Disastrous first day at pre prep!

[user1479588581]

Help!

We dropped our son off on his first day at pre prep today. When I picked him up his teacher said he hadn’t really listened, she was concerned he’d not understood instructions, he didn’t interact with any of the other children, she had to explain the rules of the game they were playing several times as “he just didn’t get it”… and my personal favourite she “wasn’t expecting to spend so much 1:1 with him”. She said this all seconds after telling everyone else how marvellous their children had been and then effectively patronised me for 10 minutes about my sons behaviour well within ear shot with the other parents still milling about. He’s in a class of 13, her leading with an assistant, nine of which we found out today are all girls, only 4 are boys…

She asked if his preschool had ever mentioned anything similar and I said yes, but he’d have days like this and then days where he was great because he’s only FOUR AND A HALF! I asked her if she had read the assessment the preschool had sent and she said she’d “skimmed over it”.

He’s been in childcare since he was 14 months, he was in preschool prior to joining and had attended two assessments to join this place. He’s always been slow to reach developmental milestones but he’s got there eventually none the less. All the other kids are clearly more advanced then him, we realised this helpfully at drop off (due to Covid no settle days etc). We obviously didn’t realise quite how behind he was we couldn’t go into the preschool and the assessments always said he’d reached the requirements. We’ve been paying privately for speech therapy once a week and she said he’s up to standard but after today I feel so deflated. I sobbed all the way home in the car and now both my husband and I are thinking about moving schools over it. I don’t want to be constantly worrying that my son is bottom of the class in their eyes!

[quote Shakeyourface]@Clymene most children can read letters and numbers by 3 or 4 independent of being in formal education. When they start school most can read the basics. No way that in the countries where ‘school’ starts at 6 or 7 that they don’t have this capacity. In fact most of these countries have extensive pre schools that almost all children attend which is pretty much identical to the reception/ yr 1/ yr 2 here - very much focused on fun and play[/quote]
If you think that years 1 and 2 are very much focused on fun and play in years 1 and 2, you haven't been in a school recently. And my kids didn't start school knowing the alphabet and being able to do maths. They could recognise their name and that was about it

@user1479588581

He’s very good with numbers (he’s got generations of accountants in father, two sets of grandfathers and a great grandfather and uncle!) so that wasn’t a surprise! Letters he knows most of the alphabet but reading he doesn’t know much of yet. I’m hoping by half term I’ll have him reading a simple two to three word sentence back. He can memorise things well. His speech was behind but seems to be coming on in leaps and bounds recently and the speech therapist signed him off at reaching required level. Whatever he ends up being doing we’ll support him. My father berated me every time I had a bad report and it did literally nothing but make me miserable and I’ve turned out okay. 🤷‍♀️

Just to clarify, as a couple of people on here have mentioned SEN.

My son couldn’t speak until he was 2 1/2 and he required speech therapy. He wasn’t toilet trained until he was 3 1/2 and continued having accidents until age 4.

He was memorising entire books (e.g. Going on a Bear Hunt) and counting to twenty around 2 years 8 months, shortly after learning to talk. He currently has a reading age of eight/nine and can add and subtract (he is four). He had similar, if not worse, problems at a pre-prep than the OP (see earlier on thread) and is diagnosed autistic.

To meet him, you wouldn’t think there was anything much different about him from a neurotypical child. He has made several friends at the nursery/pre-prep/our local playground, and has been at a small outdoor nursery (with some one-to-one support).

Thus, SEN doesn’t mean bad at maths or reading. It also doesn’t mean there’s anything ‘wrong’ with your kid. It just means ‘not like a typical kid in a way that means they may need extra support’.

I agree with Shakeyourface.

@Clymene my child is in yr 2 so I’ve seen it first hand pretty recently!!! She has the best time - the ‘learning’ is all based around play and interactivity and being social. Maybe prep schools are different - I’m talking about state schools

I think most state schools stop their play based learning after reception. You're lucky if you've found one that carries on after that...

@purpleme12

I think most state schools stop their play based learning after reception. You're lucky if you've found one that carries on after that...

Yes that has certainly been my experience.

How has your little one got on at his new school this week OP?

I’m so glad you changed schools. Sounds a horrible environment, shudder. What an unpleasant teacher, quite shocking!

How is the wee one at his new school? Is it tricky for him to get used to another environment? Or a relief?

how is it going now OP?

I hope your little boy is getting on ok in a kinder setting.
I find it insane that a teacher would suggest SEN after ONE day. Your DS was obviously able to pass the assessment. I’d find it more odd if a 4 year old didn’t feel shy and nervous on his first day at school.
Sounds like it’s for the best that you changed schools.

@Orangejuicemarathoner

how is it going now OP?

Hi,

Sorry slow reply, we swapped him its been coming into 3rd week there now. He's struggling a bit, he's finding it difficult to get undressed and dressed for PE (he's just slow, he can do it but he finds it frustrating and gives up!). He's also sometimes refusing to walk with the other kids (he does this with us too). Learning wise he seems fine! It's the emotional development stuff he's clearly behind on. We met with the school today and they've suggested some strategies so we're going to work together to give him the support he needs. He'll get there :)

Practice racing dressing and undressing at home. Putting the mirror image face stickers in his shoes can help. Work with the school and stay positive. My brother never would have survived all day school at 4. He would put his head down on his desk at6 in first grade and try to nap after lunch.