeguard both of them.

Basically you need to get loud. Email teacher, head, senco and governors, outline everything that has happened so far (paper trail) and explain if they fail to safeguard your child again you will contact the police. Tell them you expect to see a risk assessment in place of how they intend to protect your child going forward. Also ask your child to avoid him where possible.

Totally agree with this.

The school is not meeting the ASD child's need and is failing both children.

They need to do a risk assessment and to show you what they are going to do to keep your child safe.

MapelMoon · 02/10/2023 12:42

whattttttodo · 02/10/2023 12:32

I have an asd child and if he was attacking other children I would create merry hell. It's not the child's fault, the school are not meeting his needs and are failing to safeguard both of them.

Basically you need to get loud. Email teacher, head, senco and governors, outline everything that has happened so far (paper trail) and explain if they fail to safeguard your child again you will contact the police. Tell them you expect to see a risk assessment in place of how they intend to protect your child going forward. Also ask your child to avoid him where possible.

I totally agree with all the actions outlined above.

I am a teacher - please do not accept that there is not much more they can do. It is absolutely our job and first priority to keep the children safe. They will need to get creative with the boy with additional needs. He will need a 1-1 at all times including break times and especially during any transitional moments. There are plenty of other strategies they can put in place to avoid this happening again. There also needs to be more appropriate consequences for the violence.

They should also be reassuring your child and offering emotional support. Poor thing. I'm so sorry this is happening. As a side note - It sounds like the child with additional needs is being let down too, if he has been able to act out in this way on so many occasions - it likely means he is unhappy and doesn't feel safe either.

vapesareforsnakes · 02/10/2023 12:44

Cause UPROAR! This is not on. Report everywhere you possibly can, call the police, create a big stink. This should NOT being happening to your child. Inclusion does NOT top safety.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 02/10/2023 12:44

Do you have a higher-up safeguarding person in Scotland? Like someone at the local council responsible for overseeing safeguarding in all schools? If so I'd refer it up to them. It is clear from the fact this has happened twice AFTER the first instance that the school are not adequately safeguarding your child. The other child's needs are not your concern (hence they can't tell you anything) but the school's inability to keep your child safe is very much your business.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 02/10/2023 12:56

I had the same with my daughter in year 6 who became the obsession of a child with violent behavioural issues. First the teachers made her sit on the support table in class (despite her having no SEN herself) so he would be calm. Made to play with him at lunch to keep him calm but he wouldn't let anyone lese play with them. I knew noting about any of this. When she finally told me I didn't realise the seriousness of the situation and just told her to say "I don't want to play with you today Billy". Big mistake. He attacked her. Had her on the ground and was punching her in the head. Bearing in mind this kid had had least 2st over my daughter. My daughter was the one who was told to stay home for a week while the school set up some safety bounderies. Not the boy who attacked her because his SEN meant he had to be in school and the school had no way to keep her safe. After several meetings with the school, which I had to initiate, plethora of incidences were uncovered where my daighter just hadn't told anyone or had been fobbed off. His parents just didn't want to know. "It's not his fault." Following the assault he was kept away from her and she was told to run to a member of staff if he got near her or run to the office for help if she couldn't find anyone outside. She didn't want to move schools but she was always by the dinner ladies at lunchtimes.
The kid was finally expelled when on a school trip in front of several staff members, parents and the whole class he tried to push her on to the train tracks at our village station. Despite being held on to by both his mother and the teacher. I was very clear that I was contacting the police, DoE and OFSTED just to cover my bases.

My daughter spent 6 months in counselling, which at £40 every fortnight which was a lot for us as a low income family (under £30k) but was so worth it.

There is no excuse for violence towards your child OP. SEN is not a free pass to assault people. If the child is unable to control violent behaviours alternative forms of education need to be seriously considered. Whether that be a special school, 1-2-1 with no unsupervised access to peers etc.

And before someone says ableism I have a severely neurologically disabled child with ASD, ADHD-combined, GDD (age 8 but functioning at 18 months), SPD and EDS who attends a specialist school.

lunar1 · 02/10/2023 13:02

Any diagnosis the other child has is irrelevant to you and your DS.

School is responsible for their inclusion policy, not your child. If they try to use any diagnosis another child has as a reason, tell them you don't wish to know confidential information about another child.

You want to know how they plan to keep your child safe while he is in their care. If you have already spoken with them, then contact the chair of governors next.