Dangerous behaviour towards my son

[wednamenov]

Two weeks ago my son was attacked by another child at school (primary). Viciously.He came out ok, but honestly, it was serious enough that if a blow or kick had landed slightly differently an ambulance would have had to be called. His attacker is autistic, so it's not his fault and not about bullying. However, despite adult supervision, this happened. Basically, the child is very fast and very strong. In the two weeks since, my son has been attacked twice more by the same child. The second two incidents he was shoved to the ground. My issue is that despite the fact we were so lucky after the first incident that it wasn't so much worse, and despite awareness at the school and adults present, this child has made aggressive contact twice more. I have expressed my fears and stated the impacts this is having on my son in very clear terms to the school. I don't believe they can guarantee my son's safety even if they do their very very best. What do I do next? How would you handle this?

Spoke to DS. The second incident happened during football as well. DS said the ball hit his hand accidentally, but this child accused him of hand ball and went crazy. Apparently he lost his rag and threw the football over a fence and then lunged for DS and shoved him. I asked if he did anything else and DS said no because the child's 1-to-1 was yelling at the top of her voice and running across the field and this stopped him.

@wednamenov and is this focused on your son or does he try to dominate everyone on the pitch? Three football related moments seems a lot for school to miss. Does he do this sort of stuff in other classes?

DS believes he is targeted. I'm not sure. The school say not. But I think a belief alone can be fear inducing. DS is smaller and younger than this kid so he could be a soft target.

But DS has mentioned other behaviour issues when we were talking which I'll come back to tomorrow. (I need to help DD with homework now). But I think there are regular behaviour issues.

Presumably if it’s all football related they can just juggle the teams so they don’t play together for a bit. What possessed the school to foster the idea that a younger boy should correct the language of an older boy in the football pitch. Especially if one of them struggles. Totally ridiculous on all sides. I’d start by telling ds that it’s not his job to curb others behaviour, and any teacher who suggests it isn’t being sensible.

Similar issue. DC was repeatedly attacked (as were others) by a child who should have had a support worker (non verbal, violent outbursts, erratic behavior that caused himself harm). The child would launch himself on others and bite, but the school denied injuries or said they weren’t the result of bites. I took DC to the doctor to get a bite cleaned and asked for a note documenting the injury. The note went to the school and we moved DC.
Document it. Make the severity clear and impact on DC. Look at moving schools if you can and if things don’t change fast.

Children with additional needs are much more likely to be victims of violence than the other way around.

Clearly not following GIRFEC when your child is continually being attacked and the child is in a position to attack.

This situation isn't right for either child.

I have 2 kids with asd and would be removing my child from the school if they were attacking other children.

Aggressive contact sports with mixed ages, inadequately supervised with disability in the mix sounds very poor.

Yes well we are discussing a specific instance here where the child with additional needs IS the one being violent. So thanks for your unhelpful comment.

That’s ok @ForTheLoveOfSleep anytime. It’s important to remember that this child’s violence isn’t the norm. @wednamenov mustn’t be lead to believe this is the norm or to be expected.

The school had drilled into children that they needed to try address issues themselves before involving teachers.
Must be a scottish thing, my dc has been told the same thing, including they need to remove themselves if the dc who keeps attacking them isn't happy with them playing there. Apparently a 5yo being smashed in the face with wooden objects is to blame for not moving out of the way fast enough.

Yes in England this is called the LADO officer. You could also call social services duty line.

This is awful your poor daughter

I agree

Reading these posts, this is my nightmare. Professionally I come across children who can be violent in schools a lot (rarely towards other children but it can happen) and this is a helpful reminder to give some specific cases (nowhere near these levels) some more thought.

OP, your relationship with your son is for your whole life. Remember that when you are kicking up a fuss (as I would be doing also). It can be uncomfortable to feel ‘difficult’. As women we aren’t socialised this way. But, it’s your job to advocate for and protect your child. If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t hesitate to be contacting the police, Ofsted, the council, the governors - anyone! I would be belligerent and tenacious and even though that would feel really uncomfortable, I would be able to look my child in the eye and say I did everything to keep him safe.

I’m not saying you’re not doing that, I’m backing you up and encouraging you not to doubt yourself. He is lucky to have an advocate like you.

I'd go to the governors, it could even be that the child is not in the right school for them and although the teachers will not discuss this with you, it is incredibly difficult for the school to get any action on this. Unless if the parents of the autistic child agree and even then, places at schools that specialise in autism are like gold dust.
It could be that the school want these instances logging , but of course they won't say that . Or that teachers and ta's who deal with this every day and are even more likely to be assaulted need complaints raising so SLT take action.
Also it does show your child that you are sticking up for them

Your son should not be getting attacked at school! Kids who are that violent shouldn’t be allowed in mainstream schools. I know people bang on about being inclusive but why should that mean letting them assault others. I’m tired of additional needs being used as an excuse all the time. If his autism is that bad, he needs to be separated, not left to attack children.

Honestly it sounds to me like the boys shouldn’t be playing football together. It’s possible the older child shouldn’t be playing at all as it sounds like he’s struggling with aggression and contact sports require a level of control and understanding it sounds like he simply doesn’t have. The level of supervision isn’t appropriate at all.

I think since it’s happened three times it’s gone past “an accident” and into “inadequate supervision”. Write down dates/times/descriptions of each event. Be factual and try not to be emotional. Are the school aware of all three assaults? I’d email them and explain that you want to escalate things and make a formal complaint. They should have a procedure in place.

People often feel anxious about doing this because the child has SEN or a disability, but actually you can really help that child by doing this. To gain funding for additional support or a move to specialist provision you have to demonstrate that need. So all of these incidents form part of the argument for more support being put in place and less daft “the kids need to sort it out themselves” nonsense. Football seems to be a flashpoint, so perhaps it’s easily solved?

I've just caught up on the thread op. I haven't read anything in your posts that suggests a lack of understanding for the disabled child. If anything the opposite. Good luck

Please let us know how you get on @wednamenov, I hope you get this resolved for the sake of your DS.

The very first thing I told my son - after the first incident where he was throat-pinched and kicked in the head, was to keep his distance as much as possible from this child, and to never comment to this child on his behaviour. I

I told him I'd write to the school telling them that this is what I'd instructed him.

I asked the school to take on board that my son had been told, by me, to bring any issues or worries concerning 'x' to their attention and that he must never be encouraged to try and resolve issues with x himself.

DS told me the teacher spoke to the class about this as well afterwards.

Well at least that’s SOME progress @wednamenov but it needs to work. How does ds feel about it now?

It's a very small rural school - only three classes. So the ages HAVE to mix in order to get a decent game at all. I really like the mixed ages. I think my children have benefitted enormously at all levels and in a myriad number of ways from this. The downside is it isn't set up for especially challenging children.

Well, that was after the first incident. It had no impact on the second two subsequently occurring where DS didn't say a word to 'provoke' anything.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum Thank you for your assurances. I especially appreciate this from you given your perspective from both sides.