Low aspiration parents at primary school: what to do?

[Marina2021]

We live outside London but within commutable distance (due to house prices). When we bought here, it seemed a pleasant enough area - nothing spectacular about it but not rough or down at heel (although it is close to a deprived area). We now have children, the eldest in year 1 and the younger one about to start school. Up to now I've been reasonably satisfied, the eldest is bright and is learning well and I'm on friendly terms with two or three of the other parents, who are pleasant and kind.
Lock down has shown us a different face of the school however. Firstly the school has done virtually nothing to support us. By this I mean sending out twinkl sheets on the first day of term (that are supposed to last for weeks and are basically all the same type of activity). These are not marked and students are not asked to send any work in. Last week for the first time they introduced ten minute sessions on zoom during which they ask the students what they've been doing in a very general way. We've had to create our own resources and buy books and subscribe to different online educational services to create a curriculum. But what is really alarming is that the other parents all seem to think this is fine. When I raised the point that the school should be doing more, and that the three other schools in the area are doing much more according to friends (offering daily lesson plans, marking the work, daily emails) I got shouted down and told children should be able to enjoy their childhoods by doing such things as baking, walking in the woods and wrestling in mud. The last really made me laugh - I'm not against any of those things but is this really a serious replacement for losing four months of school? Actually when you think about it these attitudes are quite scary. Some of the parents are actually boasting about how their children are doing no work at all, saying things like 'my child has not done a worksheet since the first week of lockdown and she's happy'. We want our children to learn and to take school seriously. But what impact is having people around them that don't take education seriously going to have as they get older? They are really going to be the odd ones out and I'm concerned that they will begin to think a careless attitude to learning is fine, when this really goes against our values. This has begun to worry me. Any advice anyone?

I'm with you, op. It's all very well being chilled about your child's education with a raft of degrees and PhDs under your belt and afford your child an extended holiday in your privileged haven of middle class activities but some of our children will be outrunning the tsunami of the biggest depression in history and would like them to receive something resembling an education in the interim knowing that they will not be a returning to a well funded, scandi-educational system with their enviable teacher-student ratios.

Not all parents have the same outlook on education, i think parents have dealt with this situation differently, education is important yes but parents have been doing what they can in a strange time, and your kids are doing well, i dont see how some other childrens attitudes are going to impact your children, i think you are over worrying for someone with 2 bright still quite young children, and dont assume all parents are the same and dont care about education because they do mostly. there are lots of different factors that effect how much kids can learn

OP, it's worth considering that that we start compulsory schooling earlier in the UK than most of Europe so I think you need to relax a bit to be honest as your kids are young enough for this not to have much impact. Baking and walking in the woods and reading are all good things for the kids.

I get where you're coming from but I think a positive attitude to learning is really made from your home environment. Homework is always done, ie it is not optional.

I've got 3 DC in primary & our school has been really full on. After the first month of working like crazy to get all the work completed we've eased up & now complete maths & literacy every day & then topic work, music & french when & if we have time. I send in photographs of their completed work everyday & the teachers reply to it everyday with praise, encouragement & feedback.

I noticed (before lockdown) that certain extra curricular activities are a good way to find like minded parents & children. My DD plays the piano & the music trust locally runs summer schools/get togethers etc so DD has made friends with others who value learning to play an instrument.

My DH has been working full time throughout but luckily I'm a SAHM so I don't have work pressures of my own to deal with.

"she's probably looking for some support from qualified teachers to keep up with reading and counting for an hour or two a day?"

This. I am in the same position. DD used to have seperate work set at school. This stopped after the easter holidays. I've had to do it all since then, we've done projects suggested by school but literacy and numeracy, I've had to sort.

I am mummy, not a teacher. We do 1.5 hrs max each day. Mix of things, some alone work some together. We've been sharing poems and exploring them together. Mainly, we've been keeping up with life skills, like bike riding, sharing, compassion, playing all those shit made up games she wanted to play before but we were too busy.

Also, baking. What the fuck is it with schools suggesting baking? We already do baking and simple meal making, like eggs, sandwiches, opening a tin of beans safely. Do they think I've never done this with my child?

I think I've got cabin fever.

There is a national online curriculum called the Oak national academy which has lessons /videos for every year group. Why aren't you using this?

Also there are likely to be some parents who feel incredibly guilty at having struggled (FT jobs, SEN etc) and will be doing the 'oh no, we haven't done a thing' (tinkly laugh) bit to hide the fact they feel awful about it.

I don't feel awful about it but have a pretty broad definition of learning- DC 1 has developed their drawing skills enormously, can skip now, almost mastered their bike, has learned to cook a basic dish, has grown strawberries and learned bird names etc.

I don't think you can extrapolate from this incredibly bizarre situation to the rest of your children's learning career. It's also worth reflecting on how enormously classist your original post is too, and the assumptions you're making about particular groups of parents and children.

Those terrible 'low aspiration' parents probably have the evidence on their side you know.

There is loads of evidence to show that being from a middle class household in itself has a huge effect on educational outcomes way above anything a school can do. So you don't need to worry

Similarly there is no evidence at all of benefit from homework in primary school. Schools set it to mollify people like you.

Nursery, reception and much of Y1 is about learning through play. If you talk to your child, read with your child, go for a walk and look at what you find, bake and weigh out ingredients, play board games, draw, do crafts then you are educating them. You don't need a worksheet.

I have Scandinavian friends both with science PhDs who appear not to have been held up by not attending formal school until age 7. Yes they went to kindergarten but they never did phonics. I bet you didn't even go to school until you were at least 5. I didn't. School starting age has crept up and up basically for childcare reasons.

In my university town there is a very mobile population of children from all around the world and many start school late by UK standards and not speaking English. By KS2 their results are usually the best in school.

My nephew was adopted. He was neglected by his birth parents and started school half way through Y1 with no ability to read or write. In addition he was coming to terms with his adoption and yet by the end of the year he had almost caught up and by the following year you cannot tell the difference. Kids are able to catch up

I personally doubt that this lockdown will have much effect at all on the educational attainment of little kids.

The ones who can't catch up, the ones who will actually be falling behind are those whose parents don't interact with them at all, neglect their kids, were badly parented themselves, out of it on drugs and alcohol, endure domestic abuse. Maybe your school is putting in a lot of effort with those children? You wouldn't know would you?

But you do you
If you think the school provision is poor then contact the head and ask for more. You don't need all the other parents to agree with you.

@TheFormerPorpentiaScamander

I don't know any primary school parents irl who are still making their DC do any work at all.

Really? I can't speak for all the year groups in my school in detail, but I know the majority of our year 6s are completing all of the work set for them, some are only doing some of it and a handful (maybe 5%) are doing none or hardly any at all.

When you say when you raised the point, who did you raise it with? Have you asked the school?

If your school is open for some year 1s they will have lesson plans and might well be willing to send them to you (or they might even be on the school website somewhere already)

I think private school is a whole big emperors new clothes myth too

Obviously they have to provide a full lockdown curriculum as parents are not going to pay to get nothing. That then becomes the comparator.

I am not sure we can really know if it 'works' though. That more is definitely better.

Kids from private schools get into top unis. But maybe they would have done anyway because they have middle class parents, aspirations and good connections.

Maybe what you are paying for is the name, the company, the extra curricular stuff more than the actual teaching?

We'll never really know because you can't separate these factors out and private schools are obviously invested in everyone believing that smaller classes are better (no evidence for this) and in general that more is better.

I agree that since reception is mostly learning through play, letting your kids mostly play at at home is fine. Or that's how I've processed it for our family (2 WFH FT parents). We get worksheets and links that could fill a whole day (though lots of repetition- joe wicks, go noodle) but we're just making sure we cover off the phonics, maths and reading each day (DS in R)...

But I totally understand why OP would feel this way considering until March this year our school wouldn't approve a single day of term time absence, including for reception. Yes we all know that we're living in extraordinary times and things are what they are, but it's natural to wonder why the policy on missing school was so stringent if it turns out baking and mud wrestling are just as valuable.

@KevinsCarter a lot of parents don't bake with their children, in my class I've got some parents who will sit making then do all the maths in the world but just wouldn't think of the benefits of things like baking, I also have some who do nothing together at all. When I do cooking with them at school I always ask who does cooking at home and its usually less than half.

Wow! Cannot believe OP being told to calm down for expressing concerns over DCs education! Regardless of their age. (My view on that is that of young kids fall behind and are under confident in the basics of reading writing etc then every other subject suffers).
But hey, who cares right? So long as they are having a ball doing fun stuff all term....and summer....and next term? Who needs to read and write and do math? Can’t see those things making much of a difference to their future education/later life.....oh wait......

Schools construct their own curricula now. So for next year, there will be no 'behind' in primary. Teachers are wizards at differentiating, they will work with the kids who have done less to cover the phonics and maths they've missed, and schools will do a bit less content and a bit more basic skills. No one needs to worry about their precious being prevented from moving to the next colour book band by all the lazy parents.

I'm actually hoping for some schools like ours, which is a ridiculously academic academy chain, some reflecting on alternative pedagogical approaches might go on. They've ramped up the outdoor learning and forest school for example, which had limited airtime before. Lots more outside time would be very positive.

'Behind' is purely a construction of the current standardised testing system and values a very restricted set of skills.

(The thing that is important of course is that they concentrate on the psychosocial aspects and all the children who have had a really rubbish time).

I'm a teacher. Children learn through play mainly at the ages you have. If you have an issue with the school's provision please take it up with them.

@123th

My DS is 3.5 We read every day (always have) and he tells us stories. Other than that, we write and count and do some work sheets but not regularly, maybe twice a week. But we try and include learning in everything, teach them about plants when we go for walks etc. Learning doesn't have to be sat in front of a Zoom meeting every day.

He.s 3.5, why are you doing writing and work sheets? I don't think Zoom meetings are really relevant at that age either.

It really will make not a jot of difference. They are tiny ! Small children learn from just being with adults or older children, they listen, talk, learn how to do things, how things work, their language improves.
For complicated reasons my dd missed almost all of year 1, we did no formal schooling at all for that time. It was absolutely fine.
My dds are young teenagers, they are lolling about the house for the most part , I am not remotely bothered. The elder is reading a lot and the younger is doing some school work each day, but not huge amount. This is a difficult and frightening time for children, and I think having happy times with family is the most important thing now.

People will always say that their child became a nuclear scientist after doing nothing but crafts and baking til age 7. What they always conveniently forget is the the raft of tutors they also employed.

The schools start later abroad thing also gets on my nerves. The children are learning in younger years in things like kindergarten, it’s just not labelled as school. They aren’t just building dens in the woods.

You aren’t going to reinvent the wheel here, you have the school you have. Those parents saying they fully enjoy doing nothing with their kids are usually lying. Honestly they are, and the ones that aren’t feel like mugs later on when they realise that everyone was just pretending.

You are going to have to take it on yourself I think, there’s loads out there to access. Even if just for a couple of hours a day. Get them reading and basic maths. And already remember other parents are full of shit.

...parents are full of shit

That should be the Mumsnet tagline.

Our school has been the same. We live in a same sort of area. 3 schools in our area, 2 have sent out school work each week, setting up Facebook pages for certain classes, even teachers dropping work sheets off to the family over the road.
Our school put up a couple of websites to go on at the start of lock down, that is all.
My oldest is year 5 and already a little behind so this has been a worrying time. I have found lots of resources to print off and activities to do so we spend about an hour each morning doing a little maths and English then we enjoy the rest of the day, making memories.
Our headteacher told another parent they haven't sent work home as half the parents wouldn't encourage them to do the work so wasn't fair some children being ahead of others on return. Which I understand but still frustrating as my oldest is behind and my year 2 is exceeding.
Your little ones are really young, so I think as long as they are encouraged to read or being read to is just as good as any work sheets/school work.

YABU to assume the other parents have low aspirations. Perhaps they are just embracing the opportunity for learning through play/ unschooling. Your children are still very young and IMO the ideal age to embrace this philosophy.
Of course, you are welcome to find you own resources to continue formal education, that is your choice.
If the school sent home lots of structured work to be completed and marked, it might take away the parental choice and cause a lot of extra stress to parents and children.

I agree with that parents at your school (my kids are at a private prep). At that age it’s really not going to make a difference. The only people I know who seem to think otherwise seem to be lower middle class. Maybe move to a school that mostly serves a new build housing estate?

The lack of contact is far from ideal.

I would look at other local schools in your area, with spaces, and see what provision they have given.

To everyone can manage home learning with young children, but a lack of resources and guidance and support would concern me.

The good thing is you do not have to stay there - you can find somewhere with spaces you can get children to that suits your situation much more if you wish.