10 year old daughter taught about sexual assault and rape at school

[recall]

My daughter is in year 6, and recently attended a two day Transition to Secondary School course at school.

At the end of the first day, all parents received an e mail saying that some of the parents thought the content of the course may be inappropriate. I didn’t see my daughter until the evening of the second day ( she had been staying with her dad my ex husband ). I asked her what she had learnt. She told me....about a boy who moved up to Secondary School and started suffering from cyber bullying, so much so that he committed suicide. They showed them images of the boy, his grave and a video of his mother in tears talking about it. Four of the children left the room, two were in tears, one of whom began hyperventilating.

I contacted the boy’s mum who confirmed this was true, and told me they had also been taught about a rape. About a 15 year old girl who got drunk and woke up in a ditch and was pregnant. They were also taught about the spiking of drinks, and given stickers to put over their glasses in order to prevent this from happening.

I gave my consent for her attend this course, on the basis they would be discussing “ keeping safe, not harming your body, making healthy friendships, resisting peer pressure and cyber bullying.”

The course was delivered by an outside company that describes itself as a Small Social Enterprise.
On the school’s advice I contacted this company to complain. The CEO did not agree the content to be age inappropriate. I asked for a copy of the content of the course, and was refused because it was their intellectual property, she did say I could view it in her office.

I have had a meeting with the Head of Federation ( her school belongs to a Federation of several Primary Schools ) He said that although he agreed that the content may not be age appropriate, his colleague who arranged the course thought that it was. I asked if he could obtain a copy of the content and he said he could try but not promise.

My daughter is 10, and has not yet covered sexual intercourse in Personal Development, so her introduction to this has been rape. Her friend has since questioned her own sexuality, and has been Googling ways to commit suicide. Apparently there is a child in year 5 who has gone home and asked her mum what rape means, so it is filtering through the playground.

There seems to be no accountability. I really want to see what she has seen, she was shown it without my informed consent, surely I have a right to a copy of the content.

Any advice ? Thoughts ?

Wow - that sounds awful - and inappropriate for 10/11 year olds.

I think you're completely justified in making your complaint heard.

What do other parents at the school think?

That's awful! I thought it was bad some of year 7's at DD were reading the boy in the striped pyjamas
Definitely too young, my DD is going into year 8 and possibly not more appropriate but I'd like to know first as a parent to young, and sometimes sensitive children, or worse still those with precious bad experiences

They gave said you can see it if you go to the office

My daughter is 10, and has not yet covered sexual intercourse in Personal Development,

Really? My dd's school covered this in years 5 & 6.

It's important that they learn about rape, so that if they are ever in that situation (and unfortunately some may already have been), they will know that it's wrong and to seek help.

If you google Safe Schools Alliance you can find all the correct information about PSE in schools.
As far as I know parents are entitled to review all material before it is shown to children, but SSA will advise on the law.
It sounds horrific and totally unsuitable for 10 year olds.

I'd go to the meeting armed with examples if what has happened to various children and their reactions during the course to highlight how inappropriate it was and the effect its had on some students and parents. I'd also be pushing to see the content during the meeting and ask why they won't show you as they said you could if you came into the office - what are they trying to hide? It depends how far you want to take this and what you want to happen. I'd probably go a bit nuclear and mention something along the lines of them not taking concerns seriously and perhaps the tabloids would be interested to hear the story. Would the school board also be worth talking to? Banding together with other parents? It seems they're trying to shut you down.

custardbear ds did Boy in striped pjs in year 6.

It sounds a bit extreme, however by this stage I would expect her to have covered intercourse and consent in school and to have covered it with you a year or two ago. Unfortunately for some children consent is an issue which they will have faced much earlier in their life so it is good that she has reached this stage without needing to be aware of it.

The content of that session sounds more appropriate for end yr7 but it is not far off and some children will find themselves in those sort of situations (e.g. cyberbullying) very soon, if not already, and need to be prepared.

I think in part you are shooting the messenger, although none of us like to consider our dc being bullied or subject to sexual assault, it does happen and it is better that they are aware of the issues before they encounter them for themselves.

Sorry, no advice to offer.

As a teacher, I had to sit with my tutor group (aged 12 ish) while a group came in to talk to them about 'staying safe'. They set the children the task 'Imagine you have been raped.' The looks on the faces of those children. I took the group leader outside and told her if she didn't stop that activity right away, then I would.

Another activity I found shocking was a questionnaire we had to fill in with pupils aged around 12. It came from a southern university and asked pupils about their sexual experience. The questions were specific, so as tutors we found ourselves having to explain to very young people what 'anal sex' was. It felt abusive. I complained but year after year the questionnaires kept coming.

This is horrific!! Way way way too young I'd be furious if this happened to my child

It doesn't sound appropriate and challenging the delivery of materials is reasonable but I also wonder why haven't you discussed consent and sex with your daughter yet?

These outside groups need to not be in our schools

This happened at her new secondary school on her 2 day visit?

My dd has a friend who was sexually assaulted by a male student in her class in year 8 but she didn't really understand how wrong it was till several years later when she had learned more and fully understood consent and so on. This experience
led her to make quite a few mistakes with boys and get into some bad situations. By the time she really understood what started it all and got some counselling it was too late to get anything done about it and the damage was done.
Sadly young people do need to understand these issues from a young age and while it's important not to upset them, it also has to be convincing enough to make them really think about the consequences.

You have been offered the chance to view the material, why don’t you do that?

As per endofthelinefinally, this might be useful:

safeschoolsallianceuk.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/RSE-and-the-law-in-England_Covid-2.pdf

The psychologist Jessica Taylor has been campaigning for the removal of these videos for quite some time now.

They shouldn’t be used in schools. They’re a victim blaming resource and age 10 is absolutely too young. There isn’t evidence to show that they have any positive impact.

Consent can be taught without victim blaming and traumatising young children.

victimfocusblog.com/2017/05/29/why-cse-awareness-will-never-prevent-cse/

victimfocusblog.com/2018/01/21/my-11-year-old-daughter-was-shown-a-cse-film-where-a-girl-is-raped-and-murdered-nomorecsefilms/

@GoWalkabout

These outside groups need to not be in our schools

How else can you sneak past the gatekeepers to our children ? And make a few quid too ?

I am so upset for our young people that the first things that they learn about sex are about fear and attack or about fetishistic 'sex positive ' (haha ) dice games and changing their bodies or their boundaries. What about treasuring your body as it is, listening to your own desires and finding your way when you are ready. Its no wonder this generation are having sex later and having less sex.

I'd be raging. What a terrible introduction to secondary school and why did the school think this was appropriate for year 6s doing their transition? Transition should be a fun and reassuring experience. When my child did sex education at primary school, all parents were invited to detailed meetings explaining exactly what would be covered,and how, and shown the videos the kids would be seeing. Keep up the fight!

Thank you very much for all the responses. Am I being naive ? Is 10 really the age I should be teaching my daughter about consent ? I have two older children and have been guided by the school curriculum and supported and guided them as they go along. I like the fact they cover Personal Development together as a class group, and have always considered it age appropriate. There seems to be a gradual build up. They have covered parts of the body, the menstrual cycle and relationships so far. Presumed that consent would be covered in due course, so it seems a leap to go straight into rape if you see what I mean.

Of course you should be teaching your 10yo about consent, but you should be doing it in an age-appropriate way.

Part of age-appropriate is to teach in a safe environment and I cannot see how anything taught on the 2 day taster sessions can be described as 'safe' given it's a totally new environment with totally new staff and peers and that many young people will be feeling insecure and apprehensive anyway. Way to create some really negative associations with their new school.

However you can view the material by going to the office and I really think you should - someone has to! I also thought there was guidance in England that anything about sex ed could be viewed by parents first?

I think it's worth thinking about what you want the outcome to be though - an apology, some sort of recovery session with the cohort, the school to not teach this course again. I'd also (sorry) be thinking hard about if this is the right place for my DD.

I am surprised you haven't told your daughter about sex and consent, my son is10 and he's aware of them. I've made sure he knows about them in case anything inappropriate happened. If someone tried to touch my son inappropriately he'd know it's wrong.
To be honest, I wouldn't be too angry about my son seeing this kind of thing, it happens and to ignore it doesn't do any favours. Bullying is rife from a young age so if it shows the consequences, I can't see that as a bad thing at all.
Why don't you go and view the material? See what they saw, what would you like the outcome to be?

In your shoes I would

Recount all this in an email to Safe Schools Alliance

Send the same to your MP

Send that same email, addressing them separately, to the LEA and your Cllr

Send a formal complaint to the school

Send another email to OFSTED to ask directly what their official position is on teaching suicide to 10 year olds

This is outrageous for several reasons:

Your were not told about the content prior to agreeing for your daughter to attend

The content proved upsetting and not age appropriate - it doesn't matter who says it is, your daughter is 10 and it is not appropriate for your daughter

This is an external agency and you were not told it would be an external agency

At the bare minimum it is a breech in OFSTED statutory guidelines and sensitivity around these issues has been ignored

safeschoolsallianceuk.net/

@recall

My daughter is in year 6, and recently attended a two day Transition to Secondary School course at school.

At the end of the first day, all parents received an e mail saying that some of the parents thought the content of the course may be inappropriate. I didn’t see my daughter until the evening of the second day ( she had been staying with her dad my ex husband ). I asked her what she had learnt. She told me....about a boy who moved up to Secondary School and started suffering from cyber bullying, so much so that he committed suicide. They showed them images of the boy, his grave and a video of his mother in tears talking about it. Four of the children left the room, two were in tears, one of whom began hyperventilating.

I contacted the boy’s mum who confirmed this was true, and told me they had also been taught about a rape. About a 15 year old girl who got drunk and woke up in a ditch and was pregnant. They were also taught about the spiking of drinks, and given stickers to put over their glasses in order to prevent this from happening.

I gave my consent for her attend this course, on the basis they would be discussing “ keeping safe, not harming your body, making healthy friendships, resisting peer pressure and cyber bullying.”

The course was delivered by an outside company that describes itself as a Small Social Enterprise.
On the school’s advice I contacted this company to complain. The CEO did not agree the content to be age inappropriate. I asked for a copy of the content of the course, and was refused because it was their intellectual property, she did say I could view it in her office.

I have had a meeting with the Head of Federation ( her school belongs to a Federation of several Primary Schools ) He said that although he agreed that the content may not be age appropriate, his colleague who arranged the course thought that it was. I asked if he could obtain a copy of the content and he said he could try but not promise.

My daughter is 10, and has not yet covered sexual intercourse in Personal Development, so her introduction to this has been rape. Her friend has since questioned her own sexuality, and has been Googling ways to commit suicide. Apparently there is a child in year 5 who has gone home and asked her mum what rape means, so it is filtering through the playground.

There seems to be no accountability. I really want to see what she has seen, she was shown it without my informed consent, surely I have a right to a copy of the content.

Any advice ? Thoughts ?

My 10 yo neice’s bf got her drink spiked at a wedding. It’s being investigated by the police who think it might not have been a guest but someone who walked in from the hotel. So education is definitely needed and it probably does have to be a bit scary to hammer home the message.