Page 5 | Removing reward badges on first pay back as punishment for behaviour in two zoom classes?

ConcernedAboutRules · 2021-03-07T22:36:08+00:00

Basically, DS who is normally very well behaved has been playing the class jokester on one or two zoom calls. He has been warned previously for this. Nothing too serious in my opinion. Now teacher has told him to expect to hand over all the badges and special jumper he's earned for various things and that he will no longer be on the school council etc. as soon as he arrives back during morning registration. Am I the only one thinking this is really unreasonable punishment given the situation and the fact he's known as 'the badge kid'?

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MouthAche · 10/03/2021 23:50

@ConcernedAboutRules

Yes the 2nd he come back in front of everyone. 100%...

Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 10/03/2021 23:51

@Woodlandbelle

My advice would be to 100percent come down hard on him at home too. Just until this is sorted out. The deleting messages etc.. This type of behaviour can escalate.

I'm thinking about how hard exactly to be... and if I should go long the same line of punishment as the school and remove any award certificates, he has on his wall etc. really give him a short sharp shock to realise he's no longer who he was in ours or his teachers' eyes.

OP posts:

Bunnybigears · 10/03/2021 23:55

I wouldn't be taking his certificates away from him, I would be taking his phone and any other tech away from him. If he is making rude hand gestures on zoom calls with his teacher what is he doing/saying/watching on the Internet when there isn't an adult watching?

Porcupineintherough · 10/03/2021 23:56

Might be better to take him off line for a bit (no phone, no games console etc) as he's proved he can't be trusted there. If he's feeling shamed at school he probably needs to know you see him as a basically good kid whose cocked up rather than an utter disappointment.

ElephantBabies · 10/03/2021 23:57

Poor teacher. Like they don't have enough to do.

Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 00:01

@ElephantBabies

Poor teacher. Like they don't have enough to do.

I know what can I say.

OP posts:

Mookie81 · 11/03/2021 00:06

I knew from the first post the teacher would be in the right and the parent wouldn't have a clue about their 'perfect' child's crappy behaviour.
We are constantly having to deal with parents who are 'fuming' and dont want to accept the truth. It's exhausting and demoralising and has gotten a lot worse over the years.

Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 00:08

@Mookie81

I knew from the first post the teacher would be in the right and the parent wouldn't have a clue about their 'perfect' child's crappy behaviour. We are constantly having to deal with parents who are 'fuming' and dont want to accept the truth. It's exhausting and demoralising and has gotten a lot worse over the years.

OP here with the now crappy kid, he's NEVER broken a rule in his life before this. How else do you think he got all the badges etc became house captain etc.?

OP posts:

shiningstar2 · 11/03/2021 00:23

Glad you got it sorted op. You sound lovely. Concerned for your child but ready to look into things before being certain he was in the right.

CloudyGladys · 11/03/2021 00:23

Well done OP for coming back, especially as you were so determined your DS couldn't have done wrong.

You need to show DS that you support the school with their sanction for his misbehaviour and that you are keeping in closer contact so he knows that you know how he is behaving.

I'm surprised this hasn't been escalated to the headteacher - this behaviour will have been seen not just by his classmates but also whoever else was in the room them whilst on the online call, potentially including younger siblings. There may well have been complaints from parents supervising their children. It reflects badly on the school, especially as he is on the school council.

You need to deal with him deleting your voice messages. As well as being underhand to try to avoid you finding out about his behaviour, he should not think he it's acceptable to be listening to your messages and censoring them. There will be a natural consequence seeing as he cannot be trusted unsupervised with electronics, I"m sure...

If this really is a huge change in behaviour, as opposed to the first time he's been caught, then you need to find out why. This is quite an extreme jump from how you describe his previous behaviour.

Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 00:34

@shiningstar2

Glad you got it sorted op. You sound lovely. Concerned for your child but ready to look into things before being certain he was in the right.

Exactly. I'm just not sure how to feel one part of me wants to come down hard the other saw a different kid, both emotionally and visually when he came out. Floods of tears and wouldn't initially take his coat off even.

OP posts:

alexdgr8 · 11/03/2021 00:39

he misbehaved. he was warned . he persisted in disrupting the class.
he should be punished . and you should support the teacher in maintaining discipline.

Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 00:54

@alexdgr8

he misbehaved. he was warned . he persisted in disrupting the class. he should be punished . and you should support the teacher in maintaining discipline.

I do I'm still concerned about the precise severity and manner given he's just come back from lockdown but in principle yes.

OP posts:

ChameleonClara · 11/03/2021 01:44

I'm going to go against the grain, and say maybe he was 'naughty', got punished, it's enough.

Sometimes kids do stupid things, then panic.

I still think the teacher was wrong to take the badges in front of others. As I said upthread I used to be a teacher.

When I read this really give him a short sharp shock to realise he's no longer who he was in ours or his teachers' eyes I feel a bit worried for him tbh - no one is perfect, this one thing doesn't mean he's a different person.

MouthAche · 11/03/2021 01:59

I dont think removing his awards at home but taking away the internet / console / phone for afew weeks

Original poster

ConcernedAboutRules · 11/03/2021 02:03

@ChameleonClara

I'm going to go against the grain, and say maybe he was 'naughty', got punished, it's enough.

Sometimes kids do stupid things, then panic.

I still think the teacher was wrong to take the badges in front of others. As I said upthread I used to be a teacher.

When I read this really give him a short sharp shock to realise he's no longer who he was in ours or his teachers' eyes I feel a bit worried for him tbh - no one is perfect, this one thing doesn't mean he's a different person.

I've not actually asked exactly how she took them specifically as he was very upset to the point of not wanting to remove his coat when he came home. As in he clearly needed to realise, he's no longer in his mind 'badge kid' anymore and not the untouchable apple of his teachers' eyes. DS is still my son and I love him but clearly the trust has broken.

OP posts:

Jamboree01 · 11/03/2021 02:16

It has been a tough time for all children. Maybe some of the other children were frustrated by his behaviour on zoom calls? Their only contact with teachers. Other parents might have been too? From my own experience of my DC, teachers put a lot of hard work into remote learning.

By the sound of it , somebody had complained. I’d deal with his behaviour before reprimanding the teacher tbh.

ChameleonClara · 11/03/2021 02:40

I think it is worth being mindful of the damaging impact of shame on children. I'd want to talk with him about how he feels and what he's learned and what he'd do now if in the same situation again.

I'd also want to impress upon him that if he does something wrong and tells you, you'll be a lot less annoyed than if he does something wrong and tries to hide it.

It sounds like he feels shit enough?

Jamboree01 · 11/03/2021 02:46

Seriously, it sounds like he’s frustrated other children in his class, their parents and his teacher. Maybe talk about how his actions have made them feel if it’s gotten to this point. I think- He knows he’s played up and that’s why he’s ‘inconsolable’ because now he’s playing you. As he knows what you are going to be told and wants to get his version in first.

SoupDragon · 11/03/2021 08:06

I think his punishment was right - it certainly meant something! Hopefully he will have learnt his lesson.

I'm not sure you need to punish him more by taking his certificates down but he certainly wouldn't be getting unsupervised use of tech for a while if he was mine. Deleting the voicemails went beyond just being a "class joker". DS2 was one of those but he never tried to hide his misdemeanours from me like that (although I'm sure he didn't tell me stuff if he didn't have to!)

Where did he learn the hand gestures from? Someone with an older sibling or from looking at inappropriate stuff online?

SoupDragon · 11/03/2021 08:06

I would be trying to get to the bottom of why he did this.

ScottishStottie · 11/03/2021 09:51

Is your child keeping all his paper stickers and wearing them all over his jumper...? As in the ones that are handed out for minor reasons that most children forget about as soon as they come out of school?

Not to be harsh but im surprised you dont see this as strange, especially alongside the fact that you say that he is known as the 'kid with all the stickers'...

Im not saying all children have to conform, but i would imagine this identifier that your child has picked up is not because hes seen as being a golden pupil, but because hes known as being the weird kid with all the stickers...

LadyCatStark · 11/03/2021 10:10

It’s a bit late now but I would have removed all the stickers from his jumper and put them on a card or something that he can display and in future, he can put all stickers on there at the end of the day. I’ve never known of a child that keeps all of his stickers on his jumper forever more, especially in year 5, stickers are a bit embarrassing by then. Do they never lose their stick? I’d also have removed his attendance badges as he’s earned these for attending. That leaves the school council badge/ jumper and the class monitor badge and it’s absolutely right that he should lose his positions for such poor behaviour.

Now that this has been done though, you need to move on. He’s not a different child to the one you thought you had, he’s a child who made some poor decisions during an unusual time and he’s received his ‘punishment’. It’s probably a good time for him to stop being known as ‘the badge kid’ or the ‘Apple of his teacher’s eye’ 🤨 and just start being a regular kid, without all the expectations.

ScoobyCat · 11/03/2021 10:23

I would echo the posters saying don’t punish him at home - he played up at school and had a school punishment, and that should be it, you should have a chat with him about behaviour at school but he doesn’t need further punishment at home.

If he’s never really been in trouble he may be panicking /worrying about how you will react- he needs to know that when he makes mistakes in life (and he will, we all do!) it’s ok, he can face the consequences, learn and move on and he will still be loved by his mum and dad.

Bunnybigears · 11/03/2021 10:28

I would echo the posters saying don’t punish him at home - he played up at school and had a school punishment, and that should be it, you should have a chat with him about behaviour at school but he doesn’t need further punishment at home.

He has been punished at school for what he did on the zoom calls. Deleting his mums voicemail messages is a different offence and should be dealt with at home. In my opinion this is worse than what he did on the zoom calls it shows a level of forethought and cunning rather than just simple immaturity.