Low aspiration parents at primary school: what to do?

[Marina2021]

We live outside London but within commutable distance (due to house prices). When we bought here, it seemed a pleasant enough area - nothing spectacular about it but not rough or down at heel (although it is close to a deprived area). We now have children, the eldest in year 1 and the younger one about to start school. Up to now I've been reasonably satisfied, the eldest is bright and is learning well and I'm on friendly terms with two or three of the other parents, who are pleasant and kind.
Lock down has shown us a different face of the school however. Firstly the school has done virtually nothing to support us. By this I mean sending out twinkl sheets on the first day of term (that are supposed to last for weeks and are basically all the same type of activity). These are not marked and students are not asked to send any work in. Last week for the first time they introduced ten minute sessions on zoom during which they ask the students what they've been doing in a very general way. We've had to create our own resources and buy books and subscribe to different online educational services to create a curriculum. But what is really alarming is that the other parents all seem to think this is fine. When I raised the point that the school should be doing more, and that the three other schools in the area are doing much more according to friends (offering daily lesson plans, marking the work, daily emails) I got shouted down and told children should be able to enjoy their childhoods by doing such things as baking, walking in the woods and wrestling in mud. The last really made me laugh - I'm not against any of those things but is this really a serious replacement for losing four months of school? Actually when you think about it these attitudes are quite scary. Some of the parents are actually boasting about how their children are doing no work at all, saying things like 'my child has not done a worksheet since the first week of lockdown and she's happy'. We want our children to learn and to take school seriously. But what impact is having people around them that don't take education seriously going to have as they get older? They are really going to be the odd ones out and I'm concerned that they will begin to think a careless attitude to learning is fine, when this really goes against our values. This has begun to worry me. Any advice anyone?

I think calming right down would be a good start

I’m a low aspiration parent. In between the multiple stresses the last 4 months have thrown at me, including the deaths of a parent, another close relative, a friend and a much loved family pet, I’ve also had another close family member sustain serious injuries which caused a conundrum when they were discharged to live at home alone with their injury during lockdown, I’ve also been a Key worker travelling round the world to bring back essential supplies. In the tiny fragments of time this lot has left me spare, I’ve given very few fucks about the amount of quality work my child’s primary school has sent home. We’ve done craft and baking, playing cards and board games, gone for walks and bike rides and pony rides and swimming in the river. We’ve planted a garden and hatched chicks and climbed trees and collected sticks and made them into things. We’ve googled things that inspire us and learnt to direct our own interests, and yes, we have also spent a lot of time in front of screens.

Don’t measure your success by how other parents are dealing with a difficult situation. If you aim for higher or different aspirations by parents of other kids in your kids’ schools, you will probably come away disappointed.

Just read your kids are Year 1 and Pre-school. 😆😆😆😆 Calm down. Seriously.

You need to relax with children at that age and I say that as a very stressed mum. I was very stressed at the beginning of lock form with three children to teach and have changed a lot over the last few weeks.
My 7 yr old is a completely different child and so calm and happy and loving at the moment, he's normally a long argumentative, emotional, stressed and uncommunicative and I'm sure it's because we are too busy with deadlines to teach him at the moment. He normally hates going to the park and the last few weeks he's been playing in the stream in the park, running up hills, rolling down again and generally just happy and almost glowing.

Kids at that age are going to be ok if they miss school for a few months

So much you can share and learn with children that are young that doesn’t need resources or formal planning.

It,s a tough one, but I see your point when parents on here saying they have given up on home school or doing the minimum they can. Expecting schools to educate the children but not bothering to do it themselves.

I agree that you're the one with the attitude which needs a tweak I'm afraid.

I and many of my friends are pretty high achieving, PhDs, 6 figure salaries or close, etc.

We're all quite chilled about this period for our age 3-7 bracket kids.

They won't be harmed by missing a few weeks of worksheets on insects and dinosaurs.

They'll benefit much more from family time, calm, self guided reading, baking, hunting for real insects among the strawberry bed etc.

This time is unusual and IMVHO the most important thing we can do is look after our mental health by chilling the fuck out and giving our children a nice time. Practice skipping and cartwheels, and maybe some times tables if not too stressful. Leave all the worksheets and marking alone, not appropriate

I don't know any primary school parents irl who are still making their DC do any work at all.

Parents are not teachers. Teachers who are parents find it very hard to teach their own children. As a teacher, I am more than happy that the children in my class (who I will not teach again- and I am gutted about that) will have stress free learning at home. Baking, tying laces, telling the time are all life skills. Fronted adverbials, expanded noun phrases and inverse operations are my job!

But what impact is having people around them that don't take education seriously going to have as they get older?

Lockdown is an unusual situation. I don't think you can draw too many conclusions about peoples usual attitude to education from their behaviour right now.

If you've liked the school and got on with the other parents up to this point then you should probably stick with it.

You know loads of people (and countries) think we start formal education too young? In loads of places the early years- play based learning- runs until 6 or 7.

I'm a reasonably high achiever academically. We both have postgraduate qualifications, so yep, pretty cool with learning. We also have FT jobs which means our kids (6 and 3) have done lots of drawing, loads of TV and barely any schoolwork.

There are lots of different ways to learn and zoom lessons are a total bust for young kids anyway. Grow some seeds. Raise some tadpoles. Make a den.

My DS was top of the class in year 1. Now not so much. You have a very long way to go. Sit back and enjoy the ride a little more.

It’s not them that’s the problem op

If they were in year 9 and 10 I'd be concerned. You know you can send your year 1 child into school?

I have a DPhil, as does DH. Actually we have eight degrees between us. We also have an eight year old. I agree with @Hermano — in between WFH, we’ve been prioritising reading and outdoor learning, and practical skills, and not worrying too much about school worksheets. I don’t think our aspirations are unduly low.

At this age your children would be best off playing in a sandpit honestly x

I sort of get it OP

I have kept up schooling though KS2
But DC likes learning and is good at learning and self motivated too. So I haven't had to do much and school have set lots of work.

I'm dreading when they go back because (oh so typical MN stealth boast) DC is very able at school and usually bored. Will be so so so bored waiting for all the children whose parents thought baking was more important and the teachers have to go back to redo all last year's work.

My YR child’s school has emailed daily with suggested lesson plans, provided phonics videos the teacher has made, as well as other links for everything from stories to PE classes. However, each and every email has clearly stated it’s just a suggestion and to completely disregard and enjoy playing in the garden if preferred because the most important thing is that the children are enjoying what they are doing right now because, if they don’t, it could have a really negative impact on how they view education.

ok

@CanIDigIt

I sort of get it OP

I have kept up schooling though KS2
But DC likes learning and is good at learning and self motivated too. So I haven't had to do much and school have set lots of work.

I'm dreading when they go back because (oh so typical MN stealth boast) DC is very able at school and usually bored. Will be so so so bored waiting for all the children whose parents thought baking was more important and the teachers have to go back to redo all last year's work.

A lot of parents have been wfh whilst having more than one child to try to teach at the same time, made even more difficult if their husband or wife is a keyworker so not home at all. It’s great lockdown has worked for you and your DS but no need to be so judgemental about others.

At that age if you can get your child to read 20 minutes a day. Or read to them for 20 minutes. That's enough.

At that age they learn through play. There's so much they could do, and learn while doing it, but is actually play!

If they were older I'd understand. At that age you can afford to relax.

Let them read, read to them and play.

I wouldn't worry what other parents think or how much schooling their classmates are doing, it has no relevance to you or your child.

I do sympathise you want to continue with their learning, even at a young age. It doesn't need to be intense and a replica of school - remember that a good portion of their school day is playing, painting, socialising etc even in Yr 1.

But, I'm absolutely with you on not being happy doing nothing at all, I wouldn't be satisfied with that or the schools lack of involvement either. Fortunately for you, your children are young and you can easily keep their brains ticking at home. Don't worry about it, just keep going.

I've also kept up schooling.
And, like OP, I've had to pull together my own resources to do it. So I'm definitely not criticising that.

I'm aware, however, that not everyone has the time or inclination to do this. Parents might be working full time. They might not feel confident to teach. They might have given it a go and found it too stressful.

Parents may also have good reasons for not wanting to lobby the school for more work. If you don't have the time or ability: a list of school tasks can be pressurising.

Plus: work from school is kind of a mixed blessing. The work my school sends out is not differentiated, for example. So it feels demoralising to my son, who is behind his peers.

Also: it feels as though the work has been chosen for the ease of communicating it to parents, rather than its ability to engage children. Which is understandable under the circumstances.

Finally: the teacher is obviously not on hand to explain or supervise. I do that part. So it often works better to do something I feel comfortable with and enthusiastic about.

You do you, OP, and let the other parents manage how they see fit.

Just focus on your own kids and their mental and emotional health right now. If they make it through this difficult time feeling ok about things and having had some time to bond with you and learn in a different way then great. Don't stress- school isn't the be all and end all. And I work in one... I get that just having twinkl worksheets is lame, but really, you and your kids will be just fine

I wouldn't worry. My school is providing sooo much home learning and remote interventions that many of our parents are totally overwhelmed and intimidated; it's just a pro-active way of avoiding our 'aspirational' parents getting upset about us not doing enough.
My colleagues and I are definitely just as (If not more) thrilled to receive pictures of pupils baking and mud-wrestling as uploaded worksheets. Quality time.
On a personal note, as a Scandinavian person who didn't go to school until aged 7, along with all my compatriots, I have a deep and enduring belief in children's amazing ability to learn what is needed at the right time. Having taught year 3 in the UK for years, I am quite certain that by the end of Y3, English 7 year olds are about as accomplished after 4 years in school as a 7 year old from my country is after their first year. Your children will be where they need to be in due course. If you must worry about something, worry about the social aspects of school closure and make sure your DC chat to their friends on video calls or connect in some safe, socially distanced way.