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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Year 1. We don’t like our daughter teacher and we aren’t alone

146 replies

Nicola1892 · 04/12/2019 05:22

My eldest daughter is in year 1, she’s very sensitive and takes everything literally and this is where the problems have started. Her teacher seems to be taking a lazy approach and punishing all the kids when one causing a problem. I know she’s young but she has had a “Boyfriend” who we met with his parents before they both started reception and they are adorable together, they play, hold hands and draw each other little heart pictures. We are friends with the parents and to us it’s just part of growing up and harmless. BUT..... due to another little girl playing 2 boys against each other and causing them to have A fight her teacher Has said no body is aloud girlfriends or boyfriends. I know they are young but my daughter was absolutely heart broken and straight away she turnt into a nightmare at home for about 2 months. (She’s normally a angel) on Monday she also told me her teachers said she’s not aloud a best friend but instead she should play with everything. Whilst this sounds okay, it’s not. My daughter doesn’t play well in a group as she’s very shy and prefers to play with 1/2 people at a time. Now she has told me a lot recently she has had nobody to play with at lunch/break and has been sitting alone on the buddy bench as she’s not aloud to play with her friends or her BF. It’s all sounds so silly but she is very very upset and it’s causing a lot of issues with her behaviour at home. I’ve tried speaking to her teacher but she’s just doesn’t care about my opinion and how her actions are causing my daughter distress. I just want my little girl to be happy and not feel lonely ☹️ I’ve spoken to the deputy head and head recently about this/bullying but they don’t give a shit! Her teacher just needs to retire already as us parents really are getting fed up with her

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Ugzbugz · 04/12/2019 07:54

Its standard to punish the whole class for one child, but if you are saying that out of 13 kids they are basically all little shits who tie your daughter up at that age I would remove her from such a ghastly school and would have said something in the school playground to parents or said kids.

Goldenchildsmum · 04/12/2019 07:56

She did play with other kids who tied her up to a post And then pushed her over ripping her coat and cutting her knees. Another girl attacked her cutting her face so she has to stay away from her and whoever she’s with

That is one massive drip feed , OP

I'm assuming you called the police?

ballsdeep · 04/12/2019 07:57

Op you are being ridiculous. If this is how you react when the teacher speaks to you then I bet she's pulling her hair out. Stop dramatising everything. She hasn't said she can't play with her best friend, she's said they can't play with one person which I agree with. You a lre being silly with the boyfriend girlfriend thing. She is 5 stop trying to make her older. She could get off the bloody bench and play with her best friend. Instead, I feel you're making her a victim and this is running off on her.

SamanthaBrique · 04/12/2019 08:12

Fucking trolls

Indeed

geojojo · 04/12/2019 08:40

It sounds like a private school if there are 13 children and 3 teachers in a class? It sounds like you're very unhappy there so I wouldn't pay for a school where you don't feel there is good dialogue between parents and teachers. Have you considered moving your daughter? If she's so unhappy it might be worth the disruption.

AlexaShutUp · 04/12/2019 08:44

I'm finding it extremely difficult to believe that a parent would post trivia about boyfriends/girlfriends/best friends if her dd was being tied up and physically attacked in the playground. If this is true, you're focusing on the wrong issue entirely, and you need to be talking seriously to the school about how to keep your child safe. Stop fussing about the other stuff and do your job as a parent.

If, on the other hand, the massive drip feed was an invention to try and garner a bit of sympathy for your case, I'm afraid it's pointless as the teacher is being perfectly sensible in discouraging talks of boyfriends/girlfriends and encouraging non-exclusive friendships. One of our primary school teachers had a very similar conversation with the children in dd's class after I spoke to the school about dd feeling monopolised by one particular child who had decided that she was dd's "best friend". This child became very possessive and jealous if dd played with anyone else, and it was making dd stressed and unhappy - it wasn't that she didn't like the child in question, she merely wanted to play with other children too.

If your child is genuinely being bullied, you need to focus on that getting resolved. If you are simply attached to the notion of her having a "boyfriend" and a "best friend", you need to back off and trust that the teacher knows what she is doing.

Dandelion1993 · 04/12/2019 08:46

I think the issue is your daughter. She needs to become less sensitive as what the teacher has done is perfectly fine and okay.

You're being a bit precious about it all.

CripsSandwiches · 04/12/2019 09:22

Actually OP is right on some counts - some schools have a policy of not allowing a best friend and it's a terrible policy for more introverted children. Some children and adults naturally work better in small groups rather than large groups. This is their temperament and can't be changed by forcing them to take part.

As to the boyfriend/girlfriend thing surely you can just explain to your daughter that boyfriend just meant friend who is a boy and he can continue to be her friend you can just choose a different word to describe it.

A lot of the comments in this thread are clearly unkind and a bit stupid but they're reacting to your post in general. Obviously the poster who said "your daughter needs to get sensitive" is being silly and unkind. Some children are more sensitive than others and in Y1 it is certainly the teacher's jib to support children who need a little more help - but this should be by working together with the parents to help develop her resilience and also providing practical solutions.

ALLMYSmellySocks · 04/12/2019 09:27

It's obviously idiotic to not allow children to play one on one in Y1. It's a lazy policy that ignores social differences in children and will result in shy children become excluded and not developing the social skills they need. It's based on the idea that you can change fundamental aspects of a child's personality by simply forcing them to behave differently.

The rest however is fine - it sounds like the teacher could be helping your daughter more if she's particularly anxious - in lower primary that's as much her job as teaching the curriculum however I wonder if the way you're approaching her with your concerns isn't helping. Even if she isn't the greatest or most experienced teacher in the world you need to work with her and show her respect or you won't be listened to properly.

carolinelucaseshandbag · 04/12/2019 09:47

@ALLMYSmellySocks OP have you had a proper sit down meeting with the teacher / head about the friendship issues and bullying. You say that they don't want know / don't care, but usually a formal meeting will end with an action plan. If this isn't implemented, you can complain to the governors.

FamilyOfAliens · 04/12/2019 09:51

some schools have a policy of not allowing a best friend

A policy? You mean something written down (which is what policy means in a school)?

Or do you mean you have heard that some schools prefer children to make friends with several children so that in the event their best friend leaves, or decides to be someone else’s best friend, the child isn’t devastated?

NomNomNomNom · 04/12/2019 09:55

I think you have some genuine concerns OP but as you can see from the reaction your post is getting your tone of addressing them (I'm right school is wrong) tends to create a knee jerk reaction.

The fact is some teachers are more amazing than others. We had a wonderful reception teacher who was passionate and talented at understanding and supporting each child individually. In Y1 the teacher was competent but nowhere near the level of the YR teacher - she didn't adapt to support individual students and a lot of the parents hated her. It didn't get them anywhere though. Unless you change schools (and no school has 100% over and above amazing teachers) she'll be your teacher for the year and you need to work with her.

It sounds like your daughter does need a bit more support socially but the aim should be to help her become more resilient - not to prevent her from ever becoming upset. Class punishments are bad practise and it's annoying this happens but you could talk to her daughter and help her understand that is she hasn't done anything wrong she doesn't need to worry and you're proud of her. She can still have a close friendship with this boy she can draw him hearts etc just needs to know he's not really her boyfriend - he can play wth other girls (or boys) too. You could explain that it's fine for her to play with her best friend but they need to be kind and let other children play too so no one feels left out. If you develop a good relationship with the teacher she can hopefully support you with this too. Going in demanding to change how things happen in the classroom won't support this though.

NomNomNomNom · 04/12/2019 09:59

@FamilyOfAliens I don't know if it was just press coverage exaggerating things but I definitely read articles about the school the royal kids go to (can't remember its name) not allowing a "best friend." I have no idea how it works in practise as of course some children prefer big groups and others prefer more intimate friendships. It would be ridiculous to police it one way or the other. It probably wasn't nearly as Orwellian as the article suggested.

MilleniumHallsWalledGarden · 04/12/2019 10:00

*allowed

TheFaerieQueene · 04/12/2019 10:02

It’s not trolling to disagree with you OP. You need to bring the drama down a notch or too!

snowybaubles · 04/12/2019 10:04

Any problems academically? Because that would be my concern

AlexaShutUp · 04/12/2019 10:07

Just to offer another perspective. I had one "best friend" all through nursery and primary school. We were inseparable, and we're still in touch all these years later.

I'm glad to have had that wonderful friendship, but with hindsight, I wish that I had been pushed more to develop my social skills and build friendships with other children. It wasn't healthy being so dependent on one friend, and when we moved on to different secondary schools, we found that neither of us had learned how to make and develop friendships with other people. The early years of secondary school were a major struggle for me, and I wish we had been discouraged from such an exclusive friendship.

YouJustDoYou · 04/12/2019 10:29

So your kid got "attacked", tied up, got her clothes ripped, but you're major concern that you posted about wasn't this but that she's not allowed to sit with her boyfriend?

FamilyOfAliens · 04/12/2019 10:32

I definitely read articles about the school the royal kids go to (can't remember its name) not allowing a "best friend."

Haha - so definitely not “some schools have a policy” then

user1471449295 · 04/12/2019 10:37

It’s ‘allowed’.

Anyway...get a grip. You sound like a nightmare.

LolaSmiles · 04/12/2019 10:44

There are a few different issues here and it sounds like you're confusing them and allocating the wrong priorities in a bid to make some case against the teacher.

There no need for boyfriends and girlfriends in ks1. You've really got to get over this. As an aside, I find it weird when parents seem keen to talk about their children having boyfriends and girlfriends at a young age. It's not cute, it doesn't need cutsey wording to make it stand out or special. There just two kids who are friends.

Any bullying needs to be raised appropriately through the correct channels with investigations done.

Schools, especially schools with small cohorts, are right to avoid exclusivity in play. Some people are more extroverted, others are more introverted and that's fine, but there shouldn't be possessive behaviour encouraged where children think they have "their" friends who have to play with them

From reading the thread it feels like you've got a bee in your honey about the boyfriend/trying to promote less insular and more inclusive play and then you're heaping other issues on to supplement your argument.
Personally, I'd have said any bullying was more pressing.

LolaSmiles · 04/12/2019 10:45

Bee in your honey
😂

Bee in your bonnet even!

NomNomNomNom · 04/12/2019 10:46

Any problems academically? Because that would be my concern

Don't be ridiculous. I can see why OP got a negative reaction because of the attitude in her post but no reasonable person is going to think that academics are the only (or even the most) important aspect of a child's schooling. It's incredibly important for children to learn social skills, resilience and have good mental health. Only the most negligent parent would dismiss their 5 year old's anxiety or social issues because their reading and maths is OK. It may be that OP is exaggerating and being dramatic but we can still give measured responses.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 04/12/2019 10:50

Hrtft.Year 1 as in 5 or 6? My ds is that age and I'm glad he doesnt have a boy or girlfriend.Weird.
"Best friend" maybe ok but why are they doing this so early? Are you encouraging them along with the girls mum because you think it's cute?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 04/12/2019 10:51

Sorry boys mum not girls

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