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Child misbehaviour in reception - excluded and reduced timetable by wk 2. Too strict or proportionate measures?

168 replies

virgomama95 · 21/09/2021 19:02

I was a little worried about how my son would settle in school. They seemed to be doing okay and happy, but I endeavoured to check by day 3. Teacher said child was a joy but struggled to listen sometimes, yet today had been much better and had been showered in stickers for doing so. I wish I had savoured that feedback because what followed was absolute turmoil for us.

Day 4, we were pulled in for a quick after school chat and the teacher told us that our child had pinched another child. Unacceptable of course and we spoke to our child about keeping your hands to yourself. However, day 5, I receive a call from the school about our child's behaviour again - and issues such as not listening, flippant responses and hurting other children (and teachers - in an overwhelmed panic) were brought up. They even used the word 'exclusion' in a sentence about how they were not thinking about it at this point, yet I hadn't brought it up, so the 'reassurance' had more of the opposite effect. They called every day after day 5 - our child's behaviour was escalating. Our child was strong willed and sometimes difficult in nursery but these incidents were far and few in between and nothing on this scale. Our child had plenty of friends in nursery but the teachers said in a meeting (Wed, week 2) that the other children were giving him a 'wide birth', I felt destroyed. My child was suffering, he had gotten into such a state (thurs, week 2) that they were restrained and I had to pick them up (less than 2 hours after their arrival). Our child was excluded on Thursday and was given the weekend to recover. Our child is now on 1 hour a week in a 1-1 situation which is supposed to be for bonding and trust, yet this teacher is actually the only one available for that week and usually works with year 2.

My question is, is this proportionate or is this just too early? I feel like an extra support teacher, monitoring during playtime etc. could have happened before this. How is this beneficial for our child's development, classroom integration, social boundaries etc? I'm stuck between defending ourselves and wanting to cooperate, so I haven't questioned the schools methods as of yet.

OP posts:
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prh47bridge · 21/09/2021 20:48

Huge alarm bells ringing here. It is far too early to be excluding your child. Permanent exclusion should be a last resort when all other options have failed. Fixed term exclusions are different but still shouldn't be the first option the school reaches for. Have they considered if there are any underlying factors that affect your son's behaviour such as SEND? Have they requested an SEN assessment, a multi-agency assessment or external support? These are basics.

As the exclusion was for one day, the school was required to set work for your son. I presume they did not do so.

Their current approach of limiting him to 1 hour a week is an illegal exclusion.

As your son is only getting 1 hour of school a week, he is clearly excluded from school 4 days a week. That means he has been excluded for more than 5 days this term. You are therefore entitled to request a meeting of the governors to consider reinstating your son. I'm sure the school would argue otherwise but they would be wrong. The law is clear.

Once your son has been excluded for 15 days this term (which won't take long), the governing board must meet to consider reinstatement regardless of whether you request a meeting. I suspect this won't happen.

If it turns out that your child has SEN, the school is probably in breach of the Equality Act.

This is not in any way proportionate. This is the school doing what is convenient for them without any real thought as to what is best for your child. They are blatantly ignoring government guidance and the law.

You should certainly kick up a fuss, remind them that their current actions are an illegal exclusion and insist that your son returns to full time school immediately. However, given the appalling way this school is behaving, I would also start looking for another school for your son.

Mumontheschoolrun · 21/09/2021 20:53

I’m absolutely no expert and have no specialist knowledge but would agree with @prh47bridge here.

Op call the charity Contact A Family - they cover all needs even where undiagnosed and at the moment your dc has emotional and behavioural needs. They have really good education advice on illegal exclusions etc on their helpline and will also support you emotionally. They have a ‘listening ear’ hour long call you can book just to get support.

Autumndays123 · 21/09/2021 20:54

@Threearm

I like how people automatically support schools. Clearly haven't supported many parents in schools who really do massively fail children. Schools aren't always right, sadly far too many schools try and wash their hands at the very first sign. He has been there a max of 3 weeks and was OK in nursery. They need to support him better, not a pathetic 1 hour a week. You really need good advice from people who know what they are talking about.
He wasn't fine in nursery, not from what the OP said. I read it as he was still violent, but incidents were 'few are far between'.

To be honest, the way the OP describes what happens, she doesn't seem to place much 'blame' on her child, more that it must be the school's fault. Regardless of whether he is stressed about starting a new school, having to be physically restrained by a teacher is not normal. Neither is it acceptable. He clearly needs help and it may be that a school which caters to high needs is more appropriate. I think it's very unfair to point fingers at the school though, they are limited to what they can do. I do wonder how the OP deals with the situation/how she discusses it with her child or whether his bad behaviour is just blamed on the school and/or the change.

Threearm · 21/09/2021 20:55

I agree with @prh47bridge who has put it so much clearer and eloquently than my attempt.

NameChange30 · 21/09/2021 20:55

@prh47bridge

Huge alarm bells ringing here. It is far too early to be excluding your child. Permanent exclusion should be a last resort when all other options have failed. Fixed term exclusions are different but still shouldn't be the first option the school reaches for. Have they considered if there are any underlying factors that affect your son's behaviour such as SEND? Have they requested an SEN assessment, a multi-agency assessment or external support? These are basics.

As the exclusion was for one day, the school was required to set work for your son. I presume they did not do so.

Their current approach of limiting him to 1 hour a week is an illegal exclusion.

As your son is only getting 1 hour of school a week, he is clearly excluded from school 4 days a week. That means he has been excluded for more than 5 days this term. You are therefore entitled to request a meeting of the governors to consider reinstating your son. I'm sure the school would argue otherwise but they would be wrong. The law is clear.

Once your son has been excluded for 15 days this term (which won't take long), the governing board must meet to consider reinstatement regardless of whether you request a meeting. I suspect this won't happen.

If it turns out that your child has SEN, the school is probably in breach of the Equality Act.

This is not in any way proportionate. This is the school doing what is convenient for them without any real thought as to what is best for your child. They are blatantly ignoring government guidance and the law.

You should certainly kick up a fuss, remind them that their current actions are an illegal exclusion and insist that your son returns to full time school immediately. However, given the appalling way this school is behaving, I would also start looking for another school for your son.

I'm so glad you posted. I was starting to despair about many of the responses!
Mumontheschoolrun · 21/09/2021 20:56

Yes there are so many places catering fir ‘high needs’ Hmm

It’s often very very difficult for dc who are doing ok academically to get a place in a special school. Those places are very hard to get and often involve a lot of travel.

No one can ever blame a distressed 5 year old for their own behaviour for starters.

Second of all it doesn’t sound as though many strategies have been tried or if they have op hadn’t been told about them

MichelleScarn · 21/09/2021 20:56

So he pinched another child once only? Agree exclusion extreme for this. But what happened to result in the 2 incidents with adults and what resulted in his needing restrained as that's very intense.

Mumontheschoolrun · 21/09/2021 20:56

That was to @Autumndays123

Mumontheschoolrun · 21/09/2021 20:58

A dc in my extended family hit an adult in reception. Because she was overwhelmed and frightened. Has never happened since. I don’t agree that it always means anything drastic. Needs appropriate management. She has HFA and couldn’t cope with the huge transition to primary

virgomama95 · 21/09/2021 20:58

*Autumn123
*
He was not 'violent' in nursery at all.

Incidents such as not listening straight away, favouring solitary play some days and being very particular about the items he was playing with/not sharing were the issues in nursery.

I appreciate and welcome a fair board of opinions from both sides of the fence, but please be constructive with your criticism, this is my child and these past few weeks have been unimaginably tough for us.

OP posts:
virgomama95 · 21/09/2021 21:02

@MichelleScarn

So he pinched another child once only? Agree exclusion extreme for this. But what happened to result in the 2 incidents with adults and what resulted in his needing restrained as that's very intense.
After another incident with a child that had resulted in the child getting hurt (poor thing) his consequence was (understandably) that he wasn't allowed back in glass and he got himself in quite a state as he really wanted to go back to class.

He threw himself about and had to be restrained to prevent himself from hitting his own head.

He is quite confident (academically/socially) and also very anxious in new settings. When he is triggered, I have to admit even as his mum, he can be difficult to simmer back down. But with a calm voice and a quiet place to deflate, he does so very well and is extremely apologetic afterwards.

OP posts:
Threearm · 21/09/2021 21:03

@Mumontheschoolrun especially when the school haven't put anything at all in place

Autumndays123 · 21/09/2021 21:03

@virgomama95

*Autumn123 * He was not 'violent' in nursery at all.

Incidents such as not listening straight away, favouring solitary play some days and being very particular about the items he was playing with/not sharing were the issues in nursery.

I appreciate and welcome a fair board of opinions from both sides of the fence, but please be constructive with your criticism, this is my child and these past few weeks have been unimaginably tough for us.

I'm sorry OP, I can't help feel you're playing down your sons behaviour a little. In your OP you suggested the punching incident happened early on, and then the behaviour has escalated and led to a phone call home each day. You then say he was in such a state that he needed to be restrained, but during all of these phone calls you've had with the school, they've never actually said what he's doing? You've never asked? If school were phoning me every day saying my child's behaviour was escalating from the initial pinching, I'd have to find out more.
Autumndays123 · 21/09/2021 21:05

*pinching. Sorry, typo

cansu · 21/09/2021 21:07

I am sorry OP but I think you are being deliberately vague and to some degree playing down what actually happened because it doesn't add up.

You say on weds he was restrained. What actually happened? What did he do? Why did he need to be restrained? If it was an instance of lashing out, he wouldn't need restraining. This is quite serious. Having to restrain small children in unusual. If a child hits another and an adult says stop and stands in front of the child that is usually enough to stop them. Having to hold a child to stop them hurting someone is fairly unusual unless the child has quite significant emotional or other difficulties.
On Thurs, you say he was excluded. What for?

You also allude to some issues in nursery.

You say the school gave you no further details. I would not have accepted an exclusion with no information about the presumably two serious incidents which led to this.

MichelleScarn · 21/09/2021 21:07

After another incident with a child that had resulted in the child getting hurt (poor thing)
How did the child get hurt on this occasion?
And how were the 2 adults hurt?

prh47bridge · 21/09/2021 21:08

I'm sorry OP, I can't help feel you're playing down your sons behaviour a little

I don't know whether she is or not but it doesn't matter when looking at the rights and wrongs of this case. There is no way the school should have excluded her son this quickly and reducing him to 1 hour per week is clearly an illegal exclusion. Whatever right the school might have had on its side has been sacrificed by their actions. I have a lot of sympathy for teachers struggling with unruly pupils but there is a right way and a wrong way to deal with it. This is about as far wrong as it is possible to be.

Autumndays123 · 21/09/2021 21:10

Yes, as PP have put much better than me, confused as to pinching was one of the milder incidents, before 'daily' phone calls from the school because of escalating behaviour but no details given about said behaviour. If it was just the two incidents you have mentioned since, why would school be phoning you every day?

PawsNotClaws · 21/09/2021 21:10

There is so much that can and should be done before a child gets anywhere near the point of exclusion. Our HT would think we'd lost the plot if we even considered excluding a brand new reception child so early on in their school life.

We would all be looking for possible triggers for the behaviour and talking to the SENDCO to see what support and strategies could be put into place. The focus would be on doing whatever we could to help the child to settle and feel secure, and looking at referrals to relevant professionals where needed.

If the school have raced ahead to exclusion without putting other strategies in place first, I would also be wondering whether they'd similarly rushed into restraining the child without first trying other options.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 21/09/2021 21:11

I think people have given you lots of helpful support and suggestions. It is unusual behaviour in a reception age child so it's being commented on. You do definitely want to address this while your child is still small so I would try and work with the school if I were you. The last thing you want is a year 6 child who is being restrained and excluded.

Autumndays123 · 21/09/2021 21:11

@prh47bridge

I'm sorry OP, I can't help feel you're playing down your sons behaviour a little

I don't know whether she is or not but it doesn't matter when looking at the rights and wrongs of this case. There is no way the school should have excluded her son this quickly and reducing him to 1 hour per week is clearly an illegal exclusion. Whatever right the school might have had on its side has been sacrificed by their actions. I have a lot of sympathy for teachers struggling with unruly pupils but there is a right way and a wrong way to deal with it. This is about as far wrong as it is possible to be.

If said child is attacking other children and having to be restrained by adults, how do you deal with the situation? Do you allow the physical safety of all other children and teachers to be at risk each day?
cansu · 21/09/2021 21:11

Ok I have read your update. I think that you need to get the SENCO involved. It really sounds like him having these kind of meltdowns isn't that unusual. If the school were not aware that he had these difficulties, it is not surprising they were not ready for him. I would get started on working out a plan for some support to enable him to get back to school. He clearly needs a safe space to calm and some support to regulate and manage these emotions.

cansu · 21/09/2021 21:15

A child coming into school and becoming involved in a physical restraint on a daily basis will not help this child to settle into school. This child should have been flagged and a plan put in place before they even arrived. The school need to act quickly to come up with a plan, but I do wonder at the communication between nursery, parents and school prior to starting.

Kite22 · 21/09/2021 21:16

I have to agree with Autumndays123, cansu and others.
The OP has been asked to keep her ds at home after many, many escalating incidents from what she has posted. Nobody has been excluded for pinching another child. OP, the fact you are trying to justify him hurting other children because he wanted the thing they were playing with doesn't help the situation.

How far along the assessment route is he at the moment ?

virgomama95 · 21/09/2021 21:24

@Kite22

I have to agree with Autumndays123, cansu and others. The OP has been asked to keep her ds at home after many, many escalating incidents from what she has posted. Nobody has been excluded for pinching another child. OP, the fact you are trying to justify him hurting other children because he wanted the thing they were playing with doesn't help the situation.

How far along the assessment route is he at the moment ?

I would not excuse my child's behaviour.

I was trying to give genuine context.

OP posts: