Did you send your children to a private primary despite having good state options nearby? Did you send your children to a state primary even though you could have afforded a private primary? Why and why?

[WellWeathered]

What swayed it for you in the end?

Are you happy with the choice you made? Which aspects have lived-up to expectations and which haven't?

I'm currently very torn and would appreciate the experience and opinions (that's lucky then this been Mumsnet) of others.

we live near a primary school rated as 'outstanding' in its ofsted but the children's work was awful, the kids looked a mess (no uniform), th head was uninspiring and they were 'hoping to find the money to mend the roof next year'....

the (also nearby) prep school is lovely - smaller classes (but 2 per year so still great for sports), simple smart uniform, head was clearly a professional, and the facilities were out of this world.

it will not be a picnic financially, but ds starts at prep in Jan.....

Message withdrawn

I'm still undecided.

A few more snippets of info. We're moving to a new area next summer.

DD will be entering a new school in Year1. DH teaches at a private school and is moving for promotion. We'd get subsidised fees.

DD is currently at a state primary which is less than 10 minutes walk away. It has a mixed catchment and is therefore not oversubscribed and has smaller than normal classes. Whilst it is early days I am nothing but thrilled by the school so far.

However, whilst it is close to us, a lot of her friends don't live locally as they travel from the next town. Seems this school is thought of as second choice by the children in the next town who don't qualify for the oversubscribed CofE school.

Living in a small community where all the children attend the same school would be my first choice. But since we are moving to a new town, we might not achieve that anyway. The County Council might offer us a crap school or we might get a good school and end up buying a house not very close to the school.

But I really didn't think I would send the children private at primary level and now we're considering it there's a lot in my head that doesn't feel right about it but I suspect a lot of this is based on prejudices (I don't feel like the parent of a privately educated 5 year old). I do worry that we'd be the poorest family using the private primary. I do worry about the class sizes being too small (and boy heavy) so DD might not end up making good friends or we'll end up ferrying her around every weekend.

However, opting for private would make life easier for me working. DH can do drop offs and pick ups. We could live where we want. The decision would be made and sorted (subject to her passing an assessment) since they have a place free. I am particularly drawn to the sporting opportunities this particular school offers.

So why doesn't the decision feel clear cut? How do I know which is the best decision for my rather anxious, quiet little girl and the best decision for her mother who is moving to a new area and keen to make friends and knows that is most likely to happen firstly through DD's school???? Argh! I'm sure instinct will cut in at some point and a visit to the schools (if the county offer us any worth looking at) will help.

Parents at my DCs private school fairly mixed. Quite a few make big sacrifices to send their DCs there, I suspect. A governor mentioned to me as a general statement that a reasonable number of children in the school have fees paid by a non parent (ie grandparents etc), so not a particular "type".

I think it all backs up the fact that this is not particularly a "status"/"destination" school, rather something people see as a (reluctant) alternative to the local state schools.

I know krabbie - what I meant was that you can also get a sense of community at private schools in London (because there are so many people tend to go to a fairly loacl one) wheras out here in the sticks the private primary schools in the town draw their pupils from all the villages around. So whilst my first choice would always be the nearest state school, if my local London school had not been good, I would have been happier with going private in London than I would have been out here.

DYSWIM?

DC attend a fairly average state primary (recent KS2 SATs not so good, though). We could have stretched for private, but I was put off by...
Formality, apparent snobbishness of staff.
They start full days even for the youngest children in Reception -- no flexibility.
I heard that even in Reception they get 1/2 hour's homework a night, and it only builds up from there. How would a non-academic child fit in?
Long days with almost compulsory extra-curricular activities.
Too small a school community, really, in the state school DC meet lots of local children and children from a much wider range of backgrounds.
State school is easier to get to every day, too.

I think so, prufrock - I think London is a complicated picture and depending on the demographic you may or may not get a snse of community in the local state school and/or in the local private school. I think we are probably agreeing.

Moved here (in part) because of good state primaries. Put DS into the nursery class of the local private pre-prep when we arrived as I was working and he was a year off school starting age. They moved him (with our agreement) up into Reception after a week. Now we are stuck - move a happy thriving child or keep paying even though there is a free option nearby? Facilities are undoubtedly better at the private school and after school activities are easier to manage as most of them are done through/with the school, but the fees would pay for an awful lot of extra help (but then again it is not the cost of help but the availability which is the major issue around here)

I am talking myself in circles on this one, constantly - can you tell ?

WellWeathered - on the "poorest family" bit, I wouldn't give that too much weight in your decision making. There are quite a few "staff brats" (my term, not theirs, I used to be one myself) in DS's class and there is no visible differentiation - and you will almost certainly find the full-fee paying parents vary from those who can only just afford it (us!) to those who don't even think twice and live in mansions. There may come a time when the DC will start to realise the differences, but DS is in Class 1 and they certainly don't yet.

Can I ask whether this is a cost you can wear comfortably?

Yes, we are lucky that the cost is, for us, affordable. We do only have the one child which helps massively!

Can I ask whether this is a cost you can wear comfortably?

Yes, we are lucky that the cost is, for us, affordable. We do only have the one child which helps massively!

Stealth the fees you'd save might pay for extra help/ tuition but I'd be put off by the idea that ds would have to spend a lot of his otherwise free time being tutored to the hilt to make up for any concerns at the other school you're considering.

In my area the best primaries are all religious ones and as an atheist family I feel we are in effect being discriminated against. The religious schools do so much better and the secular ones seem second rate compared with much higher rates of problems of all sorts.

I am so annoyed by this situation. But I guess there must have been threads galore on religious schools before on MN....

The answers to this depend a lot on local context I think. The idea that it is normal and obvious to educate your kids privately is one that is much more familiar in and around London than in other parts of the country, IME (I've lived in midlands vilalges and Northern cities as well as London).

Where we are now (northern city), state schooling is very much the norm, and to choose otherwise you have to be strongly pro-private education for reasons of personal history (e.g. you were privately educated yourself so obviously it's the right thing to do for your kids), ideology, or nouveau-riche up-yourself-ness (lots of footy players and 'new entrepreneurs' in these parts. Who couldn't possibly send their kids to state schools, could they?). But I know from friends in London that plenty of people there do it because they think their local schools are impossible, whereas they wouldn't if they were here I suspect. And other posts on here also seem to confirm that.

Yes, Zazette - and ExDHs.. - that is effectively our position. Am not going private out of any particular ideology or flashness, just because we cannot get into the good faith state schools in our area. And I don't think private is automatically better at all, its just the best option available to us in our circumstances.

To the OP, I think one of the things you soon learn on this topic is that the only thing that is relevant is your circumstances - your child, your personal circumstances, your local schools etc.

We chose a private school for our 4-year-old dd. Where we live, the state schools just aren't generally very good. The class sizes are what bother me most. I also feel that state schools can be a bit bureaucratic these days. At my dd's school the 3-5 year old are mixed socially, but they get 1:1 every day for literacy and numeracy. There is a strong emphasis on educating the whole child as a member of the community and every child works at their own pace, so it's not like in reception you do this, in year 1 you do that. We are not well off at all but education is very important to us to the extent we're prepared to make sacrifices.

My dd1 goes to a state Catholic primary in London. It is a 15-20 min walk or 5 min drive, and is our third nearest state school. dd1 went to the local nursery school, which I was not totally happy with, so dd2 is at a private nursery which is fab.

We could afford to send our children privately, and unlike many of the mners on this thread I do worry about whether we have made the right choice. I wish I could have everyone else's certainty!

The school is ofsted good, discipline outstanding and with an ambitious young head. The problem is that she is in Y3 and does not seem to have any close friends. Part of the problem is that the school is so mixed ethnically and socially, and children seem to only form close friendships with others from a similar background. I feel deeply uncomfortable with this because I want my daughter to mix with a range of children. That is why she is there and not at the closer private school.

We're pleased that we've chosen private for DD (4.5) and for us it is a lifestyle choice (ie we now have no life in order to pay for it!)

Benefits are great headmaster with funds to carry out whatever he thinks fit; smallish class size although 2 reception classes of 18 are not 2 small and both have a full time TA to help with reading etc); all children get to read everyday and even reception has 2 computers in the classroom and full white board facilities; swimming, French, music and IT all taught from Reception onwards; great sports facilities only a walk away.

The fact they wear strictly enforced school uniform - all bought from the same shop with exception of blue blouses and black shoes - does mean that no children get picked on for not wearing the latest fashions etc.

Obviously there will be a cross section of academic achievement - I was lucky in that I went to a state grammar after passing 11+ -
but that is no bad thing in my book.

Oh and another possible advantage worth asking about - our school had minibus pickups from local villages. Certainly will make life easier when she is a little older and wants to go with her friends.

You see Butkin, I have all that in my state school, which is why I am lucky that I can safely choose not to go private. Ok, our reception class was 30, but that was with 1 teacher and 2 full-time TA'a. All children read every day - either with teacher, TA, parent helper or Y6 reading partner. All classes have full whiteboards, 4 computers in KS1 classes, 15 in KS2. one on one music lessons from KS2 (recorder groups in Y2), own swimming pool (ok it's outdoor so only get lessons twice a week in summer term) and huge playing fields, with our own wildlfe and veg garden. Lunch/after school clubs offer french, spanish, jazz dance, football, netball, and others. And whilst uniform is only polo shirt, sweatshirt and grey trousers/skirt, it is enforced.

prufrock, what kind of values would you want the parents to share with you?

Echo previous posters comments re where you live, because I don't think there is a blanket answer, it is horse for courses...
Our nearest primary (5 mins walk) is private, and although we could have afforded the fees, the state primary which is 10 mins walk has much more space 9lots of trees and grass), and just FELT right when we walked in the door. Pricate prep felt like a hot-house, and tiniest playground ever seen - no trees.

Where we live there are no decent state secondaries, and we have always known we would need to go private for secondary. Of the sixty children that leave our primary each year, between 45-55 go private.
We are happy with our decion because they are happy there, and - we give the DC enough support at home so that they are likley to be able to pass those exams. It would be foolish to rely on the school for that. (Last week, DS1, in top maths set, year 5, and able to do year 6+ work had 'numeracy' homework that comprised sticking together triangles to make an Xmas decoration )
So, academically private would have been more suitable (lots of stretching homework, but pressure to get into the top public chools), but for the whole child - in our specific case - state was better.

I suppose we could just about afford private education at primary level if we used every penny of contingency and 'for fun' spending etc, BUT chose state, (in inner london) because
It's a v good school, DS is extremely happy in it, and we are in the heart of a little community in the tight catchment for it - all friends in close walking distance - even torch-flashing distance after bedtime ! The journey / traffic to any of the likely private schools would be v difficult - houses near them are way out of our price range and they are not on simple transport routes. I went to a private school at primary age, and I have some reservations about the effect of narrowing the demographic. Which private schooling inevitably does, however broad the range of people who are able to choose it. It feels a little like retreating.
Paying is simply uneccessary for us, and it would be a fallback or emergency contingency if we chose it - rather than our first choice.

My wonderful values of course bundle! Actually I've just read my comments back and they sound snobbier than I meant. I am actually more uncomfortable with the values of some of our friends & neighbours who privately educate rather than thinking I would be uncomfortable with the values of inner london state educating parents. But I do think that in London, many "normal" parents (like marina/batters) end up going for private, so I would be OK with that sort fo private. DYSWIM?

Values like an underlying belief in state education/equality of opportunity for all rather than thinking that it's perfectly rght and proper that their little darlings shouldn't mix with riff-raff. Like not thinking that your worth is directly related to the amount you spend on your kids birthday parties/teachers presents (I know of one S.Lonodn prep where a case of champagne is seen as a normal Xmas gift! Like not pitying your friends because they holiday in Scotland rather than Barbados. Like not thinking mandarin lessons are normal, nay, essential for 7 year olds.

I think it's partly in my case because I think I would all too easily be drawn into that ultra-competitive parenting world, and I desperately don't want to bring up spoilt brats or become and uber-yummy-mummy

We had a similar dilemma - dd got into a very good selective independent school about a mile or so from where we live. The local primary is a 10 min walk max.

We preferred the vibe of this particular state school and it seemed a bit gentler. There was not a lot to choose between them tbh and what really swung it for us was (a) that she is an only child so better to have very local friends (the kids in the private school came from all over the place, all her friends live within 10 mins walk from her school) and (b) the community aspect.

We are delighted with the state primary I must say.