Child misbehaviour in reception - excluded and reduced timetable by wk 2. Too strict or proportionate measures?

[virgomama95]

I was a little worried about how my son would settle in school. They seemed to be doing okay and happy, but I endeavoured to check by day 3. Teacher said child was a joy but struggled to listen sometimes, yet today had been much better and had been showered in stickers for doing so. I wish I had savoured that feedback because what followed was absolute turmoil for us.

Day 4, we were pulled in for a quick after school chat and the teacher told us that our child had pinched another child. Unacceptable of course and we spoke to our child about keeping your hands to yourself. However, day 5, I receive a call from the school about our child's behaviour again - and issues such as not listening, flippant responses and hurting other children (and teachers - in an overwhelmed panic) were brought up. They even used the word 'exclusion' in a sentence about how they were not thinking about it at this point, yet I hadn't brought it up, so the 'reassurance' had more of the opposite effect. They called every day after day 5 - our child's behaviour was escalating. Our child was strong willed and sometimes difficult in nursery but these incidents were far and few in between and nothing on this scale. Our child had plenty of friends in nursery but the teachers said in a meeting (Wed, week 2) that the other children were giving him a 'wide birth', I felt destroyed. My child was suffering, he had gotten into such a state (thurs, week 2) that they were restrained and I had to pick them up (less than 2 hours after their arrival). Our child was excluded on Thursday and was given the weekend to recover. Our child is now on 1 hour a week in a 1-1 situation which is supposed to be for bonding and trust, yet this teacher is actually the only one available for that week and usually works with year 2.

My question is, is this proportionate or is this just too early? I feel like an extra support teacher, monitoring during playtime etc. could have happened before this. How is this beneficial for our child's development, classroom integration, social boundaries etc? I'm stuck between defending ourselves and wanting to cooperate, so I haven't questioned the schools methods as of yet.

@prh47bridge may be able to advise on legality, there are all sorts of rules on exclusions.

Do you suspect you child has some form of SEN?
Or is this a maturity thing?
Or just difficulty settling?
Presumably it isn't because he has no boundaries at home, so it must be something.

That sounds really tough. How old is your child? Would going back to nursery and deferring for a year be an option?

The problem is that it’s all of the other children’s first weeks too and it’s important that their experience is positive as well as your son. Seeing him restrained must have been frightening for them as well as awful for your son.

I really hope things resolve for you and your son settles in and makes friends soon.

Yes, too strong a reaction by the school.

He needs support. The school should agree a plan with you, which is clearly set out so that he is supported to settle, monitored for what works, praised - and as he succeeds incrementally moved on to achieve more - be it longer in school, sitting with a friend, focussing for five minutes, whatever. This would also ensure he and other children are safe.

It is a form of illegal exclusion to limit his hours in school without your agreement to some sort of plan.

You have to agree to a part time timetable. You should also have a reintegration meeting after the exclusion.
It's hard to really know if they've been too quick to act as we don't really know the ins and outs.
With regards to having someone support him, school budgets are at breaking point and with staff absences higher than ever, in many there really is no more give.
You need a PSP in place (personal support plan) and clarity with what support is available for your child.
Good luck.

@Wormsarecool

That sounds really tough. How old is your child? Would going back to nursery and deferring for a year be an option?

The problem is that it’s all of the other children’s first weeks too and it’s important that their experience is positive as well as your son. Seeing him restrained must have been frightening for them as well as awful for your son.

I really hope things resolve for you and your son settles in and makes friends soon.

Thank you so much. He is 5, actually one of the oldest in the year, which is why I was surprised. I have read similar MN posts and usually those that struggle to settle are younger.

I agree with the 'first weeks at school' point which is why I have cooperated with the school every step of the way. I feel so sorry for the children he has hurt and frightened but he is also frightened himself - a lot of his 'problem' behaviour is uncontrollable/inconsolable outbursts. This schools SEN and disadvantaged (free school meals) population is lower than the national average. I wonder whether a more diverse school with more staff would have handled this differently.

Has he been formally excluded or have they just said things like 'it might be better if he stayed away'. If there are SN them saying they can't cope will be evidence for getting extra support / EHCP.

Would he be better off just going in mornings for a while to help him cope?

Is it in lessons or in the more 'free play' times he has trouble?

Remember nursery would have better ratios so might have been able to manage his flashpoints better, possibly without realising it.

What is he like at home? To what extent do you organise things to avoid things he finds difficult?

Unmumsnetty hugs from me.
There was talk of exclusion very early on in my son's reception year. He wasn't even five yet, so legally didn't even need to be in school. He has SEN but no diagnosis (so no support) at that stage.
This sounds like a massive overreaction from the school. They need to provide support to help him.
The SN board on here is very helpful if you think thats a possibility.

That doesn't sound right at all. Are there any special needs involved? Are the staff aware that your DC was able to function well at nursery?

And what does your DC have to say about all this? My DS by this age would have an understanding that he was not being allowed to attend school.

That does sound like the school have been pretty heavy handed but I'm sure they don't exclude a 4 year old without cause. Your child may be suffering but if the teachers can't keep them and everyone else safe then they have to take some action. Where has this behaviour come from? Does your child have SEN or some kind of recent trauma?

Blimey, from my experience as a reception teacher, it’s a very unusual case. The school must think the other children & the staff are at risk of harm. Restraining a child is not done lightly, they’d be concerned for both his & other kids welfare.

I’m not sure they’ve done the wrong thing. If your son was unable to control his emotions to the level of restraint, it’s a serious impact on the rest of the class. I did teacher training in a school where children had difficult backgrounds & we were taught how to restrain. If we reached that point & we couldn’t calm them down, parents were called and children sent home. It was in their best interests really.

Is your son young in the year? Is he genuinely not exhibiting this kinda behaviour elsewhere? Lashing out at other kids? Not able to control his emotions? Unable to be calmed down quickly?

To me, you need a decent chat with the school & teacher. Discuss why they took the actions they did, what support they can put in place, work with you to develop consistent ways your son can be calmed down & consistent behavioural techniques, listening skills etc!

It must be horrible OP. I do think you need to work with school as much as possible but you also have a right to an explanation for their actions and to know what comes next should your sons behaviour spiral again etc.

[quote TeenMinusTests]@prh47bridge may be able to advise on legality, there are all sorts of rules on exclusions.

Do you suspect you child has some form of SEN?
Or is this a maturity thing?
Or just difficulty settling?
Presumably it isn't because he has no boundaries at home, so it must be something.[/quote]
ADHD and ASD is pretty high in my family - especially for the boys in my generation but we have seen nothing in our children or nephews/nieces etc.

Let's just say I would be just as unsurprised if he was as I would if he was not.

I do think he is struggling to settle yet has never really struggled with settling before. Lately, however, seems to get overwhelmed with anything out of his control.

You should ask for a meeting with the SENCO. Have you had any reasons to suspect SEND before?

I would see this as a well-being issue, if he doesn't usually behave that way at home or nursery, then he obviously struggling to settle in at school and has some unmet needs.

Cross post. Definitely meet with the SENDCo then.

What level of injury has happened to the other children and teachers?

NICE guidelines - features suggesting possible autism
www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg128/chapter/appendix-features-suggesting-possible-autism#appendix-features-suggesting-possible-autism

This might also be worth considering
www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-is-pda-menu/identifying-pda/

I don't think a school can just place an extra support adult 1:1 with him as it requires funding. Perhaps they are trying to go through the steps required to get him a extra support. Can't remember what it's called these days (used to be a statement) an EHCEP or something like that. Really sorry this is happening to your and your son OP. Only you can judge how well your school are handling it. Some seem to just want to 'get rid' of pupils that require additional support but others are truly fantastic x

I can't say without having seen your child in school, but my initial reaction is that the school are being too harsh.

However, some schools can really support certain pupils and some can't. We had a Reception pupil come to us mid-way through the first half-term from another school. We happened to go to a hobby staff meeting at their school and were shocked to hear the staff saying things like "good luck with him" and "I've already thrown all his books out" and similar. When he came to us it was hard - running away, talking back, shouting and pushing/ snatching with other children, things like that. But you know what? We stuck with it and found what worked and he was so much calmer by Year 1 he was like a different child.

OP, the school need to be completely clear with you at every step. Have you seen their behaviour and SEN policies? It may be worth familiarising yourself with them if you haven't already. Then a meeting with the SENCo to discuss what they're going to do to get him back in school full-time.

And to get an EHC Plan for funding and support, he'll probably need a diagnosis, so if you suspect ADHD or other SEN then start the ball rolling when you can (ASD diagnoses at Reception age aren't that common but they are possible).

He’s not of compulsory school age yet so I don’t know where the school and council stand on their duty to provide a full time education. That won’t kick in until January.

Part time timetables should not be used as an alternative to exclusion but again I’m not sure if this kicks in before statutory school age www.ipsea.org.uk/pages/category/exclusion-from-school

There's set procedures for exclusions that the school must follow, bit like Bobholll I'd say we can't say from your post if schoolnwere wrong because for a child to be restrained and to display persistent behaviours like that leaves me concerned about the welfare of your child, the class and the teacher.

If your child is displaying behaviour that hurts peers and staff then it's not surprising that other children are giving him a wide berth. I would tell my DC to do exactly the same and I would have also been on the phone to school expecting expecting to have a plan to keep my children safe.

Moving forward, it would be good to make sure that exclusion paperwork has been properly completed and these sending home early events are correctly logged as exclusions. It would be useful to have a return from exclusion meeting and to discuss with the SENCo where to go next. Part time timetables have their place and can be effective, but they need to be agreed and they need to be reviewed periodically.

What do you mean when you say uncontrollable?

Is he injuring other children or staff?

www.childrenslegalcentre.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Exclusion-of-young-children_CCLCbriefing_March2016.pdf

A little outdated but may be useful

Lots of helpful info here
childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/school-exclusion/

@TeenMinusTests

Has he been formally excluded or have they just said things like 'it might be better if he stayed away'. If there are SN them saying they can't cope will be evidence for getting extra support / EHCP.

Would he be better off just going in mornings for a while to help him cope?

Is it in lessons or in the more 'free play' times he has trouble?

Remember nursery would have better ratios so might have been able to manage his flashpoints better, possibly without realising it.

What is he like at home? To what extent do you organise things to avoid things he finds difficult?

I was happy to do just mornings. The week that everything had escalated he was finishing at 1pm and they had planned to keep him on that time for a while longer. Absolutely fine.

The day after was the day he was sent home and formally excluded for 1 day, though it was the Friday so it was 3 days school-free in total. They outsourced for a behaviour specialist (and kudos to them because I think it has to be paid for) and called the next day - his hours were reduced even further from what he had already been doing part time with his classmates. He is currently doing 1 hour a day while his classmates are now full time.

The school are illegally excluding DS, don't allow them to. Part time timetables such as this are illegal whether or not parents agree. Tell them DS will be attending full time unless you are given official exclusion paperwork.

Did you have official exclusion paperwork for Thursday's exclusion? Despite being below CSA if DS is out of school due to being excluded the LA are res indigos for providing education.

You don't need a diagnosis to get an EHCP, they are needs based, not diagnosis based. If the school need more funding to meet DS's needs whilst going through the process they can apply for high needs top up funding.