10 year old daughter taught about sexual assault and rape at school

[recall]

My daughter is in year 6, and recently attended a two day Transition to Secondary School course at school.

At the end of the first day, all parents received an e mail saying that some of the parents thought the content of the course may be inappropriate. I didn’t see my daughter until the evening of the second day ( she had been staying with her dad my ex husband ). I asked her what she had learnt. She told me....about a boy who moved up to Secondary School and started suffering from cyber bullying, so much so that he committed suicide. They showed them images of the boy, his grave and a video of his mother in tears talking about it. Four of the children left the room, two were in tears, one of whom began hyperventilating.

I contacted the boy’s mum who confirmed this was true, and told me they had also been taught about a rape. About a 15 year old girl who got drunk and woke up in a ditch and was pregnant. They were also taught about the spiking of drinks, and given stickers to put over their glasses in order to prevent this from happening.

I gave my consent for her attend this course, on the basis they would be discussing “ keeping safe, not harming your body, making healthy friendships, resisting peer pressure and cyber bullying.”

The course was delivered by an outside company that describes itself as a Small Social Enterprise.
On the school’s advice I contacted this company to complain. The CEO did not agree the content to be age inappropriate. I asked for a copy of the content of the course, and was refused because it was their intellectual property, she did say I could view it in her office.

I have had a meeting with the Head of Federation ( her school belongs to a Federation of several Primary Schools ) He said that although he agreed that the content may not be age appropriate, his colleague who arranged the course thought that it was. I asked if he could obtain a copy of the content and he said he could try but not promise.

My daughter is 10, and has not yet covered sexual intercourse in Personal Development, so her introduction to this has been rape. Her friend has since questioned her own sexuality, and has been Googling ways to commit suicide. Apparently there is a child in year 5 who has gone home and asked her mum what rape means, so it is filtering through the playground.

There seems to be no accountability. I really want to see what she has seen, she was shown it without my informed consent, surely I have a right to a copy of the content.

Any advice ? Thoughts ?

For some reason, the course provider asked their teachers to leave the room at this point

I'm sorry what? At the point this random person from an external provider was introducing the concept of rape to 10/11 year olds the teacher was asked to leave the room?

This is so wrong!

I hope you escalate this and there is an investigation of some kind. It is utterly outrageous and a failure in safeguarding.

This person better have a DBS check and a high ranking qualification in teaching and have a damn good explanation on what they hell they were thinking.

Not the point of the thread but what exactly do you mean by:
They showed them images of the boy, his grave and a video of his mother in tears talking about it. Four of the children left the room, two were in tears, one of whom began hyperventilating.

I contacted the boy’s mum who confirmed this was true, and told me they had also been taught about a rape

You contacted the bereaved mum of a bullied teen who had committed suicide to check it was true.

And why are you posting this again?

My 10 year old was shown the ‘consent is like a cup of tea’ video in school. She found it quite funny and it taught the message of consent without having to scare and traumatise the children. They are still so young. I wouldn’t be happy either.

@titchy

Not the point of the thread but what exactly do you mean by: They showed them images of the boy, his grave and a video of his mother in tears talking about it. Four of the children left the room, two were in tears, one of whom began hyperventilating.

I contacted the boy’s mum who confirmed this was true, and told me they had also been taught about a rape

You contacted the bereaved mum of a bullied teen who had committed suicide to check it was true.

And why are you posting this again?

I presumed she meant she contacted the mum of one of the kids who had been upset.

As chair of governors of a school I am somewhat shocked by two aspects of these postings.
Firstly as a primary school governing board we have had very clear guidance about what is expected to be taught based on the National Curriculum and what that means in each of the year groups. I know that in my primary school that would mean that there would have been an age appropriate discussion on sex and rape before the end of year 6.
From the posts I am not clear whether it was the secondary school or the primary school who organised the 2 day transition course but I suspect it was the primary school. Either school should have had very clear understanding about what was going to be discussed in the two days. The way that the OP is saying that the head of the federation did not know what was going to be taught is somewhat astonishing. There is no way that the school should have organised it without being totally clear what was involved and clearing it with senior management.
The way it was described as transition I think is a mistake. There is no way this is an appropriate transition to be moving from primary to secondary. I am sure that the secondary school will be appalled that these primary school pupil's introduction to the school is in terms of talk of rape etc.
I wonder whether this is the primary school's way of ensuring that they have met the national curriculum by just slotting it in immediately prior to pupils moving to the secondary school. If so shame on them for not having the courage to do this properly.

Titchy - sorry... no I contacted the mum of the boy who was hyperventilating.

Admission - it was the Federation of the primary schools who arranged the two day Transition course, I have since spoken to the head of year at the secondary school who was indeed appalled. I also think they should have cleared the content with parents ....like I said, I gave consent for her to be discussing “ keeping safe, not harming your body, making healthy friendships, resisting peer pressure and cyber bullying” That was all of the information given to me prior to the sessions.

I don't understand what sex and rape and suicide and getting drinks spiked has to do with transition to a new school anyway regardless of what children should learn by what age and from where.

Who ever thought this would be an appropriate way to spend two days transition instead of a guided tour and some ice breaking activities has got serious fucking problems and should not be allowed near anybody's children

OhHolyJesus yes ....I know ...asking the teachers to leave the room. Her teacher apologised to the whole class the next day for leaving them. I am attempting to escalate this along with two other mums. One of whom’s daughter has since been googling different methods of suicide and questioned whether or not she is a boy or a girl. As parents we weren’t given informed consent and now it’s too late. The course provider has put the phone down on me twice, accused me of mollycoddling my child and trying to cause trouble. We do intend to keep going. So far we have simply been patronised by the Head of Federation who is hoping that it all blows over. It won’t. I have been reassured that the course provider has indeed been DBS checked, but not that her Safeguarding Policies and Procedures have. The Federation were not aware of the content before it was delivered. Apparently the evening prior to our meeting, he told the School’s Safeguarding Officer that she need not attend. It’s all so wrong. I’m afraid I let the side down in the meeting, stood up and declared him to be insane. I lost my temper. Now it’s my behaviour that is being questioned.

Jerima Those are my exact sentiments.

I agree the content sounds dreadful and inappropriate for the age & the information you were given was incomplete.

I'm not sure there will be anymore accountability if you get a personal copy though, and the school likely can't give it to you as the content likely belongs to external provider, hence why they couldn't give you any promises.

I'd take the offer to see the content in her office, maybe with the other parents on side, if that's still possible and following the complaints procedure for the school and federation, as a group if the others wish. The steps should be on their website or available to send to you.

My god it just gets worse! Honestly OP I don't know how I would have held it together. I would have gone nuclear and your behaviour is a reaction to something that has harmed your daughter. If someone came at me for my behaviour...well heaven help them.

I think if it was me I would be calling The Times quite honestly and I don't care who screenshots this and posts it on Twitter.

What has been done cannot be undone and I would be calling for some action and retractions as well as several apologies.

I'm disgusted also that the death of this poor poor boy is being weaponised and applied as a teaching 'tool'. Have the parents of this poor child been approached for consent? I assume they have based on the photo of his grave, but did anyone check? Does anyone check any of this stuff anymore?

FWIW I send my support to you and the other mum who is taking this forward.

You sound like you had a very sensible, age-appropriate approach to teaching and talking about consent and this has been blown to shit quite honestly by some fools who think they know better.

I'm raging on behalf of you and your daughter and the children who have been affected.

It is the parents who are going to have to get their kids to feel ok about their first day at this scary new school and it just got way scarier.

OhHolyJesus Thank you ! I didn’t come on here to get validation, but your support really helps. I informed the secondary school who are going to put on four transition days throughout the Summer to try and reassure the children, and attempt to address some of the issues they are now having to deal with in a sensitive supportive way ( can’t think of the word they used )

The CEO of this company attempted to turn it round and accused me of being a bad parent because my daughter has a social media app on her phone which is illegal. She was referring to Whattsapp, the whole class began Whattsapp group during lockdown....that’s 16 of them. So once again ...it was me being judged. I asked her who she thought she was to decide what 10/11 year olds discuss, she said her role was crucial because some single parents ( me ), young parents, and people with poor parenting skills do not prepare their children for dangers. Once again I get judged 😡

Oh yes .....at one stage, she asked to speak to my husband....I thought good luck with that !!!! He couldn’t give a shite and he doesn’t live here.

Op - as a child who was sexually assaulted at 11 by a close family member… it’s not necessary to teach ten year olds about horrendous things. But it’s not necessarily wrong..
There’s a fine line between teaching about the body, childbirth, pregnancy etc (which is all we got at school at age 13, though we weren’t in England/the UK).
Most of my classmates howled with laughter.
Sex ed was equally a joke - taught by a nun.
No-one ever told us of the more dire consequences.
When I was ten I was bringing up my 3 year old sister as my mum had basically imploded from depression- while still going to school etc.
So.. a ten year old isn’t as much of a child as we wish they were.
Seeing the effects of bullying or sexual assault is probably too much - but it might be worth thinking about what if you don’t tell them what can happen.
Because the worst thing can, and does happen way too often.
What I hope the teaching would include would be positive ways of having relationships and supporting friendships etc and advice on who to talk to if you (as a child) have concerns.
I had no idea about any of this. I saved my sisters from sexual abuse by the same family member but I learned that alone- and that has changed everything for me.
I suppose I’m just saying.. don’t jump out of the Oran (as it were) with thinking ten/eleven year olds can’t cope.., they can and they should

Oran?? Pram ..

My god! You couldn't write it!

She asked to speak to your husband? And hung up on you twice? And judged you as a parent? And said you needed her advice to prepare your kid, then had these kids taught about rape and suicide on day 2 of their secondary school visit?

Who the hell is this woman?

I'm astounded. Truly.

Write everything down. Every last bit.

This school is going to have to work exceptionally hard to repair the damage done, the trust has gone for starters snd it was the Primary school who are responsible.

Honestly it needs an investigation. I will be following so please do update this thread if not too outing. I hope your daughter is ok.

Of course you should have discussed consent and personal boundaries. But this post is very muddled. You contacted the mum of the boy who committed suicide? How did you find her?

They gave glass coversin ase drinks were spiked. At school?

This sounds implausible.

Why would a classmate be questioning her gender because of a video about suicide and rape.

I really think this is a confused story to make some kind of point. And it’s the second post on this weeks after the first.

@Forstarters no, as has been explained twice now the OP spoke to the mum of a boy in the class who was distressed by the content of the course.

forstarters no, there was a misunderstanding, I contacted the mother of the boy who was hyperventilating because he was upset about the boy who had committed suicide.

And YES ...they WERE given covers to put over their glasses to stop their drinks being spiked, and yes I agree ...it sounds implausible, but unfortunately it’s very true. Why would I come on Mumsnet and make that up ???

@Forstarters

Of course you should have discussed consent and personal boundaries. But this post is very muddled. You contacted the mum of the boy who committed suicide? How did you find her?

They gave glass coversin ase drinks were spiked. At school?

This sounds implausible.

The OP has addressed that question, she contacted the mother of the boy who hyperventilated bit the mother of the boy who committed suicide.

It sounds implausible? Ok. The sex porn education in Warwickshire sounded implausible.

forstarters you tell me why the girl questioned her gender following these discussions....I don’t know either because I have not seen the content, no one has apart from the children, even the teachers were asked to leave the room. Hence my post as implausible as it sounds !

@recall

Titchy - sorry... no I contacted the mum of the boy who was hyperventilating.

Phew! Sorry misunderstood