Did you send your children to a private primary despite having good state options nearby? Did you send your children to a state primary even though you could have afforded a private primary? Why and why?

[WellWeathered]

What swayed it for you in the end?

Are you happy with the choice you made? Which aspects have lived-up to expectations and which haven't?

I'm currently very torn and would appreciate the experience and opinions (that's lucky then this been Mumsnet) of others.

There are plenty of good state schools but it is partly a question of luck and bank balance for living in catchment of them. My catchment school was excellent when I moved here but went downhill (special measures) following the appointment of a head who was not up to the job. Since then the school has struggled to retain staff and also to appoint a permanent head. I've had the choice of moving again or paying. As a state educated high achiever I do feel that I am paying for the quality of education that I had for free.

bumping this thread as I'm having this dilemma and can't decide what to do

will it help if you get a LARGE sheet of paper and write down all the pros and cons with lots of subheadings?

have never had to make this choice as we can't afford private but imagine it can be quite an agonising one

We will send dd to a private primary despite having two extremely good state options within five minutes walk of our house because we couldn't get a place at either because we are not a)Catholic or b)prepared to rent a house opposite the school gates during the admissions period. As it is she has been allocated a place at a truly shocking school over a mile away (which in central London is a long way). I have looked round the school she has been offered, I'm not prepared to send her there. I wish that wasn't true, but it is .

We sent our children to the local primary school despite being able to afford private.

Because we think that is the right thing to do.

We are opposed to the concept of private education - and we want to bring up our children to understand that we all have a stake in society and have a responsiblity towards it.

we are also sending our ds private although there is a 'satisfactory' school nearby. seeker - i can see your point (and respect it) about having a stake in society and a responsibility towards it - i pay my taxes (and am happy to do so) and would love to have the choice of a good enough primary school nearby - but my first responsibility is towards my ds happiness and future and not my principles. I feel it is a bit bizarre to think that by sending children to private school that they somehow opt out of any social responsibility.

I was just thinking about this today and then saw this thread.

The dss' state school was recently Ofstedded and had an absolutely glowing report - all very Outstanding. The dss are happy there, the Reception teachers in particular are amazing I can't praise them enough.

We could, with a bit of cutting back, afford private but I really feel that as they are happy and the school is good I would rather that they be a part of the "ordinary" masses than the elite few. It might be a different story if they were unhappy at their state school and the others options weren't great though.

I went to private school, I teach in a state school and dc attend a private prep school. I feel qualified to comment on the subject as I really do see both sectors. I live in West London.

I don't think you can compare state and private schools. Even a good/outstanding state school will not be able to offer anything near the facilities or standards that a decent private school gives. They are just totally different systems. In the state sector we are completely tied to the national curriculum, SATs, policy changes (new overhaul announced again today)etc etc. Even non-selective private schools tend to be 3/4 years ahead of the state ones. I think this is due to the small classes, the freedom to choose what and when you want to teach certain subjects and the ethos of private schools.

I love the vibrant atmosphere of the state school where I work, I love all the different children from a mix of backgrounds and cultures (although I have to admit it is predominantly middle class due to the area), I love my colleagues and their dedication day in day out BUT we are so stretched with 30 children. Behind our cheerful smiles at the end of each day, we are so stressed and we do not agree with so much of what we have to do. So much of it is pointless. The classes are noisy and busy and so often the "good", quiet children get overlooked. Over the years I have also noticed that if you do want to get your children into a private secondary school (as they are not as good as the state primaries around here)you are at a real disadvantage coming from the state primaries. About 5-10 children from our school apply to independent secondary schools every year and about 2 get in. These children all go through 2-3 years of intense tutoring.

Our dc are very happy at the prep they go to. I can honestly say I believe they are getting a far better education than they would have received at the very well respected state primary they were offered. Academically they are much further ahead. They enjoy a much wider range of sports (where I work we do not announce 1st/2nd/3rd place at sports day but instead have to clap everyone so that nobody is upset!) and they are learning a wide range of musical instruments. They have also met a diverse range of children. I was very worried that the families would all live in large houses and not be part of the "real" world but that was silly - most are very friendly, normal mums who just want the best for their children and work very hard to provide this.

Private preps chosen here, over an allegedly outstanding state primary

Visited the state school and hated it

1. There appeared to be no books in the school
2. There was no sport or music (they said there was but there wasn't really)
3. The class sizes were too big and too varied in terms of ability levels
4. All the children were white

So we went private/selective and haven't regretted it

For me this situation sums it up:

Two local pupils attending a poor state secondary school applied to Oxford to study Literature and the second pupil to a top university in England to study be become a vet.Both had straight A grades at A level and 10 A* grades at GCSE, extensive work experience, great references etc etc etc.

Both failed to gain a place not even an interview at either.

Your postcode and school count it seems!

Not at all just, but that is how it is sadly.

I simply don't accept what you are saying in that last post. IME admissions tutors bend over backwards to accept children from state schools, and in fact are heavily encouraged to do so.

There is no big deal about having straight A grades nowadays. All the applicants to Oxford and Cambridge will have straight A*s. There are many more applicants than places. The majority of children lose out. It doesn't mean there's a big private school conspiracy thing going on.

I agree with Quattrocentro about Uni admissions

HOWEVER - if you look into the educational background of the movers and shakers of the country a small number of public schools are still disproportionately represented.

We chose a local state primary, though we visited 2 private prep schools and another state primary (more popular). We could afford the private schools, but:

At primary level, our priority is for the dds to have excellent pastoral care, to learn to love learning ie enjoy the process, have values in line with our own, mix with a wide variety of people.

And dd's school far outshone the contenders on all those fronts.

Interestingly, having gone on instinct and against the raised eyebrows of some of our smarter neighbours, the school just did extremely well on sats, and even better on adjusted sats. We're so relieved we chose it, not least because its now (of course) oversubscribed.

That said, if there had been no decent state primaries in our catchment area, and as we can afford it, we would have made do with one of the private ones.

I personally would visit all possible schools, and think about which fit you and your child the best, where the children seem happiest and most excited about their work, and where you feel comfortable yourself - without worrying too much (circumstances allowing) as to whether they are state or private

I chose the one she and we liked best. We wanted great warm atmosphere, emphasis on developing a love of learning, lots of oppertunities to learn outside literacy/numeracy targets, range of activities. I also really really wanted a school I could walk her to. And i prefer single sex but that wasn't a deal breaker.
She attends a private pre-prep.

DS2 has ASD and needed a specific special schools for his needs.

Ds1 wanted single sex and needed highly academic atmosphere with huge range of activities. He attends an academicly selective independent ( he applied and was offered places at three and chose the one he loved.) It is also within walking distance of our home which is a big plus.

We are just making the decision. DS1 who is bright and full of confidence at the moment is due to go in Sept. He will be 5 in mid Sept. The school is Cof E, well regarded and oversubscribed. But teacher teacher's comments above put into words my concerns. We don't know how long we will live in this area, so may well have to move schools anyway soon. I think we will go with the state option, but hope (teacher teacher I note your comments) that we will be able to move private in the future if we feel it is necessary.

We've just gone through this too and chose the state option because it's so much closer to home. The journey to the prep would have been a nightmare for a reception child who will be tired anyway.

But yes teacher teacher's post is making me wonder if we did the right thing....

We can afford private, but have opted for small, lovely local primary school.

Why?

Don't agree with private education, really. I wouldn't get up on my high horse about it to parents who choose private. I can totally see why some people do. Everyone wants the best for their children, after all. But personally, it goes against my principles and imo, it's a symptom of all that's wrong with our society. I'm aware that we are very lucky that our local primary is pretty good, though.

Our son is mixed race, and I found most of the private schools near-ish to us extremely white (with pockets of Middle eastern, Asian, Japanese, Israeli children, and the a few kids of African diplomats in some of the posher ones). It put me off. I didn't feel the schools reflected the reality of my son's life in London, or would be good for his sense of identity. That was a sticking point for us.

I'm not convinced a private school would be any better for our son. He is extremely bright - supposedly G&T, whatever that means in reality - but also has behavioural issues and is currently being assessed by the SEN brigade. Luckily, he is at an extremely supportive and proactive school where they bend over backwards to make sure he is doing well. I'm not convinced any of the private schools within striking distance are especially good with kids like my DS.

Lastly, I wanted a local school for our DS. want to be able to walk there and back, to have friends that live in the streets around us, and to have a network of parents friends on my doorstep. There are no private primary schools near us (bar a ghastly diplomat's kids prep where they wear full on blazers and boaters and are hothoused in foreign languages at the age of 3. No thanks!)

That's my two pennies worth.

Mrs M are you in a London borough beginning with B - it all sounds very familiar!

We're going through this at the moment. We have accepted a place for DD at a private primary which leads into a superb private secondary (Very very good) although DH and I would both have preferred to send her to the local state primary. However, there is one excellent local primary - Catholics only. The others are fair to poor. We're in the catchment area of the poor one.

In addition, the secondary schools in the catchment we are currently in are dire so it would have to either be move house, hope to get lucky on a school lottery or send private. AS it is we're reluctantly going for the private option so DD will be able to get into a good private secondary if that is the right thing for her. If it isn't right, at least she should be able to read, write and do some maths by the time she goes to 2ndary.

Teacherteacher's comments are interesting, and actually perhaps that is the way to look at it when making your decision?

Don't try to compare them, because on a like for like basis you aren't going to see the full picture of what either school can offer you because they shouldn't be compared, it distorts the picture. See them as discrete places.

You might see that at the state one your child with mix with a greater mix of people, will have friends near by, will enjoy all the benefits of what that school does well, learn well, you might love the atmosphere and sense of purpose of that school and be pleased it's so close to home and that kids look happy.

At the private one - you might like the atmosphere, appreciate the facilities, be impressed by the sports on offer or the space, you might love that they have loads of trips every term or they spend a whole term studying Buddhism or you might think what they're offering is not much more than a quiet classroom and you don't need that?

Ahundredtimes speaks much sense.
That's very much the way we thought about it - we are making a lifestyle choice for ds in that his day/ journey will be so much shorter. We can make up for any lack of sports etc. with one or two after school sessions a week in the time saved from not doing the longer journey.

The state school might mean he is on a reading level or two lower than he'd be at the prep but at the end of the day will that leave him hugely disadvantaged in later life? In my rational moments I think no it probably won't but in my 'being sucked in by the London prep school brigade's competitive parenting/ hothousing culture' moments I start to doubt our decision.

Had it been two or three years ago when good pre-prep school places were harder to come by I might have been more reluctant to go state but I figure that if we do find it disappointing compared to the prep he was originally going to go to, we can always call the prep up at the end of reception or year one and will probably get a place given the state of the economy.

Yep, we're in 'B'

Do we know each other? (Argh! ).

Can I be brutally honest, here? And a wee bit judgey? I see some of the prep school parents and kids on a regular journey I make, and they make me feel uncomfortable. I don't feel like we fit into that world of 'I only want the very best for my little Johnny (after all, we're paying for it!)' educational consumerism. Maybe I am just a bit of a hippy, but I prefer the mix of all sorts of odd bods at my son's school, and the chilled out atmosphere there.

Also, have to say, my own experience and the experience of my DH has probably coloured our views. Both from immigrant backgrounds, DH went to state primary followed by grammar school, I went to state primary and big London comprehensive. we've both done exceptionally well, even if I do say so myself .

Elibean, if you look on schools in Oxford thread had a message for you

Two things

The comments about uni admissions are - as others say - horseshit. These days unis bend over backwards to admit children from less good schools. They really do. But if you're not going to cope with Oxbridge/Bristol/Newcastle wherever in a tough subject like vet science they're still not going to take you.

Sadly, for all the pious stuff on here about "being part of the community, living in the real world" etc, if you live round us (W London) any decent state school is massively oversubscribed. I'd like my dd1 to go to our local state primary for reasons described, I can't get her in as all the places are taken by siblings and people who live virtually across the road. Same for virtually all schools round here.

The only school with free places is miles away and the worst in the area. It would be ridiculous to send her there when we
are lucky enough to (just) afford private. Obviously many people will not be so lucky and will have no choice. It infuriates me that we're given all this cant by the likes of Fiona Millar about how the middle classes are being socially irresponsible softies not using our local state school when the reality is (in London at least) if your local school's remotely good the chances of getting in are like a camel getting through the eye of a needle.

Bumping as now have this dilemma