Did you send your children to a private primary despite having good state options nearby? Did you send your children to a state primary even though you could have afforded a private primary? Why and why?

[WellWeathered]

What swayed it for you in the end?

Are you happy with the choice you made? Which aspects have lived-up to expectations and which haven't?

I'm currently very torn and would appreciate the experience and opinions (that's lucky then this been Mumsnet) of others.

prufrock, I thought (hoped!) that's what you'd say!

I think that in marina/batters part of the world that may be true, it's pretty much the opposite where i live in norf london. I truly value the mix of backgrounds at our school (i think 23 languages are spoken, though most children use english as their first language) and the fact that most of them live pretty close.

I only know one family who sends their child to a private school, and i think it's a point of friction between the mum/dad.

someone i was in an ante natal group with made it clear (but didn't say the words iykwim) that she wouldn't send her child to a certain school because there were black children there. so they went private and I'm really glad they did, cos it keeps them out of us "normal" people's hair

the s.london prep you mention sounds vile

we're delighted with our school, though it is a catholic one, but that's another can of worms frequently opened on MN...

was it one of those moments when you think "oh no, I realy hope she didn't mean that because I thought she was quite nice really"

of course not!

but - was genuinely interested to know..

People have scoffed at this possibility but in fact the dcs' school is more culturally diverse proportionately than either of our two nearest state schools, and that was a big plus for us too. We live in an outer suburb that is basically a white lower middle class monoculture (they do still exist even in Greater London ), and ds and dd's friends of Spanish, Ukrainian, Ethiopian, Turkish, Nigerian and Congolese origin travel from some distance to attend the school.

Thing is, Prufrock, my DCs are at a private school and we don't have any of that. To the extent we talked about holdays, I know that some went to Bermuda, Cyprus, India, Argentina, Russia, and Australia (all of these were family related) - the others I know about went to Norfolk, Dorset and we went to France. Christmas gifts for teachers were largely in the bottle of wine and home made fudge league. Mandarin lessons are offered after school, but cookery, tap and computer club are hugely more popular.

Just wanted to make the point that, particularly in London, private doesn't mean "head up your backside".

I know, I know. Marina and Batters (I am picking on them just because I know they use private and I have met them and think they are both rather wonderful) are two of the least head up own backside people I know. But you have to be quite head up own backsideish to think that our village school is not good enough. And as I said, I think I have a tendancy to be quite "huobish" anyway, so deliberatly remove myslef from situations which could exacerbate it.

LOL re "huobish".

Noted re village - I think its London that is the difference.

We live in West London and I had the option of good public, Lycee Francais (private, but a third of price of other privates as is subsidized by French Government). We chose the English private school for DS and don't regret it.

He is a very energetic, curious, boy who will demand lots of attention. His personality was not suited to thrive in the French Education System, where his character would be a hindrance in the classroom, and the style of teaching is not one in which he would learn best.

The public option was there, but there isn't a good secondary option, and we didn't feel that the local public school would adequately prepare him for 7+/8+s. Also, he really needs the extra attention (and extra PE!) that a smaller class size offers (his school has 18 per teacher and TA in each class).

He loves his school and is thriving there.

State primary as is 2 minutes away and had outstanding Ofsted. And it's not just the fees, it's the uniform and all the "frills" you have to pay for. I'd rather stick with the state system and pay for extra private tuition if we need it. Class sizes I think are a bit of a red herring at infant school level as the ratio is 1:15 in my son's school (teacher and LSA) even though the class is about 30 - depends on the school. I do agree about reading every day though - the school expects the parents to do that.

I work part-time, if my son went to private school I'd have to work full-time. It seemed better to me to work part-time and not have the fees after working full-time to pay for nursery fees. How we'll feel at secondary level I don't know but we do have two good local state secondaries.

We are (probably) going to go private even though we are in the catchment area for a pretty good state school (good Ofsted, rather than outstanding, as it happens, although I place limited weight on that). This is because

• we are also very close (less than five minutes' walk) to the two best state schools in the area, but they are both church schools so wouldn't let DS in. If one feature of us (lack of church attendance) is going to reduce the schooling options then I don't have a problem with considering using another (the fact that we can afford to pay) to expand them again.

• when we looked around schools and walked into the one we are now planning to send DS to, it was such an obvious fit to his personality that it immediately seemed like the best option for him. It also has a fantastic reputation for providing a really good education for very energetic boys. The question of how well the education system as a whole serves that group is the sort of thing there are proper academic articles being written about as well as long pieces in the broadsheets, and I certainly have concerns about how well would cope with a school environment that didn't have that kind of focus.

• smaller classes (although not too small) and specialist teachers for some subjects

• nice homely feel and a smaller school in general, whereas the state school looks a bit like a Victorian workhouse () and is much bigger

• no SATs

For us state and private both within easy walking distance, so that wasn't a concern. And we're in London so the vilage community feel is less significant. Most of DS's existing friends are either going to one of the two church schools (that aren't an option for us anyway) or to one of the more prestigious local private schools that have great facilities but I don't think are such a good fit for DS as an individual.

DH and I were both fully state educated, by the way, and neither of us ever intended (in the vague way that you think about thse hypotheticals before having children) to educate our children privately.

PortandLemonaid - I think we're in the same sort of area and have probably reached the same decision !

We could have sent DD privately but would have struggled to send DS as well. But DS wasn't born when deciding where to send DD. We are very lucky in having a choice of about 5 really good first schools locally that usually can accomodate those that put them as first choice. We also have a Catholic primary that is top of the county league tables but I didn't like it when I looked round.

As it turned out it was pretty fortunate that we did go for state education as it turns out that DD has dyspraxia. Being at the state schools meant she has had access very easily to OT, Physio & SALT that I know some a couple of the children at the local prep school with the same condition have struggled to get.

However as she gets older I think things are going to get much harder and the idea of her going to an upper school with 1500 pupils seems impossible at the moment, am worried enough about Middle school next year, so have considered private for her then but am not sure where would be suitable and we will struggle hugely with the fees for them as they are pretty expensive. So Im currently going for the ostrich approach and telling myself she will be absolutely fine.

We went for a private infants school this term because we couldn't get a state school place allocated in time for our relocation. I'm still (only one term in) ambivalent, but what appeals to me long-term is the after- and pre-school clubs being in the same building and the small class sizes. Academically I don't think it's that different for DD1 except she complained to me that she plays a lot less and learns a lot more... They do 3 hours of sports a week, including a swimming lesson, compared to 2 hours (one PE, one dance) at her state school.
DD likes the quietness - she always complained her class of 30 was too loud. Her Xmas play was a lovely, intimate little show with about 15 kids involved, and each got a chance to shine. Last year's was an 'oratorio', 90 Reception kids standing in lines in identical costumes, tons of competitiveness about who got the 5 or so speaking roles. So for the moment, provided we can afford it, I think we'll stick with it.

ds loves his junior school, which is classed as outstanding. I am really happy with it.

dd has just started in the infants (same site, different school) but I am having severe reservations. A lot of the old-school teachers who taught ds have retired, and the new teachers seem rather blah. And the school has just received a very mediocre Ofsted report.

As with toadstool's ex-school, there is a three-form entry, so you don't really get to know any of the other children/mums, and the Nativity was an exercise in crowd control!

I'm not sure whether to stick with the school for a few years because the juniors is good, or to cut and run. Any ideas anyone?

My DTS are still at nursery and we have just submitted the forms for school selection. We could easily afford private but have chosen to go state because

1. DH and I both went to below average state schools, both ended up with PhD in scientific subjects and both earn very good salaries with good job/career.

1. I have two female cousins who were privately educated and they ended up leaving school with nothing.

1. DH has two male cousins who also went to private school and both left with no qualifications. They both went back to college in their 20s to study again in order to boost their chances of decent employment.

1. My boss has sent both daughters to private school. The oldest recently got a D in English Language GCSE and failed her maths, despite being in class with only 6 other pupils.

1. Some of my colleagues at university were privately educated and I personally feel their parents wasted their money, especially as I outperformed them in terms of exam results, career and full time salary. Ditto DH with respect to career and salary.

1. DH and I succeeded because our parents supported our academic zeal and provided an environment where we were motivated to succeed, aspirations were promoted, and parents imbued us with indefatiguable self-belief.

Also, the state schools we have chosen are 10 minutes walk from our house. We also have two private schools that are 15 minutes walk from our house but their results are no better than the state schools, especially when you consider that they they provide smaller classes (18-20).

The state schools also provide a wide variety of afterschool clubs. Our first choice has 14 clubs (sport, art, music and science)!

There are always people around who are totally secure in the choice they have made.

In an ideal world everyone would move to a wonderful village in time to apply to the wonderful village school with a wonderful community spirit.

But it's so easy to make a mistake. And if you find your state school wanting, it is, I think, impossible to move to a better school because they are all full up, so then you have to consider private schools even if you feel in your bones you are a "state" person.

But Spokette maybe you and your dh are just much cleverer academically than your respective cousins and the colleague's daughter?

I presume what you are saying is that if you are very clever and have supportive parents then it won't matter what sort of school you go to?

We are sending our son to a state primary school, for various reasons. Mainly:

We are lucky enough to have a choice of good state primary schools nearby. And we didn't like the 'vibe' at any of the private primary schools we looked into. That whole 'prep' mentality scared us a bit, tbh (DH and I are both from working class immigrant backgrounds, and I just felt uncomfortable about my son being the only 'prol' at a school full of little diplomat's kids in boater hats!).

Private secondary is still an option for us. I am much more concerned about that stage of education, when even good, bright kids with supportive families can fall by the way side if the school doesn't push them a little bit and support them a lot. So, we'll see. Certainly haven't ruled private secondary out.

Should also have said, the difference in results in the league tables / Ofsted reports weren't much between state and private primaries in our area. The difference between private and state secondary schools is quite huge, with the exception of a couple of selective and faith schools, which DS may have a chance of getting into...or may not! We'll see (not looking forward to the whole secondary school transfer thing at all, and it's years off)

bump, feeling torn on this myself

I could afford to send my son private as my husband has a well paid job, but I think my son would miss out on lot. School is more than just getting academic results. Its learning to get on with a range of people. I also want my son to know there is more to life than just passing exams.

I think its sad when people write of their local state school on hearsay. My son does French once a week as lunch club. (Admitally we pay £40 a term). Although he only has two PE lessons a week, there is before and after school sport.

Many state schools have very good facilities. I work in a state special school with 165 children and we have 120 PCs. Roughly 30 PCs are teacher's PCs and about 10 PCs are admin PCs. Our children have lovely grounds.

I just don't really get the going to state school in order to "get on with a range of people"
Don't you just meet a range of people in life generally?

Us too theblonde.

We haven't looked at hte state primaries yet but we may possibly scrape into one of the best (academically) state schools in the borough but is supposed to be v. pushy, then we have another which is not quite so good academically (but v. good still) but smaller and apparently lovely but is a church school which we might not qualify for (but we might)

OTH the private school we have dd down for is non selective, appears to look at children individually but tends to still get them into good schools. But it would be nice to spend the school fees on skiing holidays and fast cars ().

It is a toughie I spend many hours pondering....