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Original poster

Year 1. We don’t like our daughter teacher and we aren’t alone

146 replies

Nicola1892 · 04/12/2019 05:22

My eldest daughter is in year 1, she’s very sensitive and takes everything literally and this is where the problems have started. Her teacher seems to be taking a lazy approach and punishing all the kids when one causing a problem. I know she’s young but she has had a “Boyfriend” who we met with his parents before they both started reception and they are adorable together, they play, hold hands and draw each other little heart pictures. We are friends with the parents and to us it’s just part of growing up and harmless. BUT..... due to another little girl playing 2 boys against each other and causing them to have A fight her teacher Has said no body is aloud girlfriends or boyfriends. I know they are young but my daughter was absolutely heart broken and straight away she turnt into a nightmare at home for about 2 months. (She’s normally a angel) on Monday she also told me her teachers said she’s not aloud a best friend but instead she should play with everything. Whilst this sounds okay, it’s not. My daughter doesn’t play well in a group as she’s very shy and prefers to play with 1/2 people at a time. Now she has told me a lot recently she has had nobody to play with at lunch/break and has been sitting alone on the buddy bench as she’s not aloud to play with her friends or her BF. It’s all sounds so silly but she is very very upset and it’s causing a lot of issues with her behaviour at home. I’ve tried speaking to her teacher but she’s just doesn’t care about my opinion and how her actions are causing my daughter distress. I just want my little girl to be happy and not feel lonely ☹️ I’ve spoken to the deputy head and head recently about this/bullying but they don’t give a shit! Her teacher just needs to retire already as us parents really are getting fed up with her

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GertrudeCB · 04/12/2019 06:22

So what do you want to happen ?

Sleephead1 · 04/12/2019 06:24

Also just wanted to say I wouldnt discuss this with other parents I really dont think it helps. If you have concerns but it in writing to the head teacher and see what the response is. If you feel the class is too small and your daughter isnt happy hane you looked at other schools ?

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/12/2019 06:25

It is the schools responsibility to safeguard your dd. It doesn’t sound as if they are doing this effectively. All good that the teacher is promoting inclusivity but this has to include your dd as well and it sounds as if she is not.

Schools like inclusivity and hate exclusion so it would be useful to use school language. Have you approached from the angle that you want to work with the inclusivity policy and ask the school how you can work together so your dd can be included? Reiterate that you want your dd included as right now she’s being excluded by an inclusivity policy. (Oh the irony). You also need to ask how to address the point out that your dd sitting alone on the buddy bench is also leaving her alone and vulnerable. Ask how your dd is effectively being safeguarded under these circumstances. Can you discuss this with the SENCO?

Tvstar · 04/12/2019 06:27

They tied her to a post? Really? What with? And where? Also are you in the UK?

FergusSingsTheBlues · 04/12/2019 06:27

Off you trot then, sweetie.

Oblomov19 · 04/12/2019 06:27

Goodness, I can't believe you've accused posters who have taken the time to write long posts, as trolls!

Sleephead1 · 04/12/2019 06:29

OP you seem to be getting very upset because people are trying to offer another opinion and I cant see that anyone is saying you are a bad mum.

Cruddles · 04/12/2019 06:30

She did play with other kids who tied her up to a post And then pushed her over ripping her coat and cutting her knees. Another girl attacked her cutting her face so she has to stay away from her and whoever she’s with, 13 kids in the class so it’s not many.

So this actually happened but it takes you a few posts to mention it? And it was not stopped even though there's only 13 children and 3 teachers?

Christmaspug · 04/12/2019 06:32

Going against the grain here
I think the teacher is meddling in friendships ,some kids prefer one to one play ,others like a group.
You absolutely can’t go round telling little kids who they can and can’t play with .its controlling and meddling .
I’ve 4 adult kids ,never had any of them told who they can and can’t play with ..surely teachers have better things to do in break time like drink coffee

Feenie · 04/12/2019 06:32

She did play with other kids who tied her up to a post And then pushed her over ripping her coat and cutting her knees. Another girl attacked her cutting her face so she has to stay away from her and whoever she’s with

I see. That's quite the drip feed you've managed there Hmm

Lulu1919 · 04/12/2019 06:35

12 children three teachers sounds like a dream !!!
When it's playtime are they mixing with other classes ?
Who is "on duty" during play times...could you ask if the duty person could help your child off the bench into a group ?
I've found children going home and saying ...so and so won't play or they wouldn't let me play....often it's because the group already have a game going and the other child doesn't want to play that game ...I'm a TA of many many years experience and we also don't allow GF/BF type language
We say We are all friends and we all play with different groups and children and that's ok .
Your child being tied up ...how did u know about this...through child or teacher ?
As a TA parent groups on social media are rife and rarely helpful !!!

Stooshie8 · 04/12/2019 06:40

I remember not liking the teacher of my pfb. Mentioned to a DM who had 5 DCs and she said oh, so and so loved her.
Just because your child with its particular temperament doesn't like a teacher doesn't mean they are a bad teacher, some DCs might thrive in their class.

LincolnshireYellowBelly · 04/12/2019 06:41

No one is saying you are a bad mum and no one is being a troll, however people are offering other thoughts (something you ask for when you write in here). Your child is in the second year of a fourteen year education, and whatever difficulties she has now will probably be worse when she is 9 - 15. It’s a horrible thing to watch your child struggling, but you do need to work with the teacher, not against them.

lunar1 · 04/12/2019 06:41

If you had a son I'd think you were a parent from my DS's class. His teacher has put a stop to the 'best friends' thing.

There is a boy in the class who only likes to play 1:1, he was completely isolating my ds and not allowing him to play with others.

He needs help with socialising, but it isn't my child's responsibility to do this to the exclusion of his own happiness. He was coming home so upset every day.

ASundayWellSpent · 04/12/2019 06:41

It sounds like you are the ones taking it literally not your DD! Why can't you just explain to her and offer alternatives like "when its break time why don't you take in your my little ponys to play with A B and C and BF?" The boyfriend thing is ridiculous, sorry

carlywurly · 04/12/2019 06:42

Don't be the parent who rallies the other parents against the teacher. Sort it out yourself.

If you micro manage your dd through education it's going to be a painful experience all round. Step back and let her develop the skills to expand her friendship group - they'll be useful throughout her life.

PurpleFlower1983 · 04/12/2019 06:48

Why doesn’t your little girl play with her best friend? Are they problematic together? Could the other parent have requested the teacher encourage a wider friendship group? I don’t imagine the ‘play with others’ meant don’t play with her best friend.

SquashedOrange · 04/12/2019 06:48

I don't think your daughter bisbthe only one who takes things literally OP.

The teacher isn't dictating who can play with who. It's obvious that boyfriends/girlfriends/best friends have become a reason for conflict amongst the children. So she's said something like 'We don't have best friends, we all just play together'.

It doesn't mean they can't play with their friends they just can't say "X is my best friend and not yours, ner ner na ner ner".

And encouraging boyfriends/ girlfriends in 5/6yos is just ridiculous.

Poor teacher.

Soontobe60 · 04/12/2019 06:49

I can imagine why she's being encouraged to play with other children. Often at that age, if a child has a 'best friend', they can become very annoyed if their BF wants to play with someone else and this soon becomes an issue. This could be what the teacher has noticed which is why she's trying to get your DD to widen her circle. With respect, you're not there in the playground and your DD is 5, so will only tell you things from her perspective. 'Miss won't let me play with my bf so I've no friends'.
You need to listen to the teacher, she's most probably got a good measure of your DD!

gingersausage · 04/12/2019 06:49

Encouraging boyfriend/girlfriend relationships in 5 year olds is weird and inappropriate. Children of opposite sexes are friends at that age. You don’t need to ascribe adult style feelings to them. I don’t blame the teacher for getting involved; it’s bordering on a safeguarding issue.

The teacher hasn’t said your daughter can’t play with her friends, she’s just said that they can’t use the ridiculous labels to refer to each other. You should be supporting this as part of the home-school agreement, not undermining it. A 5-6 year old girl is not capable of “playing boys off against each other” in the way you imply.

Your overreaction to people daring to disagree with you on here makes me feel very sorry for people who have to encounter you in day to day life. If you speak to your child’s teacher like this, you will get a reputation at the school as one of “those” parents, and fairly or not your child will be treated differently because of it. I suggest you rein in the drama massively and start thinking about what is best for your child, rather than shouting your mouth off and causing more problems for her.

ineedaholidaynow · 04/12/2019 06:50

If this had been me starting this thread I would have been concentrating on the being tied to a pole etc not that she wasn’t allowed to play with her ‘boyfriend’

PleasantVille · 04/12/2019 06:54

Am I the only one who is uncomfortable with such young children being encouraged to have boy/girlfriends? Imo it's a bit creepy labelling it like that. I think the teacher sounds quite sensible in that regard but I would be asking about the ripped coat and other issues. And teaching my child not to take things literallyy

iMatter · 04/12/2019 06:55

Don't be that parent

Let the teacher do her job and back off

Presumably she's been teaching a while and knows the best way to handle friendship issues

And yes, the girlfriend/boyfriend thing at age 6 is utterly ridiculous

IHateBlueLights · 04/12/2019 06:58

If your attitude to the school staff is similar to the one you display here then no wonder they don't listen to you.

You aren't helping with your shitty attitude and gossiping to other parents.

ProperVexed · 04/12/2019 07:01

Well, the OP didn't go to charm school, did she!