I feel so sorry for this little girl with an incompetent mother....

[Gameboy]

OK, so I actually don't know whether she is incompetent, disorganised, disengaged or what, but I feel so sorry for her daughter (7) who is DS1's Yr2 class.

I knew the Mum worked, so I always assumed things were rather frantic and busy, which might explain why:

• this girl often doesn't have her PE kit on the right day (has to wear her school uniform)
• is never dressed up/ down for book day/ mufti day/ red nose day etc
• is in after school club every day til 6 pm

but two things recently really made me feel sad:

1. The class had a trip out to a local museum - notes went out well in advance, reminders too, and yet, on the day, this little girl turned up without the right clothes, without a packed lunch, and without the £1 spending money suggested. The school office called her home and were apparently told that no-one could come to the school now to bring anything, and she'd have to share someone else's lunch or do without . Of course some of the Mum's helping out rallied round, and bought her a sandwich and drink and stuff from a shop on the way.

And then finally yesterday, they had a Yr 2 leavers sporting event after school, and she was the only one not there (without a reason such as prior engagement etc) - she was in the after school club, as usual.
Several of us said, that if only we'd known, we could have brought her/ returned her etc.

I have met her Mum just once at a parent social, and she seemed very normal and level-headed, not stressed, under pressure or anything (IYSWIM).
I'm pretty sure there isn't a nanny or au pair who could be 'dropping the balls', so
I just can't understand HOW anyone can be so out of touch with her daughter's life?

As I say, I just feel very sorry for her

No-one has answered my question about whether schools would ring fathers up about this sort of thign.

At our school you are asked ideally to give two contact numbers, a main one and a secondary one, so the school will phone the main one first - whoever YOU have decided that should be.

We have a contact form where you can specify which of you is port of call number one...so the option is there to put the dad.
But guess what we decided
We've been the object of sneers for the amount of time ds spent in after-school club in Yr1. From parents whose own children seemed no happier or better-adjusted, I have to say.

Snap UQD. I think this is an excellent idea.
Dh does all the drops as it is, so he is a familiar face
I am so sorry this thread has upset you MB and Gess

Once ds2's teacher called me in to say (disapprovingly) he didn't have his lunchbox and they'd given him school dinner. He DID have his lunchbox but had put it on the wrong peg. If they'd phoned me I wouldn't have been able to go down and may well have been less than polite on the phone, as stressed at work and their mistake.

well gameboy's post pretty much describes me.

i am rubbish. i forget things all the time, have the memory span of a goldfish.

ds forgets to bring home letters, loses them etc. he's been sent to several mufti days in uniform because i didn't know about it. he's apparently been borrowing someone elses pumps for months because he never told me his were now too small. i dont think it would have hurt for his teacher to mention it to me.

he's never been sent without lunch (has sandwiches now) but did used to lose his dinner money sometimes (actually we found out it was being stolen so started using cheques). they would give him dinner them ask me for the money at the end of the week, hardly rocket science.

"And then finally yesterday, they had a Yr 2 leavers sporting event after school, and she was the only one not there (without a reason such as prior engagement etc) - she was in the after school club, as usual".

how does op know this little girl even wanted to go to the sporting event? ds wouldn't, he has no interest in sport.

"The school office called her home and were apparently told that no-one could come to the school now to bring anything, and she'd have to share someone else's lunch or do without"

apparently yes. op didn't phone the mum herself did she?

and i would love to know how op can tell whether the mother is stressed or not by meeting her once. so the mother should come gibbering into school, screaming about her problems to a bunch of strangers?

i would hate to think i was being gossiped about like this. im on my own looking after two kids, (one a toddler), and i work, i run the house, i pay the bills, plus all the family problems we've had over the years blah blah blah. ive always got so much on my mind that things do get forgotten. it doesnt mean i dont love my child or have no interest in him!

i was living on microwave meals i cooked myself from the age of about 9 and spending every night alone in our flat.

but mum never forgot a pe kit or my dinner money!

so my point is, what happens at school does not necessarily reflect on what happens at home.

Quite.

"Apparently".

"Seemingly".

Bloody hell, I hope no-one thinks I'm smug.

OK, the OP could have been worded differently but I got Gameboy's drift.

I am the child of an full-time WOHM who also looked after an ill husband. My parents always made sure we didn't feel shown up at school by them forgetting things on a REGULAR basis.

The comment that stood out for me was that that "apparently told that no-one could come to the school now to bring anything, and she'd have to share someone else's lunch or do without "

forgetting is not the same as not bothering or not caring though!

Oh no I'm not upset by this thread - I'm in shock from my tutor handing in her notice an hour before she was due to arrive (nothing nasty- unavoidable, but left me in the lurch wrt picking up ds2) and trying to sort out the holidays. She was going to look after ds1 whilst I went to my weekly research group, have no idea what I'm going to do now. Students all gone, so going to be difficult to find & train someone.

I was sniggering at the "i'm not smug".

Yes that is true, but one may be a symptom of the other. For some it's a fine line.

i am one of the most forgetful mums at the school gates. fortunatly, i have a friend who gives me a little nudge the night before 'dont forget parents evening,/non uniform/school trip tomorrow.'

and you know what, i dont care what the rest of the mums think. they dont know my life.

You know just re-reading that quote in Mercy's post, I'm really glad I sent ds with tonnes of food for his school trip lunch today.

ds just said to me funnily enough "you forgot to put a spoon in my lunch box so i ate the yoghurt at nanny's instead"

bad, bad mummy.

Hey Misdee, glad you're bac k with your old name, lost track of you for a while back there.

And you're right, we none of us know what's really going on in the background of anyone's life.

nightowl, i did that once, so dd drank it from the pot

today i 'let' the nursery see a small glipse of our lives, by taking dh to dd2 sports day.

Night-owl, my ds would have tried to either drink his yogurt, or scoop it out with his fingers if I forgot his spoon, so I think you got off lightly.

I'm cross rather then upset per se.

Like Gess, the rest of my life is so dissiciated from 'normal' that most of the time I really couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about my chaotic parenting.

Interestingly the only parent as disorganused and me was there when I was picking up dd today. When her dd saw her they literaly threw themselves at each other and gave each other the biggest ever hug.

I don't think that girl gives a toss about having clean kit. She just loves her mother, who loves her back.

Guess what? we don't all put the same values on the same things. We all show our love in different ways. Bizzarly I showed my love for dd yesterday by finding some Russian words (long pointless story). But the alpha mums can all still tut because this week we didn't get the uniform sorted.

Marina ds2 is a permanent fixture in his after school club (one reason we chose the school) & holiday club; poor child. I don't get sneers from the staff though, I've taken ds1 in to collect ds2 just enough times for them to understand why I usually get my mum or dad to do it after work. They're very sweet in there. DS2 loves it because he gets given 'tea,' so cries when he's picked up early. No0w that could get some tongues wagging.

Gess, DDs first day at school 'Can you go now mummy'

When I picked her up at lunch time. @what do you want to do this afternoon?'

'Go back to school'

So stone me now!

mercy. i adore both of my kids, i would do anything to make them happy and to protect them.

but i do forget lots of things!

my kids are the crumpled ones at school, with odd socks sometimes.