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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Year 1. We don’t like our daughter teacher and we aren’t alone

146 replies

Nicola1892 · 04/12/2019 05:22

My eldest daughter is in year 1, she’s very sensitive and takes everything literally and this is where the problems have started. Her teacher seems to be taking a lazy approach and punishing all the kids when one causing a problem. I know she’s young but she has had a “Boyfriend” who we met with his parents before they both started reception and they are adorable together, they play, hold hands and draw each other little heart pictures. We are friends with the parents and to us it’s just part of growing up and harmless. BUT..... due to another little girl playing 2 boys against each other and causing them to have A fight her teacher Has said no body is aloud girlfriends or boyfriends. I know they are young but my daughter was absolutely heart broken and straight away she turnt into a nightmare at home for about 2 months. (She’s normally a angel) on Monday she also told me her teachers said she’s not aloud a best friend but instead she should play with everything. Whilst this sounds okay, it’s not. My daughter doesn’t play well in a group as she’s very shy and prefers to play with 1/2 people at a time. Now she has told me a lot recently she has had nobody to play with at lunch/break and has been sitting alone on the buddy bench as she’s not aloud to play with her friends or her BF. It’s all sounds so silly but she is very very upset and it’s causing a lot of issues with her behaviour at home. I’ve tried speaking to her teacher but she’s just doesn’t care about my opinion and how her actions are causing my daughter distress. I just want my little girl to be happy and not feel lonely ☹️ I’ve spoken to the deputy head and head recently about this/bullying but they don’t give a shit! Her teacher just needs to retire already as us parents really are getting fed up with her

OP posts:

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NoGuarantee · 04/12/2019 05:33

I think the teacher sounds sensible and it'll probably help your daughter in the long run

Geog1985 · 04/12/2019 05:43

I think you need to get over yourself. Your DD has a teacher with 30 students in the class. Whilst your Dd is important, she has to think about the needs of the many.

You say your daughter is shy? This is designed to help her and educate her on social skills by forcing her to mix with others.

Instead of taking it out on the teacher, try being supportive and actively encourage your dd to get involved. The more you resist, the more she will. Your child will flourish if she does and surely as a parent, this is what you should want?!

Original poster

Nicola1892 · 04/12/2019 05:47

Why is everyone on mumsnet so rude....... get over yourself. 13 kids in the class and 3 teachers. Telling my daughter she can’t play with who she wants to play with is not okay!

OP posts:

Apolloanddaphne · 04/12/2019 05:49

It doesn't sound like she isn't allowed to play with these children, they are just saying she shouldn't play with them exclusively. Who is stopping her playing with them as part of a wider group?

Original poster

Nicola1892 · 04/12/2019 05:54

Well whatever the teacher is saying my daughter is taking it literally. She’s miserable and she has told me the reason is because she has nobody to play with and she’s not aloud to play with who she wants to. I don’t know why I bother posting on here

OP posts:

chachachaa · 04/12/2019 05:58

Well if you recognise you're daughter is taking it literally explain to her that she is allowed to play with her best friend but she also needs to make an effort to play with others.

I don't see that the teacher has done anything wrong.

cleaning247 · 04/12/2019 05:58

But people are just offering you a different point of view. Surely you don't want everyone to just agree with you?

I can see it from both sides. It must be very hard that your daughter is so lonely. Could you start encouraging some other friendships in the class too? Play dates etc.

JolieOBrien · 04/12/2019 06:00

@Nicola1892

Tell her how upset your daughter is and I had a boyfriend when I was that small and it was ok with teachers. I have had problems with teachers in the past one tried to make my son who is left-handed use a triangular rubber thing on his pencil which made it difficult for him to draw properly. In the end I went to the head teacher and she made the teacher concerned stop doing it. My son did hold his pencil strangely and still does now he is 27 but his writing is very neat.

DM1209 · 04/12/2019 06:03

You sound like one of 'those' parents. Give your head a wobble! Boyfriends, even that term, at the age of 5/6 is not a 'normal part of growing up' - I have a daughter in Year 1 too! You're normalising adult behaviour to a child! Stop it, she has the rest of her life for that.

Instead, try normalising other things that will actually help to build her confidence and happiness without a boyfriend!

This is why I do Law because I don't have to put up with idiotic parents that don't support my position to their offspring. I get adults that do that and they go firmly in their place.

YABVU!

Cruddles · 04/12/2019 06:04

"allowed"

LincolnshireYellowBelly · 04/12/2019 06:05

Poor teacher! Not being liked by a group of parents for not allowing boyfriends and girlfriends at the age of 5, and encouraging inclusivity?
I’m struggling to understand the issue of bullying. Who is doing the bullying? The teacher? other children who aren’t playing with your daughter? Your daughter for not playing with the children, or you for not supporting the teacher?
You need to work with the teacher to help your daughter build her resilience, rather than saying she should retire because you parents have had enough of her.

DM1209 · 04/12/2019 06:05

And for the love of all that is good:

*Allowed

Yes, I corrected you.

People aren't being rude, you're just not reading what you want to read.

WoWsers16 · 04/12/2019 06:05

If you're this defensive on Mumsnet when people don't agree with you I really feel sorry for the teacher! You use the word bully against them which is rediculous!
As a teacher , especially in year 1- it is important to expand child's social skills - I'm sure she will be allowed to play with anyone really.

If you want some advice - instead of going in calling the teacher a bully and being 'that parent', I would consider going in and asking politely how the buddy system works as your child has come home upset some days as no one has visited her whilst on the buddy bench. That will be seen as more constructive

Apolloanddaphne · 04/12/2019 06:06

I'm not being rude. I am suggesting maybe you can reframe it for your DD that she is allowed to play with her friends but if they are playing with others then she will need to play with them too. She does need to be encouraged to play as part of a group.

Original poster

Nicola1892 · 04/12/2019 06:07

She did play with other kids who tied her up to a post And then pushed her over ripping her coat and cutting her knees. Another girl attacked her cutting her face so she has to stay away from her and whoever she’s with, 13 kids in the class so it’s not many. I don’t feel like I’m being unreasonable, and me and my husband don’t agree with the way the teacher is approaching the kids neither do the other parents I’ve spoken too. I’ve already spoken to the teacher about how upset she is but she didn’t seem to care, my daughter was meant to be on a risk assessment as she gets easily taken advantage of and that’s what’s led to the bullying before but apparently they never put it in place. I just want my daughter to go to school and be able to play with her friends and not be told she can’t play with .... or .... as she played with them yesterday.

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IceniSky · 04/12/2019 06:11

I'd be pretty pissed off too OP, especially if the child is sitting out alone and not integrating. Have you spoken to the teacher just about that?

The schools around here have a lonely bench. If a child is lonely they sit on it. Other children then ask them to join in.

It's never ok to leave someone lonely.

finn1020 · 04/12/2019 06:14

@cruddles thank you that’s all I could concentrate on too 😂😂😂

IceniSky · 04/12/2019 06:14

Are there any other schools you could look at? We moved DD this year due to bullying behaviour not being addressed and poor teaching. Best thing we ever did. In fact, she was 1 of 18 that moved.

FergusSingsTheBlues · 04/12/2019 06:14

You're taking the boyfriend stuff way too seriously ffs.

Regarding the other stuff.... The teacher is encouraging mingling and socialising sing and this would help your daughter because it helps prevent cliques forming..

Maybe tell your teacher your concerns and see what she says.

JKScot4 · 04/12/2019 06:15

Genuinely mystified why you’re intent on saying bf/gf about 5 year olds, they’re friends that’s all, stop pushing adult ideas on your very young child. Also stop gossiping and whipping up a campaign against a teacher, school isn’t there solely for your child, the teacher is encouraging her social skills, you sound an absolute nightmare.

FergusSingsTheBlues · 04/12/2019 06:16

I would definitely be up the school about the bullying stuff. And Id look at other schools if they don't sort that issue out.

Original poster

Nicola1892 · 04/12/2019 06:17

I have spoken to the school but she basically ignored me, and just said that’s kids. They have 2 buddy benches at school which they sit on it they haven’t got anyone to play with but when she sits on them nobody comes over and she will stay on the bench until the end of break/lunch. I just don’t understand what’s going on at the school as other kids are always shouting her name and saying HI etc even the kids in other years so it’s not like she has no friends etc it’s really annoyed me as all the issues have started since the no boy friends/best friend rules have started

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Sleephead1 · 04/12/2019 06:19

Look shes your child your upset I 100% get it. I have a shy child aswell but the teacher isnt saying you cant play with child x she us just encouraging her to widen her circle. Some people are better one to one even as adults but in real life lots of things wont be one to one so if you can work on it at a younger age it benefits your child. If you think about it what if your daughter continues with a one to one , best friend type friendship and then they fall out, this other girl moves on to a new friend,is off school long term sick, moves schools ? Think how hard it would be for her. Teachers dont encourage these type of friendships for a reason and most parents I know try to keep their childrens circle wide as children can be fickle and it is better to not be relying on one child all the time. I explain this to my son by explaining it's best to have lots of friends to play with and to spend time with all his friends. I used me and my friends as examples eg in friends with Sarah and Jane and Peter they all have other friends too it's nice to have lots of friends. The boyfriend thing I dont agree with and would just explain that they can be really good friends but boyfriend/ girlfriend are for when you are alot older/ an adult but they can still be great friends/ hold hands ect. My son is shy talking to new people at parents evening the teacher told me she sends him on messages to the office or other teachers so he grows in confidence speaking to others( so I would assume the teacher has identified an issue with your daughter perhaps only playing with a set child ). Wouldnt it be great if your daughter felt happy playing with a variety of children ? I would encourage her to mix with others , invite other children to meet at park, playdate ect ( my experience of this is even if it gets off to a slow start and they are shy around each other then they do warm up and start playing ) they then do play in school aswell. Try and encourage friendships in your local area , do you have children local? Through church or local social events?

IceniSky · 04/12/2019 06:21

Tell her to play with her best friend? Some people try to bend shy or introverted people into sociable or extroverted people. I guess the teacher doesnt have the skills or inclination to adapted her style to whoever she is dealing with.

Original poster

Nicola1892 · 04/12/2019 06:21

Thanks everyone for making me feel like a bad mum just because I want my daughter to be happy!! Fucking trolls

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