Year 1. We don’t like our daughter teacher and we aren’t alone

[Nicola1892]

My eldest daughter is in year 1, she’s very sensitive and takes everything literally and this is where the problems have started. Her teacher seems to be taking a lazy approach and punishing all the kids when one causing a problem. I know she’s young but she has had a “Boyfriend” who we met with his parents before they both started reception and they are adorable together, they play, hold hands and draw each other little heart pictures. We are friends with the parents and to us it’s just part of growing up and harmless. BUT..... due to another little girl playing 2 boys against each other and causing them to have A fight her teacher Has said no body is aloud girlfriends or boyfriends. I know they are young but my daughter was absolutely heart broken and straight away she turnt into a nightmare at home for about 2 months. (She’s normally a angel) on Monday she also told me her teachers said she’s not aloud a best friend but instead she should play with everything. Whilst this sounds okay, it’s not. My daughter doesn’t play well in a group as she’s very shy and prefers to play with 1/2 people at a time. Now she has told me a lot recently she has had nobody to play with at lunch/break and has been sitting alone on the buddy bench as she’s not aloud to play with her friends or her BF. It’s all sounds so silly but she is very very upset and it’s causing a lot of issues with her behaviour at home. I’ve tried speaking to her teacher but she’s just doesn’t care about my opinion and how her actions are causing my daughter distress. I just want my little girl to be happy and not feel lonely ☹️ I’ve spoken to the deputy head and head recently about this/bullying but they don’t give a shit! Her teacher just needs to retire already as us parents really are getting fed up with her

Friends with a boy at this age lovely. To call it girlfriend/boyfriend is sexulising the friendship and inappropriate for that age.
Stop calling it that but ofcourse let them.play together.
Listen to others advice on here. You might not agree with everyone but no need to be rude. You also sound over sensitive and I dont mean that unkindly posters are not calling you a bad mum. You sound a lovely caring mum. If you are getting no where with the teacher make an appointment with the head. Its horrible to see your daughter lonely so I do hope it improves.

Did the teacher really say ‘no boyfriends / best friends allowed’ or did she say something like ‘it’s nice to be friends with lots of people just because someone is your best friend it doesn’t mean you can’t play with other people.’

Not wanting to seem goady but what did they tie your DD up with? I cant imagine Yr1’s trotting off to school with a bag load of kit to tie other kids up with. Also can’t imagine the school leaves stuff lying around that they can all tie each other up with. Was it a skipping rope? It’s the only thing I can come up with.

Are you in the UK op? And is it a private school?

I have had problems with teachers in the past one tried to make my son who is left-handed use a triangular rubber thing on his pencil which made it difficult for him to draw properly.

This is a pencil grip, which makes the pencil bigger and more easy to hold. This teacher noticed his grip and tried to help him and you complained about her to the head teacher?! Unbelievable!

OP encouraging "boyfriends" for five year olds is ridiculous! Stop it. And it's allowed not aloud for crying out loud!

I rarely feel sorry for teachers as due to having a child with SN I have come up against some really obstructive and thoughtless ones in my time but this thread beggars belief.

my daughter was meant to be on a risk assessment as she gets easily taken advantage of

What does “on a risk assessment” mean, OP?

I’m with PPs - I think you haven’t properly understood how things work in the classroom and in the playground. Ask to see the teacher so that she can explain the set-up to you.

Oh OP you are funny

You couldn’t pay me enough to be a teacher.

Presumably Jack & Jill have played together since nursery.
Mums are friends - lovely

Jack now wants to spread his wings, kick the ball about with the boys, and Jill is having a wobbly because she relies on him.

Jill needs to play with others, not monopolise Jack, he has to be able to do what he wants too

due to another little girl playing 2 boys against each other and causing them to have A fight

I couldn't even get past this sentence. These kids are 5-6. Sort yourself out OP.

Is this a private school?

It's swallows and amazons isn't it?

I’m a y2 TA and I also bam talk of boyfriend and girlfriend. Apart from feeling like it is sexualising a relationship and is just pointless at that age, some children tease others about having a boyfriend. Perhaps that is happening in your child’s class. It’s perfectly normal and appropriate to ban this and just call him a ‘friend’. The boyfriend/girlfriend banter really creates discord in our classroom and takes time away from learning.

My DDs both went to a small village school. Very small classes (not private btw). They survived - but when there are only half a dozen girls in a class it can make life difficult regardless of the teacher's efforts. It's easy for four or five to be best friends and exclude the other one. The one left out has nowhere to go. Of course the group dynamics evolve and next week another child will be "left out". Maybe it teaches resilience. Classes can be too small imho.

I think the teacher has good intentions, although slightly misguided. I think it's good idea not to encourage boyfriend and girlfriend labels at this age and to just have friends who are boys. I would actively ignore any talk of 'boyfriends' and be subtly discouraging this- an out and out ban by the teacher is difficult to enforce- but as a teacher I would be saying 'at school we don't need to talk about boyfriends and you can do this at home'. As for the best friends, again, I wouldn't be putting a ban on best friends, but I would be encouraging the children to include other children and talking about how to make sure everyone feels happy and excluded in school- especially in such a small class. Remember , the teacher is trying her best- not liking her is not going to help.

Girlfriends and Boyfriends have no place in the classroom and you should give your head a wobble for encouraging it OP, at that age it just beggars belief.

They are friends.

"Adorable" my arse.

Better start looking for a wedding outfit as that should be about when she starts secondary. Never too earlier to get your kids to be an adult eh?

Poor Teacher.

‘ She did play with other kids who tied her up to a post And then pushed her over ripping her coat and cutting her knees. Another girl attacked her cutting her face so she has to stay away from her and whoever she’s with, 13 kids in the class so it’s not many’

God that sounds rough- 13 kids and 3 teachers and stuff like this is going on?

Something about your post really doesn’t add up. I thought it was a joke at first- saying your 5 year old has a boyfriend?

I can see how this must be distressing for your DD. I'm cynical about schools attempts to do friendship engineering, it often seems to backfire and has obviously made things more difficult for you. Could you ask for some clarification on the best friend thing?

I’ve already spoken to the teacher about how upset she is but she didn’t seem to care

What did the teacher and headteacher actually say, OP?

Sometimes in very small school, teachers have to encourage playing with a wider circle of friends, otherwise children get left out. When there are fall-outs, children have no-one else to spend time with, and little ‘beat friend’ groups might be hurting other children. Please be mindful of that. In such a small class, while your daughter may be shy, she must also know the other children pretty well and be comfortable with many of them by now. If not, it is a skill she needs to develop for life. It is much easier to learn to manage shyness as a small child than it is as an adult (I know from experience).

I’m not going to comment on the ‘boyfriend’ issue as this is not something I have come across with my own children and their peer groups. They have friend of the opposite sex, and have occasionally said that they are going to marry people when they grow up, but never anything more. TBH, I would be a bit uncomfortable with it.

Wow if your dd was tied to a post I think id have moved her schools, especially if the bully wasn’t expelled?

Use of the words boyfriend/girlfriend and best friends amongst 5 year olds does tend to get discouraged when it’s causing problems. Cries of ‘she said I’m not her best friend any more!’ are best met with, ‘I’m sure we can ALL be friends together!’ etc.

If your daughter has taken this literally to mean she can’t play with these people, which you can’t reassure her of as her parent, then I’d be a bit concerned by either her social communication skills or her language processing skills and would be having a chat with the senco.

What do you mean the teacher is lazy?

Is the op coming back ?

my almost 5 year old comes home from school telling me about a new best friend almost daily. I take it with a pinch of salt and have always encouraged her to be friends with everyone, and that if someone hasn’t got someone to play with to involve them. Or if she’s not got a play buddy to go and ask if it’s ok to join in with others.

Kids can be quite harsh, but it’s not malicious and they’re just learning. It’s part of life and building resilience.

I actually think your attitude towards everything with your daughter is more of a hinderance than a help when it comes to character building.

That’s not to say you’re a bad mum though, your responses on this thread however do not portray you very well. You should listen.

Exclusive friendships don't necessarily do children a lot of favours. Whilst comforting to the children they also need to broaden their understanding of everyone in their environment.
My shy DD's best friend from Reception moved schools at the end of the year. next year her closest friend became very dominant (lovely girl but neither benefitted from being left as a duo).

My DD still would prefer to have one best friend but I've encouraged her to strike out on her own (play dates with others) - it gives space for both children. She's becoming more confident as a result.

I'm going to ignore the boyfriend stuff.

If she was tied to a post you should write to the school.
Don't pull other parents in to your drama.

I hope the OP is busy taking her child to school and has taken on board some of the comments on here about how she herself might be perceiving the situation.

Not holding out much hope for someone who calls posters who disagree with her “fucking trolls” though.